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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!

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Been working cleaning my office.  Endless task sorting papers, shredding, etc.

Tired though, more so than usual.

Thinking a lot about my dad who passed.  That event will ever be ingrained in my mind.

Going to get out tomorrow if the rain lets.

Mood is  so, so.   Can't concentrate real well today.  

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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Shower and shaved today which is a big accomplishment for me.

I then went to Costco to return some shirts that I bought. They were too small for me. Actually I am too fat.  I need to lose weight.

Then I went to Fairview Mall here in Toronto. First time here. 

I am now watching planes land and take off at the airport.

Have a great weekend to all and happy Memorial Day weekend to my American friends. 

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I slept 12 hours last night, and I woke up really late.  Felt a bit groggy and sad.  I did go to the grocery store because I was almost out of coffee.  Talked to my sister on the phone for a while.  Not a horrible day, just kind of bleh.

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I went to a couple of stores today then the Flea Market where I had  coconut water and a cone.

Later I met Vanessa whom I have known for ten years. She gave me a hug. It was good to see her.  I only see her when I am visiting Toronto. 

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Was meant to go clothes shopping today but ended up having a few pints with friends instead. The booze got me down a little. I visited my aunt and cousin, cheered myself up a little, until I realised I was in an odd mood (hyper yet low; frantic) and decided to head home. So a real up-and-downer!

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28 minutes ago, Searchingforasoul said:

Checking out car rentals for a deal. 50 min jog (I go running 1-3 times a week).   Out to eat, a couple of glasses of alcohol. 

Nothing spectacular, just stuff I do.

Going to bed soon. 

I find no point in anything I do.

I hear you with that last line. It's a horrid feeling. Though, whether there's subjectively a point or not, it's awesome that you were able to do these things today! Car browsing and 50 minutes of exercise sounds pretty exhausting to me, though there's a clear outcome to them; to get a potential deal and to keep healthy. Such productivity is something to be proud of and I hope you are able to at least feel even a tiny bit accomplished from having done these :)

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I went to.Lake Ontario Saturday afternoon. I had a gòod time.   I saw many kids playing and many couples holding hands. Overall is was a great time.

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I text my buddies back home in Edmonton. They are having a lot of rain.

I am enjoying the heat in Toronto. 

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I just did an online lesson through Skype in Japanese. I have anxiety, so this made me nervous. I felt more and more comfortable as I was doing it, and I am glad I did. I want to do it again.

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well my ex who dumped me on the day an ex co worker died of cancer, started a new job and was still going through bad feelings on choking on the bar exam 3 months ago texted me bc he had a "bad dream"  (boo hoo)... he bailed on me for his best friends widow. his friend who died not even 2 months before he dumped me. 

in sum, I told him to F off. 

pfffttt texted bc he had a bad dream, so he doesn't want to feel like sh*t but he didn't even care to respond when I tried to beg him back. truly selfish. ... I've had low self esteem for years but this was the first time I went with my gut and actually told him everything that's been boiling for 3 months.

he said he wouldn't bother me ever again & never sent another message. 

it hurts, but I defended myself today. for the first time. I got some of my dignity back.

Edited by ejc

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I made a very big and scary decision and started a youtube channel about narcissism. My mother is a narcissist and I only discovered that about 4 years about (I'm 55 and she's 93). Up until then, I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. When I realized I was not crazy, I got very mad. Mad at everyone around me. I was hurt and lost and confused and just plain mad. Now I'm coming out with my secrets and it's the scariest thing I've ever done. I am already getting some good feedback, but some typical feedback too, telling me things like "just let it go" and "cherish your time with her."  So many people have no clue what narcissism is. Am I even allowed to share my channel here?  I talk a lot about my depression on my main channel too. That has helped me a great deal.  I bet youtube would help some of you too!  I consider it my free therapy! But you need tough skin to put yourself out there like I do. I'm at the point where I really don't care what people think any more. But I'm finding out that there are many supportive people in youtube land.

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:Productive day.

Dealing with a toothache though.  Dentist next week.

Talked with a couple of friends.

Paid bills and shopped Amazon for Blu-Ray players.

Weird dreams last night kind of threw off my day.  Kind of stuck with me.

Posted a lot in Facebook.

That is about it!

Hope all are having a good long weekend!

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I didn't sleep well Saturday night for some reason so Sunday morning I was kinda out of it. Eventually dozed off in my chair until a little after noon, then played violent video games for a few hours until a friend contacted me and asked if I wanted to go disc golfing. So I quick got in the shower, then went and played 21 holes. On the way back we stopped cuz he needed some stuff at the grocery store, I grabbed a few things and got a sandwich from a Subway inside the store. Came home, took another shower (I think Wellbutrin makes me sweat even more than normal) and after goofing off a while finally got around to finishing up selecting my insurance plans from my new work which I had been putting off doing. Off to work now for eight hours today then really need to do some laundry.

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So it's Memorial Day in the United States.  This probably one of the harder days for me out of the year.  I feel like there's a lot of fake empathy out there for soldiers.  Everyone thanks you for your service, but the lives a lot of us are living are pretty sad.  I've been going to mental health at the VA for about 5 years.  I've seen a lot of pain, I've seen a lot of people not make it.  Last year I attended a PTSD clinic coupled with a substance abuse program at the St Pete, Florida VA.  It's supposedly ranked #1 out of all the ptsd programs in the country.  I did that program with people that flew in from all over the country.  While I was there, someone committed suicide out in the parking lot, literally right outside my room at the dorm we stayed at.  It triggered a lot of us, because not only did we have to fight the battle of being combat veterans trying to cope with being a civilian again, but we were battling drug addiction, and a depression that disconnects most of us.  I've also spent a lot of time in the psych ward, they call it an Acute Recovery Centery (ARC), and being in and out of there so many times I've seen and met many soldiers struggling.  Everyone from nam to Korea to Gulf War to the current wars.  So not only do I remember my family members that have served, and the ones I had to partake in a ramp ceremony for, but I especially remember the ones that are in the psych ward or in some intensive out/in patient programs.  Didn't mean to write a novel, but I ramble a lot.

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15 hours ago, ejc said:

well my ex who dumped me on the day an ex co worker died of cancer, started a new job and was still going through bad feelings on choking on the bar exam 3 months ago texted me bc he had a "bad dream"  (boo hoo)... he bailed on me for his best friends widow. his friend who died not even 2 months before he dumped me. 

in sum, I told him to F off. 

pfffttt texted bc he had a bad dream, so he doesn't want to feel like sh*t but he didn't even care to respond when I tried to beg him back. truly selfish. ... I've had low self esteem for years but this was the first time I went with my gut and actually told him everything that's been boiling for 3 months.

he said he wouldn't bother me ever again & never sent another message. 

it hurts, but I defended myself today. for the first time. I got some of my dignity back.

Well done for this, I know it takes a lot of effort and courage in order to stick up for yourself, speak your mind, and take control over your own life. It can be an excellent release for all those pent up emotions too, without even the need to scream and rage necessarily, just to be able to get stuff off your chest and tell a particular someone that they're an a$$. And by the sounds of things, you're certainly better off staying away from them!

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Ended up out all day with two friends. Went golfing, 'foot-golf', meals, and pints. Was in quite a crazy mood, ended up randomly rolling into long grass by a busy motorway and acting like a meercat. Then later ended up swinging off a tree branch which snapped. Yeah... I'm looking into this XD I'm not as happy now; still 'chaotic' but more of a negative mood instead of happy. Also, being reckless with eating, drinking alcohol, smoking, and spending, which isn't good but my mind refuses to accept this is my problem at the moment so oh well!

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