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I went for a walk today. 3.5 laps around the park near my home--that is about a mile. Then when I got home, I took a shower.

I made myself breakfast earlier. I wrote in my journal. I'm having a sad, downer of a day, but the walk has helped.

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Toronto

I drove to the Grocery store to buy Chinese food.

Buy fish and other foods from grocery stores.

Costco.....sample foods.  

Return rental car.  

pack suit cases.

take cab to Toronto airport

Board flight bound for Edmonton.

Arrive in Edmonton after midnight.

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11 hours ago, Camellia said:

@duck     I'm glad you reached there safely. Rest well.

Thank you Camilla. I am doing well.  I am a bit sleepy because I have developed a bad habit of listening to music when I go to sleep. I fall asleep with my head phones on and then I do not sleep well. This bad habit started two weeks ago.

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Today I delivered a check for my sister. 

Costcour.....eat sample food,  buy fruits.

Gas station.....buy bus pass.

Phone my bank. My credit card not working again.

Visit my local bank and select a new pin which was a pain in the butt.

Visit the local mall....Buy iced coffee.

Text my sister and niece and my friend.

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Dog next door woke me up  at 6 ... sigh.... they keep it chained to a old truck--that is close to my window.... poor thing just is sad and cries... I went out and tried to talk to neighbors about doing something different, like building a fence.... I have already taken 2 of their dogs to live with me (I have 1/4 of an acre fenced in). Anyhow did not make much headway. Then I went back to my house tried to sleep for a little while, but needed to get up for work. So I went to work... took a walk at lunch to a waterfall (how lucky am I that I can walk to a waterfall). New just finishing the day... I am a little better these days,  started doing yoga which is helpful and a new antidepressant. Somewhat afraid of the long weekend... being alone is,well lonely... Wishing everyone a good long relaxing weekend. My heart goes out to those of you who are severely suffering. 

Edited by lex333
corrected incorrect word choice ;)
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On 02/09/2017 at 8:51 AM, duck said:

Thank you Camilla. I am doing well.  I am a bit sleepy because I have developed a bad habit of listening to music when I go to sleep. I fall asleep with my head phones on and then I do not sleep well. This bad habit started two weeks ago.

@duck     You're welcome Duck. I'm sorry to hear that. I understand about the music. I always have the earphone to distract myself. A slight silent moment can easily trigger me. I hope you can find ways to sleep better.

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Phone new therapist........she wants letter from my current therapist.

Phone new pdoc....will not see me until she speaks with my current pdoc.

Go to depression group at my local hospital....it is cancelled for good.

My sister text me and we chatted for two hours.

I text my friend John C.

I met a  dietitian I know Teralyn. She told me she is pregnant.

I went to Walmart to look for venetian  blinds.  None.

Home Depot ....buy two......met Jerry.....a friend

McDonalds

Check my sisters vacant house

DF chat

Phone a long lost friend and leave a message.

Eat

Go to the book store

Starbucks....met Alyssa

Vietnamese shop with my friend.  He was hungry.

Met my friend Lai

Text Pam and phoned my brother in law

Block 1912 cafe.....met a nice lady who works there two days in a row.

Drive my friend to the train station

Text my friend John

 

 

 

Edited by duck
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I got up and fed my cat.

I went on social media and saw three different messages from three different people (funny cuz it's rare I ever talk to more than one or two people a day). These three people are going on a vacation, good friends of mine. I've never had a vacation, I wish them well but I couldn't respond, I just feel like conventional life is pushing me away more.

I came on here hoping to find something nice to read, maybe post how I was feeling. I read a post about a person having trouble with their family, who tried to have them committed(?) The memories of being 'kidnapped' from my house suddenly by police, being put in chains and then locked up with people who had 'real' problems. The smell of urine and something so sterile it chokes the air comes back and I can feel the eyes on me, judging me, keeping that needle close because this big dude looks angry for a good reason. 

Just writing that and thinking about my current state in life and for the fourth time in under 24 hours tears are sliding down my emotionless face. I'm not sniffling, they're just forcing their way out because something's gotta give.

Now I'm just sitting here staring into space, wishing someone would give me a reason to get physical so I can show someone how *I* feel for once. Just one smart comment, that's all I need because I know no kindness is coming my way or that anything other than time will help. I think I'd hide in bed.

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Doing stuff at work I have no interest in doing. Left me cold and empty as usual. I've been groggy all day due to not sleeping and reverting to mirtazapine as a sleeping aid. Saw my new therapist. He seems to think I have a good chance of getting to the bottom of whatever is bothering my existence.

How does one get to the bottom of absolute nothingness?

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Slept only two hours because of my sinuses.

Go to Canadian Tire hardware store.

Pay dentist bill.

Buy iced coffee and people watch.

Costco

Phone my cousin in New York

Library......borrow book on CBT

Chapters book store

Met some friendly dogs and play with them.

Starbucks .......meet friends

Block 1912 Cafe.....with friends........meet the nice lady again who works there.

Drive my lazy friend home.  I was stupid to agree to do this.

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18 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Doing stuff at work I have no interest in doing. Left me cold and empty as usual. I've been groggy all day due to not sleeping and reverting to mirtazapine as a sleeping aid. Saw my new therapist. He seems to think I have a good chance of getting to the bottom of whatever is bothering my existence.

How does one get to the bottom of absolute nothingness?

Glad you saw the new therapist.

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Slept for only one hour in the past 24 hours.

My disability insurance Worker phoned and interviewed me.  He does this every three months or so.  

Walmart........venetian blinds

pick up sister from bus stop.

Sobeys grocery store

Check my sisters vacant house

check community mail box

eat supper

Told off a guy who tried to give me a phamplet about God.  I have said No to him seven times in the past.  He obviously has no respect for me.

Chapters book store........look for self help books.

Second Cup cafe......met Tim and Ken

Starbucks ........met Daliah...I did not see her for many months.....she was working with people with mental illnesses at a camp.

Sit on Second cup patio and people watch.......too many bugs fell on me from the lights above my head.

Block 1912 Cafe.....met the nice young lady again.  Saw Ryan but he did not see me.  He was with a lady.

The Next Act Pub......met Charlotte (new lady),  Nikola, Ski.

Text my friend John C and explain to him how ill I am feeling.

 

 

 

 

Edited by duck
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Saturday

I took my sisters for a drive. We had a good time. 

Starbucks

Block 1912 cafe

The Next Act Pub......A server that works there named Ski likes me. We chat every time I eat there. Tonight we chatted for a long time. She is always concerned about me and my depression.

Drive my friend home.

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Sunday

We went for a drive to the airport and plane watch.

There was a mix up between my friend Tim and I.   We were supposed to meet at O2s but I did not see Tim there and waited outside when he was inside.

Starbucks.....meet Alyssa and Dailah... the latter give me the name of a program for mental health.

Block 1912 cafe.

Text my other friend John C.

Phone Joe when I came home.

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I wasted time on Facebook and Twitter today.

I phoned my cousins in New York

I looked up Vacuum Bags for Kenmore vacuum from Sears.

Block 1912....meet my friends....the nice lady was working but she did not really speak to me.  I like her.:smilingteeth:   When I was leaving I told the staff Bye and she smiled. I need to get to speak to her some more and get to know her name.  The other lady staff spoke to me and teased me.

The Next Act Pub.....waitress was Chrissy....She missed me.

Paid some bills

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Woke up 2 pm. ....good sleep

Internet......Facebook .........DF forums...........listen to music.

Library........pick up  "Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra"

Starbucks

Block 1912 cafe..........the nice lady was not there.  I am sad.

Wendy's ,,,,Tim  Hortons

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