I'm 28 With Nothing To Live For. Please Someone Talk To Me!

[depressedocdanxious]

I'm 28 with no skills, no career prospects I suffer from anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD and depression. This morning I made a sucide note but deleted it and called the samaritans.

I feel like I can't connect with people anymore, im worried about what they are thinking of me, if they like im dull, im worried about not being able to do anything or learn new skills. I feel like even if i learn something new im 28 so what is the point my time has gone. My parents dont care i was living with a girl for two years but only because i have bpd and im co dependant now im back at my parents and i feel like what is the point in living on.

[flasquish]

Hi depressedocdanxious,

Your time is not gone because you're 28 years old. When you are suffering from serveral mental ilnesses at the same time, it can seem hopeless. But it's not. If you can get to a doctor and be diagnosed and properly treated with therapy, medications or both, they can make all of the difference in your life. When you get your mind back in order, you'll be able to figure out what you want to do with your life. It's never too late to learn new skills. I'm 43 and am always learning new skills to stay competive in this new world of technology. But I also got my depression and anxiety under control. Before I was on medication, I was having continual nervous breakdowns and realized I needed help, any help I could get. Don't give up, you are still quite young and have plenty of life to live in front of you. Good luck and take care of yourself.

[depressedocdanxious]

thanks flasquish for responding, i have been prescribed three times with anti dperessants the latest prozac or fluoextine but it scares me that actually it could be damaging me more, check my other posts. All i do is compare myself to others and think im just compared to them i dont know what makes me stand out, i worry about how i look, how i dress, what i say, what i dont, who i talk to, who i dont talk to, what music i listen to what i dont listen to it goes on i compare myself differently in every social situation

[flasquish]

depressedocdanxious,

Please don't compare yourself to others. You are an individual and unique. Some of the things you're saying above sound like obsessive thoughts. I had MANY obsessive thoughts before my meds were started. I was lucky to have started on the right one the first time. But I guarantee you, if it didn't work, I would have tried all of the medications I could until I found the right one. Side effects from these drugs do vary, and I'll take the side effect profile over feeling crappy and hopeless. Maybe the meds you've already tried aren't for you. But there are many more you can try, and feeling good is priceless. When I was your age and younger, I didn't have very good jobs, living situation, ect. And I made the mistake of falling into alcholism, which took me many, many years to get over. I wish I would have tried medications when I was younger because I could have saved myself and everone else around me a lot of grief. You've already tried SSRI's and don't like them, have you tried SNRI's yet? It could be worth a shot with your doctor's approval. Please don't feel hopeless during your rough time right now. Take everything one day at a time, things will get better for you.

Edited December 29, 2013 by flasquish

[StoniumFrog]

flasquish has hit a great point that I am only seeing myself in the last few years. I was kind of in the same boat as you (Dep'ious), where I thought that everybody was judging me and I had to do this or that to ensure that they didn't see me in a bad light. It really isn't until age kicks in and you realise that you are a unique event in existence and therefore have the right to like what you like, do what you do (assuming its respectful to you and others). And as for music, well thats a personal and individual choice so I hope you ain't like the X-Factor sheep and actually listen to stuff that you truly like.

Also, I bet you are judging yourself on outward appearances (FB, people with newest cars, holidays etc). That is superficial. True happiness comes with acceptance of our limitations but also that we can work to the full potential of them.

Trust me, your life is just begining. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and maybe look at proactively improving your lot in the New Year (take up a course, even one in the hobbies that you have always wanted to do but for some reason didn't e.g. Bagpipe Ballet).

[depressedocdanxious]

thanks stonium actually i comparemyself to other peoples careers and things they have been able to afford and create in their spare time, i feel im 28 i should have done more so why bother carrying on and yea i dont listen to x factor stuff but i do think its fine if thats your thing

[StoniumFrog]

Used to think I was a failure at 27 as compared myself to what David Bowie had done by then (the age he released the best album ever, "Low"). But then, if you realise that you can still do the things you want to, and that it is your strength in facing the adversity along the way that truly defines you, you are well on your way to a deeper appreciation of life. You'll never reach full appreciation but just every so often, just state to yourself "I am getting there and doing my best, whilst respecting myself and others".

Take it in small steps and don't be afraid to talk to people about your ambitions. Find practical information on these and maybe state that you will use the next few months just on iinfo gathering.

X-Factor???? I would love to send someone from a metal band on (Mikeal Akerfeldt maybe), let them sing letting the judges rip them. Then bring out all the Platinum discs :coophaha:

[depressedocdanxious]

thats a point ill certainly think about thank you, i dont what defines me and i feel that i need to give things meaning otherwise everything is pointless i feel this mindset is affecting my relationships with people, also is your a reference to 2000ad

[StoniumFrog]

Fair play to ya- you maybe going through a bit of a rough time, but it ain't slowed down the senses. Worst thing is that I actually don't like Stronium Dog too much - much prefer Finn, Slaine or Nemesis.

You are not your job, you are not your sports team/hobbies ... you are multi-facetted with skills and strengths to help all. Sorry, but did fall into that trap when went for a PhD that failed. I used to think I was an academic and that was how I defined myself. It hit me hard when I had to leave. But now, rather than defining by my work, I realise that rather than being pidgeon holed, I have strengths and characteristics that can be transferred to most domains. But more importantly, through things such as voluntary work etc., you do get a better sense of definition and worth.

[depressedocdanxious]

Yea I like that idea, I have no skills im desperate to learn more but scared im too old

[StoniumFrog]

Well thats just your inner voice of doubt saying that. Ok, you might not make it to NBA Player of the Year and maybe the Oscars might be a bit of a stretch, but the true roles where we really find happiness are within reach of most. The three P's (Patience, Perserverance and Practise) go a long way in aiding.

1. Patience - Any transformation takes time

2. Perserverance - There will be obstacles along the way

3. Practise - Do you honestly think Jimi Hendrix pumped out "Voodoo Chile" first time picking up the guitar?

Also, get rid of any false assumptions. For example, if you were looking at a career in IT, get rid of the misconception that you need a degree. Industriial Certification and a good portfolio is just as beneficial.

[flasquish]

You are not too old. We continually learn new things our entire lives. When you figure out what you want to do, you'll be successful at it.

[stressedmum]

Don't worry about being 'successful 'as defined by society. Many of these people are miserable, so success doesn't necessarily bring happiness. What are you passionate about? That may give you an inkling as to where you should be looking at pursuing your career.

You are never too old to start again, as the others keep saying, many people change their careers 2 or 3 times . Hang in there.

stressedmum

[Extremebeginner]

Your age is the issue but possibly not because you are too old, but maybe too young. You're still listening to the programming we are fed, good job, nice house, big car... Really... Now is the time to awaken, use this moment to figure out who you are and dont think what you cannot do, but what you can do. Granted it is not easy when depressed, but if you take it in small pieces, one moment at a time, it will come to you. Look behind your programmed existance as a servant to the greedy, and become you. Happy to take a walk, smell nature, look at the beautiful things around us, without jealousy. The walk will do you good and dont expect an eyes wide open event in the first mile. This can take weeks or months. For now if you have food and shelter, gather the rest slowly, but gather it. Good luck in getting wiser. I'm 46 fyi, and had a great job, car, family etc. not anymore, i have food, shelter, warmth and i am way more satisfied. You need not believe me but i have no reason to lie to you do I.

[aloneandunhappy]

Thinking of you today. Your life is not pointless. I am glad you ripped up your note and called the Samaritans.

Please do not give up.

[depressedocdanxious]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the positive support. I'm really trying to listen and take advice. It is SO hard!

[wretchedman]

As another newbie here on the forums I had to respond to your post. Trust me on one thing, you are loved and valued by those around you here as so many of us can relate to your feelings. Sympathy is not needed in life to survive but EMPATHY is, and that is only able to be given when you have been in the same or similar situations to others. I went throught the lowest time of my life at 28 when I lost my wife and son as a result of my depressive behaviors and my wife just couldn't take anymore so she left me. I thought all was lost and eventually ended up losing my business as well but fast forward to now (I'm 54) and I can't tell you all the amazing paths I've been on since 28. I have seen so many miracles and made so many good friends over the years that it gives me the desire to press on to see what is next even though I am in a bad low spot right now. I have a new wife and family and we were just blessed with twins two years ago so don't count yourself out of the game yet my friend. Your best years are ahead of you and the best time you have to realize that is NOW. No one ever fails if they continue to try and that is what we all must do to survive. You are among those here who know what suffering is and how they survived it and we value your input to the forum as a fellow member. If you have anything that you enjoy doing such as reading or a hobby or whatever I would encourage you to put all your strength into doing it as much as you can. I collect old tube radios and they have been one of the things that got me through some pretty dark times as I could just immerse myself into my hobby and hours would fly by that would have otherwise been lost to grief and pain inside. One thing to remember is that YOU can do it! You are prized by your Creator and I value your future input here as you may just help someone else just like yourself. That is what makes forums like this so important. Keep coming back here and sharing what is in your heart and you will find others whose heart resonates with yours. You are NOT alone.

Edited December 31, 2013 by wretchedman

[markwho]

I'm 28 with no skills, no career prospects I suffer from anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD and depression. This morning I made a sucide note but deleted it and called the samaritans.

I feel like I can't connect with people anymore, im worried about what they are thinking of me, if they like im dull, im worried about not being able to do anything or learn new skills. I feel like even if i learn something new im 28 so what is the point my time has gone. My parents dont care i was living with a girl for two years but only because i have bpd and im co dependant now im back at my parents and i feel like what is the point in living on.

I'm in a similar position myself, but as bad as it seems suicide is not the answer. 28 is young, you have got plenty of time to learn to do anything you want. I'm 42 and went back to school. I even acted in a play two years ago. It didn't cure my depression but it took my mind off of it for the moment. I think it's all about confidence, which seems impossible to find, but it's in you somewhere. Take the time to find it. Do anything that makes you happy and the hell with what other people think. I would love to be your age again. You have opportunites all around you and you probably don't even know it. YOU are the most important person in your life, NEVER forget that! Good luck to you.

Edited December 31, 2013 by markwho

[markwho]

Your age is the issue but possibly not because you are too old, but maybe too young. You're still listening to the programming we are fed, good job, nice house, big car... Really... Now is the time to awaken, use this moment to figure out who you are and dont think what you cannot do, but what you can do. Granted it is not easy when depressed, but if you take it in small pieces, one moment at a time, it will come to you. Look behind your programmed existance as a servant to the greedy, and become you. Happy to take a walk, smell nature, look at the beautiful things around us, without jealousy. The walk will do you good and dont expect an eyes wide open event in the first mile. This can take weeks or months. For now if you have food and shelter, gather the rest slowly, but gather it. Good luck in getting wiser. I'm 46 fyi, and had a great job, car, family etc. not anymore, i have food, shelter, warmth and i am way more satisfied. You need not believe me but i have no reason to lie to you do I.

I agree this makes a lot of sense. We are programmed by everything around us, and as hard as it may be we have to reprogram ourselves to ignore all of that nonsense and see ourselves for who we really are.

[TopekaK]

who are the samaritans?

hope you are well

[depressedocdanxious]

Hi all just an update I'm still here and not doing much better BUT I have been to see a therapist, enrolled at a local theatre group, started the gym and started to learn to play guitar. I don't feel like it's enough though I don't know how to enjoy life or make the most out of it. I want to travel and work abroad and meet new people but I can't I've no skills at all and nothing to offer another employer. I feel SO trapped and that keeps my depression fuelled.

[dharmagirl60]

you don't have to enjoy it all just try to find one thing...sometimes on my really bad days i just enjoy watching the birds eat the bread I put out for them.... or the sound of the birds singing...its all the little one things that add up...when I let myself just get out of my head telling me I have to BE all this stuff and just enjoy little things I like.... those moments add up....don't try and live your future just live the next 5 mins and the next and the next...keep concentrating on making yourself well in this moment...you can't live the moments that aren't here yet...that's just the depressed minds way of keeping you trapped...just keep coming back to this moment....the chords on the guitar...your feet on the treadmill...the taste of the froth on the cappuccino whatever it is in front of you...just be in those moments they are the ones that will make you well my friend.

[StoniumFrog]

you don't have to enjoy it all just try to find one thing...sometimes on my really bad days i just enjoy watching the birds eat the bread I put out for them.... or the sound of the birds singing...its all the little one things that add up...when I let myself just get out of my head telling me I have to BE all this stuff and just enjoy little things I like.... those moments add up....don't try and live your future just live the next 5 mins and the next and the next...keep concentrating on making yourself well in this moment...you can't live the moments that aren't here yet...that's just the depressed minds way of keeping you trapped...just keep coming back to this moment....the chords on the guitar...your feet on the treadmill...the taste of the froth on the cappuccino whatever it is in front of you...just be in those moments they are the ones that will make you well my friend.

That is excellent advice - Thanks Dharma ! If finding yourself going back and forth in your mind, just think "Next 5 mins is all that matters!". Yes, it is essential to have a plan but all we have is the next few moments, so enjoy them. I find just going for a quick walk or a cup of tea/water helps to snap out of the mind meandering.

[siska]

I think you have better environment than me. At least nobody is stereotyping you. Just chill out, maybe try to write something..:)

[candy22]

I'm 28 with no skills, no career prospects I suffer from anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD and depression. This morning I made a sucide note but deleted it and called the samaritans.

I feel like I can't connect with people anymore, im worried about what they are thinking of me, if they like im dull, im worried about not being able to do anything or learn new skills. I feel like even if i learn something new im 28 so what is the point my time has gone. My parents dont care i was living with a girl for two years but only because i have bpd and im co dependant now im back at my parents and i feel like what is the point in living on.

Wow, I can relate to this. I am a few, short months away from being 28. I feel like my life is a failure compared to others. I live at home with no job. But, I am in the process of getting help from a therapist and hopefully get on the right medications. I suggest you get in to therapy as soon as possible. We are still young enough to change our lives around for the better. I'm sure you have some useful skills that an employer would look for. Do you at least have your high school diploma? Did you ever volunteer? There is a point to life and someone cares about you. People on here tend to be very helpful and can relate to many of the things you say. You are not alone.