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Feeling Helpless


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Morning,

Just needed to vent about my daughter.

19, depressed and possibly binge eating.

Why do I feel so helpless when dealing with her? We get along fine, and then I say or do something that is not that ridiculous, and I am a pool of tears and she goes off in a huff.

Here is a prime example. I was giving our beloved cat a tablet this morning, and it was unsuccessful and involved a blood bath...mine. I yelled at it and said words to the effect of you little bugger, I don't care if you die, ouch.... I then proceeded to get the pill popper and have another go and she had the tablet.

I was going to drive my daughter to work, but she drove herself and spoke to her father, and now sees me as the devil. I am not allowed to ever express any sort of negative emotion at all, or she goes completely off. She hates it when I cry, or show concern, or become overly emotional.

She doesn't express her emotions well, and is under pressure at her part time job because of meeting xmas targets, but I don't feel like I should have to walk on eggshells, or vet everything I say or do to please her.

Nothing like a good cry to get the day off to a good start, and it was looking like such a good one.

Sorry for the tirade, just feeling confused and upset and my husband, who is great, doesn't really know what to do.

He tends to keep to the neutral ground, because then my daughter talks to him.

I sometimes feel like I an the only one who expresses their feelings, and shouldn't

stressedmum

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Lord if I had a dime every time I yelled at my dogs and cats while trying to get them to take their medicine I'd be a rich woman!

You did nothing wrong. You don't need to stifle your emotions because your daughter has a hard time dealing with them. Many times with kids that age, if it isn't one thing you are doing to bother them, it will be something else.

Try not to be so hurt, you were not in the wrong here.

Be well.

Gayle

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...You sound just like my mother...
That being said, I'm probably a bit biased about this scenario. So I'll just say that a lot of the "minor" confrontations my mother and I get into are caused by something deeper... something that's more than likely gone unmentioned for an extended period of time. In other words, one of us will be caught up on a bigger conflict, but instead of addressing it, we end up becoming inappropriately angry at one another for almost everything. Either that, or the confrontations are due to built up frustration over a bunch of smaller things. It's never just about the "inappropriate family pet conduct" with us.

And I, being depressed, have a tendency to be a bit sensitive to certain things... yet instead of showing that sensitivity it comes out as "defensive hostility" or indifference.

Could be something similar with her, I don't know.

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Thank you. I appreciate having someone else say I wasn't in the wrong.

I think sometimes you become so engaged in trying to help, that you forget that they are still young, and are entitled to be repulsive.

It was just truly one of those days.

Cat and I didn't have a problem today. I agree. She couldn't yell at her boss, so naturally mum is the next best thing. I have been coping with it really well, just wasn't a good one,

I was tempted to say well you give the cat her tablet, but I didn't want to traumatise the cat. LOL.

ASLycoris,

You are indeed right. She is stressed about work and uni, and I am safe to yell at. Her father is also very non-confrontational, so if she needs to yell / cry / work off steam, it has to be me. One would think perhaps just crying or exercising would be easier, but at the moment, they aren't her choices.

She will talk to her father more than me. I know that she is also hyper sensitive to things, and I think it made her deal with the fact that the cat might be unwell.

Thank you for your perspective as a young person.

Hope you are traveling well.

stressed mum

Edited by stressedmum
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