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scott2b

When To Give Up Treatment And Accept Depression As Incurable?

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I am a 47 year old married, stay at home dad. I have been treated for depression for about ten years now and have bean seeing my current counselor for three years this May.Counseling started when I was suicidal and engaging in self harm by hitting my head until near blackout. That is better now and I have made some progress but I fear things will never get to where I feel any sort of self worth.

At what point does one just say this is as good as it gets?

I live on our farm, we sold the dairy in 2009 after starting from nothing as a first generation farmer to building our farm from nothing and milking cows for ten years. That accomplishment means nothing in our community, and it has left me feeling like I am 47 and unable to get a decent job. I am to the point of just accepting the very modest income I can get from our farm, as I no longer have access to capital, still have debt from the dairy and have gained 75 pounds since I quit milking cows.

All of this is complicated by my wife,who got a decent job as we quit dairying and is also finishing up her masters degree to be a LMHC. We live in a relatively small town, she knows my counselor, so it keeps me from being 100% honest with my counselor as I don't want to hurt her career locally in that field. I understand about ethics of her profession but I also know they are all just human.

Right now I am trying just to make it until my youngest daughter graduates in five years.

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Hi. I'm sorry things are so rough for you. I don't know if severe cases of depression are curable. Maybe they aren't and you just have to find a way to manage it. I think with a lot of people, that is the way it is. You find meds, therapy, make changes to your life, diet, exercise, find hobbies, it's a combination of MANY things, to get to a level where you can maintain and have a semblance of a "normal" life, a livable life. Sometimes it goes on your whole life. I would say not to give up, though.

It's too bad you are not able to fully open up to your counselor. They aren't supposed to say anything, but I understand your hesitancy. I wish I had the answers. Is there anything else you can do around your farm, build a garden or something? That could be a great hobby and very rewarding.

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you don't need to accept depression as "incurable", but you may need to gain some acceptance. it is only by accepting an emotion that one can understand it. the ceremony you feel like having may be that of a "spiritual death": where one lays to rest intellectual models and expectations of themselves. return to the now, and this isn't meant as a joke, but play with your cows. let them teach you how they graze in total peace.

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I have heard of people going through depressive episodes and coming out of them, seemingly "cured." And it could be that it depends on the type of depression you have. But I think that most depressions are more "managed" than they are "cured." My therapist said that there is research that shows that depression actually changes the structure of the brain. The good news is that there are therapies that do the same thing.

I've been depressed for a very long time. I have ups and downs. Some of my "ups" last a pretty long time. I think the trick is to be able to recognize that your depression is not one long low period and that you do have some good times, and to take full advantage of those.

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Scott you and I are in similar situations. I am 55 years old a stay at home dad for my 9 year old and for the past 2 years have done nothing but beat myself up tell myself what a failure I have been and basically accepted that depression was a part of my life and just accept it.I lost all hope and figured either I was going to end up in a hospital or dead.

I was the total social person loved people and being around them, being hole alone all day is not easy but I have to be there for my son to get on and off the bus.

My biggest fear was if I l went anywhere my car could break down and I would not be there for him when he got off the bus.so I never left my house.

My pdoc put me on Zoloft and basically it numbed me to the point all wanted to do day is stay in bed because I only felt peace when I was sleeping.

he kept upping the dose and it just made me want to sleep even more.

I gave up hope and became agoraphobic where I was basically afraid to leave the house.

I began to get anxious then severely depressed.

for 2 years I was trying to figure out what was going on and not knowing what was causing the depression and anxiety was freaking me out..I actually was disappointed when I had a physical and the doctor said I was healthy because I wanted to find out what was wrong so I could fix It.

This may sound strange but I would have rather they found a tumor or dare I say cancer because it would at least gave me a reason for my depression and anxiety and then I could put together a plan of attack on finding a cure.

I recently had to get dentures because years ago I fell and broke my jaw so I suffered a lot of bone loss plus. I hated dentists and doctors and just never went.My teeth began to fall out and at one point I was super gluing them in just so I would not look funny..My self-esteem was destroyed I had to pay out of pocket due to lack of dental coverage my life was a mess.

My uncle died around Christmas and I reached out to my cousin who battled bipolar and depression but things changed for him when he started going to church.

I began listening to gods word Charles Stanley on youtube and I felt like he was talking right to my heart.I could not read a bible because of my lack of focus so listening was the only war I could understand the word.

My son has ADHD and takes focalin and I was so desperate he had just changed his does so the 10mg of focalin was extra and I decided to try one

I hate drugs I hate medication I am a bodybuilder and live and eat holistically so taking meds was a big step for me but I had no choice but from past experience antidepressants made me suicidal and that scared the crap out of me.

Focalin within 2 days made me feel the following

Complete elimination of anxiety
Normal, clear thought process
Much better ability to express emotion
Creativity through the roof
Excellent motivation
Great enjoyment in nearly everything
Far greater social life due to increased confidence and ability to think (easier to converse, give advice, offer solutions etc)


I realize not everyone will feel the same but I guess that is what happens when you get the right medication.

I used to take wellbutrin and it did help but gave me the jitters the Focalin just makes me feel normal and alive with hope and motivated without the racy jitters it's very clean.

if you feel like your doctor is not helping you or you have been misdiagnosed find another doctor if they do not want to hear about ADD because it was my therapist who said to me after I told her that I have never read a book because my mind drifts and I cannot remember a sentence she said you probably have ADD and at that moment a light went off.

Now all I am taking is 2 15mg a day focalin and no antidepressants at all and I feel like a new person with hope and a future and now I am much better prepared and patient to help my son. I do believe it was necessary for me to suffer for 2 years to learn about my ADD so maybe god can use me to help others.

Here is the ironic twist my son has ADD and has been on Focalin for 2 years so what I actually needed was right in front of me all this time but the struggle and suffering I guess was necessary and gods plan so maybe I can help someone else like me in the future..

While on focalin I felt so good I drove to my old job that laid me off years ago and said if business picks up please keep me in mind as I would love to come back

to work at my old company.

A few days later they called and want me back. I can drop my son on the bus then go to work and if need be sign him up for after school care.

Within 2 weeks I went from being hospitalized or worse to finding the right diagnosis adult ADD to getting the right medication (focalin) plus getting new teeth and my old job back.

It all began with prayer and if your not a believer that's cool i do not want this to sound like you have to be saved for this to happen but i just wanted to share my story and if i can be of any help please feel free to contact me..This forum is my therapy, people pour their hearts out about what they are dealing with and i believe have tremendous strength and guts to reach out for help.I feel we are a family because we understand what it feels like to want to die and unless someone has been there it's really hard to know how other people feel..

Edited by trapped77

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Thank you all. I see my counselor tomorrow and have written down some things I want to talk about so I won't get distracted and just gloss things over. The hardest thing for me has been self approval, and the self sabotage to assure that it won't happen.Reading on this forum gets me feeling guilty for feeling bad. Hope that makes sense. I even feel bad for saying it but it puts things in perspective and shines a mirror on my warped thinking.

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Thank you all. I see my counselor tomorrow and have written down some things I want to talk about so I won't get distracted and just gloss things over. The hardest thing for me has been self approval, and the self sabotage to assure that it won't happen.Reading on this forum gets me feeling guilty for feeling bad. Hope that makes sense. I even feel bad for saying it but it puts things in perspective and shines a mirror on my warped thinking.

Hope things go well for you tomorrow and feeling bad is why we are all here, so never feel guilty for expressing your true feelings but feel good that you can express yourself in a safe environment where you will not be judged but supported..

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If you are unable to be completely honest with your counselor, I think it is time to find a new one. You are likely just wasting your time and money if you are holding back during your sessions.

I hope things get better for you.

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I feel for you. It sounds like a hard situation.

Depression, in terms of dysphoria, may not be entirely curable. That's my experience. I have tried many medications and none of them work. I have to turn to alternative remedies. But I don't have truly intense clinical depression. I mostly have anxiety.

I do think you need a new counselor--one with which you can be BRUTALLY honest with. Nothing short of brutal honesty will work. So, get a new counselor.

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