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It's Not Fair. Why Can't The Miserable Just Stay At One Level?


Disco197826

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You know, there are times when I do feel alright. When I join a new group, and people are friendly and helpful. I feel so content and settle in, thinking that I finally found a place I can belong.

Nope. Get lost. Stupid git. Nobody is interested in what you have to say you piece of ****.

So it's me. My dumb brain turns pauses in conversations, lack of replies to questions, outright refusals to acknowledge my existence into hateful silent loathing from the world around me.

Yeah, that's easy to say. But I don't believe it. It always seems like the same act over and over again.

"Hey you seem cool. Have fun here!"

"Welcome, you are mildly pleasant!"

"I don't want to talk to you because you are weird."

"God you're such a whiner."

"..."

"Fate who?"

"..."

"..."

"Nobody cares about you. Get lost."

"..."

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I find that this website has some really nice people, only thing that is really annoying is when someone posts a topic, including myself, there will be lets say 100 views but only 1 or 2 people reply. Whenever I read a topic I always reply and try to give my two cents on the persons topic/question. Some people are harsh, but that's to be expected with how many people live in this world. Try your hardest to surround yourself with postive people that care about you :)

Edited by Shayne95
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Yeah, the longer I've been on this site the less replies I get to my posts. I think when people get an idea of what type of personality I have they get sick to the stomach at the idea of interaction. Or they just forget I exist. Don't worry about keeping my trash alive. I used to think everyone just hated me but I'm starting to accept that I just plain don't matter enough for people to hate.

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I agree with the previous posters. I am rather shocked and surprised that on this site, there are lots of VIEWS and some postings have very very few REPLIES. I thought this was a good site, and a site many could utilize for support - but I find there are very few that will reach out and attempt to reply and offer support to those who are hurting and desperately looking for some assistance from us that use the site. I would, personally, like to see a lot more outreach from those of us who utilize this site.

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Hi Fate,

I know what you mean and I'm sorry you feel that way. A little while I ago I posted about something that I was really struggling with, and the response was...well, let's just say it wasn't what I needed and it made things worse.

Speaking for myself, I typically reply to topics because I can relate to the OP's situation or I've had previous experience with it. I imagine most people on DF reply to topics for that reason, not because they somehow get an idea of someone's personality and find it detestable. That's not what DF is about - we're here to support and encourage each other in whatever way we can. We don't hate people here. Many of our members are going through a pretty tough time on their own, so they might not feel like they're able to offer advice to others.

Also, keep in mind that many of us have things we need to deal with outside of DF, so not everyone is on here every day. I've actually noticed a pattern on here where things tend to lull on the weekends (which is a bit counter-intuitive).

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Hi Fate

Sorry if you have not found the level of support you hoped for, I've also found that at times, but I try to hold on to the replies that have really helped me in the past to know that even if today they haven't replied they do care. Like apple blossom I generally reply where I think I can say something helpful, which does mean I read many more posts than I write.

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Is this about forums? One thing I've noticed is that some people struggle to keep up text conversations. I know sometimes the idea of sitting down and writing several replies I've been putting off is overwhelming when I can't even clean my kitchen because I feel like I have to be witty, entertaining, empathetic, and flawless. I know the feeling of not being able to get connection when it's desperately needed, though.

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Hi Fate,

sorry you feel that way.

I definitely read more posts than I write and sometimes feel guilty about not replying but it's certainly nothing personal - I often worry about about saying the wrong things, not having any good advice to give or on a bad day I will convince myself I can't do anything right and no one wants to hear what I have to say!

I can definitely relate to how you feel (mainly in real life, in my case) but it's definitely much worse when I'm really down as I tend to interpret everything very negatively. Sometimes I feel alright and I don't feel so awkward and self conscious around other people - after a few years of therapy I'm much better than I used to be but I still find it easier to isolate myself, deep down I still believe that I'm a burden and no one wants to be around me.

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Hi!

I have found that there are many friendly people here. I am not depressed but am trying to understand it better for someone I love very much. Sometimes I don't post on a topic because I don't feel as if I have something to add that would be of help. I have not experienced what you are experiencing but I have a lot of empathy and care for all that suffer from this horrible illness. I should apologize by not commenting on every thing I read but like I said, sometimes I'm not sure I have anything of value to add. I will say thank you to everyone on this forum. You all are so nice and have helped me understand this illness. I truly want each and every person here to get their questions answered and I'm always here if anyone needs to ask questions to someone on the other side of this.

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I agree with the previous posters. I am rather shocked and surprised that on this site, there are lots of VIEWS and some postings have very very few REPLIES. I thought this was a good site, and a site many could utilize for support - but I find there are very few that will reach out and attempt to reply and offer support to those who are hurting and desperately looking for some assistance from us that use the site. I would, personally, like to see a lot more outreach from those of us who utilize this site.

I think it's a very telling thing that some people are turning this in on themselves, as our OP has with interaction. I think it's very similar with what you and some others are saying about interaction (or lack of) here.

We have to remember the nature of depression, and how that affects our own reservations about speaking sometimes, or offering advice, or even just the motivation to type sometimes. I've been on this forum more since I got a smartphone, which enables me to browse this forum when I cannot even do so much as lift myself out of bed. In those times, I cannot respond, but I do read. Keep in mind that many of us find it extremely hard to perform simple daily chores and the basic levels of self-care due to our depression, let alone feel capable of helping others.

I don't think it's that people are maybe just lazy and not bothering. I know for myself I try to reach out when I'm capable of doing so, but there are times I just need this haven to read posts to remind me I'm not alone when I find doing *anything* incredibly difficult.

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You know, there are times when I do feel alright. When I join a new group, and people are friendly and helpful. I feel so content and settle in, thinking that I finally found a place I can belong.

Nope. Get lost. Stupid git. Nobody is interested in what you have to say you piece of ****.

So it's me. My dumb brain turns pauses in conversations, lack of replies to questions, outright refusals to acknowledge my existence into hateful silent loathing from the world around me.

Yeah, that's easy to say. But I don't believe it. It always seems like the same act over and over again.

"Hey you seem cool. Have fun here!"

"Welcome, you are mildly pleasant!"

"I don't want to talk to you because you are weird."

"God you're such a whiner."

"..."

"Fate who?"

"..."

"..."

"Nobody cares about you. Get lost."

"..."

Ok, I'm totally lost with where this post is going and what the poster is talking about.

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I agree with the previous posters. I am rather shocked and surprised that on this site, there are lots of VIEWS and some postings have very very few REPLIES. I thought this was a good site, and a site many could utilize for support - but I find there are very few that will reach out and attempt to reply and offer support to those who are hurting and desperately looking for some assistance from us that use the site. I would, personally, like to see a lot more outreach from those of us who utilize this site.

I think it's a very telling thing that some people are turning this in on themselves, as our OP has with interaction. I think it's very similar with what you and some others are saying about interaction (or lack of) here.

We have to remember the nature of depression, and how that affects our own reservations about speaking sometimes, or offering advice, or even just the motivation to type sometimes. I've been on this forum more since I got a smartphone, which enables me to browse this forum when I cannot even do so much as lift myself out of bed. In those times, I cannot respond, but I do read. Keep in mind that many of us find it extremely hard to perform simple daily chores and the basic levels of self-care due to our depression, let alone feel capable of helping others.

I don't think it's that people are maybe just lazy and not bothering. I know for myself I try to reach out when I'm capable of doing so, but there are times I just need this haven to read posts to remind me I'm not alone when I find doing *anything* incredibly difficult.

There's also the fact that posters aren't mental health professionals. We're not only untrained and unequipped to do anything more than talk, but we take on other people's emotions and emotional needs in addition to our own and our offline responsibilities. Our cups don't exactly runneth over with time, energy, and solutions.

Which isn't to say that I don't understand how limited forums are, but it's not the numbers that make forums difficult for me to turn to. It's the lack of commitment to engaging others in a concerned way even if it's only on a few threads. When I did turn to the Internet for help in the past it was very rare to not have at least a few people read only the title or first few lines of a thread or to have anyone stay past one post to follow-up on my thoughts and clarifications. Even a stranger offline will have multiple conversational turns with me if I want to talk about, say, the stresses of my field.

Edited by Licorice
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I'm not really taking a swing at this forum specifically for the reasons already listed. It's not like I come on here and post glowing supportive replies to other people's threads either. I feel like my input isn't worth anything and that shoving my nose into other people's business is immensely rude and not helpful at all.

There's no reason for me to assume nobody else feels that way, too.

I just have to blow off steam because it's everywhere for me. Silence. No matter how nice I try to be, funny, morbid, giddy, silent, smart, goofy, any sort of personality, it's always silence for me after a little while. Like I cut a massive silent fart and everyone is afraid to call me on it because I might start clawing out eyes or something.

I couldn't fault the folks here because they openly admit they have their own issues to worry about. And that's true for the people outside of this place, too.

But how in the ****** hell are people making friends online? It's an impossible task for me. Worse yet, it's the exact same response I get from people in the world offline. I'm always treated like a stranger and people seem to edge away when I talk about myself or ask them about themselves.

The question my case manager asked me when the subject of getting disability came up is still stirring in my head.

"What are you going to do once you are financially comfortable and have your own place?"

Nothing. What can I do? I'm sick of playing the "meet new people" game and being the odd man out sitting on the bench. I'm sick of trying to get to know somebody only to find out that they only value me as a "last resort" friend to keep them occupied while their real friends are busy. I'm sick of feeling like I have no right to expect a friend to treat me like an equal and not a charity service.

I go around the same circles every year. I post the same things and people tell me to let it go and get on with my life. But what sort of life am I supposed to be striving towards? Isolation and misery, staying out of everyone's way because they are sick of hearing about how much I hate the fact that my life is going straight to sucktown when my mother and father die of old age?

Nobody can help me. I have to help myself. But I can't even begin to form the most basic of social bond with people. And short of living in the wilderness eating squirrels, nobody is going to accomplish squat without being on good terms with at least one other human.

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I'm not really taking a swing at this forum specifically for the reasons already listed. It's not like I come on here and post glowing supportive replies to other people's threads either. I feel like my input isn't worth anything and that shoving my nose into other people's business is immensely rude and not helpful at all.

There's no reason for me to assume nobody else feels that way, too.

I just have to blow off steam because it's everywhere for me. Silence. No matter how nice I try to be, funny, morbid, giddy, silent, smart, goofy, any sort of personality, it's always silence for me after a little while. Like I cut a massive silent fart and everyone is afraid to call me on it because I might start clawing out eyes or something.

I couldn't fault the folks here because they openly admit they have their own issues to worry about. And that's true for the people outside of this place, too.

But how in the ****** hell are people making friends online? It's an impossible task for me. Worse yet, it's the exact same response I get from people in the world offline. I'm always treated like a stranger and people seem to edge away when I talk about myself or ask them about themselves.

The question my case manager asked me when the subject of getting disability came up is still stirring in my head.

"What are you going to do once you are financially comfortable and have your own place?"

Nothing. What can I do? I'm sick of playing the "meet new people" game and being the odd man out sitting on the bench. I'm sick of trying to get to know somebody only to find out that they only value me as a "last resort" friend to keep them occupied while their real friends are busy. I'm sick of feeling like I have no right to expect a friend to treat me like an equal and not a charity service.

I go around the same circles every year. I post the same things and people tell me to let it go and get on with my life. But what sort of life am I supposed to be striving towards? Isolation and misery, staying out of everyone's way because they are sick of hearing about how much I hate the fact that my life is going straight to sucktown when my mother and father die of old age?

Nobody can help me. I have to help myself. But I can't even begin to form the most basic of social bond with people. And short of living in the wilderness eating squirrels, nobody is going to accomplish squat without being on good terms with at least one other human.

I wonder why that is. Do you think maybe you start to shut people out after a while? I definitely do that - voluntary isolation because I don't want to be stuck with people and their emotions.

You are very funny, btw. Silent farts are almost criminal and I don't think eating squirrels would be a good idea though. lol

Sorry for the almost insensitive level of lightheartedness in my response. I figure a response, even an irrelevant one, would be better than not responding at all.

Edited by scatter
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You know, there are times when I do feel alright. When I join a new group, and people are friendly and helpful. I feel so content and settle in, thinking that I finally found a place I can belong.

Nope. Get lost. Stupid git. Nobody is interested in what you have to say you piece of ****.

So it's me. My dumb brain turns pauses in conversations, lack of replies to questions, outright refusals to acknowledge my existence into hateful silent loathing from the world around me.

Yeah, that's easy to say. But I don't believe it. It always seems like the same act over and over again.

"Hey you seem cool. Have fun here!"

"Welcome, you are mildly pleasant!"

"I don't want to talk to you because you are weird."

"God you're such a whiner."

"..."

"Fate who?"

"..."

"..."

"Nobody cares about you. Get lost."

"..."

I agree with the previous posters. I am rather shocked and surprised that on this site, there are lots of VIEWS and some postings have very very few REPLIES. I thought this was a good site, and a site many could utilize for support - but I find there are very few that will reach out and attempt to reply and offer support to those who are hurting and desperately looking for some assistance from us that use the site. I would, personally, like to see a lot more outreach from those of us who utilize this site.

Maybe these who do not replay do not know what to say. I do replay only to topics about problems I have experience with. If I feel I can help I will replay,

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I dunno. Maybe I unconsciously shove people away. I have no idea how to stop it, though. To me it always seems like I keep a consistent attitude and try to keep stuff light and somewhat positive. At least until I feel like everyone lets out an agitated sigh whenever I come around. Then it's just the same garbage I dealt with at the last place and the one before that. So I crash and burn and never return.

Whatever the case, if this is how I handle bad times by complaining instead of taking advice, then I need to stop socializing online. Support forum or not, this place doesn't contain the rest of the internet. And if I can't stop myself from getting butthurt over being treated like an absolute stranger by people I've talked to a grand total of maybe once or twice in the past year, then I need to get a cat and learn to use my time to create things. Like making little cat sweaters out of shed out cat fuzz.

I act like an old man. I refuse to use shorthand and I will not participate in any serious conversation about reality TV.

This whole reply is feeling like an act just to get more attention. I'm done.

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I can soooo relate, Fate, although I hadn't realized that this post was about this forum (still not sure whether or not it is), I had had the idea that you had come to this forum from another one, and were ignored there.

As I read the replies you've gotten thus far, I am really relieved that I'm not the only one who feels ignored here most of the time. It wasn't always this way, but I kind of got the feeling that it was the winter season bearing down on most of us that was making us sluggish and have a hard time commenting like many of us are used to doing. At least it's true for me, so I do try to keep that in perspective and not take it personally. I could be wrong, though. Maybe people DO just hate me or find me not worth replying to. Or, in fact, find my problems too ****ed up to even try to respond to.

I'm probably not of the proper demographic here, though, either, so few here can relate to what I'm going through. I think most active people here are much younger than I am.

I've found the chat room to be especially cliquey, unfortunately, as I've gone in there to try to talk to people, only to really end up feeling ignored, even when I've tried to offer support to others in there. Live. That sucks. I just resort to private messaging now if and when I am in there and know a friend is there.

As for commenting on people's posts - I really do try to do it when I have the energy and the right attitude to do so. I either go right down the list, read and put in the best reply I can to show my support and care, or go through and pick the things that best relate to me, so I can try to help in a more in-depth kind of way. I think most of us here have the right attitude, do want to help each other, and we try to do what can, but we can't always relate, or run out of time to reply to everyone. Please, please try not to take it too hard when you don't get too many replies. I know it's really not personal. More often than not, I'm pretty sure it's just the luck of the draw - a matter of being lucky with the date and time of day you post - that will determine the responses we get. As sad as that is, especially when we post things when we really desperately need the help and have no place else to turn. *hugs*

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