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If You Think You Are Unattractive, See This


lonesoul

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I just stumbled upon this video from one of my Facebook friends.

I won't go into details, but I'll just say it illustrates quite well the difference between the way we see ourselves and the way other see us. I think it's made by Dove but it's certainly much more than a publicity. This is not the first ad that they've created to help with people's self-image, an effort which I think is laudable.

(even though it's on a french website, the video is in English with French subtitles)

http://hotstory.fr/story/elle-pensait-etre-moche-jusqu-a-ce-qu-on-lui-prouve-le-contraire-grace-a-une-experience-incroyable/

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That was very interesting.

My experience and observations however tell me that beautiful people for the most part have an easier time in life. They are socially accepted more, get more promotions, have more friends, and probably happier than people who are not attractive. It's sucks but it's the laws of nature I guess.

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That was very interesting.

My experience and observations however tell me that beautiful people for the most part have an easier time in life. They are socially accepted more, get more promotions, have more friends, and probably happier than people who are not attractive. It's sucks but it's the laws of nature I guess.

Your experience is limited and your observations are mostly incorrect. You have already played this "I'm not attractive, that's why my life sucks" card in another thread. People who do have the experience, myself included, have specifically told you why being considered attractive does not automatically lead to being happier than others. It is often the opposite.

You choose not to consider anyone's viewpoint other than your own. So be it.

When I read these notions you put forth here, which I'm slowly realizing are fairly common in society, I get offended. My life, I now realize, has been made much more difficult because people have been assuming the same ridiculous notions about me since I was 11 years old - and I tried to live up to them.

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slow lane, not all of us are immune to the thoughts of others; if people seem repetitive with what they choose to post, perhaps it is because they are struggling with it. I wonder why this struggle offends you? Anger is often an easier, more self empowering emotion to feel, I guess.

barry, I hear you, and even though that 'laws of nature' bit sounds a little tongue in cheek, I think it must be a fundamental truth, because our entire society bears that out. When we look at what other societies consider attractive, we often don't see it for ourselves. Likewise when we go back to our own society several hundred years ago. Our thin, tanned standard would have been considered a repulsive sign of disease and overwork several hundred years ago. Makes you grin a little, hunh? :winkkiss:

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Being attractive is no walk in the park either, trust me on that. Sad thing is when attractive people are scared and upset with all the attention they get (Oh yes, these people scared of going out because they're beautiful exist) when they open up to someone they get a response along the lines of "Boo freaking hoo".

Cheap drinks, guaranteed date/fling aren't everything. I know from personal experience I'd rather be ordinary looking than attractive, having your backside grabbed at 13 and having people lean out of their cars to give you the once over and smirk when your 14 is not exactly a pleasant experience for everyone.

Being attractive has it's perks, but so does being unattractive, and I've experienced being attractive and being unattractive so it's not just some flippant comment.

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Depression doesn't care how attractive or unattractive you are ultimately. It will make you hate something about yourself. That's why I would never dismiss the pain and suffering of an attractive individual by saying "Oh but at least you have your looks". I'd imagine that must be pretty hurtful to be on the receivimg end of.

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That was very interesting.

My experience and observations however tell me that beautiful people for the most part have an easier time in life. They are socially accepted more, get more promotions, have more friends, and probably happier than people who are not attractive. It's sucks but it's the laws of nature I guess.

Your experience is limited and your observations are mostly incorrect. You have already played this "I'm not attractive, that's why my life sucks" card in another thread. People who do have the experience, myself included, have specifically told you why being considered attractive does not automatically lead to being happier than others. It is often the opposite.

You choose not to consider anyone's viewpoint other than your own. So be it.

When I read these notions you put forth here, which I'm slowly realizing are fairly common in society, I get offended. My life, I now realize, has been made much more difficult because people have been assuming the same ridiculous notions about me since I was 11 years old - and I tried to live up to them.

I find it obnoxious listening to people whine and complain how bad they have it because they are so good looking. It's almost on a different level of narcissism. It would be like John Stamos blogging about how bad he has it being so good looking. I mean, give me a break. I will admit that one's personality leads to staying power in social situations, so perhaps your problem is that your personality sucks (no offense). Looks get you noticed while your personality gets you staying power.

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That was not the point of this thread...

I do agree with some things though. When you are objectively more attractive, people treat you differently and you get more attention. That's a scientific fact, I won't argue that.

HOWEVER... Saying that "attractive" people have it easier is narrow-minded at best. They get more attention, sure, but as one person pointed out, they get all kinds of attention, both wanted and unwanted. They can develop feelings of "guys/girls only want me for sex" (dig around you'll see a lot of posts like that on the forum). For a depressive who is involuntary celibate that might sound like great news, but (I think) it's not that different from being rich and having people stick around you for your money.

No one wants to be treated as a uni-dimensional being, whether it's because you are good looking, rich, have a position of power, or caring (and people stick around for support).

I'm just saying that seeing someone who doesn't face your particular challenges, no matter how huge they might be, doesn't mean that their life doesn't offer its own challenges that are just as big to them.

Furthermore, some very good looking people see themselves as unattractive. It's somehow baffling to see objectively good-looking people have such a poor image of themselves but I have known such people who really believed it (and wasn't just seeking attention). That was the point of this thread. Our own self-image is often not a reflection of how others perceive us and if we are depressive, it's often much uglier than reality.

This comes from someone who is average-looking. I don't have girls flirting with me on a regular basis.

You never know what someone else's life is like... Don't assume.

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That's a pretty awesome video!! I wonder how people see me.. probably the same as I see myself. I think I'm a very pretty woman - in the face part anyway. I'd look awesome with make up too (once I figure out that fully... lol) Still working on the weight as well.

Edited by Phantastic Mirage
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That was very interesting.

My experience and observations however tell me that beautiful people for the most part have an easier time in life. They are socially accepted more, get more promotions, have more friends, and probably happier than people who are not attractive. It's sucks but it's the laws of nature I guess.

Your experience is limited and your observations are mostly incorrect. You have already played this "I'm not attractive, that's why my life sucks" card in another thread. People who do have the experience, myself included, have specifically told you why being considered attractive does not automatically lead to being happier than others. It is often the opposite.

You choose not to consider anyone's viewpoint other than your own. So be it.

When I read these notions you put forth here, which I'm slowly realizing are fairly common in society, I get offended. My life, I now realize, has been made much more difficult because people have been assuming the same ridiculous notions about me since I was 11 years old - and I tried to live up to them.

I find it obnoxious listening to people whine and complain how bad they have it because they are so good looking. It's almost on a different level of narcissism. It would be like John Stamos blogging about how bad he has it being so good looking. I mean, give me a break. I will admit that one's personality leads to staying power in social situations, so perhaps your problem is that your personality sucks (no offense). Looks get you noticed while your personality gets you staying power.

I am not offended by your comment about my personality. You haven't shown keen insight into anything else, so the chances of you being correct about that are slim to none.

Your problems, Barry Blue, are with your growing porn addiction and difficulty with social skills. My problem with you isn't that you have a growing porn addiction and difficulty with social skills, my problem is this: you are expressing a poorly-thought out opinion (John Stamos? Really? That's all you've got?) in a public forum for people with mental illness, and you continue to promote the idea that the beautiful people have it easy. There are 'beautiful' people, as you call them, reading this forum who don't particularly want to hear this oft-repeated myth because a) it happens enough in general society and b) overall, it isn't true, even though it may seem that way at a superficial level and c) it makes dealing with one's personal issues harder than it needs to be.

This is true for many of the 'beautiful' people I've known in my life, mental illness or not.

I have already acknowledged there are benefits, and most, if not all, of them are superficial, a point you seem to be getting by recognizing the imporance of personality in the long run.

However, overall you are being ignorant of other people's experiences and egotistical about the validity of your viewpoint.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane
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That was very interesting.

My experience and observations however tell me that beautiful people for the most part have an easier time in life. They are socially accepted more, get more promotions, have more friends, and probably happier than people who are not attractive. It's sucks but it's the laws of nature I guess.

Your experience is limited and your observations are mostly incorrect. You have already played this "I'm not attractive, that's why my life sucks" card in another thread. People who do have the experience, myself included, have specifically told you why being considered attractive does not automatically lead to being happier than others. It is often the opposite.

You choose not to consider anyone's viewpoint other than your own. So be it.

When I read these notions you put forth here, which I'm slowly realizing are fairly common in society, I get offended. My life, I now realize, has been made much more difficult because people have been assuming the same ridiculous notions about me since I was 11 years old - and I tried to live up to them.

I find it obnoxious listening to people whine and complain how bad they have it because they are so good looking. It's almost on a different level of narcissism. It would be like John Stamos blogging about how bad he has it being so good looking. I mean, give me a break. I will admit that one's personality leads to staying power in social situations, so perhaps your problem is that your personality sucks (no offense). Looks get you noticed while your personality gets you staying power.

I am not offended by your comment about my personality. You haven't shown keen insight into anything else, so the chances of you being correct about that are slim to none.

Your problems, Barry Blue, are with your growing porn addiction and difficulty with social skills. My problem with you isn't that you have a growing porn addiction and difficulty with social skills, my problem is this: you are expressing a poorly-thought out opinion (John Stamos? Really? That's all you've got?) in a public forum for people with mental illness, and you continue to promote the idea that the beautiful people have it easy. There are 'beautiful' people, as you call them, reading this forum who don't particularly want to hear this oft-repeated myth because a) it happens enough in general society and b) overall, it isn't true, even though it may seem that way at a superficial level and c) it makes dealing with one's personal issues harder than it needs to be.

This is true for many of the 'beautiful' people I've known in my life, mental illness or not.

I have already acknowledged there are benefits, and most, if not all, of them are superficial, a point you seem to be getting by recognizing the imporance of personality in the long run.

However, overall you are being ignorant of other people's experiences and egotistical about the validity of your viewpoint.

I've talked to and been around enough good looking people to know that my opinion isn't entirely poorly thought out. I will take it back that their lives are an easy ride, but in general, it is easier again in terms of social situations. My own observations, experiences, and opinion. get over it already. If you dislike my opinion and it causes you this amount of agitation, I encourage you to ignore my posts. I really don't want to argue with you about this anymore.

Edited by Barry Blue
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That was not the point of this thread...

I do agree with some things though. When you are objectively more attractive, people treat you differently and you get more attention. That's a scientific fact, I won't argue that.

HOWEVER... Saying that "attractive" people have it easier is narrow-minded at best. They get more attention, sure, but as one person pointed out, they get all kinds of attention, both wanted and unwanted. They can develop feelings of "guys/girls only want me for sex" (dig around you'll see a lot of posts like that on the forum). For a depressive who is involuntary celibate that might sound like great news, but (I think) it's not that different from being rich and having people stick around you for your money.

No one wants to be treated as a uni-dimensional being, whether it's because you are good looking, rich, have a position of power, or caring (and people stick around for support).

I'm just saying that seeing someone who doesn't face your particular challenges, no matter how huge they might be, doesn't mean that their life doesn't offer its own challenges that are just as big to them.

Furthermore, some very good looking people see themselves as unattractive. It's somehow baffling to see objectively good-looking people have such a poor image of themselves but I have known such people who really believed it (and wasn't just seeking attention). That was the point of this thread. Our own self-image is often not a reflection of how others perceive us and if we are depressive, it's often much uglier than reality.

This comes from someone who is average-looking. I don't have girls flirting with me on a regular basis.

You never know what someone else's life is like... Don't assume.

thanks for your point of view, I agree with you on some of them.

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It's an advertising campaign for Dove, right?

Dove made this one and a few others like it that I think are also nice about the concept of beauty. This is the only one I thought would hit home with some people here, though.

It increases brand awareness but at least they're doing so in a nice, humanistic way and not pushing us to buy products.

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slow lane, not all of us are immune to the thoughts of others; if people seem repetitive with what they choose to post, perhaps it is because they are struggling with it. I wonder why this struggle offends you? Anger is often an easier, more self empowering emotion to feel, I guess.

barry, I hear you, and even though that 'laws of nature' bit sounds a little tongue in cheek, I think it must be a fundamental truth, because our entire society bears that out. When we look at what other societies consider attractive, we often don't see it for ourselves. Likewise when we go back to our own society several hundred years ago. Our thin, tanned standard would have been considered a repulsive sign of disease and overwork several hundred years ago. Makes you grin a little, hunh? :winkkiss:

You're right. I struggle with this self image problem a lot. I just asked one of my friends, who I would call "hot" this same question and she agrees with me that hot people absolutely have it easier.

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slow lane, not all of us are immune to the thoughts of others; if people seem repetitive with what they choose to post, perhaps it is because they are struggling with it. I wonder why this struggle offends you? Anger is often an easier, more self empowering emotion to feel, I guess.

barry, I hear you, and even though that 'laws of nature' bit sounds a little tongue in cheek, I think it must be a fundamental truth, because our entire society bears that out. When we look at what other societies consider attractive, we often don't see it for ourselves. Likewise when we go back to our own society several hundred years ago. Our thin, tanned standard would have been considered a repulsive sign of disease and overwork several hundred years ago. Makes you grin a little, hunh? :winkkiss:

You're right. I struggle with this self image problem a lot. I just asked one of my friends, who I would call "hot" this same question and she agrees with me that hot people absolutely have it easier.

Two opinions don't make a fact.

"Having it easier" is much too subjective. There are a lot of areas where being attractive doesn't change a thing (ex. being a good guitar player, woodworker, accountant...) If your entire life revolves around getting a date, then I'll agree with your assessment.

You might think that having to turn people away when you're not interested is such a small price to pay for having more opportunities to say yes than "average" people. But what happens when the one you have to turn away is a co-worker or your boss and turning them down might threaten your career? Sexual harassment laws only go so far...

Being attractive means you deal a lot more with jealousy from members of your own gender as well. Think about the wife who doesn't want a hot nanny in the house, or a hot co-worker that you have to work overtime with.

Easier to get a date? Sure. Easier life, that's highly subjective.

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Whether or not attractiveness makes a person's life easier is entirely a matter of opinion, so griping about someone's opinion not being factual enough doesn't fit really well. Beauty and attractiveness are entirely subjective, and there is no such thing as 'fact' when it comes to determining beauty or the difference it makes in someone's life. There is no reliable way to separate intangible factors like intelligence, ability, or experience from physical factors like attractiveness and poise. Even citing statistics will only give you a summation of the opinions of others.

We are at heart a visual species. What we consider attractive changes with our culture. What is beautiful now in the US may not even be marginally attractive in other cultures, or even in other time periods of our own culture. The root issue of the original post seemed to be the difference between our perception of ourselves and others perception of us, with a nuance of how our culture influences this.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you SO MUCH for posting this video!!! :Coopclapping:

EXCELLENT!!!!! :yay:

***

As a note, I was much more physically "attractive" years ago than I am now. However, my self-esteem was pretty crappy back then -- thanks, mom and sis and bro, for always putting me down, even when I was in rather "good shape" overall -- and my issues were pretty plentiful back then as well. (Which actually, at least in my case, goes to show that what one sees in the mirror is rarely objective and/or static, but more largely influenced by mental/emotional factors.)

Now, especially with the many, many extra pounds that I put on from years of meds, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, etc. -- I look much "worse" than I did, say, in my early 20s. But my self-esteem is actually a whole lot better -- thanks to lots of therapy and tons of self-discovery -- and I feel a whole lot better now about my looks (even though they're generally not considered, in and of themselves, as good as they were before) and about myself overall.

Although I'm really not much into looks, I still see a beautiful person in my mirror. Not by society's standards maybe, but by my own standards certainly. And my "beauty" comes from my respect for my individuality, my value of my overall qualities (both inner and outer), and my respect for how my personal story has made me into the person that I am today. Perhaps I see a beautiful person in my mirror today because I already feel like a beautiful person when I'm not in front of any mirror. (Which is exactly the opposite of what life was like for me when I was younger.)

One thing that I've realized from personal experience is that when you don't appreciate what you have, you're generally more prone to losing it. If you think that you're heavy now, imagine yourself with 100 extra pounds. (I never appreciated my actual weight before, so it didn't matter to me if I ate more because I was "fat anyway." *sigh* Does that sound familiar to anyone else?) If you don't like your teeth as they are, imagine that you were missing a few of them. And so on. Every time that I say "whatever" and stop caring about a part of me that deserves to be appreciated as it is, it just gets worse on me. It doesn't mean that there aren't things about myself that I wouldn't like to improve, but that fact doesn't make me necessarily hate those things about myself -- or make me hate myself overall -- either.

By the way, I wouldn't go as far as to say that my present confidence totally makes up for my lack of certain standards of physical beauty in society's eyes. Maybe that happens for some people, but not for me. And I'm sincerely fine with that. Certain people may never care for me because I lack some quality of "beauty," and to be honest, I probably wouldn't care for them either because I'll consider them to lack some quality of depth. I no longer feel dependent on others' attention and/or praise and/or rejection to determine my view of myself. Instead, it's the other way around, and I focus on who *I* want to give *my* attention, praise, or rejection to, based on *my* standards. If nothing else, my present confidence doesn't automatically change what others may think about me, but it just doesn't let others' opinions about me -- or about anything else, for that matter -- become more important to me than my own.

Frangi :flowers:

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