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Sister Is Emotionally Abusive


Icarus21

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I'm home from spring break and home with my family. Me and my sis are both adopted. We both came from hard backgrounds. Abusive foster parents. I know have an adoptive family who is loving but causes me a lot of pain as well. My sister has always been mean to me. Right after we were adopted she had this idea that she would be an only child. OOPS! My sister adjusted to life better than I did. She had friends and people respected her. She was "socially" normal. I was a bit different. I suffered from depression since I was 5. The transition wasn't easy. I lashed out because I didn't understand anything outside of my foster home. I was always the bad guy or monster. The system failed and all the blame was placed on me. I didn't understand. I was always awkward and liked "different" things. Pokemon was my first love lol. Well since my sister was "normal" now she made it a mission to point out all my flaws. Everything to the way I dressed, behavior, my interests, my voice, my walking, the friends I like, and my other personality traits. My self esteem sunk faster than the Titanic (I'm sorry if anyone's offended).

She just couldn't accept I was different. She would always give me those judgment faces. It was so hard to be myself. For the longest time I thought it was wrong. I thought something was wrong with me. She made me feel like I was less than what I was. She displays narcissistic and very self centered characteristics. She has very little empathy or even sympathy. And she is super vain. Ever since she got big boobs and a butt she makes every opportunity to talk about them. "Men like us thick curvy girls" while butt naked in front of the mirror. O.O. This was a very usual thing in my house. I go and talk to her about what's bothering me and she immediately says she doesn't care or suck it up. But will go on hours venting to me about everything and if I don't listen she gets really mad. Its my sisters way or no way. And if you are in her way she will make way. She knows how to manipulate the household. All my folks think she is just precious. No one believes me when I say any of this. They all think I am overreacting.

I have gotten physically and mentally abused in foster care but doesn't compare to what my sister put me through. It just me overreacting. I fet that siblings fight or tease each other but my sister takes it too far. The jokes and snide remarks are too much. And when you do try and sit and talk with her she gets defensive fast and can get you in trouble at the same time. I live with all women who the ones I live with, can be extremely sexist. My mom can make the most terrible jokes about men and say men are bad and my sister just laughs and agrees with my mom. I have no dad. Liking, anime videogames, drawing, technology, internet stuff, and scifi just isn't ok in my house. I remember watching Ben 10 one night and my mom screamed for me to turn it off because it was unrealistic. She is better with this now but I still get those looks.

Fast-forward to recently, my sister got pregnant on accident with a guy who left her (that's terrible) and she waited 8 months to tell everyone she was after she was trying very hard to miscarriage. She drank and smoked during the first few months of her pregnancy. Now that she has a baby, she is the queen of the family. She can do no wrong. To them she brought a miracle. To me, I am mad. Not only did I help her through her pregnancy, I full on supported her so she wasn't scared. She was so mean to me during that time it was awful. No sense of gratitude at all. I love my niece but cant stand the crying. I like my quiet. My sister has my mom babysit her most nights. No one cares how I feel about it all. I feel like she her responsibility is now mine. I love my niece but I'm going through a hard time and the worst part is even though she intended to **** her child she is now praised while me who worked so hard in the past year is ignored because I don't have children. Its all my family cares about. So again my sister wins. She can tear me down and get all the glory. That sounds very immature of me to say. I just don't understand someone so cruel could get away with such abuse. But then I think to my foster home ans it explains everything.

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Hi there,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Sounds like a lot of history with your sister and her behavior, combined with your experiences in not-so-good foster homes. I don't have any magic answer or fix, but I do know that it takes two parties at least for any abusive behavior to continue. While you can't change your sister's behavior, and it doesn't sound like she's open to any feedback from you, you can change yourself - how you respond to her. I say this to give you hope! :) It may be good for you to seek out a counselor, pastor, or someone you respect and trust, who can help you sort through these things and formulate a plan for the future. If you don't have anyone, you can call Focus on the Family at 800-232-6459. They have counselors who are able to speak to you over the phone. Take care.

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So again my sister wins. She can tear me down and get all the glory. That sounds very immature of me to say. I just don't understand someone so cruel could get away with such abuse. But then I think to my foster home ans it explains everything.

It doesn't matter what she does. She'll get as much glory as her peers are willing to give her. And what's unfortunate is that she knows it.

I'm very sorry for you because you don't deserve this. The way you're describing your situation, it seems like you've been thrown under the bus. Is that the case? If that's in fact the case, I just hope you can reverse at least some of it. It will get you somewhere knowing someone's on your side. Best of luck.

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Thanks guy. The Unwanted (I like your username a lot) yeah I know I cant give her that pleasure. She can be extremely mean and then be really nice when she finds out you wont play her game and when you cave in and give her another chance, she will plow you over so fast. Its tricky since I do care for her a lot. And thnx for the support. I'm not a perfect brother and I'm not the easiest person to be with but I try and better myself each day.

Mental77 thank you so much for that number. I appreciate it a lot. Yeah most times I just need someone to speak to then friends or family you say I'm too sensitive or overreacting. I know those statements aren't true in the situation I'm in. I see a counselor at college. He's trying Emdr on me now to shuffle through my trauma.

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