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xora

Travel With No Money? Recommendations?

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I've been deeply depressed and anxious for most of my life but for the last couple of years it's taken a horrible slide. I think I've lost hope in myself. My chest hurts everyday with the emotional and psychological pain I carry. I can't motivate myself to accomplish my goals in life and it spawns an endless cycle of self-disappointment.

Physically, I look fine on the outside. When people ask how I'm doing I lie and say I'm fine. Most people wouldn't think anything else of it. When I'm alone I cry until I feel my heart will crumble and I'll have an attack. I recently turned 33 years old. There isn't anyone in my life that could possible understand what I'm going through. I think I need to talk to someone about my feelings but the last thing I want is to be pitied, judged poorly and burden another person.

I am in treatment, have been for the last several years. I guess there is only so much a professional can do. I think a change of environment will help me tremendously. For a long time I've been seriously thinking to travel for 6 to 12 months, perhaps longer. I've always wanted to go to Costa Rica, be immersed in nature, try to heal my soul. I've read travel of this nature can be a great way to heal. The problem is that I don't have any money. I probably have about $6500 or more in my savings but I'm afraid to use it all.

There must be a way to make this happen. Are there any retreats for people who are severely depressed that doesn't cost an arm and an leg? I was also thinking to try backpacking, although I had a back injury about a year ago and my back hasn't been the same every since.

I feel it's either this, suicide, or a lifetime of a dark, lonely depression.

Please help.

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Forgive me if this sounds rushed. After typing out a long post and pushing "post topic" I received a database error and lost everything I typed. Hate when that happens.

I've been deeply depressed for most of my life. Over the last couple of years it's taken a horrible slide. I fought with MDD, SAD, GAD and ADD. There isn't anyone in my life I feel would understand what I struggle with on a daily basis so I often feel alone. I'm sure some of you can relate.

I've been in treatment, have been for several years. I don't think it's enough and what I need is love and support, which I don't have in regards to my depression. I recently turned 33 years old. I would like to **** myself but my beliefs of what lies after prevents me from committing the act. The next option is a lifetime of emotional, psychological and now physical pain. Alone. Third option is to heal. But the rate of my recovery, with the lack of support I need, is too slow. I fear by the time I see any true progress I will have already missed out on my entire life. So this third option isn't so much of an option as it is wishful thinking at best.

So I am considering death, regardless of my feelings of what will happen to my soul, as I am already in my own personal hell. I don't want to die, but I don't know how long I'll be able to live with this pain. It will probably **** me anyway.

So I'm also considering escape. Travel in itself is healing for the mind. About a month ago I actually just got back from my first trip in many years but it only lasted for one week. While I was away, I could see the potential of a path toward healing.

I've been seriously considering extended travel for a long time. Perhaps 6 months or longer. I would prefer a year or two, but I'm uncertain of how to make this happen. I don't have much money. Maybe a bit over $6500 in my savings and I'm afraid to blow it all.

I'm a single female, no family or kids. I've never been in a romantic relationship, never had many friends, never had any luck in this regard. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I'm not a happy one. And over the last couple of years I've been having doubts that these things will come to me as people don't want to be around those who are severely depressed.

Treatment for my depression has gone as far as it will unless I stay motivated to change my way of thinking. I can't do that while being trapped by circumstance that keep me in the same place. I need to break away if I'm going to have a chance.

Is there anyone out there who has gone on extended travel and found a way to do it without putting themselves in debt? Are there any programs out there for people who want to heal themselves on solo extended travel?

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I would love to escape the rat race. My life depends on it. Any ideas? I wish I knew. I fantasize about escaping and just living off the land somewhere remote and beautiful, far away from wretched humans.

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Looks like I made a double thread. There was a database error and I thought I lost this post so I made a new one. Would a moderator be able to close this thread and keep the other one open? Thanks.

@InFlames, none, other than populating an uninhibited, undiscovered island.

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xora

I too feel a constant urge to escape. I think it must be common in depression. There's a feeling of being trapped, of being a prisoner. When I was very ill with anxiety too I used to have panic attacks and just start walking. I'd walk away from the house or jump out of the car and just walk for miles. I came back hours later.

I am a bit concerned that it you set off travelling without sufficient funds it might cause anxiety problems.

All the best

Jono

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I feel it's either this, suicide, or a lifetime of a dark, lonely depression.

.....I look at those words.....knowing that my condition will stay with me for life......permanently......I look at those words ..."lifetime of dark, lonely depression"....in silence....I say nothing.

Edited by svendorrian

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@Juno, I often go for drives at night. Temporary solution but it helps in a way. About traveling, I already having anxiety problems. I would rather experience that anxiety while doing something that will help me recover.

@svendorrian, Those words were meant to describe my own feelings on my circumstances... I don't know your situation but I didn't intend to say anything to upset anyone else.

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@LaurynJcat, did your friend stay in a particular country in Europe? Or did she travel from place to place? I'm considering a work visa, wouldn't be surprised if teaching English requires credentials for most countries. Under the table jobs sounds like a good option too but I wouldn't know how to got about finding them. I was thinking of backpacking to Costa Rica.

Also, could a moderator delete one of the first two posts in this thread? Both are not necessary, thanks.

Edited by xora

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Travel is a great idea...and I hope you can find a way to do it, where there's a will, there's a way :) I've been on a few backpacking trips to Europe, Asia, Australia and Central America and I have really enjoyed it....I really like meeting locals who have been very friendly and kind and see things in a different, enjoying peace and beauty in a place and the feeling of simply being on the move. However, it can be tough when you're very depressed because you need to learn to push through times when youre alone and in difficult situations, money can be a stressor too!

Some little ways I tried to save up money: had a yard sale before I left to sell old jewelry, books, clothes and knick knacks, if credentials to teach english are required, try being an English tutor to a couple students (or if you speak other languages), stay at hostels and cheaper shared accommodations, this way you will meet others and not feel as alone, volunteer at a hostel to serve breakfast, do laundry, etc in exchange for a bed, or take a paid job at a hostel if they have any, consider being a nanny, cook your own meals, if you have back problems, try to pack as little as possible, if you're going to a warm place you can always do laundry more often and easily, also research your destination and budget and plan and get a sense of the cost. For example, Costa Rica is very beautiful but it is a bit more expensive than Guatemala or Nicaragua which are also beautiful but much less expensive, although a little more challenging to travel through and potentially more dangerous. Airfare is usually the biggest single cost but you can get some good deals if flying to Costa Rica from say the U.S. or Canada.

Good luck to you. :)

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I think travel is so great. Since this depression started in the last couple months for me I've wished so hard to be able to take some time off and travel but it's not right for me financially right now, I just bought a condo and I have a dog. I think your idea is a great one though. When I was 18 I was in a bad situation and I just said f--- it and I moved to the uk for 2 years it was the best experience of my life.

As fr desinations I have a friend that went to Nicaragua recently and said it was very inexpensive and beautiful. If you have a degree, teaching English in Korea is a great gig. Depending on what country u are from you may be eligible for a working holiday visa, many common wealth and eu countries offer it.

Good luck :)

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Travelling as a break is probably a good idea. Time away can give you a rest and some new perspective. You won't heal from mental illness, however.

I went to teach english in Taiwan. The first 4 months were pretty good. I started to think I'd turned a corner in my battle against mental illness. However, once the newness wears off and you start to settle into a routine, and have friendships, job struggles, etc. - whatever emotional issues you need to deal with will pop up again and you'll have to deal with them.The issues that triggered me were the same kinds of issues that triggered me back home.

Since that wasn't unique to me, I'd say it's a fairly universal experience to have one's personal issues start to cause problems once you been in one place long enough. After 6-7 months, the same stuff that triggered me at home triggered me in Asia.

So I'd encourage anyone with mental health issues, who is stable at present, to travel if the opportunity arises, while being realistic about what to expect and for how long to go for.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane

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Traveling is one of the few things I can actually still enjoy. When I lived in the UK still, I want to various countries in mainland Europe often, usually alone. It was always something I could could look forward to. I used to stay in pretty cheap hotels or I'd go camping (all I needed was a bed),

The best job I had was actually driving vans & delivering cars all over the UK. I liked the feeling of being constantly on the road and despite working, I got to see lots of towns and cities that I wouldn't have otherwise got to see (good and bad).

I would encourage anyone suffering from depression to travel if possible. Experiencing different countries, cultures and languages definitely broadens your horizons.

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