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I Hate When People Tell Me It Will Get Better


Icarus21

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I know people mean well when they say this but I find it makes the situation twice as worse. I am aware of my cycle and I always do come through but its not the better I am talking about. I hate people feeding me "promises" that may or may not happen. Yes I like to hope and try and stay somewhat optimistic. I'm actually naturally an optimistic guy. But I also like to look at things realistically. I just want people to accept that right now things are crappy. When you are focused on the problem at hand the future looks to be lightyears away.

I had many times due to my foolish optimism where I told myself things would get better and self talked myself into lies that never came. I'm not saying things can't get better but its not guaranteed. No one really knows anyone's future. In a sense I believe it is an easy way lf saying I have no idea how to help you and don't know what to say so I'm going to feed you false hope.

I really hate it when someone projects there situation onto you. Just because you got better doesn't mean it will happen for them. A lot of things in my life have gotten easier but with that came new and more challenging trials. I am technically getting better in how I handle myself and realizations but my life certainly isn't better. I had the same bleakness since I was 5. I'm 23 now. I have had very few really great moments between those years, but when I do I appreciate them and enjoy them tremendously. I enjoy the very littlest of things because there is a possibility of things not getting better but I'm always hopeful. Some days more or less than others.

And what is "better" really mean. If it means shove me with pills and keep me quiet like MOST psychiatrist I been to do, to keep me "normal" then no. I don't want to get "better" I just want to be able to enjoy the very short good moments I have and also be able to grieve in the harsher moments without someone minimalizing my problems. I have dealt with the same issues for about 20 years. I don't trust you, sorry.

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Ah, Icarus...I have read that pessimists are much more atuned with reality. I have always considered myself acutely aware of all the possibilities at any given time, on how things can go wrong. It was necessary, as I needed to survive under harsh conditions during my earliest years, and I was never disappointed when the bottom fell out of my life as an adult, because I realized that, frankly, that's how life is. If I have any streaks of optimism, it is due to working toward making things better. And things do get better. But, the real truth is that things are constantly changing. They are. And that is something you simply can't deny, if you follow the laws of physics.

Most people feel alone, and they are, because they are thinking of the past or thinking of the future. We are rarely ever in the present, experiencing the moment at hand. We generally are not truly with another person, because we are constantly projecting into the future or delving into the past, comparing and judging. You can't expect others who live this way to understand how you feel. They don't want to be there, with you. They want to cheer you up, so that they can feel better about having control of their own lives.

So, I actually agree with your view of life, and find you to be wise. I think, though, that as Shakespeare wrote, "There's nothing good nor bad, that thinking makes it so." Everything is just thought, and we live in our deluded ideas of how life is. Acceptance of ourselves and others being however we are is the easiest way to be at peace.

Nopawn

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Have you considered that depression may be a part of you?

You are right that nobody can say life will get better, just as they can't say that anyone will live through life without getting killed in an accident.

But the best thing you can do is resolve to help yourself. I used to feel hopeless and I would use drugs, I thought if I just had enough drugs for the rest of my life I could be happy.

But the fact is you have to accept depression for what it is, and if it is beating you down at least you can tell yourself that eventually you will come out of it and life will become more acceptable.

Once I accepted my depression, and the medication, and I accepted that I had a brain disorder that made my life harder I was able to manage my life better. So the bad times aren't so bad because I just think "im depressed," instead of "my life is hell because I am depressed." I don't let depression win by thinking it is beating me, I defeat depression by understanding that it is part of me.

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It is more appropriate to say that it will get better if you affirm that you will make it better- you CAN make it better. Once you make the mental effort to say- I will improve my life and be happy no matter the circumstances- then things will magically start happening. But that being said, it is not an overnight cure (unless you're super lucky!). It takes persistence- it takes trial and error. Pushing yourself out of the funk is the hardest part. If you know about the laws of physics, once the initial step is taken, you just have to keep moving instead of the extra effort of the initial push.

Edited by Kabuto
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That's why when someone says 'things will get better', it's only holds credibility if they have justified reasons to back that statement up.

Because we all know that sometimes, things won't ever really get better if we continuously rely on thin air to get us through the real problem.

Edited by The_Unwanted
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I think people say this because they don't know what else to say. Its not that they don't necessarily understand, but more that they don't want to see you fall completely into despair. They don't want to say or do nothing, so they fall back to the most generic thing you can say.

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I have accepted my depression for the most part. Some days more than others. I don't try and fight it anymore. I used to go against the current but now I go with the current. Its more easier but days like right now are not easy. I accepted that my life will be different and complicated due to this. Please don't get me wrong, I have made major improvements and I'm still improving and very fast but there is one issue that medicine or anyone else can fix. Unfortunately its something I cannot ignore and don't want to because I believe it is important. Most things I can overcome but this one issue is a lot bigger than doing self talk or therapy. The issue follows me and repeats itself. I don't want to get into details. I have pushed myself harder than I can ever imagine and not everything is magically better. I work really hard on taking action and taking care of myself. I am still pushing myself and have been. I understand why I am the way I am and understand my triggers. I wish depression was the only thing I was dealing with. Sadly its not. Idk I feel like I have to constantly improve on myself when I hadn't had a break for so long. I cant really remember.

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I have accepted my depression for the most part. Some days more than others. I don't try and fight it anymore. I used to go against the current but now I go with the current. Its more easier but days like right now are not easy. I accepted that my life will be different and complicated due to this. Please don't get me wrong, I have made major improvements and I'm still improving and very fast but there is one issue that medicine or anyone else can fix. Unfortunately its something I cannot ignore and don't want to because I believe it is important. Most things I can overcome but this one issue is a lot bigger than doing self talk or therapy. The issue follows me and repeats itself. I don't want to get into details. I have pushed myself harder than I can ever imagine and not everything is magically better. I work really hard on taking action and taking care of myself. I am still pushing myself and have been. I understand why I am the way I am and understand my triggers. I wish depression was the only thing I was dealing with. Sadly its not. Idk I feel like I have to constantly improve on myself when I hadn't had a break for so long. I cant really remember.

No one's life is all roses anyway. I just hope you have enough good in your life so that the bad doesn't unbalance everything else.

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I too get frustrated when people say that it will get better. I agree with other posters that people just don't always know what to say and have to say something. I also completely agree that when focusing on the issue at hand, the future and potential for getting better, the future seems so far away and it is just annoying and frustrating!

Lastly, I also completely understand how overwhelming and daunting have more than 1 issue or problem can be. I feel like if I finally get one issue under control, something else is then overwhelming. It never ends.

And to the above member, I am currently working on having more good than bad because right now I am not able to see more good than bad. This forum helps, but even typing or articulating the feelings is almost too overwhelming to begin.

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And to the above member, I am currently working on having more good than bad because right now I am not able to see more good than bad. This forum helps, but even typing or articulating the feelings is almost too overwhelming to begin.

Depression-related message boards are judgment-free. If you want to start somewhere, start here. No one's going to be intolerent with you because how are they going to know you come to post here if you don't tell anyone?

If you feel like sharing, I hope you find the courage to do so. We all need to share our feelings when we are in need. Sharing your feelings is like a terrifying ride at an amusement park: the worst part is the 10 seconds before the train shoots down, scary but then it's ends smooth and it was worth it.

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After40 years I think I know that it WONT get better. All the king's horses (pills) and men (shrinks) cannot put humpty to the place he finds any joy or meaning in life. And the people who say otherwise can shove it. I'm tired of paying for my shrink's BMW and getting nothing but happy platitudes and book solutions in return. I get more sense and comfort from a bottle of good alcohol than I did from any of those people. Some of us are born broken and irreparable. And we're tired of hearing about the pan of gold at the end of the rainbow that never arrives. Excuse me now while I blow unicorns out my ass.

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