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Daily Up And Down


plainjane

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Hi All, I am back on DF after a hiatus, life happened. I feel lately like I am on a daily roller coaster, I don't know how my day is going to be. I got remarried this fall, and my wife is trying to make sense of being married to someone with bipolar. Sometimes she gets frustrated and I can understand that. I want to help her. I also haven't been to therapy in a couple of years and I am restarting it again this afternoon. Guess I am a little bit nervous. I am at work right now, about an hour and a half to go. My job is fairly tame most of the time. I have struggled in the last two years to keep a job, this one seems right for me, but I am unnecessarily afraid of losing it. I keep waiting for the good fit of this job to change, for the other shoe to drop and I get fired or I have a crazy moment and quit. I am trying not to do that again, just up and quit something. I am on meds, they just got tweaked a week or so ago, I don't feel a difference yet.

I guess I am just looking for advice on the living with bipolar part. I almost finished myself off a couple years ago and it was partly (a big part) because of my old job and my former marriage. I've not quite accepted yet that this is the rest of my life, like it or lump it. I love my new wife, she is wonderful, and I am very happy with that part of my life. I am ok at work, not happy, not sad. Sometimes I feel satisfied but a lot of the time I am focusing so much on the goodness waiting for me at home that I make my day go so slow. Today I am excited because I get to leave an hour early for my therapy appointment.

Anyway, how do you cope with the unpredictable moods?

Thanks- Plain Jane

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  • 3 weeks later...

WB, plainjane,

I am also a rapid cycler. I went undiagnosed until I was in my mid 30s. Somehow I managed to hold down a very good but very stressful job. It involved a lot of physical activity and creative brainstorming. I think it hide a lot of the BP traits. I did have my down time, but I never missed a day of work unless I was physically ill. If you like your job, resist the urge to quit.. It's good that you hav3e good support at home.

My second career was mostly sedentary and that is where the BP traits started showing up. I worked for a clinic so help was readily available and I sought out the proper help. I was on Lithium and Prozac for over 14 years and it did the trick as far as controlling the cycling. It eventually stopped working and I had to go through the med merry-go-round until the right combo and dose was found. Give your new doses a couple weeks to take effect. If they don't see your pdoc again. Good luck with your therapy. I hope you will have a good match with him/her.

Sheepwoman

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks, Sheep. My meds do seem to be helping, but my job is sort of dissatisfying...not enough to do, which gives me too much downtime. It wasn't how they said it would be, which is disappointing. My therapy is starting off well, I have had a couple of appointments and I like her. I like my pdoc too, it seems like I have a good team assembled. So why do I feel down again? They upped my abilify and effexor a while ago, I guess a few weeks ago now, but I just feel sleepy and anxious, if it's not one it's generally the other. I don't understand why. Right now I feel both. Everyday is like a mixed episodic day- I get up feeling good, drag myself into work, get thrilled when it's time to leave, crash when I get home usually.

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