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Hot People Really Do Have An Easy Ride Through Life


Barry Blue

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I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this, as I've gotten used to not being a good looking guy (I have a link to my facebook page in my profile), but I have to say that if I were better looking I probably would have a higher self esteem and more confidence, not to mention more doors open to me in general. Then I think to myself, maybe it's because I don't have a lot of social skills. So I'm not good looking, nor do I have very good social skills. I just kind of hate my life. Rant over

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I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this, as I've gotten used to not being a good looking guy (I have a link to my facebook page in my profile), but I have to say that if I were better looking I probably would have a higher self esteem and more confidence, not to mention more doors open to me in general. Then I think to myself, maybe it's because I don't have a lot of social skills. So I'm not good looking, nor do I have very good social skills. I just kind of hate my life. Rant over

Hi Barry Blue,

The grass on the other side is not always greener. Accept your looks, there is somebody for everyone. I'm not going to bother looking at your Facebook profile because it doesn't matter. If you're using Facebook, you have some sort of social skills. I'm 43, and won't join Facebook or any of those types of sites, but you have to give yourself some credit. You can have high self esteem and confidence no matter how you look. You may think you're not good looking, but others may think differently. There is no need in hating your life, your time will arrive and you'll look back at your life and realize you are good enough and just fine the way you are.

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Completely disagree (although I'm sure some people might).

In the past I've been suicidal many times because of my appearance. I have BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) even though people tell me I'm "hot" all the time! My extreme anxiety disorders and severe depression have ruined years of my life, so don't presume because someone might be objectively good looking or whatever that life is easier. Actually I know a lot of not classically attractive people who are very happy and have great successful lives. Plus attractiveness is very subjective!

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I've never had great self-esteem and I do have the occasional downer on myself from time to time but I try to be reasonable with myself when I can. Realistically, yeah I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm not that bad either. I don't believe for a second that I'd be any happier if I were better looking, by society's standards at least. Depression isn't something exclusive to those considered less attractive, it can happen to anyone - rich, poor, old, young, ugly, beautiful, fat, thin - whatever.

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I looked at your FB profile and lived to tell the tale. Actually you look fine. The pic I saw was pretty dark but I saw a normal looking guy. Not that it would matter either way. What's far more important is who you are and what you have to offer the world. Maybe find a way to work on those social skills - thru volunteering, clubs and activities, etc.

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There's a catch 22 though. When the gorgeous people hit hard times in life, they are probably less likely to see through them because they've been so used to having it easy that, within the moments of it NOT being easy, they can't adapt to it. So, overall I really don't think they have it better.. Doesn't mean to say that everyone else has it worse. Actually, all in all I think it really depends on how capable you are, not just the looks.

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The title of this thread is b.s.

I get constant attention for my looks and it feels empty. It doesn't boost my self-esteem at all, and it never has. I have always known the attention is not based upon who I am. The brief bursts of ego gratification are not worth it.

The doors it opens? What, you think there's a life of love, happiness, self-esteem and success divinely granted to people considered attractive? You think there is no downside, it's all rainbows and puppies?

It helps open doors in modelling and show business. That's about it. All other professions, irrelevant to any coworkers or clients or bosses who aren't fools.

It helps get a date. One date. Maybe two, three. It doesn't help beyond that. It certainly doesn't automatically lead to relationships, and even more certainly doesn't automatically lead to good connections with others. Only personality and character do that.

If you want to be objectified to the point where you do not trust that people want to be with you because of your personality, be my guest.

If you want to have to deal with depression and other mental illnesses all while trying to live up to the myth stated in the title of this thread? Go for it. I don't want to. I dont' want to enter into interactions with co-workers, clients, acquaintences, bosses, as if I have this illusory power and great life that apparantly had been granted.

If you want others to constantly imagine what your inner life is like? Hey, by all means. I'm sure it will solve your problems. Don't forget - when people you barely know project an unrealistic fantasy on you ... there's nowhere to go but down.

It is a fantasy. An illusion. Get over it. Your problems are due to other things. Self-esteem cannot come from things that are not earned. People's faces are not earned, they are genetic. That is why there is zero correlation between positive self-esteem and beauty. The correlation, if one exists, is in the negative direction.

And stop projecting onto people who you think are attractive. You don't know what their life is like unless you know them personally. That goes for everyone who actually think their problems are their looks.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane
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The title of this thread is b.s.

I get constant attention for my looks and it feels empty. It doesn't boost my self-esteem at all, and it never has. I have always known the attention is not based upon who I am. The brief bursts of ego gratification are not worth it.

The doors it opens? What, you think there's a life of love, happiness, self-esteem and success divinely granted to people considered attractive? You think there is no downside, it's all rainbows and puppies?

It helps open doors in modelling and show business. That's about it. All other professions, irrelevant to any coworkers or clients or bosses who aren't fools.

It helps get a date. One date. Maybe two, three. It doesn't help beyond that. It certainly doesn't automatically lead to relationships, and even more certainly doesn't automatically lead to good connections with others. Only personality and character do that.

If you want to be objectified to the point where you do not trust that people want to be with you because of your personality, be my guest.

If you want to have to deal with depression and other mental illnesses all while trying to live up to the myth stated in the title of this thread? Go for it. I don't want to. I dont' want to enter into interactions with co-workers, clients, acquaintences, bosses, as if I have this illusory power and great life that apparantly had been granted.

If you want others to constantly imagine what your inner life is like? Hey, by all means. I'm sure it will solve your problems. Don't forget - when people you barely know project an unrealistic fantasy on you ... there's nowhere to go but down.

It is a fantasy. An illusion. Get over it. Your problems are due to other things. Self-esteem cannot come from things that are not earned. People's faces are not earned, they are genetic. That is why there is zero correlation between positive self-esteem and beauty. The correlation, if one exists, is in the negative direction.

And stop projecting onto people who you think are attractive. You don't know what their life is like unless you know them personally. That goes for everyone who actually think their problems are their looks.

Good looking people may not have perfect lives, but the reality is is that for the most part they are higher up on the social food chain, get more attention, and in some cases get promoted in jobs more often then their less attractive rivals. Some deal with mental health problems that effect that, but I'm talking as a whole. Saying that more attractive people do not have certain advantages is just not true.

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I've never had great self-esteem and I do have the occasional downer on myself from time to time but I try to be reasonable with myself when I can. Realistically, yeah I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm not that bad either. I don't believe for a second that I'd be any happier if I were better looking, by society's standards at least. Depression isn't something exclusive to those considered less attractive, it can happen to anyone - rich, poor, old, young, ugly, beautiful, fat, thin - whatever.

How can you be depressed, you guys have some of the best music in the world....Depeche Mode, The Beatles, Elton John...I could go on and on ;-)

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Lifeintheslowlane writes the truth. the advantages of good looks are superficial and volatile. the real problems of life are still there regardless of great looks. the only way to get anywhere that matters in life is through hard work, both towards meaningful goals, and in developing personally on a deeper level than image and appearance.

Edited by blueyonder
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@ BarryBlue

"How can you be depressed, you guys have some of the best music in the world....Depeche Mode, The Beatles, Elton John...I could go on and on ;-)"

I agree with your comment re: music...but I am biased. DM are awesome. I saw them in Manchester in 1998. Amazing show. I can't say that I care for The Beatles though or Sir Elton.

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Talking about looks, I cannot tell you how many times that not only I have been wrongfully racially profiled and stereotyped, but I have been judged negatively because of my looks- especially my skin color...

Whats worse is what has been said away from my presence....behind my back.....

But at the same time, this has resulted in me being around more sincere, honest and worthy people. People that see the real person, not looks, so it has not been all that negative.

I have seen lives get messed up because they hung around people that was only concerned about looks, even if they were successful and made a lot of money-

I am not judgeing anyone, this is just what I have come across.

I also do agree with what is said about someone with good looks, that you get treated like an object more than who you are as a person. The fake, shallow lip service and attention can be downright disgusting.

Edited by svendorrian
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I agree that times have changed and people who are hot can go from one relationship to another.When I was younger I had more attention from the ladies and never suffered from depression. I think theres a reason why 2000 men in the uk commit sucide a year and the number of females is about 100. I think gone are the days when people valued relationships and were scared to leave people for the repercussions for example being called a slag.

Its a shame their are no capains in this country to start sticking up for the rights of men! I think feminsts have a lot to ansrew for.

Edited by Tungsten Aromatics
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I have little sympathy for people who whine b**** and complain about how their lives are so hard because they are just so damn hot. Cry me a river. Unless you have a real mental illness, spare me you horsespit.

The problem here is that a truly unattractive person can never know what it's like to be treated as a hot person, and vice versa. It's really difficult for one person to know what it's like on both sides of the fence. Unattractive people tend to stay unattractive, and attractive people tend to stay attractive until their looks fade with age.

However, as an average looking guy, I have had a few moments (such as when I used to be quite fit and had a decent haircut) when I seemed to be "above average looking." I had a couple of people give me explicit, flirtatious looks and gestures. More recently, when I found out that two girls I work with said that I was good looking (and one was trying to figure out a way to ask me out), I felt on top of the world. But I think if you had that happen all the time, it would eventually become unwanted attention that in some cases constitutes harassment A far better looking guy that I work with told me how another one of our co-workers followed him around the store, demanding that he dump his girlfriend and sleep with her. He said he's been in similar situations before, and they make him feel quite upset, because these people are basically harassing him and don't view him as a real person; just a pretty piece of meat. I can see how being attractive would make you feel devalued and can actually make your life more dangerous when you attract unwanted attention.

I think it really depends on the person though. Some attractive people love the fact that they are good looking and will make sure everyone knows it. When I insinuated that I was insecure about my appearance, a friend of responded by talking about how attractive he is and how many people say he is hot. As you can imagine, I don't share any of my problems with him anymore. On the other side of the coin, people like the guy I work with experience a lot of grief due to their beauty. I think the more vulnerable a beautiful person appears, the more problems they are going to encounter.

Edited by Saliency
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I would have to disagree with the topic name as well. Id like to say I am decent looking but with my weird personality, shyness and my depression issues it really doesn't mean . Being a guy your personality and confidence is 90 percent of it all. Being a hot woman on the other hand could be a vegtable and will still have guys all over her, bumping up her ego, feeling flattered. Ill trade myself in for someone uglier but has a fun/good personality anyday.

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@ Ricardo,

As someone who supports grass roots level feminism, I have to disagree with you - the problem isn't feminism at all.

Women face the exact same issues, plus not only pressure to be too thin and have children by X age, but they have to deal with a ticking clock, whereas men can still father children well into their 40's and beyond.

If you want to apportion blame, look at society and our culture as a whole, don't make it about gender. As a culture, we have become far too materialistic, superficial and we seek instant gratification. Those are the reasons why there are lots of lonely people out there, not just men. And as for male suicide rates being higher, maybe the problem lies with the fact that we live in a society in which men are frowned upon if they show any kind of weakness or emotion? That has nothing to do with feminism.

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And as for male suicide rates being higher, maybe the problem lies with the fact that we live in a society in which men are frowned upon if they show any kind of weakness or emotion? That has nothing to do with feminism.

Completely agree. I also feel that the belief that males need to conceal all signs of weakness and never reach out for help, belongs to the same school of thought as misogynist ideas about women and their sexuality. Feminism isn't the problem at all - it's quite the opposite. These sexist beliefs about what men and women have to do and how they have to act are to blame, IMO.

Edited by Saliency
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@ Ricardo,

As someone who supports grass roots level feminism, I have to disagree with you - the problem isn't feminism at all.

Women face the exact same issues, plus not only pressure to be too thin and have children by X age, but they have to deal with a ticking clock, whereas men can still father children well into their 40's and beyond.

If you want to apportion blame, look at society and our culture as a whole, don't make it about gender. As a culture, we have become far too materialistic, superficial and we seek instant gratification. Those are the reasons why there are lots of lonely people out there, not just men. And as for male suicide rates being higher, maybe the problem lies with the fact that we live in a society in which men are frowned upon if they show any kind of weakness or emotion? That has nothing to do with feminism.

I think you make a good point but I agree and disagree. I agree that society is the core issue and materialism, Do we live any different from roman rule 2000 years ago?. Not really except now we are brainwashed by tv.

But where I disagree with you is that society created feminism and feminism is the reason behind 12000 male alcohol deaths in the uk a year, while only 2000 female die of it. I don't know the stats of woman killed by their partners but they are going up year on year because men are built in to be jealous of cheating partners. Not to mention all the abortions that happen every year (200,000) because sex is accept outside of marriage.

I think these feminist's are responsible for millions of ******s.

@moderators having a view about feminsts isn't abuse, what next cant we call a thief a thief or a racist a racist?

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And as for male suicide rates being higher, maybe the problem lies with the fact that we live in a society in which men are frowned upon if they show any kind of weakness or emotion? That has nothing to do with feminism.

Completely agree. I also feel that the belief that males need to conceal all signs of weakness and never reach out for help, belongs to the same school of thought as misogynist ideas about women and their sexuality. Feminism isn't the problem at all - it's quite the opposite. These sexist beliefs about what men and women have to do and how they have to act are to blame, IMO.

I disagree. If you go to any AA meeting you will see that it is 95% men at the meeting. This eithier shows that men like us reach out more for help or that more men turn to drink beacuse they have mental health problems.

I know for a fact that men have it harder. I know lots of woman who are about 3 out 10 on looks who have a choice in men and only ever stay single for six months untill they are ready to move on. Where as I have friends who are male and mabye are 6 out of ten and have been single 10 years or more. I even proved in on plenty of fish by creating two fake profiles, the woman won with 43 likes to 3 for the male.

Oh course I expected some females to come out and defend their right to sleep around.

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But where I disagree with you is that society created feminism and feminism is the reason behind 12000 male alcohol deaths in the uk a year, while only 2000 female die of it. I don't know the stats of woman killed by their partners but they are going up year on year because men are built in to be jealous of cheating partners. Not to mention all the abortions that happen every year (200,000) because sex is accept outside of marriage.

I think these feminist's are responsible for millions of ******s.

I have heard a lot of cases of men trying to coerce their partners into getting abortions because they don't want the child. Also, you're obviously implying here that abortion is objectively a bad thing, whereas I (and I'm sure many other people) disagree on that. While it may be the female herself that gets the abortion, why are you assuming that the men in her life didn't support - or perhaps even encourage - her to get it?

More importantly though, why are you blaming feminism for actions that men are performing of their own accord? Are you saying it's a woman's fault if she gets k!lled by her partner? Feminism is an ideology. Ideologies don't m***** people; people m***** people. And it's pretty clear to me that when a woman gets killed by her male partner, it's the man that's doing the ******ing. Why would assume that feminism is at all to blame?

Edited by Saliency
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