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Numbness Or Sadness- Dont Know Which Is Worse!


mellabella

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I've been feeling numb the last few days. Just flat and hopeless. It's a strange state to be in. I'm usually more up or down. I feel cut off from the rest of the world like I don't belong here. All I want to do is sleep and im struggling to get motivated to do anything. Although I have been forcing myself to go for a walk (or do body balance) once a day.

I guess I also miss the intensity of sadness because I can't cry lately and crying is so cathartic. Feeling annoyed with myself. I should just be glad the sadness isn't as strong as usual.

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I have gone through hell with both feelings. My worst kind of sadness though is a very intense sort of self-hatred. Crying isn't cathartic for me because if I'm at that point I'm already drowning in self-hatred and the fact that I'm so acutely aware of it makes it worse until I collapse into exhaustion. So I think sadness is worse at its worst for me. But a little bit of numbness also leads me to giving into more numbness. I'm probably better off being functionally sad than functionally numb because I won't stay functionally numb for very long.

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I've had a fair few times that I've really missed feeling utterly defeated and just wanted so badly to have a good cry, I really find that it can be addictive or can feel like the only thing that can be a sort of release, that numbness is a feeling I truly hate though I feel so cut off from the world and just leads down a dark path in my case at least, hope you feel better

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