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Well, I Just Crashed & Burned.


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Some of you may have read my earlier post about decades of unhappy marriage and suddenly finding someone who lifted me right up out of the deep well of despair. We had four beautiful, sun-filled, dream-like weeks that made me feel 30 years younger. And then...I did something which p***** her off and she rolled me into the ditch. Into the darkness I plunged, once again.

Over the past few weeks, we've had some contact because we are both on a committee. The first committee meeting darned near killed me when I found myself face to face with her again. All my strong emotions for her came rushing back. After that, we had a couple of conversations that were almost pleasant. I actually got her to laugh at something I wrote. I felt a little hope seeping back in.

Today, I found a job that she might be interested in. Sent her an e-mail about it and got a very terse reply. I sent a message of apology but didn't get a reply. My heart shriveled and I'm now I'm back in the realm of complete despondency.

I gave up drinking 9 weeks ago but this might tip me right back into the barrel.

Sh!t.

On edit: I'm in my mid-50s. Old enough to know better. But my heart doesn't understand that. I've *never* fallen for someone as badly as I have for this person. Even during my teenage years. I haven't felt much passion for anything over the past 15-20 years, but hanging out with this person turned my inner pilot light into a raging fire.

TANJ.

Edited by JD4010
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It really sucks to loose someone you care about so much. I have been sober for almost 2.5 years now & just last week I almost gave up & went back to the bottle. With both the drinking & the relationship, all you can do is take it one day at a time. I don't know what you did, but maybe if it was a small thing she is over reacting & will realize that soon. All you can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other, breathe in breath out & wait & hope. Merry Christmas & be well.

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Sorry for Your suffering 4010.

I saw a book for sale once intitled "What Men Know About Women" I opened it hopeing to find some words of wisdom---- only to find every page BLANK.. And soo true the older I get. I have been married 37 years and still know just a little about women.

I give You lots of luck, with your Lady

Wish You the Best

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Yeah. Women are the ultimate puzzle. I've tried to figure them out for many decades now. Haven't had much luck.

I'm the sole guy in our household--wife, daughter, and two female cats. I think I relate to the cats better than the human females.

Hahaha, funny about that "What Men Know About Women" book. :)

I should be giving up on that flame of mine. Just be content with maintaining the sh!tty relationship I've got with my wife, and let things go where they may. I forgot what it felt like to be in love, and then suddenly, along comes this wonderful woman. What a marvelous feeling it was for those precious four weeks.

My life is one big "kick me" sign.

P.S. Sorry you fell of the wagon, Wanna. I damned near did last night, but went to bed at 6:30p instead. Which p***** off my wife. Whatever.

Edited by JD4010
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Another committee meeting last night, and another round of profound regret on my part. It is all I can do to look at her without crying. Yes, a grown man crying in public. WTH?

Conversation was civil, at least. But I still fell into a deep pit of despair.

Afterwards, I went to catch the bus home and realized there's a tavern next to the bus stop. Sh!t. Fortunately, the bus showed up right on time and I hopped on before temptation overwhelmed me.

I have GOT to get over her. Or it will be the death of me.

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  • 2 weeks later...

32 years together. A daughter in college. A lot of baggage stashed everywhere.

I live a reasonably comfortable life now--we ain't swimming in money, but we have a working furnace and food in the fridge.

I'm fearful of gambling on another life away from home...it could be worse than what I've got now...

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I hope your daughter does great in college. I'm glad you have a working furnace because it looks like it's crazy cold in Wisconsin right now and food with an appetite to eat it. I understand the fear of finding someone different because we all have a type so we think we're finding someone else and she turns out to be just like the last woman. Believe me I know.

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I strongly suggest that before you try and patch things up with this friend, deal with the relationship - or lack of one - with your wife.

Based on your posts, this friend of yours is important to you and clearly you have feelings for her. It's great that she reminded you what it was to feel love again, because like anyone, you deserve happiness in your life. However, you are still married. You committed yourself to your wife. If that relationship has failed and there's no longer anything that can be done to repair it, then end it. It's unfair to both you and your wife to be trapped in a loveless marriage where both of you are miserable.

Placing yourself in a position where you're entirely focused on your friend and your feelings for her only makes things more complicated and potentially crosses a dangerous boundary into the realm of infidelity. And trust me, that is not a position you want to be in - if not for your sake, then for your daughter's sake. Finding out one of your parents cheated on the other has a tremendous impact on a child, no matter how old they are. It violates all sense of trust and respect for that parent and can completely destroy the relationship between parent and child. I say this out of personal experience: I'm only a few years older than your daughter and my father cheated on my stepmother (who, for all intents and purposes, is my mother), not once, but multiple times, ultimately ending their 18-year marriage. The relationship I currently have with my father is now a shadow of what it once was.

Everyone fears the unknown. Many of us prefer the comfort of what is familiar, no matter how miserable it makes us. But unless we choose to break free and change, nothing will ever get better.

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Thanks, apple_bloom.

Yeah, You are giving sound advice. I had a long discussion with myself just last night. Came to the realization that maybe (for once) I was lucky, when the close relationship with the friend ended. Probably saved several people, including me, a lot of anguish.

I am the product of divorced parents as well. My parents split when I was 8. My mom was married three times, and my dad twice. My stepdad had been married once before he and my mom got hitched. He was a good dude, as was my biological dad, so I'm lucky there too.

It's harder than he!! to let go of someone you feel such passion for. But I gotta do it, or I will REALLY crash & burn.

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