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I'm Honestly So Sick, Please Respond


crewneck

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Everytime I write I never even get replies for my threads. I have come to accept it that even the internet doesn't feel the need to help me. I'm not mad though, my family has told me how useless I am so I've come to conclusion that I'm a burden. I've decided that I'll probably check out soon...I've just resistered to be a organ donor and I plan to donate blood soon also. I'm still trying to decide what method I should take to **** myself.

I was thinking maybe I should run away and save myself from suicide but I thought about it in the long run. One day I'll run out of money and have no where to go once again. I don't see a future here. I never had for a really long time. I tried getting better but things just get worse and worse. My consellor told me to change my mind set but how can you when people have said you were useless right to your face?

I realized its a good time to suicide while I'm young so I don't have as many life experiences that I lived through. I don't have kids or a partner yet so I don't have to be a burden when I'm dead. My dad left us when I was never young anyway. I heard he is dead not like he cared anyway. Its just my mom and brother. My brother told me I had nothing gonig for me in life and I'm nothing to be proud of. My mom said I never understood anything since I was young anyway and I'm not more like my brother. Clearly life it better if its just the 2 of them.

I have few close friends anyway. I'm sure they will get over my death as time goes by. Thats all I have for now, I'm sure no one will read this once again. I will be planning to suicide once I get the courage. Only one I'll miss is my cat but I'll give him to a good home once I'm gone. Hopefully he won't miss me since he is a cat.

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Everytime I write I never even get replies for my threads. I have come to accept it that even the internet doesn't feel the need to help me. I'm not mad though, my family has told me how useless I am so I've come to conclusion that I'm a burden. I've decided that I'll probably check out soon...I've just resistered to be a organ donor and I plan to donate blood soon also. I'm still trying to decide what method I should take to **** myself. .

I was thinking maybe I should run away and save myself from suicide but I thought about it in the long run. One day I'll run out of money and have no where to go once again. I don't see a future here. I never had for a really long time. I tried getting better but things just get worse and worse. My consellor told me to change my mind set but how can you when people have said you were useless right to your face?

I realized its a good time to suicide while I'm young so I don't have as many life experiences that I lived through. I don't have kids or a partner yet so I don't have to be a burden when I'm dead. My dad left us when I was never young anyway. I heard he is dead not like he cared anyway. Its just my mom and brother. My brother told me I had nothing gonig for me in life and I'm nothing to be proud of. My mom said I never understood anything since I was young anyway and I'm not more like my brother. Clearly life it better if its just the 2 of them.

I have few close friends anyway. I'm sure they will get over my death as time goes by. Thats all I have for now, I'm sure no one will read this once again. I will be planning to suicide once I get the courage. Only one I'll miss is my cat but I'll give him to a good home once I'm gone. Hopefully he won't miss me since he is a cat.

Crewneck,

I am not an expert, but if you reach out to these forums and I see your post, I will respond the best way that I know how. I am not going to say that I have gone through the same challenges and emotions you're going through, but I CARE. I've lived a very troubled life and would love to share my insights with you to help you along in your journey to getting well. You do not have to give up on yourself or this forum, you matter and I want to chat with you ASAP.

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Crew I am terribly sorry you feel this way. I can understand it though. I look at posts here but not all and the ones I do look at I don't respond unless I can help in someway. I feel like trying to help someone when you don't know isn't good. You can end up saying the wrong things. I think people can though say that they hear you and support you. I really hope you don't **** yourself. I get it though. I struggle to keep my head over water. But I feel like you deserve to live. If you are in the moment about to commit suicide, give yourself time to think things through. There may be something you want to keep living for. I am sorry life has got you so down. Its a terrifying position. I don't know exactly what you are going through and don't want to lecture you because that's not helpful. I want you to know I care. And I hope you find something else that keeps you going. people are extremely ignorant and stigma is still criminally common it boggles my mind. I[m living for that day that changes. I wish you best of luck. Tatakae!

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Hello Crewneck, please don't do anything to yourself, i am sorry you are feeling so down right now and have had a bad life, i can understand where you are coming from, i have wanted many times to do me in, your family and friends would miss you and the pain will be there in there hearts.

Sorry you have not gotten as many replies as you were hoping for, but that doesn't mean people don't care, for a while i felt the way you do but there are people here that care, sometimes i want to respond to a post but i worry that i am not making any sense, or that i have nothing good to offer, but please don't let that be a reason to do yourself in, stay around and keep posting you will find that there are people that care.

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crewneck

I wouldn't take it personal. I've had topics with few or even no responses. I just tend to think that people don't always know what to say. Most of us here are going through our own hell and there are certain things that we can't offer authentic advice for because of that (or perhaps we simply can't relate). For example, if a member is feeling just as miserable as the OP, they might not be in the right mind to offer the most positive support. I hope you consider that given that this is a depression forum.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much. I'm not going to tell you to think more positively or anything like that. I've attempted suicide 3 times and felt suicidal many more. The last thing I'd want to hear in that state of mind is "things will get better" kind of crap. I get it. What I would suggest that you do is take yourself down to the nearest hospital and admit yourself. You've gone past the stage of fantasizing suicide and are well on your way to planning the act. Don't **** around with this.

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Honestly, there's a ton of threads I've read and haven't replied to...mostly cause I wasn't sure what to say though I think I've come up with ..somewhat "okay" responses... not that I don't care I'm just not so great with words or I feel like I might accidentally offend people..sometimes.....cause I don't realize it's an accident until later. Cause I say something and then people are like, "WHAT??" and I'm like, "What? Wha - OH sorry! ..y u so mad?" Actually, I've read a few of your threads in the past because I remember your username and something about being new here.....(I has bad memory)

You'd be surprised how many opportunities you'll have later. Especially after moving away from family that you don't tend to care for >.> or the people you knew from school who, despite you having a mental illness, aren't doing any better than you. (I've met my fair share of people after high school who are in pretty bad situations - they put themselves there mind you..) I'm just concerned what you've done for yourself lately? Like, in terms of taking care of yourself.

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Crew your not alone and I know for a fact people here care because if one suffers we all suffer.I will admit a lot of times I read post's and they have such an impact I do not know how to respond but hopefully with time and wisdom that will change.

We are all here for each other .

Edited by trapped77
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crewneck :console:

Please don't take it personally if you don't get a lot of responses to a particular post. I checked out your topics and the one that didn't get a response was in a low-traffic forum. I'm sorry about that, and sorry your post in the Members Needing Extra Support Now didn't get more responses. DF has been flooded with newcomers lately and we are a bit short-staffed (our staff including me are volunteers).

Being young is not a good time for suicide. I was suicidal when I was younger and I'm so glad now I didn't end things. I ended up getting a degree, falling in love, getting married (still married after 15+ years). I would have missed all that if I had ended my life. Plus, I got "revenge" against the people who abused me. The best revenge is a good life. Just because your mom and brother had said dismissive things doesn't mean they don't care about you. And if they don't - they are wrong. Everyone deserves respect and kindness, including you. You sound pretty smart and articulate to me, so you're better off than most.

Plus there is no easy way to commit suicide, and most people fail. You could end up brain-damaged or worse.

Believe me, I have had *terrible* things said to me, mostly by my own mother. Yes, it is hard to change your mindset, but with therapy it is possible. It takes a lot of work.

Your friends and family will not get over your death. They will suffer for the rest of their lives. And I have 2 cats and I *know* they would miss me. Don't leave your kitty.

Keep posting and just let a staff person know if you've had no responses and they can "bump" the topic for you. Sometimes it depends on what time of day you post and how many members are online. If more people post to the same forum, your post could just get lost. But if you're suicidal it's better to call a crisis line anyway, as they have trained volunteers rather than peer support.

Hugs to you,

Lauryn

Sorry I wrote this thread at a time when I really couldn't think straight. I didn't realize there were so many new comers. I never planned to commit suicide but I do have a plan, I don't want to be brain dead...I've had more time to think. Thank you for replying.

people have different reasons for not responding, don't take it personally. Sometimes I'm just too tired to give a thought-out response and forgo it... since it comes off as if you don't care/ weren't paying attention if you give some half-a$$ reply.

Yeah, I guess you are right. I feel the same way too. I just couldn't think straight at the time. Thanks for replying.

Everytime I write I never even get replies for my threads. I have come to accept it that even the internet doesn't feel the need to help me. I'm not mad though, my family has told me how useless I am so I've come to conclusion that I'm a burden. I've decided that I'll probably check out soon...I've just resistered to be a organ donor and I plan to donate blood soon also. I'm still trying to decide what method I should take to **** myself. .

I was thinking maybe I should run away and save myself from suicide but I thought about it in the long run. One day I'll run out of money and have no where to go once again. I don't see a future here. I never had for a really long time. I tried getting better but things just get worse and worse. My consellor told me to change my mind set but how can you when people have said you were useless right to your face?

I realized its a good time to suicide while I'm young so I don't have as many life experiences that I lived through. I don't have kids or a partner yet so I don't have to be a burden when I'm dead. My dad left us when I was never young anyway. I heard he is dead not like he cared anyway. Its just my mom and brother. My brother told me I had nothing gonig for me in life and I'm nothing to be proud of. My mom said I never understood anything since I was young anyway and I'm not more like my brother. Clearly life it better if its just the 2 of them.

I have few close friends anyway. I'm sure they will get over my death as time goes by. Thats all I have for now, I'm sure no one will read this once again. I will be planning to suicide once I get the courage. Only one I'll miss is my cat but I'll give him to a good home once I'm gone. Hopefully he won't miss me since he is a cat.

Crewneck,

I am not an expert, but if you reach out to these forums and I see your post, I will respond the best way that I know how. I am not going to say that I have gone through the same challenges and emotions you're going through, but I CARE. I've lived a very troubled life and would love to share my insights with you to help you along in your journey to getting well. You do not have to give up on yourself or this forum, you matter and I want to chat with you ASAP.

I would love to hear your insight on things and yes I'm ready to chat.

Crew I am terribly sorry you feel this way. I can understand it though. I look at posts here but not all and the ones I do look at I don't respond unless I can help in someway. I feel like trying to help someone when you don't know isn't good. You can end up saying the wrong things. I think people can though say that they hear you and support you. I really hope you don't **** yourself. I get it though. I struggle to keep my head over water. But I feel like you deserve to live. If you are in the moment about to commit suicide, give yourself time to think things through. There may be something you want to keep living for. I am sorry life has got you so down. Its a terrifying position. I don't know exactly what you are going through and don't want to lecture you because that's not helpful. I want you to know I care. And I hope you find something else that keeps you going. people are extremely ignorant and stigma is still criminally common it boggles my mind. I[m living for that day that changes. I wish you best of luck. Tatakae!

What I really hate is the stigma...that is a big reason why I never open up to people. Thanks for replying it means a lot.

Hello Crewneck, please don't do anything to yourself, i am sorry you are feeling so down right now and have had a bad life, i can understand where you are coming from, i have wanted many times to do me in, your family and friends would miss you and the pain will be there in there hearts.

Sorry you have not gotten as many replies as you were hoping for, but that doesn't mean people don't care, for a while i felt the way you do but there are people here that care, sometimes i want to respond to a post but i worry that i am not making any sense, or that i have nothing good to offer, but please don't let that be a reason to do yourself in, stay around and keep posting you will find that there are people that care.

Yes I can understand why people don't reply sometimes. I do the same thing but I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote this thread out. Anyway thanks for replying it means a lot to me.

crewneck

I wouldn't take it personal. I've had topics with few or even no responses. I just tend to think that people don't always know what to say. Most of us here are going through our own hell and there are certain things that we can't offer authentic advice for because of that (or perhaps we simply can't relate). For example, if a member is feeling just as miserable as the OP, they might not be in the right mind to offer the most positive support. I hope you consider that given that this is a depression forum.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much. I'm not going to tell you to think more positively or anything like that. I've attempted suicide 3 times and felt suicidal many more. The last thing I'd want to hear in that state of mind is "things will get better" kind of crap. I get it. What I would suggest that you do is take yourself down to the nearest hospital and admit yourself. You've gone past the stage of fantasizing suicide and are well on your way to planning the act. Don't **** around with this.

I planned on going to my counselor and tell her what has happened to me recently. I haven't seen her in a month or months?... and bailed on my last appointment. I kind of secretly hoped she gets people after me to hospitalize me...I'm quite tired of trying to act like nothing is wrong. I don't plan on suicide till life gets really bad because I know for a fact that most suicide attempts fail. I want to make my first one successful which is why I never attempted yet. I will take your advice though. Thanks for replying.

Honestly, there's a ton of threads I've read and haven't replied to...mostly cause I wasn't sure what to say though I think I've come up with ..somewhat "okay" responses... not that I don't care I'm just not so great with words or I feel like I might accidentally offend people..sometimes.....cause I don't realize it's an accident until later. Cause I say something and then people are like, "WHAT??" and I'm like, "What? Wha - OH sorry! ..y u so mad?" Actually, I've read a few of your threads in the past because I remember your username and something about being new here.....(I has bad memory)

You'd be surprised how many opportunities you'll have later. Especially after moving away from family that you don't tend to care for >.> or the people you knew from school who, despite you having a mental illness, aren't doing any better than you. (I've met my fair share of people after high school who are in pretty bad situations - they put themselves there mind you..) I'm just concerned what you've done for yourself lately? Like, in terms of taking care of yourself.

I'm actually surprised that I got so many replies back on my thread. I've calmed down enough so I don't want to die yet unless it gets so bad I can't handle it. I think you got it all wrong though. I care for my family very deeply. Did I write I didn't in my thread? If I did I definitely did not mean it. I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote it. Sorry for confusing you.

As for what I've done for myself lately I've honestly done nothing...I've locked myself in my room for days. I really don't want to interact with anyone and my mother has noticed I stopped eating (I barely eat these days). I'm snapping out of it more so I plan to go see counselor soon to tell her what has been happening with me lately. Maybe I'll be checking into a hospital...who knows. Anyway thanks for replying to me. It means a lot.

Crew your not alone and I know for a fact people here care because if one suffers we all suffer.I will admit a lot of times I read post's and they have such an impact I do not know how to respond but hopefully with time and wisdom that will change.

We are all here for each other .

Hopefully things get better for me and many other people too. Thanks for writing back. I appreciate it a lot.

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A counselor sounds like a good idea. :3. Then from there you can see if maybe a hospital is a better option. Ive never known if going to a hospital first was a good idea. Havent been to one yet. Not even for a visit.

Edited by Phantastic Mirage
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