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Acting Out Sexual Fantasy Causing Me Distress

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I hope I am not going to get chastised for talking about this yet again but I just need to vent about it. I've talked before about how I was exposed to something sexual at a very young age and it left me with a sexual fantasy that makes me feel disgusting, shameful, guilty, and abnormal. I have acted out my sexual fantasy since I was just a little kid. What was I supposed to do, I knew know better? I didn't even know what sex was let alone what it was I saw. The problem is I have not stopped, because I really like it while I hate myself and hate it at the same time. I know that people "play around" with sex but it bothers me. Sometimes I will look at other people and think to myself: "How not normal I am, what I did last night by myself and these normal people standing here happy and free." Obviously I know other people have sexual fantasies but I feel so guilty about mine. I have talked to one member on DF about it but I don't know if it helped. Why am I so attracted to this? Only if could say what it was...

People do all kinds of weird stuff when it comes to sex, but I am doing it by myself because I am alone. Obviously I know other people engage in their "own" type of sexual pleasure, but it doesn't stop me from being guilty and ashamed. When I talk about guilty and shame, I mean severe guilt and shame, really really bad.

Any advice or input? Anybody experience anything like this, or ARE CURRENTLY experiencing something like this?

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I can't really give any advice, but your feelings of guilt and shame around other people for what they might think is oretty much the same thing as this porn compulsion that I'm dealing with. When I'm around other people I feel shameful for what I do in my room. In other words, I can relate to what you're feeling to some degree.

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I hope I am not going to get chastised for talking about this yet again but I just need to vent about it. I've talked before about how I was exposed to something sexual at a very young age and it left me with a sexual fantasy that makes me feel disgusting, shameful, guilty, and abnormal. I have acted out my sexual fantasy since I was just a little kid. What was I supposed to do, I knew know better? I didn't even know what sex was let alone what it was I saw. The problem is I have not stopped, because I really like it while I hate myself and hate it at the same time. I know that people "play around" with sex but it bothers me. Sometimes I will look at other people and think to myself: "How not normal I am, what I did last night by myself and these normal people standing here happy and free." Obviously I know other people have sexual fantasies but I feel so guilty about mine. I have talked to one member on DF about it but I don't know if it helped. Why am I so attracted to this? Only if could say what it was...

People do all kinds of weird stuff when it comes to sex, but I am doing it by myself because I am alone. Obviously I know other people engage in their "own" type of sexual pleasure, but it doesn't stop me from being guilty and ashamed. When I talk about guilty and shame, I mean severe guilt and shame, really really bad.

Any advice or input? Anybody experience anything like this, or ARE CURRENTLY experiencing something like this?

"trainer", You should def get in touch with a $ex Therapist.

Prior to my run-in with depression, I NEVER would have imagined myself sitting-down and opeing-up to a total stranger....BUT you know what? It has been hands-down the best thing I have ever done for myself!! Also, therapists have heard it all, and are neither shocked, nor judgmental...they are trained to be detatched from their patients' issues and address them head-on w/o personal framing of that patients' issues/activities, etc....

Shame & Guilt can be soul crushers....please help yourself get better...take that 1st step and start living a healthy, fulfilling life - CD

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i grew up with a great deal of shame surrounding my sexuality. after years of searching myself alone and through experience i decided that my sexuality is a very minor part of my identity. i dont care if other people decide it is very important, they are wrong. there are other things about me that are much more defining of who i am as an individual and of how i participate and what i achieve in this world than my sexuality. if i cant find someone who is compatible with me sexually, too bad, there are way worse things in life. finding someone compatible would be a bonus, but there is much more to me as a person than all of that.

my friend who is a doctor of psychology tells me that it is not unusual for men to have a sexual fetish. she told me that for women, sexuality is very contextual, situational, but for men it is somewhat stable throughout their lifetimes. but she says that men have a sort of developmental window in childhood, where they are susceptible to experiencing some particular phenomena paired with a sexual practice. say for example a balloon bursting when they first saw a piece of pornography. and then after that for them balloon is paired with sexuality. she says it is not unusual - many men develop a particular sexual attachment to some other stimulus that is not typically seen as sexual in a mainstream way, during this time of childhood. it isnt such a big deal... many men have something like this.

in my first post on your thread here im not asking specifically what fetish you are talking about. (i dont care.) what i am asking you to ask yourself is, what are your beliefs surrounding what you do sexually, that tell you that it is bad and wrong? are you hurting animals or children by engaging in this? if not, obviously other people who share this fetish have found a way to live with it. why can they live with it and not you? there is something about your beliefs about sexuality and how humans are "supposed" to participate in sexual behaviours that is affecting your own experience of it. its not the thing that you are doing itself.... it is your beliefs about what you are doing that are making you feel so guilty. why???

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I also do have shame around my sexuality. Not because I'm insecure about it myself but what other people will think and how impossible to please it is. My sexuality is basically my fetishes and some guys. Extreme sexual frustration does strike me sometimes but actually less often when I'm at my most depressed since I can't feel much at all. I know it's hard to talk about outside the internet because these sorts of things are topics no one wants to even touch. It's a silent war and I can assure you, you aren't alone in it at all. The problems that are always around but no one wants to believe their there because they're to uncomfortable to acknowledge.

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