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Pornography Addiction And Depression


Barry Blue

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I don't know where else to talk about this, but I have a serious ongoing problem with pornography. I've been viewing it off and on with various levels of intensity for something like 13 years. I can remember seeing my first pornographic material at the age of 11 or 12. It's effected my relationships with women. I am beginning to see simularities between this and my dealings with alcohol (I've been sober since July 2011) in the sense that I seem to use it as a form of escapism, always feelinjg depressed and disgusted with myself at the end of it because it means this is the only way I am going to be able to experience intimacy. I'm beginning to hate porn, yet I can't seem to stop viewing it (I know that sounds completely ridiculous). I'm also beginning to be concerned about the physical consequences, like not being able to get it up in a real life encounter when I do meet someone, and most importantly I'm worried about being unable to make a real emotional connection on a sexual level with a potential partner because of years of porn viewing. I don't know why I brought this up here, but I figured it fit this board, seeing how I think it is a symptom of depression. I just need some feedback, advice, or something.

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do you ever not use it, or do you have to use it in order to get to climax?? can you practice not using it?

I'm not in a relationship right now, but when I was with my last girlfriend, the emotional connection was a bigger problem than the physical effects of porn viewing. It became apparent that viewing it bothered her so I stopped it. Maybe the real issue is that I have nothing going on right now

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do you ever not use it, or do you have to use it in order to get to climax?? can you practice not using it?

I'm not in a relationship right now, but when I was with my last girlfriend, the emotional connection was a bigger problem than the physical effects of porn viewing. It became apparent that viewing it bothered her so I stopped it. Maybe the real issue is that I have nothing going on right now

You could be on to something there as when I have nothing going on or in my case at the moment i fell extremely lonely i have turned towards a day of gambling, not good as like you i stopped that many years ago, but it has reared its ugly head again because takes me away from reality for a while

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Approach it as if it's an addiction..because it is. Take it an hour at a time, and just don't look at porn. Soon you'll make it to a day, two days, a week, a month and before you know it the desire to watch porn will be gone. I think if you can go three days without watching it, your brain will begin to settle down a bit.

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I am a Porn Addict myself, although I don't look at it anymore. I started with finding my Great Uncles stash at around 5 then later my fathers stash at a young age also. Then a warehouse of it, where they threw the old magazines and books away. There was a stack 6 ft deep the entire warehouse. I got heavily hooked--and it was free.

Like a drug or alcohol it can control you or you can begin to control it. it does affect your relationships with women.

You must get it out of your home and off your internet. There are several help sites and there is also some sites that have a No Override for Porn filter for your computer and a filter for the TV.

I can say this cause I know it too be true for myself. Tell your Pdoc, tell a support person or group like you have did us.

I belong to a group of men who meet each week just to encourage each other in our Walk and we are free to ask anything about any others problems, without fear of it going anywhere else.

It is going to be hard, but for your self You must do this. We will want to know how YOU are doing.

Just like an alcoholic can't carry a fifth in the trunk, You must get this out of your home,vehicle,hiding place whereever else yu can keep yourself away from this For Your on welfare.

Be wanting to hear how you are getting along from time to time in this Walk to an improved mind.

Wishing You Well, Just Never Give Up-----there is Help out there for You

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I don't know where else to talk about this, but I have a serious ongoing problem with pornography. I've been viewing it off and on with various levels of intensity for something like 13 years. I can remember seeing my first pornographic material at the age of 11 or 12. It's effected my relationships with women. I am beginning to see simularities between this and my dealings with alcohol (I've been sober since July 2011) in the sense that I seem to use it as a form of escapism, always feelinjg depressed and disgusted with myself at the end of it because it means this is the only way I am going to be able to experience intimacy. I'm beginning to hate porn, yet I can't seem to stop viewing it (I know that sounds completely ridiculous). I'm also beginning to be concerned about the physical consequences, like not being able to get it up in a real life encounter when I do meet someone, and most importantly I'm worried about being unable to make a real emotional connection on a sexual level with a potential partner because of years of porn viewing. I don't know why I brought this up here, but I figured it fit this board, seeing how I think it is a symptom of depression. I just need some feedback, advice, or something.

This is how it starts, guy.

You aren't sure you have a problem - you think you might but it isn't too bad. So you keep watching porn.

Yes, it will affect your ability to get it up in real life. I lost my libido because of porn addiction. I don't even have enjoyable sexual thougths anymore - or, at best, I know they are fantasy only and won't come true because in reality I don't like physical contact anymore.

I got really ill in part because of porn addiction. It made me more depressed and more traumatized. I started feeling hate towards sex and sexual feelings.

It's not worth it to look at porn. I wish I'd never seen any. However, I got hooked and it messed things up.

Do what you can to stop this problem in its tracks, or your fears will become reality. Emotional connections will be more difficult, your sense of self will diminish, you will be spiritually weaker, angrier, have trouble concentrating ... nothing good comes out of it.

Porn in and of itself can be enjoyable in small doses for many people, however you've crossed the line, the way someone can cross the line with alcohol. At that point, it's time to abstain. Even in small doses, it can now be harmful.

There are filters, as another poster said. There are support groups. There is counselling. Try something.

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I don't know where else to talk about this, but I have a serious ongoing problem with pornography. I've been viewing it off and on with various levels of intensity for something like 13 years. I can remember seeing my first pornographic material at the age of 11 or 12. It's effected my relationships with women. I am beginning to see simularities between this and my dealings with alcohol (I've been sober since July 2011) in the sense that I seem to use it as a form of escapism, always feelinjg depressed and disgusted with myself at the end of it because it means this is the only way I am going to be able to experience intimacy. I'm beginning to hate porn, yet I can't seem to stop viewing it (I know that sounds completely ridiculous). I'm also beginning to be concerned about the physical consequences, like not being able to get it up in a real life encounter when I do meet someone, and most importantly I'm worried about being unable to make a real emotional connection on a sexual level with a potential partner because of years of porn viewing. I don't know why I brought this up here, but I figured it fit this board, seeing how I think it is a symptom of depression. I just need some feedback, advice, or something.

This is how it starts, guy.

You aren't sure you have a problem - you think you might but it isn't too bad. So you keep watching porn.

Yes, it will affect your ability to get it up in real life. I lost my libido because of porn addiction. I don't even have enjoyable sexual thougths anymore - or, at best, I know they are fantasy only and won't come true because in reality I don't like physical contact anymore.

I got really ill in part because of porn addiction. It made me more depressed and more traumatized. I started feeling hate towards sex and sexual feelings.

It's not worth it to look at porn. I wish I'd never seen any. However, I got hooked and it messed things up.

Do what you can to stop this problem in its tracks, or your fears will become reality. Emotional connections will be more difficult, your sense of self will diminish, you will be spiritually weaker, angrier, have trouble concentrating ... nothing good comes out of it.

Porn in and of itself can be enjoyable in small doses for many people, however you've crossed the line, the way someone can cross the line with alcohol. At that point, it's time to abstain. Even in small doses, it can now be harmful.

There are filters, as another poster said. There are support groups. There is counselling. Try something.

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't know what else to say. Your story was not taken lightly.

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Are you on depression meds? When I was on Zoloft, I became quite addicted to sex. I just couldn't think about anything else.

That feeling even lingered for a while after I quit taking Zoloft. It finally subsided and now I am like the majority of people

and think of it at more appropriate and "normal" times and circumstances. I wouldn't rule the meds out as the cause, while

considering all the pother options and opinions mentioned. Good Luck!

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Are you on depression meds? When I was on Zoloft, I became quite addicted to sex. I just couldn't think about anything else.

That feeling even lingered for a while after I quit taking Zoloft. It finally subsided and now I am like the majority of people

and think of it at more appropriate and "normal" times and circumstances. I wouldn't rule the meds out as the cause, while

considering all the pother options and opinions mentioned. Good Luck!

I was for a short while but I got off of it. Most antidepression medications in the same family as Zoloft, like Prozac, makes it harder for a guy to get it up and finish. This has been an ongoing problem for about 13 years. Come to think about it, I can trace it back farther than that when it started by watching softcore porn about 1997 or 98. I saw my first hardcore pornographic film when I was about 12. When I was 26 it was the worst it ever was but I'm not going to elaborate on that. With pornography I find that it's easier to get what you need without the risks that come along with social interaction and trying to get a date the normal way. Problem is is that it gets lonely after awhile and leads to serious depression.

Edited by Barry Blue
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My life was spiraling downhill. It was falling into pieces, emptiness took over my body. My fiancé has rejected me and said that I have changed, and I needed something to do about it. I tried but got nothing accomplished. Porn has taken so over my life that I wasn’t able to do anything but surf the web to get my next fix. I should have known this day was coming. I been addicted to porn for many years probably since I was 14-15 now at the age of 26 I have hit rock bottom. This was offset by my fiancé ending our relationship. I’ve gotten so low that I had suicidal thoughts. I think this was shocking to her and I can’t blame her for it. We decided that I should seek some professional help. I agreed with that, I deleted my stash, bookmarks and was ready to make a change in my life. The first step is seeking professional help. I went to my doctor and he said i had depression and prescribed me Venlafaxine 75mg. this was only 3 days ago I also feel like this medicine has completly killed my sex drive and I dont feel like watching porn anymore this is a great thing. I have been porn free for almost two weeks, researcing porn addiction can be a big help in finding strenth to stop it. I would recomend visiting yourbrainonporn.com and searching youtube for porn addiction. This will teach you whats really going on in your brain and help you rebuild it.

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My life was spiraling downhill. It was falling into pieces, emptiness took over my body. My fiancé has rejected me and said that I have changed, and I needed something to do about it. I tried but got nothing accomplished. Porn has taken so over my life that I wasn’t able to do anything but surf the web to get my next fix. I should have known this day was coming. I been addicted to porn for many years probably since I was 14-15 now at the age of 26 I have hit rock bottom. This was offset by my fiancé ending our relationship. I’ve gotten so low that I had suicidal thoughts. I think this was shocking to her and I can’t blame her for it. We decided that I should seek some professional help. I agreed with that, I deleted my stash, bookmarks and was ready to make a change in my life. The first step is seeking professional help. I went to my doctor and he said i had depression and prescribed me Venlafaxine 75mg. this was only 3 days ago I also feel like this medicine has completly killed my sex drive and I dont feel like watching porn anymore this is a great thing. I have been porn free for almost two weeks, researcing porn addiction can be a big help in finding strenth to stop it. I would recomend visiting yourbrainonporn.com and searching youtube for porn addiction. This will teach you whats really going on in your brain and help you rebuild it.

Thanks a lot for sharing your story.

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My life was spiraling downhill. It was falling into pieces, emptiness took over my body. My fiancé has rejected me and said that I have changed, and I needed something to do about it. I tried but got nothing accomplished. Porn has taken so over my life that I wasn’t able to do anything but surf the web to get my next fix. I should have known this day was coming. I been addicted to porn for many years probably since I was 14-15 now at the age of 26 I have hit rock bottom. This was offset by my fiancé ending our relationship. I’ve gotten so low that I had suicidal thoughts. I think this was shocking to her and I can’t blame her for it. We decided that I should seek some professional help. I agreed with that, I deleted my stash, bookmarks and was ready to make a change in my life. The first step is seeking professional help. I went to my doctor and he said i had depression and prescribed me Venlafaxine 75mg. this was only 3 days ago I also feel like this medicine has completly killed my sex drive and I dont feel like watching porn anymore this is a great thing. I have been porn free for almost two weeks, researcing porn addiction can be a big help in finding strenth to stop it. I would recomend visiting yourbrainonporn.com and searching youtube for porn addiction. This will teach you whats really going on in your brain and help you rebuild it.

I'm sorry you went through this. I get it. It is horrible. I watched so much porn I started to have tormented sexual thoughts and was having trouble staying in touch with reality. (There were other reasons, too, but the porn pushed me much closer to the edge).

I have often woken up the day after an all-night porn marathon wishing I would die. Just horrible. Shame, fear. Wondering why I can't stop - or, more specifically, why I won't stop. And why do I listen to that voice in my head that says "Hey, one more time isn't a big deal".

The good news for you is you are pretty young and things will, for sure, improve. I have noticed when I stay away from porn, I gradually start to feel more human again. I smile more. My thoughts are more realistic (I used to think I was supposed to find every women appealing and had to be ready to have sex anytime any place. Completely ridiculous.)

You can and will feel better over time as long as you stay away from it. It helps to build up other parts of your life. I used to try and stay away from porn but I wasn't working much and had tons of time on my hands. It was almost impossible for me to stay away. Now, I have other things on the go that feel pretty good and that has given me more incentive to keep my problem in check.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane
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I don't believe in porn addiction. I don't believe porn is soul-destroying. I don't believe porn is degrading.

Bottom line (lol): I view porn as something natural, pleasurable and healthy that people can get "addicted" to, because they feel they shouldn't be doing it.

It's like the biggest form of "forbidden fruit", and so basically I feel that if you can get addicted to porn, you can get addicted to pretty much anything. All that needs to be done is for society to see something natural, then brand it as "wrong" and bam... people form addictions to it.

It isn't in any way like alcohol addiction. Porn is fundamentally enjoyable and carries no risks. I don't for a moment believe porn rewires peoples brains and turns people into emotionless sex zombies ***, no way. However, I see truth in it if you relentlessly feel ashamed about watching so much porn, you're going to think about it more, feel more guilty, but deep down you know how good it feels, so you keep doing it. The same with anything you're excessively made to feel ashamed of. If someone tells you over and over again, "Don't think of a black cat! Thinking of black cats rewires your brain transmitters to be all crazy and overloaded and you won't feel anything any more and they're a trap!! Don't think of black cats!", what is that person going to do? They're going to want to think about black cats. I see this as what's happening to men and porn. "Don't watch porn! It's a trap!", soooooo... when you're alone, when you're horny, what are you going to want to do? It feels like hard drugs or something, because you've been indoctrinated to think it's so potent and bad and evil.

Embrace your fondness for porn is what I say. Enjoy it as best you can. I believe that if you accept your fondness for viewing it, genuinely come to terms with porn as something you enjoy, and accept it, you'll probably watch less because it won't be this big bad evil nasty thing you need to get rid of asap,

I feel that the taboo nature makes it more attractive and a much bigger temptation to watch because the "addiction" label has been slapped on it.

I don't believe your connections with women will be ruined by this, unless you believe it. It's got to be hard to be with a woman in real life, if you're worrying relentlessly about how porn is affecting it.

Edited by Lindsay
TMI
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I don't believe in porn addiction. I don't believe porn is soul-destroying. I don't believe porn is degrading.

Bottom line (lol): I view porn as something natural, pleasurable and healthy that people can get "addicted" to, because they feel they shouldn't be doing it.

It's like the biggest form of "forbidden fruit", and so basically I feel that if you can get addicted to porn, you can get addicted to pretty much anything. All that needs to be done is for society to see something natural, then brand it as "wrong" and bam... people form addictions to it.

It isn't in any way like alcohol addiction. Porn is fundamentally enjoyable and carries no risks. I don't for a moment believe porn rewires peoples brains and turns people into emotionless sex zombies ***, no way. However, I see truth in it if you relentlessly feel ashamed about watching so much porn, you're going to think about it more, feel more guilty, but deep down you know how good it feels, so you keep doing it. The same with anything you're excessively made to feel ashamed of. If someone tells you over and over again, "Don't think of a black cat! Thinking of black cats rewires your brain transmitters to be all crazy and overloaded and you won't feel anything any more and they're a trap!! Don't think of black cats!", what is that person going to do? They're going to want to think about black cats. I see this as what's happening to men and porn. "Don't watch porn! It's a trap!", soooooo... when you're alone, when you're horny, what are you going to want to do? It feels like hard drugs or something, because you've been indoctrinated to think it's so potent and bad and evil.

Embrace your fondness for porn is what I say. Enjoy it as best you can. I believe that if you accept your fondness for viewing it, genuinely come to terms with porn as something you enjoy, and accept it, you'll probably watch less because it won't be this big bad evil nasty thing you need to get rid of asap,

I feel that the taboo nature makes it more attractive and a much bigger temptation to watch because the "addiction" label has been slapped on it.

I don't believe your connections with women will be ruined by this, unless you believe it. It's got to be hard to be with a woman in real life, if you're worrying relentlessly about how porn is affecting it.

You're clealrly a person who doesn't have an addictive personality. Personally, my feelings have nothing to do with the act of looking at porn or any moral hangup as much as how long I usually do, and the feelings of emptiness that I experience afterward. I'm a pretty lonely guy with sub-par social skills and a near zero self-esteem and confidence, and I have gotten to the point where I use porn as a substitution for normal sexual relationships. In addition, I know I have a problem with pornography as my viewing of it in the past and even now has progressed into areas where I don't want to be.

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I don't believe in porn addiction. I don't believe porn is soul-destroying. I don't believe porn is degrading.

Bottom line (lol): I view porn as something natural, pleasurable and healthy that people can get "addicted" to, because they feel they shouldn't be doing it.

It's like the biggest form of "forbidden fruit", and so basically I feel that if you can get addicted to porn, you can get addicted to pretty much anything. All that needs to be done is for society to see something natural, then brand it as "wrong" and bam... people form addictions to it.

It isn't in any way like alcohol addiction. Porn is fundamentally enjoyable and carries no risks. I don't for a moment believe porn rewires peoples brains and turns people into emotionless sex zombies ***, no way. However, I see truth in it if you relentlessly feel ashamed about watching so much porn, you're going to think about it more, feel more guilty, but deep down you know how good it feels, so you keep doing it. The same with anything you're excessively made to feel ashamed of. If someone tells you over and over again, "Don't think of a black cat! Thinking of black cats rewires your brain transmitters to be all crazy and overloaded and you won't feel anything any more and they're a trap!! Don't think of black cats!", what is that person going to do? They're going to want to think about black cats. I see this as what's happening to men and porn. "Don't watch porn! It's a trap!", soooooo... when you're alone, when you're horny, what are you going to want to do? It feels like hard drugs or something, because you've been indoctrinated to think it's so potent and bad and evil.

Embrace your fondness for porn is what I say. Enjoy it as best you can. I believe that if you accept your fondness for viewing it, genuinely come to terms with porn as something you enjoy, and accept it, you'll probably watch less because it won't be this big bad evil nasty thing you need to get rid of asap,

I feel that the taboo nature makes it more attractive and a much bigger temptation to watch because the "addiction" label has been slapped on it.

I don't believe your connections with women will be ruined by this, unless you believe it. It's got to be hard to be with a woman in real life, if you're worrying relentlessly about how porn is affecting it.

You're clealrly a person who doesn't have an addictive personality. Personally, my feelings have nothing to do with the act of looking at porn or any moral hangup as much as how long I usually do, and the feelings of emptiness that I experience afterward. I'm a pretty lonely guy with sub-par social skills and a near zero self-esteem and confidence, and I have gotten to the point where I use porn as a substitution for normal sexual relationships. In addition, I know I have a problem with pornography as my viewing of it in the past and even now has progressed into areas where I don't want to be.

I find it interesting that you assume I surely cannot have an addictive personality based on my standpoint on this. For what it's worth, I'm addicted to smoking.. if that knowledge helps legitimize my standpoint somehow, lol. :)

One could also say I've been addicted to porn - if it's looked upon a certain way.

I'm absolutely certain some of the "your brain on porn" converts would have been able to convince me I either have, or have had some kind of serious problem with it. I'm sure some of them will even tell you that porn is addictive and corrupt by it's very nature, so in their eyes porn is simply NOT a useful or healthy indulgence point blank. It's that extreme which can really make me just outright not trust the entire philosophy.

But anyhow, my boyfriend at the time wanted me to seek help for the kind of material I viewed and some of the extreme fantasies I had. I did so. And I was told that the more I let the thoughts come into my head, the less I'd get them, and that's exactly what happened.

I see this as the same logic that can be applied to porn addiction.

I don't see much of a problem with using porn as a substitute for normal sexual relationships. If you're unhappy with that situation, of course then looking for a sexual relationship might help. But I believe your success with that will depend on how you look upon your porn viewing. As you look for a relationship, I think it's important to actually accept and come to terms with your viewing of porn in a positive way, rather than attempt to go cold turkey, or look upon it as a bad thing that you need to get rid of entirely.

Edited by Rexxsi
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I find it interesting to see a females point of view on this topic here. I'd have to say it is the first time I've seen a female say she had used porn and yet another say they see nothing wrong with it. As a guy I know my use of porn started when I was about 16 and found some while cleaning offices as an after school job. I was instantly hooked due to my age and the desire to be in a relationship but having no social skills. I saw other guys with girlfriends and always wanted that. After viewing the porn I began to start having relationships with girls and it inevitably went to sexual behaviors that always broguth the relationships to an early end as I never went "all the way" fearing getting a girl pregnant. When I was 18 I met a girl I fell deeply in love with but she ended up choosing to go back to a former boyfriend in the end right as I was ready to ask her to marry me. It was for the best for her in the long run I see now.

Take into account that I was sexually abused by my mother as a yound child and the porn just brought back all the desires that should never have been there at that point in time in my life. Now after years of the battle with porn and trying to quit numerous time and failing the internet came along and gave all the guys in the world a smorgasboard of women to choose from that were not only willing but very skilled in doing the things we all fantasized about. Mind you it isn't the womens fault at all since the porn industry was formed and run by men first and foremost. Now take all the guys like me who were fighting the shame part of the battle and toss a laptop at them and say "look for this" (now called Googling) and the gates come down and it's an oll out porn fest whenever and wherever you want. Funny how part of the word Google is "ogle"?

Well now I find myself here on this forum and the topic pops up again but this time in a help based manner. To say that porn has changed how I look at women is arguable as I have always since a young boy looked at girls with a "gee, I wish I had her in my life" type of thought. The sexual thoughts just come naturally from that. I see women as a huge part of the beauty of this world and sometimes wanting beauty is a natural feeling given how ugly the world can become when you are depressed. I see a pretty women and think what a gift she must be to some other guy in the world. I have the most beautiful woman in the entire world as my wife but as many other guys know, depression on my part has pushed her far away from me due to fear about my erratic mood swings and my anger issues. We were blessed with twins two years ago when we weren't even supposed to be able to have children (as was told to her by a "medical professional") and since she went through such a difficult pregnancy to bring the twins into the world her desire for me sexually and her time constraints made sex impossible between us even though she is the only woman I truly WANT to be with.

Still after two and a half years of seeing her daily and wanting her so badly but not having her physically my selfish mind turned back to porn and the easy access of it all. Last week she told me she knew of it and was much less than pleased with me to say the least feeling that I had lied to her because of it. I never denied the fact and hung my head in shame when she told me that she knew but feeling shut out away f rom her for the past 2+ years was no excuse nor a valid reason for using porn in her mind and I agree with her. I am ashamed to admit that I allowed the draw of self pleasure into my life when I should have stayed away from it knowing what it meant to her and our marriage. Now there is a huge gulf of silence between us on a daily basis and I am the one to carry the responsibility for it.

Think porn is just on porn sites? WRONG! Check out the daily Yahoo pages for news from Hollywood and you will see sexually tempting images, soft core porn. Go to Craigslist and you can see it on the rants and raves pages, as well as the casual relationships pages with very clear detail of other peoples sexual lives. Go to any page you want and you can see it (except here fortunately) in the form of dating service ads and what have you. Once you let porn into your mind it will see so many opportunities for sexual gratification that you never saw before. Hard core porn isn't the issue here, it is the brain's desire to find a chemical release to stave off personal pain in any manner possible as is done with other form of addiction like drinking or drugs or gambling. It is a chemically bound addiction.

When I first was told I was suffering from depression the doctor told me that I was addicted to the strongest drug there was and my own body produced it - Adrenaline. The brain gets a rush of chemicals and it feels better for a short time and then it wants more, and more and more. Eventually your brain is controlling your behavior in ways you wouldn't want if you weren't addicted to it.

To the young woman who responded here in favor of porn I can only ask one question, if you knew I was looking at you and lusting over you and pleasuring myself would you call me a pervert or say that I was just naturally expressing my admiration of you in a physical way? It is a living hell to be unable to look at a pretty girl and not think what you would like to do with her in a sexual manner. My desires should be for my wife alone and I know that yet I fell far from that goal the minute I returned to using porn. I know how much I love her and want her to be happy sexually and thinking of her with someone else kills me inside, yet I do that exact thing every time I look at porn. It's a no win situation and the guys on here who are honest enough to admit they are fighting this are in the minority it seems. All I can ask of the women of the world is not to hate us for wanting sexual intimacy in our lives, it hurts like hell not to have it when we see beauty all around us.

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I find it interesting to see a females point of view on this topic here. I'd have to say it is the first time I've seen a female say she had used porn and yet another say they see nothing wrong with it.

Cheers wretchedman! :)

I'm very complimented by that, whilst at the same time apprehensive that my view either won't, (or even shouldn't, sad as it makes me to say), necessarily be looked upon as representative of women in general. What I mean to say is, I've never really felt comfortable around women due to the difficulty I've found with issues like this; I've never really seen eye-to-eye on with other women in regards to this subject.

As a guy I know my use of porn started when I was about 16 and found some while cleaning offices as an after school job. I was instantly hooked due to my age and the desire to be in a relationship but having no social skills. I saw other guys with girlfriends and always wanted that. After viewing the porn I began to start having relationships with girls and it inevitably went to sexual behaviors that always broguth the relationships to an early end as I never went "all the way" fearing getting a girl pregnant. When I was 18 I met a girl I fell deeply in love with but she ended up choosing to go back to a former boyfriend in the end right as I was ready to ask her to marry me. It was for the best for her in the long run I see now.

Take into account that I was sexually abused by my mother as a yound child and the porn just brought back all the desires that should never have been there at that point in time in my life.

My goodness, that sounds awful, I'm so sorry to hear that. :(

Now after years of the battle with porn and trying to quit numerous time and failing the internet came along and gave all the guys in the world a smorgasboard of women to choose from that were not only willing but very skilled in doing the things we all fantasized about. Mind you it isn't the womens fault at all since the porn industry was formed and run by men first and foremost. Now take all the guys like me who were fighting the shame part of the battle and toss a laptop at them and say "look for this" (now called Googling) and the gates come down and it's an oll out porn fest whenever and wherever you want. Funny how part of the word Google is "ogle"?

Haha! - Great observation at the end there! XD

Whilst I agree with the industry was formed by men, the female performers are still the performers. The world of porn would struggle not only to exist, but to be the big ole smorgasboard it has become today without them. I dunno if I want to say anyone's at "fault" for that, though. ;) I'm still happy it exists as an industry, and I've come to feel thankful for the diversity it encompasses today.

It's a huge reason as to why I defend it with so much heart - when I hear people say "porn is this, porn is that, porn discriminates, is racist", etc, etc, I feel like asking how much they know of porn! *By far* porn is the most accepting industry in the world: There is no discrimination based on race, colour, body shape, weight, disability - it wants everyone. Heck, there are even fetish sites for cellulite! There are people who will attempt to say, "Well, what about those fetishes which damn certain people, or minorities?" ~ The vital thing about porn I wish people remembered, is that it is fantasy. I don't understand why a fetish should be in any way be applied to what someone hopes for in reality. To me, it's like someone saying "You like shoot-em-up games! But don't you know you shouldn't ****?! It's wrong to ****. These games are implanting these urges in your mind" Not only that, but those people you see being "degraded", maybe spanked for example, whipped, or whatever else you can think of (or have witnessed), are performers. Just as you see in any other form of entertainment.

In fact one of the most popular kink sites which features a LOT of "degrading" and such (I don't believe I can disclose the name here due to TMI), has an extremely strict, in-depth and rigorous application form for applicants wishing to be performers for that company. This form details the importance of exactly what that performer wishes to do, what they do not wish to do, and adheres to strict "safe words" and such to ensure that the performers are happy and willing to do these things.

A bit of a tangent there! :) But still felt it was somewhat relevant in this case.

Well now I find myself here on this forum and the topic pops up again but this time in a help based manner. To say that porn has changed how I look at women is arguable as I have always since a young boy looked at girls with a "gee, I wish I had her in my life" type of thought. The sexual thoughts just come naturally from that. I see women as a huge part of the beauty of this world and sometimes wanting beauty is a natural feeling given how ugly the world can become when you are depressed. I see a pretty women and think what a gift she must be to some other guy in the world. I have the most beautiful woman in the entire world as my wife but as many other guys know, depression on my part has pushed her far away from me due to fear about my erratic mood swings and my anger issues. We were blessed with twins two years ago when we weren't even supposed to be able to have children (as was told to her by a "medical professional") and since she went through such a difficult pregnancy to bring the twins into the world her desire for me sexually and her time constraints made sex impossible between us even though she is the only woman I truly WANT to be with.

That's absolutely incredible about your twins! Congratulations! :) That must have been an amazing surprise!

Still after two and a half years of seeing her daily and wanting her so badly but not having her physically my selfish mind turned back to porn and the easy access of it all.

I would not call you selfish. :(

You have natural biological urges that are not being satisfied. You turning to another outlet for release is - if anything - respectful to her imo.

Last week she told me she knew of it and was much less than pleased with me to say the least feeling that I had lied to her because of it. I never denied the fact and hung my head in shame when she told me that she knew but feeling shut out away f rom her for the past 2+ years was no excuse nor a valid reason for using porn in her mind and I agree with her.

Oh dear. :( I know there are many women who dislike their partners watching porn, but it is reasons like this I struggle to understand entirely, especially when the wives themselves are not satisfying their husbands sexually. I don't really understand what she expects you to do when your biological urges are still pressing? Reason being as ************* and ************* aids like porn are actually helping you to release those urges which help alleviate some sexual frustration, when obtaining that is made difficult by her lower urges.

I am ashamed to admit that I allowed the draw of self pleasure into my life when I should have stayed away from it knowing what it meant to her and our marriage. Now there is a huge gulf of silence between us on a daily basis and I am the one to carry the responsibility for it.

I hope there comes a time when you can both open up to each other about your feelings and discuss this in a way which helps you both reach some kind of conclusion. I know that suffering in silence with not only your urges, but also feeling weight of shame upon you is no easy trial.

Think porn is just on porn sites? WRONG! Check out the daily Yahoo pages for news from Hollywood and you will see sexually tempting images, soft core porn. Go to Craigslist and you can see it on the rants and raves pages, as well as the casual relationships pages with very clear detail of other peoples sexual lives. Go to any page you want and you can see it (except here fortunately) in the form of dating service ads and what have you. Once you let porn into your mind it will see so many opportunities for sexual gratification that you never saw before. Hard core porn isn't the issue here, it is the brain's desire to find a chemical release to stave off personal pain in any manner possible as is done with other form of addiction like drinking or drugs or gambling. It is a chemically bound addiction.

When I first was told I was suffering from depression the doctor told me that I was addicted to the strongest drug there was and my own body produced it - Adrenaline. The brain gets a rush of chemicals and it feels better for a short time and then it wants more, and more and more. Eventually your brain is controlling your behavior in ways you wouldn't want if you weren't addicted to it.

Thank you for taking the time to detail this. :) It has certainly helped me see how this porn can be addictive. My approach to it however is much the same. I partially blame societal stigma on what could keep someone addicted to this. It's just never spoken about. It's funny because as you mentioned, sex and beauty are EVERYWHERE. But how often do people speak about it, honestly? Especially problems, issues, and genuine feelings surrounding it. This is why I feel that an open dialogue and atmosphere of acceptance with your partner is so incredibly paramount to what can keep both people feeling good about themselves and their feelings.

To the young woman who responded here in favor of porn I can only ask one question, if you knew I was looking at you and lusting over you and pleasuring myself would you call me a pervert or say that I was just naturally expressing my admiration of you in a physical way?

Sincerely yes, I would say you were naturally expressing your admiration of me in a physical way. I would also be happy, and quite complimented that I triggered such a pleasurable reaction in you. :)

I cannot answer this question without feeling it very important to add that if you'd have asked me the same question, say 5 or so years ago, back when I was indoctrinated into the societal stigma of "sexual feelings are wrong!", "a man lusting after a woman is a sin!", "a man lusting after a woman makes him a stinky, smelly PERVO!" into which I was born and raised I'd have responded much, much differently.

I may have felt upset, offended, hurt, or even angry, having the knee-jerk response of "he's a pervert", "he's objectifying me", "ew".

I never came to such conclusions as an outcome of any rational thinking of my own.

I came to such conclusions simply because that was how I was taught, and because that's the way every other woman in my life reacted in those situations; I emulated them.

Sex education in my life was so poor that I took it upon myself to learn, and quickly discovered that male sexuality is much, much more frowned upon than womens. This is especially apparent when you think of women who have the hots for, say, dudes from Twilight, or the guys from '50 Shades'. That's all well and good, as far as society seems to be concerned. It is celebrated, even with a sort of "it's about time!" vibe. But rather than "it being time" to accept BOTH male and women's sexuality, the focus has been thrown on women, whilst that of male sexuality is still deemed as negative.

There are no popular websites, books, programs, or expensive therapists in place for women "addicted to erotic novels", despite many of those novels having content just as "extreme" as that you would find in some porn men view.

I believe all of the majority of "How To Cure Porn Addiction" media to exist primarily because men are so brutally shamed for their sexuality. Many appear to be driven to secrecy, and as a result endure ill health and lower quality of life and relationships because they are either struggling to find outlets, or struggling to accept their sexuality in a world which damns them for it.

It is a living hell to be unable to look at a pretty girl and not think what you would like to do with her in a sexual manner. My desires should be for my wife alone and I know that yet I fell far from that goal the minute I returned to using porn.

Hormones don't wear wedding rings. This much any scientist I am sure can tell you.

The institute of marriage, and the religious implications behind marriage can also damn you for your natural urges. It stretches far enough in religious traditions to tell you that merely *thinking* sexual thoughts about another woman is as punishable a sin as if you actually cheated on her. I think many women have been brought up to think this way, but as far as I'm concerned this betrays human nature.

If there exist ANY "unnatural standards of beauty", it is the unnatural standards a husband and wife must live up to if they are to have a "perfect marriage".

There is no shred of doubt that you deeply love your wife. I believe that wholeheartedly from all you have said of her. It's just so disgusting that society and traditions have meant that the married couple are at odds with each other for things like this.

I know how much I love her and want her to be happy sexually and thinking of her with someone else kills me inside, yet I do that exact thing every time I look at porn. It's a no win situation and the guys on here who are honest enough to admit they are fighting this are in the minority it seems. All I can ask of the women of the world is not to hate us for wanting sexual intimacy in our lives, it hurts like hell not to have it when we see beauty all around us.

You have my complete respect. I hope so much that you and your wife can perhaps find some common ground. I'm wishing you every success.

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I don't believe in porn addiction. I don't believe porn is soul-destroying. I don't believe porn is degrading.

Bottom line (lol): I view porn as something natural, pleasurable and healthy that people can get "addicted" to, because they feel they shouldn't be doing it.

It's like the biggest form of "forbidden fruit", and so basically I feel that if you can get addicted to porn, you can get addicted to pretty much anything. All that needs to be done is for society to see something natural, then brand it as "wrong" and bam... people form addictions to it.

It isn't in any way like alcohol addiction. Porn is fundamentally enjoyable and carries no risks. I don't for a moment believe porn rewires peoples brains and turns people into emotionless sex zombies ***, no way. However, I see truth in it if you relentlessly feel ashamed about watching so much porn, you're going to think about it more, feel more guilty, but deep down you know how good it feels, so you keep doing it. The same with anything you're excessively made to feel ashamed of. If someone tells you over and over again, "Don't think of a black cat! Thinking of black cats rewires your brain transmitters to be all crazy and overloaded and you won't feel anything any more and they're a trap!! Don't think of black cats!", what is that person going to do? They're going to want to think about black cats. I see this as what's happening to men and porn. "Don't watch porn! It's a trap!", soooooo... when you're alone, when you're horny, what are you going to want to do? It feels like hard drugs or something, because you've been indoctrinated to think it's so potent and bad and evil.

Embrace your fondness for porn is what I say. Enjoy it as best you can. I believe that if you accept your fondness for viewing it, genuinely come to terms with porn as something you enjoy, and accept it, you'll probably watch less because it won't be this big bad evil nasty thing you need to get rid of asap,

I feel that the taboo nature makes it more attractive and a much bigger temptation to watch because the "addiction" label has been slapped on it.

I don't believe your connections with women will be ruined by this, unless you believe it. It's got to be hard to be with a woman in real life, if you're worrying relentlessly about how porn is affecting it.

You're clealrly a person who doesn't have an addictive personality. Personally, my feelings have nothing to do with the act of looking at porn or any moral hangup as much as how long I usually do, and the feelings of emptiness that I experience afterward. I'm a pretty lonely guy with sub-par social skills and a near zero self-esteem and confidence, and I have gotten to the point where I use porn as a substitution for normal sexual relationships. In addition, I know I have a problem with pornography as my viewing of it in the past and even now has progressed into areas where I don't want to be.

I find it interesting that you assume I surely cannot have an addictive personality based on my standpoint on this. For what it's worth, I'm addicted to smoking.. if that knowledge helps legitimize my standpoint somehow, lol. :)

One could also say I've been addicted to porn - if it's looked upon a certain way.

I'm absolutely certain some of the "your brain on porn" converts would have been able to convince me I either have, or have had some kind of serious problem with it. I'm sure some of them will even tell you that porn is addictive and corrupt by it's very nature, so in their eyes porn is simply NOT a useful or healthy indulgence point blank. It's that extreme which can really make me just outright not trust the entire philosophy.

But anyhow, my boyfriend at the time wanted me to seek help for the kind of material I viewed and some of the extreme fantasies I had. I did so. And I was told that the more I let the thoughts come into my head, the less I'd get them, and that's exactly what happened.

I see this as the same logic that can be applied to porn addiction.

I don't see much of a problem with using porn as a substitute for normal sexual relationships. If you're unhappy with that situation, of course then looking for a sexual relationship might help. But I believe your success with that will depend on how you look upon your porn viewing. As you look for a relationship, I think it's important to actually accept and come to terms with your viewing of porn in a positive way, rather than attempt to go cold turkey, or look upon it as a bad thing that you need to get rid of entirely.

My experience in relationships is that it can have negative effects on it. I dated this girl once who was bothered by it so I eventually just stopped. In my mind I was thinking who needs porn when I'm getting laid everyday. Getting into a relationship at this point in time seems to not really be an option for a few reasons. One of them being I don't particularly like myself right now. Interesting reading your perspective though.

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My experience in relationships is that it can have negative effects on it. I dated this girl once who was bothered by it so I eventually just stopped. In my mind I was thinking who needs porn when I'm getting laid everyday. Getting into a relationship at this point in time seems to not really be an option for a few reasons. One of them being I don't particularly like myself right now. Interesting reading your perspective though.

Thanks Barry. :)

Porn does, popularly, have negative effects on relationships, but I wouldn't say that's the fault of the porn, and that you should get rid of the porn. I'd say that's the fault of societal attitudes, and it's that which needs to change.

I hope you can find peace with yourself no matter what it is that you choose, and come to a point where you can fully embrace yourself.

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All I can say Rexxsi is Wow! I'll even say it backwards...woW! I do believe that you are both sincere in your position as well as your compliments so please allow me to engage a few of the things you stated.

I'm very complimented by that, whilst at the same time apprehensive that my view either won't, (or even shouldn't, sad as it makes me to say), necessarily be looked upon as representative of women in general. What I mean to say is, I've never really felt comfortable around women due to the difficulty I've found with issues like this; I've never really seen eye-to-eye on with other women in regards to this subject.

Whilst I agree with the industry was formed by men, the female performers are still the performers.

The vital thing about porn I wish people remembered, is that it is fantasy. I don't understand why a fetish should be in any way be applied to what someone hopes for in reality. To me, it's like someone saying "You like shoot-em-up games! But don't you know you shouldn't ****?! It's wrong to ****. These games are implanting these urges in your mind" Not only that, but those people you see being "degraded", maybe spanked for example, whipped, or whatever else you can think of (or have witnessed), are performers. Just as you see in any other form of entertainment.

I would not call you selfish. :(

You have natural biological urges that are not being satisfied. You turning to another outlet for release is - if anything - respectful to her imo.

I know there are many women who dislike their partners watching porn, but it is reasons like this I struggle to understand entirely, especially when the wives themselves are not satisfying their husbands sexually. I don't really understand what she expects you to do when your biological urges are still pressing?


... I feel that an open dialogue and atmosphere of acceptance with your partner is so incredibly paramount to what can keep both people feeling good about themselves and their feelings.

To the young woman who responded here in favor of porn I can only ask one question, if you knew I was looking at you and lusting over you and pleasuring myself would you call me a pervert or say that I was just naturally expressing my admiration of you in a physical way?

Sincerely yes, I would say you were naturally expressing your admiration of me in a physical way. I would also be happy, and quite complimented that I triggered such a pleasurable reaction in you. :)

I came to such conclusions simply because that was how I was taught, and because that's the way every other woman in my life reacted in those situations; I emulated them.

The institute of marriage, and the religious implications behind marriage can also damn you for your natural urges. It stretches far enough in religious traditions to tell you that merely *thinking* sexual thoughts about another woman is as punishable a sin as if you actually cheated on her. I think many women have been brought up to think this way, but as far as I'm concerned this betrays human nature.

If there exist ANY "unnatural standards of beauty", it is the unnatural standards a husband and wife must live up to if they are to have a "perfect marriage".

There is no shred of doubt that you deeply love your wife. I believe that wholeheartedly from all you have said of her.

You have my complete respect. I hope so much that you and your wife can perhaps find some common ground. I'm wishing you every success.

It's funny that my own wife also is uncomfortable around other women for the same basic reasons you state although about other subjects such as fidelity in a relationship and resposibility as a parent. Many women simply don't see eye-to-eye with her on those issues. Nevertheless, she stands her ground knowing that there is one who sees her heart and I love her specifically because of that. Would that it were that I was as strong in my efforts to be a man of honor as she is in her determination to be a woman of honor.

While the females in porn are the "performers" as you put it they are there driven by the lucrative financial gains they may make and for many a position of power they may not otherwise enjoy in life. Sadly they are still under the "control" of the men who run the industry and sometimes the other women who run it. Yes there are those women who are in a leadership position of some porn companies and they are looking for their piece of the pie, no pun intended. Either way the women are always subject to the force of what they are involved in and many pay a severe penalty, just look up how many porn stars die at young ages from diseases, drugs, etc. that they may not otherwise have been a part of were they not in the porn industry. Yes, how sad it is :(

As for porn being "merely fantasy" that is what the industry has preached for so long as a defense of the acts seen. Speaking only for myself I know what a fetish is and any time I have ever seen a woman being struck, choked, slapped, spanked or otherwise physically harmed in any way not only is it a sexual turn off but it is also a CRIME in all 50 states and if I were to treat you in the same manner in ANY instance you would have every right to file charges against me, most of which would be on a FELONY level. To equate those types of behavior with anything resembling sexual behavior is repulsive and no where near what a fetish is. Liking brunettes over blondes, tall girls over short ones, those are fetishes but NOT physically harming someone for your own gratification.

Oh, and while I'm on it, the MEN in the porn industry get away with this type of behavior all the time and record it on video with no consequences. Sexual behavior was given as a means of showing affection and warmth between two human beings, not to harm them or belittle them in any way. If you can find any equation to the abuse shown in many porn vids then every rapist in the country should be set free and given carte blanche to do it some more. Safe words might just be the answer for women everywhere to try when they are being attacked or raped? NO should be a safe word then. Porn glorifies the male overpowering the female for their own desires to be met regardless of the woman's point of view on the matter.It isn't the same thing as a movie about boxing where the actors are portraying two boxers boxing, it is not something you just sign off on to allow yourself to be raped on camera for the sake of a paycheck. And yes, I have seen violent rape scenes in movies that have come from Hollywood that were NOT porn and the same thing applied there.Besides that, that is a huge difference between a {simulated} scene depicting a rape and an actual woman getting herself abused and raped as porn has ad nauseum. Unless I can see justice done such as the woman getting to do in her attacker like J-Lo in the movie Enough there is no comparison. That is NOT a fetish.

As for you not thinking me selfish, thank you but the grace is not earned as even though my wife and I have been apart physically for the time we have my heart toward her is the same as the day we took our vows. If I were to have been proper in my respect for her I should have been replaying our wedding night in my head and finding my release there, not in some other woman's bedroom. Bottom line. And BTW, what about HER natural biological urges and needs? She is as entitled to having them fulfilled as I am and she does not and will not view porn nor has she ever given me cause to doubt her fidelity. Score one big one in her favor there. Porn is the same thing as being with another woman in her mind and mine as well so I am the one who failed her there. Porn just made it a lot easier to do since I am the one who is drawn by the visual images as are all men. And guys, please if you want to argue me on that just go look at a picture of what looks like cleavage and tell me where you mind goes. The close up could be of what you think is cleavage and the wide shot might show you a set of something completely different that would turn you off, not on.

And yes, Rexxsi you are correct about having an open dialogue between partners being so important to understanding. My wife and I had that even before we married and we agreed about how we both felt about this issue and I was the one who fell to the temptation without considering her feelings thinking "if she doesn't know..." .Well guess what, she found out. And it HURT her feelings. Sex isn't supposed to do that.

Seriously Rexxsi, think about what you told me about your being flattered that you would have brought out a pleasureable reponse in me if you knew I was secretly lusting over you. Take it one step further and ask yourself if your response would have been the same if I were a man unable to control my secret passion for you and ended up sexually assaulting you one day for my own gratification due to my "poor sexual education growing up" (yeah, I had that problem of a poor sexual education too) and never being taught that you CAN'T JUST DO STUFF LIKE THAT! Just because you are pretty, or sexy, or desireable to another person doesn't give them the right to use you for their own gratification at will. Good grief, that is what is wrong with our world today, everyone is going out and doing whatever they want because they think they can. Alastair Crowley, a renowned Satanist proclaimed "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." and look where we are today. Teens and preteens having babies, rape victims so young it is a shame to even admit is is happening. Even between children it is occurring with alarming frequency and it is deemed alright, even admirable to have a "pleasureable reaction" to someone and not even think about the consequences?

Rexxsi I believe what you said about how you would have felt differently 5 years ago due to the teaching you grew up with but think about WHY you would have felt differently. You had to make a moral decision in your heart and mind about what you would and would not allow in your life based on the facts you were taught. You had to AGREE with the things you were taught in order to do so and honestly as a friend I would be concerned for your safety in today's world given your present position. Not that I want you to agree with mine but please be careful out there as, sadly yes, the world is full of perverts. The lure of the porn industry ensures that every day, and I know that you are somebody's daughter. As a father of two daughters I cringe at the thought seeing where I have fallen to.

One final thought on this and this is only my personal perspective Rexxsi. The institute of marriage is not ever in this life "perfect" because it is the joining together of two imperfect people. It is not a religious matter but one of relationship. Religion will only hurt you from the head down, relationship builds you from the heart out. We are always striving to come closer together all while the world around us is trying to tear us apart. Porn is one of the tools used against marriage as I know of no porn based in the faith and trust and love that marriage is supposed to hold. Marriage is only perfect when BOTH people commit to one another that they will always make every effort to remember to forgive their faults and shortcomings, work to build trust between them and trust the One who showed us what a loving relationship is all about. Giving everything even and including our lives if we must to protect the other. Since we ourselves are not perfect we can only turn to the One who was and ask for help. I am praying that my wife will do that as I am now to rebuild the trust that I have damaged between us. I trust it will come in time as much as I trust there will be a healing from this depression one day.

And Rexxsi, thank you for recognizing one solid truth. I do love my wife more than I can put into words and I too hope we can find common ground together. You have my complete respect as well. Though we may differ on our viewpoints I feel as having found a friend here on the forum. Be blessed.

Edited by wretchedman
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All I can say Rexxsi is Wow! I'll even say it backwards...woW! I do believe that you are both sincere in your position as well as your compliments so please allow me to engage a few of the things you stated.

You're more than welcome! :) I'm very glad you appreciate it! I appreciate it just the same. I've been really enjoying the open interaction here, it isn't something I get very often with people day-to-day.

It's funny that my own wife also is uncomfortable around other women for the same basic reasons you state although about other subjects such as fidelity in a relationship and resposibility as a parent. Many women simply don't see eye-to-eye with her on those issues. Nevertheless, she stands her ground knowing that there is one who sees her heart and I love her specifically because of that. Would that it were that I was as strong in my efforts to be a man of honor as she is in her determination to be a woman of honor.

While the females in porn are the "performers" as you put it they are there driven by the lucrative financial gains they may make and for many a position of power they may not otherwise enjoy in life. Sadly they are still under the "control" of the men who run the industry and sometimes the other women who run it. Yes there are those women who are in a leadership position of some porn companies and they are looking for their piece of the pie, no pun intended. Either way the women are always subject to the force of what they are involved in and many pay a severe penalty, just look up how many porn stars die at young ages from diseases, drugs, etc. that they may not otherwise have been a part of were they not in the porn industry. Yes, how sad it is :(

The thing about this is the media is filled with hysteria, exaggeration, and sensationalism penned by money-grabbing journalists - it's that sensationalism our culture loves, and which sells the most copies. The Western world loves to grab hold of "porn star sob stories", because they know they will grab people's attention, and they know people want to read them. People like to gossip and hearsay and gasp about these things, but how many people have had first-hand experiences that DON'T make the headlines? How confident do those who work in porn feel about talking about their "great day at work" among their peers? You never hear of the success stories, just as much as you never really hear many success stories for many professions anywhere. "Porn Star Had Great Time On Porn Set!" isn't really a headline, just as "Banker Had A Great Time At Bank Job!" People who love their jobs? They absolutely exist, of course. But those who work in porn live in a world which shames them rather than celebrates them, or sees them as equal to other professions.

Let's also not forget that many top porn directors are women. These are individuals who have the same roles as men - those who have been blamed and picked apart, but even then women do not get the right to defend their professions as being made by free choice. People jump to assume the worst about them. It's always assumed that a woman working in porn is there solely for financial gain. It is assumed that she doesn't enjoy her profession. Perhaps she was driven there due to difficult financial circumstances. Perhaps she was abused as a child and now look at her, "selling herself" for money. Pity abounds for these women, but they are not always true. If she sincerely says that she enjoys her job, she chose it because she has respect for the career, and find it fulfilling, the world is ready to stand by and put words into her mouth.

Many people will inform her that she is being disrespected, that she surely cannot enjoy this, or have entered into it as serious choice of her own. I see this as massively disrespectful in and of itself. She isn't given the opportunity to defend herself and is treated as though her brain is made of mush and she wanders around, falling into "wrong path" in life.

There are too many assumptions and judgement calls. As a woman, I do not look upon these judgements as fair or empowering. I see them as extremely disempowering and troublesome because I look at those women having words put into their mouths before they get a chance to speak for themselves. Many judgements are stereotypes. Some are true, some are not, but not many people care to look deeper and expect there to be a pretty picture, despite so many existing.

As for porn being "merely fantasy" that is what the industry has preached for so long as a defense of the acts seen. Speaking only for myself I know what a fetish is and any time I have ever seen a woman being struck, choked, slapped, spanked or otherwise physically harmed in any way not only is it a sexual turn off but it is also a CRIME in all 50 states and if I were to treat you in the same manner in ANY instance you would have every right to file charges against me, most of which would be on a FELONY level.

Then we should also consider WWE/WWF, all professional wrestlers, and the entire cast of the Kickass movies ;)

Where is the concern for these men who put themselves in situations in which they are thrown around, inflicting physical harm onto themselves and others?

Does the world pity these men? Does the world tell them they were forced into this? That they cannot be happy people who were capable of making career choices of their own? I don't see this anywhere. Heck! Even when you consider the many thousands of male porn performers who get beaten and gagged and whatnot! I think people assume they can think for themselves and enter such a porn career if they wish. But for women? There is no such privilege. Yet, at least. I hope that changes.

We must also consider context here. These people - be they male professional wrestlers or female professional porn actresses - are performers. They are not incidents in which a stranger has happened to beat up the wrestler or strike the porn actress. They are staged performances. They have scripts, a camera crew, and everybody knows what is going to occur there. If they DON'T, and it's an actual assault, then absolutely, that is a crime.

It's similar say, to a married couple who enjoy the BDSM scene. - They personally enjoy that activity, they get gratification from it, they indulge in that. The major difference here is consent.

It may not be a source of enjoyment and pleasure for everybody to be spanked, choked or gagged or whatnot ~ but, strange as it may be for some - to some people, it's their main source of sexual pleasure.

To equate those types of behavior with anything resembling sexual behavior is repulsive and no where near what a fetish is. Liking brunettes over blondes, tall girls over short ones, those are fetishes but NOT physically harming someone for your own gratification.

A fetish is defined as "a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc."

There are people who have a fetish for seeing a woman apply talcum powder to her body; the sensation of latex on skin; the sensation of fire held near to their flesh; the thrill of almost being caught doing something erotic; seeing a woman with soaking wet hair; a woman brushing her hair; a woman sneezing; a woman dangling a heeled shoe from her big toe.

There are many, many, many fetishes out there which don't just encompass physical traits. The things you detailed make me think more along the lines of physically desirable characteristics rather than fetishes. For example, a man can be mostly attracted to redheads, but his fetishes could be any number of specific activities or things.

But there are fetishes for pretty much anything you can think of! And yes, they span an enormous spectrum of things that can be as innocent as seeing a pretty lady in peep-toe shoes, to things which would be illegal if carried out in reality. The important thing is the difference between fantasy and reality, and acknowledging that most sane people know the difference just as they know the difference between playing video games and reality, as extreme as their fantasies may be.

Looking up popular fantasies women have may be an eye-opener. Heck, I'm sure that typing "why do so many women fantasize about" into Google will garner some interesting (and for some, possibly quite shocking) results. This is the stuff people don't want to speak about, and why it's so difficult to do so openly and in an environment free of judgement or jumping to extreme conclusions about their character and real life intentions.

Oh, and while I'm on it, the MEN in the porn industry get away with this type of behavior all the time and record it on video with no consequences. Sexual behavior was given as a means of showing affection and warmth between two human beings, not to harm them or belittle them in any way. If you can find any equation to the abuse shown in many porn vids then every rapist in the country should be set free and given carte blanche to do it some more. Safe words might just be the answer for women everywhere to try when they are being attacked or raped? NO should be a safe word then.

I am not condoning non-consensual violence. I am condoning individuals right to expression and pursuit of pleasure with consenting adults.

If a couple want to indulge in some "rough play", I believe they should have the right to do so.

If a porn actor or actress wish to make "rough play" his or her career, I believe they have the right to do so.

We have to consider that for some people, they actually enjoy a little humiliation as fantasy play. I can vouch for personal experience. (Again, I'm going to heed the 'TMI' so I am not going to go into detail here). However, there is a universe of difference between my partner carrying out a "humiliating" act on me as part of our sex life, and me wandering out to my local shop for some bread and milk and being attacked by a strange man who performed the same act.

Porn glorifies the male overpowering the female for their own desires to be met regardless of the woman's point of view on the matter.

Well this has to do with which porn you're referring to here! And of course there's quite a lot, putting it mildly! But I can tell you there are many, many thousands of sites, movies, pictures, etc in which the female is overpowering the male for her own desires to be met, regardless of the man's point of view. Such material is out out there in abundance and I would say that female domination, female superiority, male degradation, (among many, many other much, much more extreme, MUCH more physical subjects I don't think I can mention here!) are popular fetishes.

It isn't the same thing as a movie about boxing where the actors are portraying two boxers boxing, it is not something you just sign off on to allow yourself to be raped on camera for the sake of a paycheck. And yes, I have seen violent rape scenes in movies that have come from Hollywood that were NOT porn and the same thing applied there.Besides that, that is a huge difference between a {simulated} scene depicting a rape and an actual woman getting herself abused and raped as porn has ad nauseum. Unless I can see justice done such as the woman getting to do in her attacker like J-Lo in the movie Enough there is no comparison. That is NOT a fetish.

I haven't seen that film. But I'm not really sure what you mean about how this isn't like boxing where the actors are portraying actors boxing. How is it not like this? How do you know the woman is actually getting raped? And just the same, how do you know the boxers aren't actually hurting each other? Both act, both have certain camera tricks to make certain "moves" look more extreme, both are playing parts. If ever there are instances in which the boxing is "for real", or the rape is "for real", then yes, it absolutely urges to be dealt with and those in such a situation are well within their right to seek justice.

As for you not thinking me selfish, thank you but the grace is not earned as even though my wife and I have been apart physically for the time we have my heart toward her is the same as the day we took our vows. If I were to have been proper in my respect for her I should have been replaying our wedding night in my head and finding my release there, not in some other woman's bedroom. Bottom line. And BTW, what about HER natural biological urges and needs? She is as entitled to having them fulfilled as I am and she does not and will not view porn nor has she ever given me cause to doubt her fidelity. Score one big one in her favor there. Porn is the same thing as being with another woman in her mind and mine as well so I am the one who failed her there. Porn just made it a lot easier to do since I am the one who is drawn by the visual images as are all men. And guys, please if you want to argue me on that just go look at a picture of what looks like cleavage and tell me where you mind goes. The close up could be of what you think is cleavage and the wide shot might show you a set of something completely different that would turn you off, not on.

It seems we are on very different pages here, but I do very much respect your standpoint and view, even if it feels alien to me. :)

I don't see you as having failed her, nor do I see viewing porn as being equivalent to having cheated. I'm not really sure how much else I can say in response to you on this. You're both equally entitled to sexual fulfillment, and I see porn, sexual fantasies and self-pleasure as being basic things that each and every person regardless of gender or relationship status have a right to indulge in. I know that not everybody will agree with me there, but it is my view.

And yes, Rexxsi you are correct about having an open dialogue between partners being so important to understanding. My wife and I had that even before we married and we agreed about how we both felt about this issue and I was the one who fell to the temptation without considering her feelings thinking "if she doesn't know..." .Well guess what, she found out. And it HURT her feelings. Sex isn't supposed to do that.

My honest opinion on this, is that it may have hurt her because she didn't know this was a part of you before you married? I could be wrong, and I very much apologize if that assertion is completely false. I assume this because I see this happening to so many relationships: the man must hide his "shame": his porn collection. Bury it. Burn it. Or otherwise just try your damndest to get rid of it. But I think it's so difficult to do that because it's just a natural desire, and suppressing it can only fuel frustration, alienation and distance. It's hard still to find private time to indulge in self-pleasure, feeling it to be wrong, or that you don't need it anymore, as you have a partner. I think of self-pleasure as something you have the basic right to do for your life long, even if a man has 100+ sexual partners, he may still want to self-pleasure on his own.

Seriously Rexxsi, think about what you told me about your being flattered that you would have brought out a pleasureable reponse in me if you knew I was secretly lusting over you. Take it one step further and ask yourself if your response would have been the same if I were a man unable to control my secret passion for you and ended up sexually assaulting you one day for my own gratification due to my "poor sexual education growing up" (yeah, I had that problem of a poor sexual education too) and never being taught that you CAN'T JUST DO STUFF LIKE THAT!

Well there's quite a bit of difference between those two things, isn't there? One is perfectly harmless, the other is sexual assault. But you didn't ask me if I would mind if I were sexually assaulted me. You asked me how I'd respond to a question.

If you asked me the question as you outlined before, I'd answer, as I did do. If you sexually assaulted me, I'd probably attempt to defend myself physically, and call the police asap! They are two extremely different things.

Just because you are pretty, or sexy, or desireable to another person doesn't give them the right to use you for their own gratification at will.

Of course not. But I don't see you asking me a question or telling me you've pleasured yourself to me as you using me for your gratification at will. I just don't see it that way. To me, that's like someone telling me my hair colour made them smile. As an outcome of my appearance, I caused a physical reaction in them in the form of a smile. I don't feel somehow exploited because of that. I'm grateful it invoked a pleasurable response in them. The same as if I turned someone one. The same as if someone enjoyed thinking about my smile, I don't look at that person enjoying thinking about my smile and turn my nose up as though they are using me in some malicious way for their own gratification.

Technically, yes, I guess they are using me for their gratification, but what harm does their response do to me? Whether they're thinking about a smile I gave them, or they later went home and pleasured themselves over having seen my body? They aren't attacking me, or hurting me in any way, shape or form. They're just enjoying a natural part of being a sexual creature. Either way, I'm happy I made someone feel good.

Good grief, that is what is wrong with our world today, everyone is going out and doing whatever they want because they think they can.

Unfortunately, again, I don't see the world this way. :(

I see people - friends, family, people here, harmless people with kind hearts and good intentions - locking themselves in cages of their own shame and guilt, fearing going a step wrong in case the world falls in on them and they get spurned just for breathing a little tiny bit, being themselves a little.

Alastair Crowley, a renowned Satanist proclaimed "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." and look where we are today. Teens and preteens having babies, rape victims so young it is a shame to even admit is is happening. Even between children it is occurring with alarming frequency and it is deemed alright, even admirable to have a "pleasureable reaction" to someone and not even think about the consequences?

But why is it this way? I am thinking, why are there so many teenage pregnancies, etc?

Is it this way because we are told we can just do as we wish? I don't believe that's so.

I believe it's because our sex education is so poor, and sexual stigma is so rife in our culture, that it causes people to behave in this crazed manner. Kids are constantly being told they shouldn't have sex, wait until marriage, don't be sexually promiscuous, etc, etc.

School is no better. At my School, a rule came into effect that meant that boys could not be within a certain proximity to the girls. The distance was a matter of some inches. The adults are aware that the students are at an age in which they are starting to discover their sexuality, but they cannot express it, or even close. I'd seen a School recently banned kissing and "twerking" / sexy dancing at a School prom in America. This, in my eyes, is like getting a can of fizzy drink, and shaking it up. The can isn't opened. It's just given a good shake. By the time they're out, they're going to "explode" like that can. I wonder how many teen pregnancies "rules" like that give way to, being as those growing people who are experiences natural urges aren't given the chance for release without stigma.

The countries with the best sex education and least amount of sexual stigma have the lowest teen pregnancy rates for this reason, I believe.

Rexxsi I believe what you said about how you would have felt differently 5 years ago due to the teaching you grew up with but think about WHY you would have felt differently. You had to make a moral decision in your heart and mind about what you would and would not allow in your life based on the facts you were taught. You had to AGREE with the things you were taught in order to do so and honestly as a friend I would be concerned for your safety in today's world given your present position. Not that I want you to agree with mine but please be careful out there as, sadly yes, the world is full of perverts. The lure of the porn industry ensures that every day, and I know that you are somebody's daughter. As a father of two daughters I cringe at the thought seeing where I have fallen to.

I had to agree with the women around me lest I become estranged and outcast. At 26 now, I still struggle with that, but I'm working on it. I thank you sincerely for your concern, but I assure you I am very careful.

One final thought on this and this is only my personal perspective Rexxsi. The institute of marriage is not ever in this life "perfect" because it is the joining together of two imperfect people.

I completely agree! :)

It is not a religious matter but one of relationship. Religion will only hurt you from the head down, relationship builds you from the heart out. We are always striving to come closer together all while the world around us is trying to tear us apart. Porn is one of the tools used against marriage as I know of no porn based in the faith and trust and love that marriage is supposed to hold. Marriage is only perfect when BOTH people commit to one another that they will always make every effort to remember to forgive their faults and shortcomings, work to build trust between them and trust the One who showed us what a loving relationship is all about. Giving everything even and including our lives if we must to protect the other. Since we ourselves are not perfect we can only turn to the One who was and ask for help. I am praying that my wife will do that as I am now to rebuild the trust that I have damaged between us. I trust it will come in time as much as I trust there will be a healing from this depression one day.

Nobody can tell you what your relationship can be, or what it should consist of. It may not be for me, but I only hope your marriage gets stronger and stronger.

And Rexxsi, thank you for recognizing one solid truth. I do love my wife more than I can put into words and I too hope we can find common ground together. You have my complete respect as well. Though we may differ on our viewpoints I feel as having found a friend here on the forum. Be blessed.

:D I am so happy to read that. All the same to you! :)

Edited by Rexxsi
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I don't believe in porn addiction. I don't believe porn is soul-destroying. I don't believe porn is degrading.

Bottom line (lol): I view porn as something natural, pleasurable and healthy that people can get "addicted" to, because they feel they shouldn't be doing it.

It's like the biggest form of "forbidden fruit", and so basically I feel that if you can get addicted to porn, you can get addicted to pretty much anything. All that needs to be done is for society to see something natural, then brand it as "wrong" and bam... people form addictions to it.

It isn't in any way like alcohol addiction. Porn is fundamentally enjoyable and carries no risks. I don't for a moment believe porn rewires peoples brains and turns people into emotionless sex zombies ***, no way. However, I see truth in it if you relentlessly feel ashamed about watching so much porn, you're going to think about it more, feel more guilty, but deep down you know how good it feels, so you keep doing it. The same with anything you're excessively made to feel ashamed of. If someone tells you over and over again, "Don't think of a black cat! Thinking of black cats rewires your brain transmitters to be all crazy and overloaded and you won't feel anything any more and they're a trap!! Don't think of black cats!", what is that person going to do? They're going to want to think about black cats. I see this as what's happening to men and porn. "Don't watch porn! It's a trap!", soooooo... when you're alone, when you're horny, what are you going to want to do? It feels like hard drugs or something, because you've been indoctrinated to think it's so potent and bad and evil.

Embrace your fondness for porn is what I say. Enjoy it as best you can. I believe that if you accept your fondness for viewing it, genuinely come to terms with porn as something you enjoy, and accept it, you'll probably watch less because it won't be this big bad evil nasty thing you need to get rid of asap,

I feel that the taboo nature makes it more attractive and a much bigger temptation to watch because the "addiction" label has been slapped on it.

I don't believe your connections with women will be ruined by this, unless you believe it. It's got to be hard to be with a woman in real life, if you're worrying relentlessly about how porn is affecting it.

You're clealrly a person who doesn't have an addictive personality. Personally, my feelings have nothing to do with the act of looking at porn or any moral hangup as much as how long I usually do, and the feelings of emptiness that I experience afterward. I'm a pretty lonely guy with sub-par social skills and a near zero self-esteem and confidence, and I have gotten to the point where I use porn as a substitution for normal sexual relationships. In addition, I know I have a problem with pornography as my viewing of it in the past and even now has progressed into areas where I don't want to be.

Your feelings about your social skills and self esteem are a result of your single lifestyle, which I don't believe we as men are men't to live with. You may well have average social skills but we allways need something to blame for our lack of success. I am going to suggest something you may disagree with, but thats fine.

Is it really your lack of social skills? or is it that society has changed since social websites like facebook and woman are free to pick a new partner at the drop of a hat every week? (well those average in looks and above) I think the questions you should be asking is not, what's wrong with me, but more how can you make a difference to the circumstances you are in.

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I wasn't going to post at first, but I have to comment on this one:

It's a huge reason as to why I defend it with so much heart - when I hear people say "porn is this, porn is that, porn discriminates, is racist", etc, etc, I feel like asking how much they know of porn! *By far* porn is the most accepting industry in the world: There is no discrimination based on race, colour, body shape, weight, disability - it wants everyone.

This is some total, utter BS. You cannot be serious when you say there is no racial discrimination in porn. I have scoured the Internet for years and can only find a rare amateur video here and there containing an actor of a particular race/gender and have never seen it once from the mainstream porn industry.

You must be of a racial demographic such that you have never experienced racism in your entire life. A fantasy that has no impact on reality? What about having to hear coworkers make racial "jokes" denigrating your race's sexuality? Having to see it under every news article where someone of your race is involved - it doesn't matter if it's an athlete or politician or car accident victim - racist comments of stereotypes that come from porn. Seeing the same racial jokes even on depression chat rooms. Knowing that women check all races but one on dating sites - knowing that even if you had no other problems, you are more likely to die without ever being dated, married, or loved because of race... knowing that studies show you have to make a couple hundred thousand dollars more in income to have the same dating chances as other races. How about getting private messages from someone telling you they are about to commit suicide because of this reason? All because of the porn industry and Hollywood.

I too have often thought that race alone is enough reason for me to commit suicide (though I have myriad other reasons).. Many times I have wished I would get massive plastic surgery to remove all ethnic features and get rid of my name and past identity and start all over again. I cannot even introduce myself in public, or tell someone what my name is when they ask me, because of its ethnic connotations.

And you know what - I bet you know all of this. I bet you were intentionally bullxxxxxxxx when you called it the "most accepting industry in the world" and are laughing right now at me and gloating inside you that you and your boyfriend are of a genetically superior, more physically attractive stock. You love being attractive enough to be a porn star - do you really think I have the same chances of being in porn as you or your boyfriend? Or any ugly person, any elderly person with wrinkles, etc. people who won't be automatically denied entry in a shopping mall or a normal job? No, you don't.

I get the point about porn being no worse than 50 Shades of Grey. But the majority of the US and North America is far from being "prude" or "puritanical" - I can't believe how anyone can say that. The mainstream media and entertainment industry is all about sex ... even if I never look at porn, I'll see ads or pictures in totally irrelevant places that are porn or close to it. I'll hear my classmates talk about porn and see them view it on their lab computers. There's no stigma about porn, but there is plenty of stigma about being unattractive, a virgin, no girlfriend, etc.

You know why a college made a no-twerk rule? Because the term "twerking" didn't even exist until Miley did it. Many cultures around the world outside of Western Europe and North America don't have a problem with teens feeling repressed because they can't twerk for 8 hours every weekday, because they actually think a person's self worth is more than how many sex partners they have. They date and marry for reasons more important than their sexual attractiveness.

I saw the article about the no-twerk rule too - and I said, I wish I had attended a college like that. As expected, people accused me of being a "Bible thumper" and such but that is not the reason. It's because I could actually make friends without getting drunk and posting pics on Instagram of having sex with random strangers.

Last thing I'll mention is - just not looking at porn isn't enough. Certain things will scar me forever because I have seen it in the past and knowing they exist is enough.

P.S. if you think I was rude, well there are some statements I just can't respect.

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I wasn't going to post at first, but I have to comment on this one:

It's a huge reason as to why I defend it with so much heart - when I hear people say "porn is this, porn is that, porn discriminates, is racist", etc, etc, I feel like asking how much they know of porn! *By far* porn is the most accepting industry in the world: There is no discrimination based on race, colour, body shape, weight, disability - it wants everyone.

This is some total, utter BS. You cannot be serious when you say there is no racial discrimination in porn. I have scoured the Internet for years and can only find a rare amateur video here and there containing an actor of a particular race/gender and have never seen it once from the mainstream porn industry.

Well we've surely seen some different porn..? Not really sure what I can say to this. I haven't had the same internet scouring experience as you.

You must be of a racial demographic such that you have never experienced racism in your entire life.

I'm caucasian. I've also been attacked by a gang of black women, though I'm unsure how strongly racially motivated they were in their attack, they certainly had a lot against me for no apparent reason. But what should my own race and racial experiences have to do with this?

I can still state my standpoint, regardless.

A fantasy that has no impact on reality? What about having to hear coworkers make racial "jokes" denigrating your race's sexuality? Having to see it under every news article where someone of your race is involved - it doesn't matter if it's an athlete or politician or car accident victim - racist comments of stereotypes that come from porn. Seeing the same racial jokes even on depression chat rooms. Knowing that women check all races but one on dating sites - knowing that even if you had no other problems, you are more likely to die without ever being dated, married, or loved because of race... knowing that studies show you have to make a couple hundred thousand dollars more in income to have the same dating chances as other races. How about getting private messages from someone telling you they are about to commit suicide because of this reason? All because of the porn industry and Hollywood.

You are blaming racism on porn and Hollywood?

If someone is influenced by fantasies acted out in porn sets to actually be racist, my response is the same as if someone plays shoot-em-up games and goes on a spree.

Why would you blame the porn? Why would you blame the video game?

I too have often thought that race alone is enough reason for me to commit suicide (though I have myriad other reasons).. Many times I have wished I would get massive plastic surgery to remove all ethnic features and get rid of my name and past identity and start all over again. I cannot even introduce myself in public, or tell someone what my name is when they ask me, because of its ethnic connotations.

That sounds absolutely terrible. Are you getting any help at all with this?

And you know what - I bet you know all of this. I bet you were intentionally bulls***ting when you called it the "most accepting industry in the world"

No. My standpoint is formed by my real life experiences. What could I gain from making this up?

I'd hope that the amount of time I've spent in this thread counts for something. I care about this subject a lot and I've hoped that my sincerity shows.

I personally *know* many successful women who work in porn of different ethnicities. I also know many white women who are not as successful in the same field as women of other ethnicities.

and are laughing right now at me and gloating inside you that you and your boyfriend are of a genetically superior, more physically attractive stock.

Why would I be doing that...!?

You love being attractive enough to be a porn star - do you really think I have the same chances of being in porn as you or your boyfriend? Or any ugly person, any elderly person with wrinkles, etc. people who won't be automatically denied entry in a shopping mall or a normal job? No, you don't.

Yes. I do.

But you seem much more interested in pushing your own assumptions and stuffing words into my mouth rather than actually listening to me.

I get the point about porn being no worse than 50 Shades of Grey. But the majority of the US and North America is far from being "prude" or "puritanical" - I can't believe how anyone can say that. The mainstream media and entertainment industry is all about sex ... even if I never look at porn, I'll see ads or pictures in totally irrelevant places that are porn or close to it. I'll hear my classmates talk about porn and see them view it on their lab computers. There's no stigma about porn, but there is plenty of stigma about being unattractive, a virgin, no girlfriend, etc.

Well absolutely there's stigma about watching porn depending on where exactly you are in the world, who you know, your background, your family, your peers, your religion, your culture.

Of course some places are better than others, but the "acceptance" of porn only goes so far.

For example, it's one thing to chat to your male friends about which porn star is your favorite. It's another thing to be a sex worker who wants to work with children, or get ANY mainstream job at all, really.

The stigma manifests itself different with different people, in different places. But mostly, yes, I'd say it absolutely exists.

You know why a college made a no-twerk rule? Because the term "twerking" didn't even exist until Miley did it. Many cultures around the world outside of Western Europe and North America don't have a problem with teens feeling repressed because they can't twerk for 8 hours every weekday, because they actually think a person's self worth is more than how many sex partners they have. They date and marry for reasons more important than their sexual attractiveness.

That's exactly what I think is so messed up with the Western culture. Teens are not biologically wired to get married. They're wired to be sexually experimental. There's a very good reason teens want to "twerk", kiss, dance sexually, etc. Their bodies are telling them to do it. All I believe they need to be told is how to protect against STDs and do this safely, but marriage and purity get pushed so strongly in their faces.

Rather than that actually WORK, all it seems to do is backfire in the complete opposite direction, and still no one seems to think it's time to change the way young people are educated about sex. And that maybe - just maybe - going mad with rules and regulations and banning "twerking" and sexy dancing and kissing aren't the way to treat young people if they want to stop all these teen pregnancies popping up all the time.

I saw the article about the no-twerk rule too - and I said, I wish I had attended a college like that. As expected, people accused me of being a "Bible thumper" and such but that is not the reason. It's because I could actually make friends without getting drunk and posting pics on Instagram of having sex with random strangers.

That's absolutely fair enough, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

Edited by Rexxsi
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