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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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I woke up today in fear. I am scared of losing my job. I am scared that I will have to ask my parents for money. I am scared about how that will make me look and feel. I am scared of losing my car. I pray to God to remove those fears. God knows what is best for me. 

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Stayed over at a friend's house last night. Got dropped off in town this morning. Group therapy suggested guided meditation. Brought me to the brink of a panic attack. Then visited my aunt. Went home and visited my sister with my mum and the dog and went for a walk. I've since become super agitated and feeling rubbish. And something on the net triggered me. So... bleh... just want to escape now...

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Hung over a bit today.  I was on the phone with a friend in LA for three hours until about 2 am and was drinking alcohol the whole time.  Kind of lost track how much I had.  Hate hangovers.

Today was kind of a bust, got up very late, but accomplished things needing doing.  Looking forward to a another day without a dull headache.

I know, I brought it upon myself, but sometimes we have to just let loose..

Edited by highanxiety
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Mowed most of my huge yard, why do I mow so much of it, I live in the boonies and nobody cares but me. But, it looks nice all mowed and cleaned up and I like to think it keeps some of the vermin away from the house.

Woke up and didn't instantly hate myself, I have got to start being at least as civil to myself as I am to others, sigh. Why is it so hard to be nice to oneself?

 

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I have been reading a book "Depression is a liar" it is pretty good. Lots of alcoholism and being confused. Anti-depressants. Relapse from depression and alcohol all types of things in there ring true. I worked pretty hard this week. I worked really hard to get through fear at the beginning of the week. Now I am watching my nephew and listening to music. 

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Got up reluctantly to a gloomy day.  

Had a decent breakfast and watched some news, then quickly switched to a movie on HBO.

Cleaned up some stuff.  Trying to balance accounts and gave up.

Looked at my day timer discovering I overbooked myself for next week.  

Thought of my dad who passed, by best buddy, while I was watching a golf tournament later on today.  We used to watch golf all the time.  Shed a tear, miss my buddy.

Now returning e-mails and catching up here.

Hope everyone has the best Sunday they can! 

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Well, I've covered my apartment with notes on the  walls and floors showing where I am going to put stuff and the prices and sizes of it to make it easier to plan out. So now it looks more like a store that has been doing very well and sold out everything. Lol

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I think I posted in here once or twice, about how I DIDN"T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING today.  I got some problems.  But I did raise my k/d ratio by .05 to bring it to 2.55.  Was happy when I got it to 2, so anything after that is just a bonus.  Oh, I'm talking about the new Doom.  Did I ever mention to you guys about how I'm the best?  I also wanted to share this comment that I said to my brother when we were watching all the candidates make their speeches after the Cali primary.  "I wish I could treat all of these candidates the same way I treat people in Doom."

*Chainsaw revs*

Edited by glfinding
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6 hours ago, verDominai said:

Well, I've covered my apartment with notes on the  walls and floors showing where I am going to put stuff and the prices and sizes of it to make it easier to plan out. So now it looks more like a store that has been doing very well and sold out everything. Lol

Great idea!

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I haven't been to the DF much lately.

But today, I took my son to buy a filing cabinet and trash can. Later I took him shopping for groceries.

I just spend way too much time on FB. I went out to get stuff for dinner and ran into a woman I really dislike. We made small talk and it was awkward. I'm never going there for groceries again.

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Recovering still from last nights shooting in Orlando, FL.  I feel terrible for all the victims, injured, and their families.  I haven't got past that part, except that and so many other things have made this a sad day.

For me, I have been looking for some sign of hope to get out this depression.  But with these horrible events happening more and more in the US and across the world, I sink back in to the" there is no hope" scenario.  Maybe hope is a word non-existent right now.  At least in my vocabulary.

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I cleaned some of the apartment this morning before it got too hot outside. I took today off from work so I'm happy that I got a little bit done at home.

My depression is deepening for some reason. Had a good friend die from cancer and that shook me up (I also have cancer). 

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I got into work and took a chance and wrote a personal post on the company intranet Hub about the impact of the Orlando shooting on my son.  Waiting for the feedback.  Three options: 1) I get in trouble for going over the line.  2) it is warmly received and appreciated. 3) It is ignored.  However it turns out, I am glad I did it.  My job is to post on all things sustainability and social sustainability is one of the three pillars.

Cheers

Brian

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.

Did not want to get up once again.  But made my appointments today. One a two and one half hour oncology appointment.  Fortunately the tests and exams show I am stable.

Then went grocery shopping, and ran errands.

Talked to my friend in California who is beginning to annoy me because he seems so self entitled.  I find it is difficult to talk with him as I am so much the opposite.

Depressed about what happened in Orlando.  So many innocent lives lost.  My heart breaks for all the victims, injured, and families.  I have been through seeing many friends die in multiple numbers earlier on in my life, this bringing back many memories of loss.  

I don't understand the world.  I don't think I understand myself anymore.  Can't make sense of anything.

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16 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

I got into work and took a chance and wrote a personal post on the company intranet Hub about the impact of the Orlando shooting on my son.  Waiting for the feedback.  Three options: 1) I get in trouble for going over the line.  2) it is warmly received and appreciated. 3) It is ignored.  However it turns out, I am glad I did it.  My job is to post on all things sustainability and social sustainability is one of the three pillars.

Cheers

Brian

Wow, Brian--that sounds like a very healthy approach to dealing with this awful tragedy. It's almost impossible to come to grips with something so brutally vile. I don't know if someone else has already come up with this quote, but "human beings never fail to disappoint me".

On the other hand, there are a lot of positive people like you walking this planet, so I need to concentrate on that.

Best wishes,

Drew

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I walked to work this a.m. I huffed and puffed the whole way but I'm determined to get back into shape. Number one on my list is never drinking again. I've finally put that behind me. My girlfriend has been a real inspiration to me--she has lived a life that is truly hell on Earth, and she is suffering from a nasty disease. Yet she remains positive and cheerful. I have no room to complain, when it comes down to it. In spite of ongoing tragedies, I'm going to live instead of drowning it all out with booze.

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