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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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:icon12: - I got out of bed despite being exhausted

:icon12: - I went to college and did my work... That was hard

:icon12: - I saw my college crush without freaking out

:icon12: - I didn't rage in college like I did yesterday... I am not nasty but when I'm mad, people wanna stay away from me...

:icon12: - I managed to walk around town, despite having major anxiety. I think everyone's watching and judging me

Despite all these "achievements," I don't feel accomplished :unsure:

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4 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

Thanks babyxgothxx! It's one of my least favorite chores...Of course, no one ever said "I can't wait to clean out the catbox!!!!" Lol

Anytime, LonelyHiker! Yes cleaning out the catbox gets so messy! It's not fun at all, but it's rewarding seeing the kitty happy lol

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11 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

:icon12: - I got out of bed despite being exhausted

:icon12: - I went to college and did my work... That was hard

:icon12: - I saw my college crush without freaking out

:icon12: - I didn't rage in college like I did yesterday... I am not nasty but when I'm mad, people wanna stay away from me...

:icon12: - I managed to walk around town, despite having major anxiety. I think everyone's watching and judging me

Despite all these "achievements," I don't feel accomplished :unsure:

Good for you babyxgothxx! One little victory at a time! 

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On 12/10/2017 at 0:17 PM, Nisemono said:

I went to the pub and watched a bit of the match - local derby, not that I especially care. Football isn't a matter of life and death and Bill Shankly was talking out of his arse. Some people get so worked up about sports! We win, we lose, life goes on. It's odd to see men get so emotional about something that doesn't really matter. In any other area of life they wouldn't dare to show any emotion because emotions are for women and homosexuals. And maybe that's why many men take sport so seriously - It's an area where it's ok to show emotion. Cry when your team loses and you're a great fan. Cry when your cat dies and there's something wrong with you. Masculinity is ****ing stupid.

But I've got a bit sidetracked. I went to the pub and watched a bit of the match. That's probably not an especially impressive achievement and nor did it seem so to me at the time. I used to be a recluse who wouldn't need the fingers on my second hand to count the number of times I left the house in a month. Most of the fingers on one hand wouldn't have been used. But I went to the pub and watched a bit of the match and it wasn't a big deal. It probably sounds like I'm making too much of a fuss of something so insignificant but there was a time when doing such an insignificant thing would've terrified me. I can't, it will all go wrong, they'll all see what a freak I am. And I never give myself any damn credit for the progress I've made. I might have crossed one mountain but there's always a bigger one rearing up ahead, so don't go congratulating yourself yet because you're going to fail to get over that one. **** you brain and well done me.

So true! I really don get why people get emotional over sport. It was the same in gym class. Ive always hated this.

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Woke up at lunch time. Took my medicines. Drinked coffee and smoked, forced myself to eat a banana (really dont feel like eating mornings/lunch... just at nights and then a lot... but i know its bad). Had shower. Studied little, but not the subjects that i really need to study now (cant focus on prioritys or smth)... and just studied little bit, like "normal" for a lazy not motivated person i am. I get tired so easily lately. I needed to go to x-ray today for dentist appoitment, was really anxious about it, but finally got there like 5 (plan was to go there about 2-3..so little bit failed but still at least i went there). Walked there and back (both ways together are about hour walk). Then i was standing still for 5 minutes(?) for the x ray, that was really scary. Went to shop, bought 5 chocolates and milk for the coffee :D some other stuff too. Got home. Read this forum and registrated here. Posted this - my first post here (i normally dont use any forums, so i was kind of between if i should do it or not). Now i am in the bed and eat chocolate and think if i should go out or study but i really kind of dont care, but in the same time i have anxiety or worry about ... not sure... not caring? So i care? This is a mess. Well anyway this topic is really good, although sad too. And generally my day was a waist of time mostly but not complately, lets say maybe 80% pointless and 20% i was almost doing smth, at least small things. And although i feel like a failure and not good at all its still better than it was few weeks ago.

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Yesterday i didnt do much. Maybe studied 30 minutes (again not the things i have exams coming up...) Just something that was "easier" . Then i felt really bad most of the day and was in bed, cried little bit, also was in internet a lot. Then i talked my friend and we had argument and i realised from what she was saying that being my friend is not really a priority in her life and spending time with me - its not fun anymore. So she maybe avoids me little bit (i asked and she agreed when she thought about it). So i feel bad because i really dont have close friends, she was before one of the few... I have people i know, who are kind of random and who i can go to partys together... but nobody really cares. Well anyway having no friends and family made me feel worse yesterday. I cried and my head hurt so much. I was in bed most of the time and eventually i got up, took my clothes and random papers from floor (YEEE:). Washed one cup and some plates (ahahha most are still dirty). Put all my clothes from floor to chair (cant say its cleaning, but at least i can walk in floor without stepping on my clothes - that i must say, mostly i wear later, ahahaha :D ). Listened some videos in spanish (thats the only subject i have learned little bit). Then i searched my messy room and found my art stuff for drawing and painting (have exam in few days.. have to do some work). I put then on the floor, at least iknow where they are in case i could actually manage myself to motivate to start (i know when i start it can be even kind of fun, but starting something is really hard). I also checked my notebook and wrote done some things i should do in next few days. And thought about what to show in photography exam, also have some photos to edit, but its not so bad with that subject. Then about 4 at night i took sleeping pill and listened to some more youtube videos in spanish. 

Today woke up 14.00 and now drinking coffee, already brush my teeth too and did 10 minutes stretching. I will try to not overthink it and start to doing some things but i already feel stressed because besides school things i also have to respond emails and make a contract for my new phone company. Also i still feel sad about the talk i had with my friend (?) yesterday. Why should anyone want to be friends with depressed and moody person... so i understand her too. Its not its only been few weeks, but it has been really bad one year. So its annoying. And logical that nobody cares. That is propably the reason i write this - so long and boring text here... i dont think it really is interesting to read, but its therapy- diary for me i guess.

Omg its really long txt - my adhd is written all over it, sorry :D   

Edited by Kirke
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Saturday

Joey's restaurant with former co-workers. I had a wonderful time.

Starbucks.....met my friend Lai there.

Block 1912 cafe.....Kaylan was working.  She is a beautiful young lady.  I wish if she was my daughter.

Walk for one hour with my friend Ken.

McDonalds.

Sunday

Depression/anxiety group....chat with Taryn.

Block 1912  cafe........read my book.

I was walking by the Next Act Pub  when on of the young women servers Kindee waveed at me so I decided to go in............continue reading my book "Is it love or is it an addiction."  Watch cricket from Australia.  My team lost again.

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yesterday i searched for my messy computer for my photos and edited some for tomorrows photography exam. both tasks tooked me 10 times more time than would be normal, but still happy i did them.

today have to leave my room, that i havent done since thursday... will go to the dentist, print photos and  then have 2 exams to prepare for tomorrow..  one of them i havent even started yet and i am really not sure if its possible with the little time left

Edited by Kirke
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I got an email from someone regarding work I did yesterday. I knew I had done something sort of incompletely, but within the realm of okay-ness. The person who emailed me asked that I call her. I put it off until after checking the snail-mail, but I did call her and apologized for my errors and explained what I did and why. I did not lie. She was okay with what happened.

I felt relieved.

That was my biggest accomplishment. Also, went to exercise class, hunted down people to sign a card for our instructor and handwashed my "delicates."

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Yesterday (monday) went to dentist - all my teeth are fixed now. Very happy for that!!! Panicked every time i went there. I thought about going to the dentist for past 3+ years..., so finally did it! After i printed photos for exam, then was exhausted.. killed time with internet. Then at night i could motivate myself finally to start preparing for another exam. Did that all night, wasnt even ready when it was time to go..  panicked at morning, thought there is even no point to go and i will be embarrased how bad i do. Still went as i tried to understand i am propably overreacting because of anxiety.

So today (tuesday) did 2 exams, without having even one minut sleep. Felt good at first, but although they went (suprisingly) good - now i am still not feeling good (but not as bad as other days, so i guess its still "good"). Generally i think i did well, so i try to tell myself that everything is ok, but ... it just works little bit.

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Got kid making ginger molasses cookies for her school christmas party. Got her started now she is finishing.

Saw my psychiatrist. God i love him he is so amazing. Really listens. Understands. We have a new plan to hopefully fine tune my medication use. 

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