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Suffering With Clinical Depression And Refusing To Take Anti-Depressants!


jungle5000

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I suffer with depression and I have for many years since i was 12 years old. Finally last year i went to get diagnosed as out of the ordinary i started failing exams which is not like me. They started me on anti-depressants and I have been seen the doctor telling him i am taking them. I actually tried to help myself and take it but every time i do i feel like i am way stronger than few pills. some how i cannot seem to change that mentality purely because of my past experiences and the struggles i have overcome.

However,today i deactivated facebook along with all the other social networking sites. I am currently studying in a foreign country so i am away from my friends back home and i decided from the beginning not to make much friends here also so i only made one friend. i had been quite tired of socialising. Lately, even when good guys try to get close to me and i feel like i am getting attached i quickly cut off ties.

At the moment i dont see my doctor and I wont for another 3 months until summer holidays. I am constantly feeling guilty towards my friends i always feel like i must have done something for them not to be happy around me. I have also decreased the talking to my parents as i want to be alone but then i feel very guilty and think in life there is death and one day i may regret the way i am acting.

My question is whether this sense of guilt part of my depression? Also, why do i keep isolating myself from the good people that are in my life? Please let me know if you have had similar experiences as it may bring some comfort to this situation i am stuck in.

thanks in advance to all the responses.

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I suffer with depression and I have for many years since i was 12 years old. Finally last year i went to get diagnosed as out of the ordinary i started failing exams which is not like me. They started me on anti-depressants and I have been seen the doctor telling him i am taking them. I actually tried to help myself and take it but every time i do i feel like i am way stronger than few pills. some how i cannot seem to change that mentality purely because of my past experiences and the struggles i have overcome.

However,today i deactivated facebook along with all the other social networking sites. I am currently studying in a foreign country so i am away from my friends back home and i decided from the beginning not to make much friends here also so i only made one friend. i had been quite tired of socialising. Lately, even when good guys try to get close to me and i feel like i am getting attached i quickly cut off ties.

At the moment i dont see my doctor and I wont for another 3 months until summer holidays. I am constantly feeling guilty towards my friends i always feel like i must have done something for them not to be happy around me. I have also decreased the talking to my parents as i want to be alone but then i feel very guilty and think in life there is death and one day i may regret the way i am acting.

My question is whether this sense of guilt part of my depression? Also, why do i keep isolating myself from the good people that are in my life? Please let me know if you have had similar experiences as it may bring some comfort to this situation i am stuck in.

thanks in advance to all the responses.

Hi jungle5000,

Feeling guilt is an emotion that is felt while depressed. You don't have to take medication for your depression if you don't want to, but you do need a doctor's guidance to try and help you. Trying to deal with depression on your own is very hard. Also, when you don't feel well mentally, it can make you not want to be around other people. Before I started my medication therapy, I was guilty about everything and I definitely avoided people. I just didn't feel right, I was paranoid and stressed out over trivial things, basically, I wasn't living my life, I was just alive. If you leave your depression untreated for too long, it's just going to make it that much harder for you. At the very least, try and go to a doctor and look for other means to get your depression under control.

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I suffer with depression and I have for many years since i was 12 years old. Finally last year i went to get diagnosed as out of the ordinary i started failing exams which is not like me. They started me on anti-depressants and I have been seen the doctor telling him i am taking them. I actually tried to help myself and take it but every time i do i feel like i am way stronger than few pills. some how i cannot seem to change that mentality purely because of my past experiences and the struggles i have overcome.

However,today i deactivated facebook along with all the other social networking sites. I am currently studying in a foreign country so i am away from my friends back home and i decided from the beginning not to make much friends here also so i only made one friend. i had been quite tired of socialising. Lately, even when good guys try to get close to me and i feel like i am getting attached i quickly cut off ties.

At the moment i dont see my doctor and I wont for another 3 months until summer holidays. I am constantly feeling guilty towards my friends i always feel like i must have done something for them not to be happy around me. I have also decreased the talking to my parents as i want to be alone but then i feel very guilty and think in life there is death and one day i may regret the way i am acting.

My question is whether this sense of guilt part of my depression? Also, why do i keep isolating myself from the good people that are in my life? Please let me know if you have had similar experiences as it may bring some comfort to this situation i am stuck in.

thanks in advance to all the responses.

Like flasquish was saying, guilt is very common with depression. So is self-isolation. That is a big, huge red flag of mine. I've battled depression on and off for my entire adult life, and that's the first sign that a depressive episode is coming on. I don't want to see or talk to anyone ever. Now that I know that, and why it's happening, it's easier to, a) forgive myself, and b) know it's time to get help before the other symptoms come and/or it gets worse.

If you don't want to medicate, some people have had success with other methods. A few that come to mind are:

-Supplements (fish oil, l-tryptophan, etc.)

-Light therapy (sunlight or lightbox exposure)

-Therapy

-Self-help books

-Exercise

-Support groups (check that one off the list since you're here with us)

Do your homework and make informed choices about how you're going to take care of yourself and your depression. Doing nothing about it is not an option.

Edited by yourlocalwonderwoman
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Depression isn't just an illness, it's an insidious creature that inhabits your psyche and interferes with your ability to make decisions about what is right or wrong for you.

If you had a rash, you'd use a cream. If you had diabetes, you'd take insulin. Depression isn't a sign of weakness, it's a disease and should be treated as such.

Of course you can choose not to take an antidepressant, but that isn't an act that confirms or denies your courage or strength. From my personal experience, I know I function better on antidepressants. Some work better than others, some stop working, and sometimes the depression is stronger than the medication, but I still believe that my life is better with medication. I would love not to need them, but I know how diminished my life becomes when I am off them.

If you choose not to take it, can I suggest you totally abstain from alcohol? For me, it simply magnifies negative emotions and can impact my life terribly for days after I've stopped drinking. I also find that a high dose B group vitamin can help.

I wish you all the very best. I hope you beat your depression, or at the very least, can develop a strategy that allows you to to co-exist with it reasonably peacefully. Remember, it is NOT a sign of weakness or failure, it just is, and today there are many options available to give you a fighting chance against it.

Good luck!

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You isolate because you are afraid that your presence will mess everything up, or you don't trust yourself to say/do that right things. That's why I do it anyway, that and I am so unhappy that I'll **** everyones good vide

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Also, why do i keep isolating myself from the good people that are in my life?

Some people think the tendency to isolate after or during episodes of psychic pain is a protective mechanism to hide from risk of further pain (colloquially, we put up a defensive wall). Others think it's to hide our pain (and our weakness and vunerability) from others. Could be both simultaneously.

It's sometimes clear when that tendency is maladaptive. For some people getting past it might involve challenging the unconscious beliefs that underlie that tendency with real-world practice, and simultaneously teaching themselves some new behavior to replace it. Maybe a certain kind of therapist could assist with identifying and unlearning those tendencies.

Or maybe it's something else. I really have no idea.

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