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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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I was going to. Then my son texted & reminded me he had an appointment at the Apple Store to get a new battery for his phone. He did not know what time the appointment was--I had 10:45 am. He thought 10 to be sure. So we got there at 10 and had to waste a bunch of time.

Then he needed to do his laundry. Here at my home. Two loads. I don't do them--but he does, so he's here all day and I go & pick up his phone with the new battery in it.

Then he needs to go grocery shopping...and get ready for a dance he's going to where he thinks they'll serve food. He doesn't remember if when he rsvp'd they said dinner would be provided or if he needed to pay...so things could get complicated very quickly...

If you're not a mom, I can only try to describe how his needs vacuum up my mind and I can't do anything else. My husband works from home & he's not off work for any of this. I'm trying to do stuff for my own career and my adult son on the autism spectrum needs me.

Now, my brain is vacant and when I try to pull away, it's a resentful-pulling. And I hate when I'm like that. It sets me up to feel like I'm a bad mom. 

But, I remember when I first moved away from home, how when I'd come back for a visit or dinner, my mom & I always fell into these old patterns and end up resenting each other. It took a few tries leaving the nest for things to be equalized.

Anyway, my husband did the last bit of shlepping with our son. I'll quietly make some dinner (yay rotisserie chicken from the grocery!!) (I'll make some vegetables). And do some deep breathing.

 

 

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Got up late.  Have so much to do but little energy to do it.  I need to start my gym membership again.  But a foot injury has kept me from working out for two years.  Always feel better after.  Going to try it no matter what the doctor says.

Friends are disappointing me.  Just a couple.  Inherited some money and people are lining up with hands out.  I cannot believe how people can ask for money with absolutely no intention of paying you back or sometimes not even saying thank you.  I've learned my lesson.  Whatever disposable money I have goes to the charities  I support from now on.

Every day presents a new set of challenges.  Not really liking my life right now.

 

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Without going into detail, I have had a rough last few days. I was looking forward to seeing my therapist today. Then for some reason last night I fell asleep without putting on my CPAP mask and slept on and off until about 4 this morning. Put it on and slept for five solid hours but was still half out of it all day. Therapist even told me my "homework" for today was to go home and take a nap. 

I'm having anxiety issues again. I can still function and do everything I have to do but barely any more than that. Just feel wiped. Also putting stress on myself with applying for jobs. I absolutely hate the job application process, but I know I've got to do it if I want to have any hope of moving forward in life. Just feel like I need a break.

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To elaborate with my previous post, after doing a couple other things I had to do after seeing my therapist I did indeed come home and get into bed and try to relax. I read a book I'm not really enjoying but I thought it would help me get to sleep, but it didn't. At least not at first. I just lay there in bed for I don't know how long, feeling like I'm wasting away my life by lying around in bed but at the same time knowing that I had to at least try to sleep a little more if I wanted to be in any sort of shape tonight to get anything accomplished. Finally at some point I dozed off and was out for a couple hours. 

Right now I'm trying to put together an application for this job that I really want but that I feel is kind of a long shot... but frankly if I had my way I'd be lying in bed right now with my work crush next to me, holding me and telling me it's going to be alright. 

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On 9/21/2016 at 11:13 AM, Doommantia said:

Went for a walk listening to the new Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds album... big mistake (its not a bad album, its actually brilliant but its very very dark as expected). I felt sad for the rest of the day. I tried to play some Counter Strike but had to leave a game due to feeling bad. Music does this to me sometimes, I shouldnt listen to so much dark music but I generally dislike most "happy" music. Anyway, nope not a lot today.

 

 

Thanks for letting me know about a new band. I'll definitely check them out! 

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Just a few things today, it was a small steps sort of a day. Placed a telephone bid and won my lot this morning, so went to collect it this afternoon, due to a bit of confusion at the auction house I discovered I had actually won something other than the lot I wanted, oh well it was quite cheap and I guess I could have won something worse.

Had a meal deal lunch and popped into see C, sadly she wasn't on the till today so I couldn't have a chat with her 

Shower when I got home and I am just catching up a bit on here before I head off to lycra land :Coopwink:

 

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Worked up the motivation to make a pan of coffee (none instant for change)then I set up a date to meet with the manager of a charity store in my town to hopefully arrange some voluntary work, then I applied for 4 other different jobs. I walked into town for an appointment at the Job Centre (usually I take a bus, but today I needed a walk) and arranged to meet a friend I havent seen in months over the weekend hopefully.

I still feel somewhat stressed by unemployment, my parents are starting to get sick of it now too.

Edited by Doommantia
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I did my evening meditation last night, differently. Just 5 minutes without the facilitator speaking. Just breathing and calm.

So when I did my morning meditation, I picked a guided meditation that I thought would help me with my tasks today and it did, so I afterwards, I wrote down the things I need to do today.  

When I finish them, I can probably relax a bit. Although knowing my son, he will probably text and say he needs groceries...

Also went to exercise class this morning. 3rd time this week.

 

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Technically this isn't anything I accomplished today, but in the past two weeks I have applied for five different jobs, three of them in another state. Two of those (including the one I want most) were done last night. That's a big step forward for me. I loathe the job application process, but I'm finally, finally at the point where I'm recognizing that if I'm going to get out of this never-ending cycle, I've got to take action. 

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I forgot this thread even existed, but I meant to post this yesterday. I talked with my mom Tuesday night about a few things and she made me a doctor's appointment yesterday, so yeah we went to it. I also told my doctor if I could see a therapist or something and she recommended us to someone and gave us a phone number, I just hope my mom will make a call...

Edited by That_Random_Guy98
Forgot something
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Despite having a really bad morning full of arguments and hurtful comments between someone close to me and myself (which has led me to just shut myself off for long periods of time in the past), I left the house and went to work, and also finished a paper I had to write for class. I also managed to attend class this evening for my studies. Even though things are still bad, I'm happy I had these accomplishments today.

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Made it through another miserable day at work with no contact from any of the places I applied to. Had pizza rolls for lunch since I forgot to grab anything for lunch before I left. Went to the gym and to my relief there was no pain or soreness in my left arm from the flu shot. Now sitting here trying to convince myself to write in order to work through some of this frustration and pain I'm feeling. Man I am sick of this. Don't know why I bother. I really don't.

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I actually stepped out of my shell and went to a club meeting today, for mma. Felt horrible at first, then better later. I'm just so irrationally fearful and hopeless about human interaction!! Still haven't started working on my actual responsibilities, so I'm hoping that starts tomorrow. Anxiety sucks...

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On ‎10‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 6:08 AM, That_Random_Guy98 said:

I forgot this thread even existed, but I meant to post this yesterday. I talked with my mom Tuesday night about a few things and she made me a doctor's appointment yesterday, so yeah we went to it. I also told my doctor if I could see a therapist or something and she recommended us to someone and gave us a phone number, I just hope my mom will make a call...

That's great, TRG!!!  :yay: 

If she hasn't called already, remind her to make the call.

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