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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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Went to the chiropractor, then to the dentist, then to my therapist, then got a haircut, then attempted to go discing; spent an hour trying to find one of my discs I lost on just the second hole, gave up, had to search for another of my discs on the next two holes and gave up and came home. Sucked too because there were NO other people on the course at all.

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Had psych appointment this morning. It feels pretty much pointless going there though. I just feel like I'm getting worse. I might even have to quit my job soon if I won't have the energy to work anymore. I feel my parents would force me to keep working even if I couldn't any longer. I just don't know what I'm going to do eventually if I have to stop working though. I really failed at life since I should be in a way better position than I'm in at this point. I just don't get how my life turned out like this.

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I had a very hurtful confrontation with a friend on the phone.  He teaches and has become tenured at one of the best Universities in the US.  His major background is nursing, and also psychology.  I have known him many years and have always admired his amazing achievements.   He lives on the East Coast, I on the West so there is more contact by phone.

My day has been bad, sad, and moody.  He knows I am suffering from chronic depression and anxiety,  I was very tired and unfortunately double medicated on my depression medication by accident, so I was not very alert,  So I must take part of the blame.  The gist of it is, whatever I had said, or was trying to say transformed into a screaming match on his side.  It went on and on and then, completely torn apart, I hung up.  

He is a Psychologist and I would think know better than belittle me of my shortcomings and faults and worse.  Not that I could not regularly take it, but accusations such as these are 100% more hurtful when you are vulnerable and depressed.  I had a panic attack following which kept me up all night.

It still bothers me, but I have been through this once before with him and expect it could happen again, so my communications with him need to cease.  I will always care for him as a valued friend, but he has anger issues like I have never seen before.  

All and all not a pleasant experience but one to learn from.

Edited by highanxiety
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1 hour ago, highanxiety said:

I had a very hurtful confrontation with a friend on the phone.  He teaches and has become tenured at one of the best Universities in the US.  His major background is nursing, and also psychology.  I have known him many years and have always admired his amazing achievements.   He lives on the East Coast, I on the West so there is more contact by phone.

My day has been bad, sad, and moody.  He knows I am suffering from chronic depression and anxiety,  I was very tired and unfortunately double medicated on my depression medication by accident, so I was not very alert,  So I must take part of the blame.  The gist of it is, whatever I had said, or was trying to say transformed into a screaming match on his side.  It went on and on and then, completely torn apart, I hung up.  

He is a Psychologist and I would think know better than belittle me of my shortcomings and faults and worse.  Not that I could not regularly take it, but accusations such as these are 100% more hurtful when you are vulnerable and depressed.  I had a panic attack following which kept me up all night.

It still bothers me, but I have been through this once before with him and expect it could happen again, so my communications with him need to cease.  I will always care for him as a valued friend, but he has anger issues like I have never seen before.  

All and all not a pleasant experience but one to learn from.

I'm so sorry this happened. But you know this isn't your fault, right? He could have reacted in a much more productive way - especially given his academic background. It's possible he's as upset about it as you are.

In any case it's very positive that you're thinking of taking steps to protect yourself from a volatile personality.  I wish it weren't necessary for us to protect ourselves in this way. But you've the insight to do it, which is a good thing.

I hope you can feel better soon.

Peace

 

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48 minutes ago, Starsea said:

I'm so sorry this happened. But you know this isn't your fault, right? He could have reacted in a much more productive way - especially given his academic background. It's possible he's as upset about it as you are.

In any case it's very positive that you're thinking of taking steps to protect yourself from a volatile personality.  I wish it weren't necessary for us to protect ourselves in this way. But you've the insight to do it, which is a good thing.

I hope you can feel better soon.

Peace

 

Thanks Starsea.  I appreciate all you said so much.  This mean't a great deal to me and now I don't feel so bad!

HA

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I went for a walk, emailed work about going back, called a psychiatrist's office about possibly being a new patient of his, and I did some weeding on the side of my house.

Tonight maybe I'll go for another walk, and I'll probably try to do some cleaning since I don't feel that bad today.

 

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8 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

You should see thecweeds in my backyard. Its like a jungle. Im back from vacation and teying to get up the motivation to get in there. Help meeeeeeeee @LoneSquirrel

Oh, yeah.  It gets pretty bad around here too.  I wish you the best of luck.  I personally hate mowing and weeding, so I understand how much dread it can instill.

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Shower and shave

Talk to my sister and niece via Skype

visit friends at Starbucks

give a new friend a ride to pick up his car.

have supper with friend.

Watched a positive video by Alan Watts.

Watching Formula 1 race now.

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So I've been real busy handing in applications and have had a few interviews.  Today was an interview for a carpet helper spot.  I have a lot of experience doing it.  But the bus was almost an hour late, and I missed my chance.  This is through a temp agency that I quit on before.  Was kind of their fault.  The placed I worked at was all spanish, and i love spanish culture and people, but when you're the only white guy and nobody talks to you, it kind of sucks.  Anyways real bummed missed interview today.  I just feel like I have to try so ****ing hard.  Damn sure nothing has been given to me.  I feel like that's where I get stuck with anger the most at.  I feel like I need it to push forward and drive on.  Sometimes my manipulations pay off.

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Shower and shave

Went to the local hospital for a follow up meeting with my therapist

Ate at the hospital Cafe.

Visit my pdoc

Give my sister a ride.

Visit friends in a pub called The Next Act.

Starbucks

Visit some new acquaintances Isabel and Theresa at A coffee shop named Second Cup.

Went to another coffee shop called BLOCK 1912.

Walk for half an hour.

Edited by duck
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Swam 1.5 miles in the lake. Warm water, a bit of rain, no one around. Just me and the lake.

Should have felt good, huh?

Nothing changes whatever I do.

Pointless existence.

My life is a waste.

Why can't I give my life to someone who'd appreciate it?

 

 

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