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Life Does Get Better!

Life Does Get Better!

 Depression can go away and you won’t always feel like you do now!         

I joined this forum looking for help and advice which I found in abundance but I also wanted someone to tell me that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that depressive feelings can be reduced or go away completely. I hope that my story can give some advice but also let people know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

inside_my_head is a member of Depressionforums.org

Life Does Get Better!

 

Depression can go away and you won’t always feel like you do now!

        

I joined this forum looking for help and advice which I found in abundance but I also wanted someone to tell me that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that depressive feelings can be reduced or go away completely. I hope that my story can give some advice but also let people know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

About 18 months ago a 4 year relationship I was in broke up when I found out that she had been seeing someone behind my back. This event completely tore my world apart, I was in total denial for a long time, I turned to alcohol to help and at the worst stage would self medicate before going out just so I wouldn’t have to feel anymore. I spent months at this stage; I ended up in hospital a couple of times with injuries from falls and once nearly died from a fractured skull. At the same time none of my friends seemed to care or understand which just made me push everyone away even more. It was then that I started to self harm as it was the only thing that helped me think of something other than my negative thought spiral (I still have the scars on my arm which I hate but I hope one day to get them removed). I was in counseling but this didn’t seem to be going anywhere and I reached the lowest point when I found out that my ex had moved in with a new guy and seemed to have moved on and be in a happy relationship while I was still stuck here alone. The few times we spoke she would then just use this to destroy my confidence and ruin my self esteem. At one point I had spent an entire week in bed drinking alone, avoiding going to my University lectures and not feeling that anyone cared. I had looked into methods of suicide online and came very close to doing something stupid after coming home from a club alone, only luckily my flat mate had come home earlier and I couldn’t do anything…

 

 That Monday was my weekly counselor appointment. I felt like I had reached my lowest point ever and she suggested going to my Doctor. I was given Citalopram 20mg which fortunately had no bad side effects but also didn’t seem to work. However, it was this act that made me realise how serious my depression had become so I eventually built up the courage to tell my mum and a few close friends about what I had been going through. For me this was the turning point. The AD’s didn’t work at all for me but I was amazed after that point how supportive my family, friends, lecturers and sometime’s complete strangers could be. The stress of final year studies was still difficult to deal with but I replaced self harm with intense running which seemed to be the only thing that would replace my negative thoughts as I was too busy trying to just keep breathing to think. It wasn’t until I graduated that my depression finally lifted, it just seemed that with such a weight off my shoulders I was finally free to deal with my feelings.

 

It hasn’t been an easy road from then until now and I’ve had to learn a lot, grow up and deal with my feelings better. But after a great deal of perseverance and help from my tutors I completed my university course, got my life back on track, am starting a new graduate job next week and now feel confident that there is a reason for living and that one day I can be that happy again. I think the biggest lesson for me is that environmental causes of depression are often overlooked and no amount of medication and counseling will help, removing the root cause is the only solution, whether that be moving home, moving city, leaving an abusive situation or taking time out from studies / work. This will be the hardest thing you have ever done but there is always a way and I have been amazed at how understanding people can be and how willing they are to help if you only tell them the truth.

 

I hope this can maybe help others in a similar situation and let you realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please feel free to reply or PM me with questions or advice or even just to chat if you are in a similar situation.

Remember silence is never the answer.

 

Thanks for reading,

E

inside_my_head is a member of Depressionforums.org

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