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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!

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1 hour ago, ParaDoxiPaladin said:

Well done for this, I know it takes a lot of effort and courage in order to stick up for yourself, speak your mind, and take control over your own life. It can be an excellent release for all those pent up emotions too, without even the need to scream and rage necessarily, just to be able to get stuff off your chest and tell a particular someone that they're an a$$. And by the sounds of things, you're certainly better off staying away from them!

thank you. you're complete right. today I feel kind of mad bc I was making progress with therapy about this but I feel like he got to me anyway and re-did damage. I worked so hard to get where I was yesterday, pre-text. feel like he just shrugged it off and continued  with his day and his life and I'm kind of emotionally stuck in the past again. ?

Edited by ejc

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3 hours ago, ejc said:

thank you. you're complete right. today I feel kind of mad bc I was making progress with therapy about this but I feel like he got to me anyway and re-did damage. I worked so hard to get where I was yesterday, pre-text. feel like he just shrugged it off and continued  with his day and his life and I'm kind of emotionally stuck in the past again. ?

Unfortunately I doubt that will easily go away. There may well still be a long struggle ahead. All you can do is face it, with support from therapy and those closest to you, and do your best to keep moving forward even if that means blocking his number. Whatever you feel will help your recovery. There will always be painful memories but it will get easier in time.

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6 hours ago, glfinding said:

So it's Memorial Day in the United States.  This probably one of the harder days for me out of the year.  I feel like there's a lot of fake empathy out there for soldiers.  Everyone thanks you for your service, but the lives a lot of us are living are pretty sad.  I've been going to mental health at the VA for about 5 years.  I've seen a lot of pain, I've seen a lot of people not make it.  Last year I attended a PTSD clinic coupled with a substance abuse program at the St Pete, Florida VA.  It's supposedly ranked #1 out of all the ptsd programs in the country.  I did that program with people that flew in from all over the country.  While I was there, someone committed suicide out in the parking lot, literally right outside my room at the dorm we stayed at.  It triggered a lot of us, because not only did we have to fight the battle of being combat veterans trying to cope with being a civilian again, but we were battling drug addiction, and a depression that disconnects most of us.  I've also spent a lot of time in the psych ward, they call it an Acute Recovery Centery (ARC), and being in and out of there so many times I've seen and met many soldiers struggling.  Everyone from nam to Korea to Gulf War to the current wars.  So not only do I remember my family members that have served, and the ones I had to partake in a ramp ceremony for, but I especially remember the ones that are in the psych ward or in some intensive out/in patient programs.  Didn't mean to write a novel, but I ramble a lot.

You're right. Everyone says "Support the Troops" but no one seems to do much towards that end apart from putting a flag in their yard or on their car, nor does anyone care about the plight of veterans once they come home. We can spend bazillions of dollars on new weapons for the soldiers to use but can't seem to spare more than 80 cents towards providing medical care for  those soldiers when they come home.

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22 hours ago, dsm said:

I made a very big and scary decision and started a youtube channel about narcissism. My mother is a narcissist and I only discovered that about 4 years about (I'm 55 and she's 93). Up until then, I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. When I realized I was not crazy, I got very mad. Mad at everyone around me. I was hurt and lost and confused and just plain mad. Now I'm coming out with my secrets and it's the scariest thing I've ever done. I am already getting some good feedback, but some typical feedback too, telling me things like "just let it go" and "cherish your time with her."  So many people have no clue what narcissism is. Am I even allowed to share my channel here?  I talk a lot about my depression on my main channel too. That has helped me a great deal.  I bet youtube would help some of you too!  I consider it my free therapy! But you need tough skin to put yourself out there like I do. I'm at the point where I really don't care what people think any more. But I'm finding out that there are many supportive people in youtube land.

Something about wrinkles really puts on the excuses. People dont change but our skin does. People that tell you oh she's at her end....no.

You're at your beginning, Do what is right for you. 

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21 minutes ago, duck said:

I had a headache all day today. This evening I managed to visit some relatives here in Toronto. 

Last night I had another nightmare. 

 

21 minutes ago, duck said:

I had a headache all day today. This evening I managed to visit some relatives here in Toronto. 

Last night I had another nightmare. 

:console: what was your nightmare about duck?

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I felt pretty sad on Saturday and Sunday. It is a step up from depression. I talked to people about my loneliness. I went to an AA meeting. I went for a walk with my dad. I am so grateful to at-least hold it together to enjoy time with my family. It is very special and I know how limited my time is on this earth. Most of the times I feel sad or depressed, but I still make a point to spend time with the people I love. I watched The Royals win. They are in first place. I went for a walk. I didn't drink or drug which is great because that never helped my depression. Overall it was a good day. 

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My very first post! Ah! Super stoked. ^^

Yesterday I had a depressive episode that caused me to sleep hours later than usual. The following day, I would usually retreat into my shell, and remain in my bed. I would only get up to eat and take my medication. However, instead of doing that I...

-left my bed

-brushed my teeth

-put in my contact lenses (so I am not blind)

-put on some eyeliner

-took a shower

-participated in my family's barbecue (was social) 

-finished my favorite TV show on Netflix (Lost Girl)

-soaped the dishes (mom rinsed *u*)

-took  another shower without washing my hair like I had this morning. (I have discovered showering for me dispels my general feelings of self loathing and disgust)

For the remainder of the night I want to finish up my homework that is due tomorrow. The thought of homework causes me to become anxious, so this will be a little more challenging for me.

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Had so much important stuff planned for today. And was gonna see a friend tonight. But I've woken up in a chaotic mood again, made 10 times worse by stupidly drinking filtered coffee which sends my anxiety into overdrive. So been unable to move on my bed. And my mum's home today which makes things harder when I can't even talk to her about things (she knows but shes pretty ignorant and unhelpful). Its gonna be a long and painful day...

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I woke up today feeling far better than I have in awhile. I went to an AA meeting, I cleaned my car, I wrote on some forums to give my story and support. I am now reading some out of the book "Pathway to Surrender"

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Dragged my @ss off to work, in spite of a nasty hangover. I'm barely functioning, but I'm here.

I got one of those desks that can raise and lower. I'm trying to stand more while working. It's an ingenious idea (the desk, not my work).

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16 hours ago, duck said:

I agree. A lot of fake empathy going around for vets.

I loathe the politicians who use vets to make themselves look good, then turn around and gut funding for the VA system.

I'm a member of the "Veterans for Peace" organization. Every year, we put up The Memorial Mile, which is row after row of foam core "headstones" that denote how many U.S. service people have died in Afghanistan and Iraq since 2001. It's a real eye-opener to see these little headstones stretching for over a mile.

The U.S. is not interested in peace because there's lots of money to be made from war.

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7 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I loathe the politicians who use vets to make themselves look good, then turn around and gut funding for the VA system.

I'm a member of the "Veterans for Peace" organization. Every year, we put up The Memorial Mile, which is row after row of foam core "headstones" that denote how many U.S. service people have died in Afghanistan and Iraq since 2001. It's a real eye-opener to see these little headstones stretching for over a mile.

The U.S. is not interested in peace because there's lots of money to be made from war.

I've been talking to my psychologist about my core beliefs of the world (I just started seeing this one and haven't been to therapy since December).  She says since I'm clinically depressed, that I will focus on the bad and discount the good.  But it FEELS like 99% of the people in the world are part of the problem.  Greed and power hunger are the foundation of a lot of suffering.  For me personally (the Army really changed me), I now wait and hope for a president will grow the military again.  So I can go back, and hopefully fight in another war.  At this point I wouldn't even care what the war was about.  Don't get me wrong, what happened in Iraq was pretty bad, I do care about the people there and of course the soldiers that served there.  I just feel like my next enemy, if I were to ever have the chance again, would get a lot from me no matter the circumstance of who they were or what was going on.  Ugh, rambling again.  I know that sounds bad reading it again, but I'm keepin it.  I like sharing.

I have another job interview tom that I just called today.  For a glass repair shop.  Don't know anything about that, but I apply to literally everything.  I apply to stuff that require college degrees.  It is kind of far from me, close to Raymond James Stadium.  That is the opposite side of the city I am, will take a few hours to get to on bus, so idk.  Woke up thinking about my awful ex gf, that's always crummy.  My kid just got here, maybe play some basketball with him.  He's 9.  Troll sr and Troll jr.

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I slept in! Yay, I'm trying to recover from too much work and not enough sleep.  What's in store for today? Clean my wife's car and my pickup. I might even have dinner on the table when she gets home tonight! <3

 

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On May 30, 2016 at 1:39 PM, glfinding said:

So it's Memorial Day in the United States.  This probably one of the harder days for me out of the year.  I feel like there's a lot of fake empathy out there for soldiers.  Everyone thanks you for your service, but the lives a lot of us are living are pretty sad.  I've been going to mental health at the VA for about 5 years.  I've seen a lot of pain, I've seen a lot of people not make it.  Last year I attended a PTSD clinic coupled with a substance abuse program at the St Pete, Florida VA.  It's supposedly ranked #1 out of all the ptsd programs in the country.  I did that program with people that flew in from all over the country.  While I was there, someone committed suicide out in the parking lot, literally right outside my room at the dorm we stayed at.  It triggered a lot of us, because not only did we have to fight the battle of being combat veterans trying to cope with being a civilian again, but we were battling drug addiction, and a depression that disconnects most of us.  I've also spent a lot of time in the psych ward, they call it an Acute Recovery Centery (ARC), and being in and out of there so many times I've seen and met many soldiers struggling.  Everyone from nam to Korea to Gulf War to the current wars.  So not only do I remember my family members that have served, and the ones I had to partake in a ramp ceremony for, but I especially remember the ones that are in the psych ward or in some intensive out/in patient programs.  Didn't mean to write a novel, but I ramble a lot.

Fellow soldier, right there with you in Iraq & everywhere else.  Memorial Day is tough.  I'm glad though, to have you here in the present.  You were Americas varsity team, you remember that.  Never count out a warrior.  You hang tough here with me.

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Today I...

-went to class

-ate without ED tendencies

-brushed my teeth

-put in my contacts

-put on some makeup

-washed the dishes

For the remainder of the night, I want to clean myself up and relax. Watch some YouTube videos.

Hope you guys are having a wholesome day.

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So far today I have got dressed and put make up on...

 

I have to go out later but apart from that my day is looking pretty bleak. 

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Shifted with my family to our new home. But it is still under construction so there is a ton of labor around doing various jobs which means that it is a living breathing hell for a person like me who cannot make eye contact with others and now i am supposed to pick up heavy stuff and arrange my room in front of everyone when all I can hope for is to disappear off the face of this cursed cruel Earth and leave no trace of my existence behind.

My parents are the only reason i am still alive. But it is also not fair to them that they have to put up with a burden like myself when everyone else's kids much younger then me accomplish much more and are a source of pride and joy for their families. I am already dead from the inside and maybe one day I will feel the full extent of exactly how hopeless my life situation is. I cling onto that hope so that i may have the courage to admit all my failures and say "Good Bye and **** Off" to the few I love and the majority whom I hate.

Edited by vaibhav

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I read a few threads and made a few posts in reply.  This is something I have not done in a long time and noticed an uplift in my mood.
Giving myself credit for trying something I had been putting off until I felt better, which ironically made me feel better for a bit.

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