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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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I made dinner: onions, bell peppers, beef, and chicken in a fajita sauce with rice

For dessert, I made a cookie pizza: roll out sugar cookie dough into a round pan and bake. For sauces, I used cream cheese frosting on 1/2, nutella on a 1/4 and yogurt on a 1/4. For toppings, I used sprinkles and fruit.

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On ‎12‎/‎30‎/‎2017 at 5:49 AM, Kirke said:

I would like to share my photos, but i want to be anonymous. I am not famous that people can reqognize my photos, but with google image search my name can be found out easily. At least now i dont feel comfortable with that as i have wrote very personal things here that most people who i know in real life...they have no idea :D Maybe in future i feel more confident and can speak about these problems in real life too and then staying anonymous would not be important.

I think writing and creating videos are creative work too! 

In my experience people who studied or are studing psychology are not always/often stable themselves. I met with my friend at the (mental) hospital and he was studing psychology before.. he is smart and can explain theoretically how the mind works and what can be helpful to overcome depression etc, but that does not stop him feeling terrible sometimes. I actually have considered learning psychology too, now i think i am not gonna study it at uni, but just educate myself with reading some books etc.

If for you being anonymous is not important you can share your youtube link :)  

 

I understand about being anonymous! I think for now because I'm new, not sure if I should link my channel just yet haha. But I've been told that even therapists need therapy themselves. Something that I never actually thought was possible. I always figured that therapists would have to have a stable psyche to help others but when it comes down to everything they hear and deal with, it makes sense for them to practice what they preach. They need help too. 

As for what I've done well, so far nothing besides finishing my video edits and uploading them to my channel. My head has been hurting for the past few days now so I haven't been able to post on here in a while. I feel bad that I have to ask my parents for money because my university job is closed for a few more weeks but I'm running out of food and could really use it. I always feel guilty about it though. 

Think I'll look for a job today or at least sometime this week. I might also have a cold or something because I think it's getting worse. As for the relationship front, spoke with my ex last night and I think we've managed to find closure. He's been acting very strange lately, almost like he doesn't want to talk about it. It's something that needed to be discussed though. 

 

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Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting here! I've been reading a lot of posts but just now joined. I figured I could join this thread because it seems really active, and I really need to talk to people that understand right now. Its also so encouraging to see what everyone is accomplishing! In short, I moved to a new city across the country, and have no friends here. I miss my family terribly. I've ALWAYS struggled with anxiety, but have been recently diagnosed with GAD, depression, and OCD. 

I had the worst panic attack of my life yesterday. Hyperventilating, shaking, crying and freaking out for 30-45 minutes. I've never had hyperventilating before- it was awful. I had to call out of work, and my fiance had to as well to take care of me, I asked him not to leave me alone in the apartment. It was so terrifying and draining. I took a shower after and just sat in the water and cried. I did get to talk to my mom towards the end of it happening on the phone which was good. I'm very close with my family.

The crappiest part of yesterday is that I missed a call from my psychiatrist. We had an appt set for today (1/4), but she asked to reschedule because of the snow storm coming. I was sleeping after the attack because I was just SO drained, so I missed the call. She then called me basically 30 minutes later saying she canceled my appt because I didn't get back to her in time. Made me feel SO crappy. However, I was able to reschedule it to friday. 

Later in the day I ran some errands with my fiance. Felt numb and so so sad. We then took a walk outside which was really nice. We moved because of a promotion he got, but I'm already wanting to move back, so we talked about that a while. I asked him if he would resent me if we had to move back when our lease is up (August) because of my mental health, and he said maybe, which hurt a little. He moved up here in February of last year (I moved in August after I graduated college), so his thinking is he wants to wait until he has 2 years under his belt at his current job. The August move would only be 1 1/2 years.

Later in the day was actually really good for me- does anyone seem to have those mood swings? I am so blue mainly in the mornings, but feel much happier in the afternoons/evenings. I cleaned a little bit and my fiance made dinner and played music, which we goofily danced around to. I scooped my cats' litter and swept around the boxes.

After a therapist I'm trying to get in to see called me back! She sounds awesome and we set a date on Monday. I'm so excited to meet with her!!

 

Today I'm working from home (thankfully) as is my fiance, because we're getting pounded with snow. So far I've eaten a good amount of breakfast (basically want to eat nothing since I've been depressed, lost 10 pounds) and am working on work stuff while posting here. Mood is okay. My two cats help!

Can't wait to start talking to everyone here! Its basically a godsend I found this place. Sorry for the long post as well, I hope its not too wordy for some :upside:

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I got hired today! After being out of work close to 3 years, I am now joining the land of the employed again. I thought I was 0/2 in my job search but I was wrong. Yesterday because the offer I thought I had, never came. The manager who interviewed me said that there was a glitch in the system and he sent the email offer to me today. What a relief.

Edited by Mattymatt
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I wanted to be able to come here raving about my experience at my first poetry slam but once again mental illness is ruining my life due to my need to go to DBT and therefore not leave my daughter alone for that time plus the slam time.

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I cleaned my sons bathroom (ew, how he can stand to have it that dirty is beyond me), changed the bedding and am doing laundry. considering all I want to do is to just lay in bed and rot I count this as a victory.

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4.01-7.01  Some days i studied little, but not in a real active way like wanted, still something at least. Some days didnt do anything. Sometimes tried to pay attention to negative thoughts and angry/hateful self-talk and control it and say good things about my self in front of mirrow... 

I dont believe them in my hart, but will try continueing with this until i believe at least some, if i dont forget...like usually when i have a potentially helpful idea i forget it as soon as i feel worse again. I say things like i am a good person, i am talented, all my life is still in front of me, i am responsible of my future and i am strong. I am a nice person inside and outside etc :) Its weird, but i have to- no i WANT to, change my thoughts as i cant overcome anxiety and depression if i always think negatively.

4.01  doctors appoitment that went well, although its always little bit hard too.

I really like my doctor so even if i cry after, because its hard to talk about my thoughts and experiences, but i always go and eventually feel better.  We decided that i continue with duloxetin instead 30mg to 60 mg. That have made me feel very bad now, but i know it will pass, like it passed when i first started this med about 1.5 month ago. I feel that he really cares about me and wants me to do better, not like some doctors who seem to hate their job. I told him that january will be alcohol free month for me and he thought its good idea too. He always asks me about alcohol and drugs as i have had some problems in past. Now i dont do drugs at all. Last time was a year ago when i did drugs once and small amount, at first wanted to do more - then changed my mind to do more and left the party, i felt that its not right to do this and was together with a friend who has never done any so i thought maybe she will do if i do and better to leave together. Before that 5-6y (???) didnt do any at all. I have sometimes been parting with friends who are totally high and i really dont feel any wish to be like that too. With alcohol i drink occasionaly - maybe average 2 times in a week max, but sometimes less or some weeks not at all. Still i think its important to really pay attention that it dont become a problem because i have "self medicated" with alcohol in past. Not diagnosed as addicted, but abusing it.. but its dangerous too and could lead to serious addiction if i start doing that again. 

Yesterday 8.01 Had exam in Spanish, was somewhat prepared, but really not sure how it went. Couldnt sleep before the exam, so felt very tired after, but still couldnt sleep again before the morning of today :( 

Propably will pass the exam, depends how they give points (my grammatics is really bad, specially the accents, but i do understand easy texts and have some vocabulary. So even if i fail at least i feel i did learn something and i dont actually need the grade as its extra class i dont even have to pass to graduate:)

Today Tuesday 9.01 Went to sleep at 8? at morning woke about 18.00, at least got some sleep because a night before didnt sleep at all. For tomorrow i have to do a lot of school things - web page, a new series of photos, find my old series and organize them for web page also make a cv for web page, write a rewies about some art exhibitions etc... Tomorrow 17.00 i will meet my teacher at school so that is a deadline.

I will try not to panic and just do it! :) Also not overthink that everything has to be perfect - example home page - can just start it with some free and easy platform and just put some of my work not all i want etc. So maybe i can do (most) things for tomorrow. 

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On 4.1.2018 at 3:58 PM, Royally1nsane said:

I understand about being anonymous! I think for now because I'm new, not sure if I should link my channel just yet haha.

 

Its very new to me too to write everything here, what i do/dont do and what i experience of (not) doing these things. Its easier now if its anonymous :) 

Maybe in future i dont feel the need to be anonymous as i acutally think its good to be honest and people who will judge me for my feelings/experiences are not worth of focusing. Now i am not ready for that as a lot of people dont really now about my problems, i feel guilt and shame etc. Maybe if i could overcome some i feel proud and can share publicly.

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I accomplished way too much today, but I went to exercise class and met an acquaintance and encouraged her to join it.

Then I did a bunch of cleaning. I did the dishes. I made dinner. I went to a board meeting and took minutes.

See? So much accomplishing. Maybe too much. And no downtime until...I fall asleep.

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Wednesday 10.01

  • Started my web page finally (for public art portfoolio), i have thought about starting it for several years already :D 

Was hard to start, i (often) dont feel good about my work, but i have already have art exhibitions so its necessary to have a public page too. Couldnt do rest of the school stuff i was supposed to, but at least went to school and made a staged photography shoot with small minion climbing on a wheel, that had some salt on it :D So not a bad day. I was in better mood before, but now its already thursday morning and i am so tired, but cant sleep, so my mood is gone little bit down.

  • Also found out i got an E in my Spanish exam...

Its my 2nd E in uni (in 4 years)... so was not too happy... but i never did my home work and was lucky that i was even allowed to take the exam as i missed too many classes... just studied like a lazy person little bit before the exam.. and my "studing" was listening to youtube videos and using duolingo app... So i guess its ok, at least i passed. I know i shouldnt feel bad, but i do...

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11.01 Thursday

  • Woke up about 16.00, about 18.00 remembered to take my meds that i am supposed to take in the morning.. Forced myself to eat 2 pieces of bread at 20.00 (i dont want to eat when i wake up for long time and then at night i eat way too much). Wrote some thoughts and ideas about how to help myself/avoid negative tohughts.. tried to analyse my thinking and worries (if some of my fears went as bad as i thought etc, some did and most didnt.. ) Washed some dishes and put clothes away from floor to the chair... Cooked some crispy veggies. I havent cooked at least a month and havent cooked anything normal/healthy a lot more time :D 

Should do school things and prepare videoshoot that i have soon, learn the script etc.. but i guess i cant today. Also should prepare for tomorrows photoshoot, but i propably cant do that also... maybe before when i go there... or i dont and just improvise. I hope i can sleep (sure i cant, but still hope), have to be there tomorrow for sure even if i dont get any sleep...

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On 1/4/2018 at 10:24 AM, Mattymatt said:

I got hired today! After being out of work close to 3 years, I am now joining the land of the employed again. I thought I was 0/2 in my job search but I was wrong. Yesterday because the offer I thought I had, never came. The manager who interviewed me said that there was a glitch in the system and he sent the email offer to me today. What a relief.

Hey...just saw this post.  Congratulations! !!

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Got out of bed to bathe, swept the floor, washed the dishes, listened to my mother in law nagging without me going crazy. Keep telling myself that I’m awesome, that I’m good, that what happens to me happens for the best, that I’m worth it. It’s hard but I can take it, it’s bad but not horrible, I’m fallible but still worthy... I need to stop hating myself :tear2:

Edited by nirah007
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12.01 Friday

  • Did a photoshoot, didnt prepare for it, but it went ok.

13.01 Saturday

  • Organized and edited some architecture photos and showed to my teacher. Maybe gonna have art exhibition soon, but not sure as the photos could be better. If i continue working with this theme then maybe. Was supposed to do more (work with another photo series and my portfolio/webpage), but at least got smth done. Couldnt sleep until sunday morning 8 or later :( 

14.01 Sunday

  • Because of really serious sleep problems, didnt do much, just quickly some preparation for filmshoot that i had today - read the storyboard etc. Still didnt work with my webpage (although was supposed to make changes by today). Couldnt sleep again...

15.01 Today

  • Got 2-3hours sleep, then went to cinema and saw a movie that i acted in. It was really good and made me feel good. 
  • Filmshoot - with only few hours we got a lot more done than we hoped for. So it went very well and we all had fun. I felt ok, not too anxious and did ok job too. 
  • Went to photography exhibition. Didnt enjoy it really, because i was very tired already. I have to write a rewiew about it and some others that i already saw before. The review was supposed to be ready long time ago... in the middle of december i think...
  • Watched Two and a half men and took a short nap. 
  • Wrote here.

 

Generally i feel much better than 1-2 months ago! I think thanks to my recently added antidepressant and of course i try hard to do better. Without my meds would be impossible to even try. I think i have done a lot more things. Before i spent most of the time in my bed. Felt very bad before... self- harm and couldnt do anything and was really negative, angry and depressed. Recently at least sometimes i feel ok/good and then again not so much, but before felt extremly bad all/most of the time and was unable to even think, just felt hopeless and a lot of pain. Now i just feel very bad at nights and have nightmares, but daytime is generally ok. I hope it gets even better, specially sleep problems.

Edited by Kirke
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