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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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"Start from nothing stop at nothing hell-bent, NEVER PUT MYSELF IN THAT POSITION AGAIN!" - Hatbreed

So I went to the psychologist Monday.  Had an interview yesterday and today is orientation.  I'm still not 100% sure of what exactly the job is.  I have an interview tom for a land survey position.  I have a drug test coming up.  I've never approved of drug tests.  I'm clean and I can pass.  I just feel like it's a little demanding of someone to pee in a cup.  I mean, my pee belongs to me and they sit there judging and testing it in a lab.  Just feels violating to me.  I have another psychologist appointment next monday, but I'm not sure what my schedule is going to look like.  And I'm really struggling on what position I should take.  I also have another job lined up, but it's just a little too far away.  Pretty busy week, more than usual.  Is there psychology behind the idea of performing better when under a lot of pain and stress?  I just feel like cope a lot better when things are chaotic and busy, but it's also the same thing that wears me out and sometimes causes me to have break downs.  So idk.

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11 hours ago, duck said:

I am in Toronto.  I am still having my thoughts with me.  I am remembering a lady at work yelling at me and I am hurt. This incident happened more than two years ago and I remember it as clear as day.  I don't know how I will get over these kind of problems.  I have a long painfully road ahead.  

I know what you mean Duck.  I think about things that happened years ago and then get more depressed. 

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Busy day.  But I got everything done, now I'm tired but home.  A relief.

Had a great session with my counselor today.  I'm learning a lot through his questioning about my childhood, teenage years, and the dysfunction I don't think I ever realized so severe, in our family.  It has all definitely molded me into the person I am today.  Plus we got into my career which was rough but I hung in there for 28+ years in all capacities at many of the major department store chains. 

Things are beginning to make sense to me.  We have much more work to do, but I think I am understanding part of the reason I am depressed.  My counselor is so great, but I am very concerned about him as he is the middle of a very aggressive chemo for an upcoming bone marrow transplant in August.  I knew he didn't feel well, but he loves his job and is committed to carry on.  I admire and learn from his bravery.

Found out someone is using my Visa, but Bank of America caught it and decline thousands of dollars of attempted charges.  No idea how they got my Visa number but there a ton of scams out there.  Be on the look out.

Took a lab sample to FedEX for overnight to a lab back east.  Glad I got that over with.  Hopefully the results will be better than before.

Went to store, loaded up on groceries.  And washed my car.

For some reason the Thomas Hardy poem I posted on another thread showed up here.  Worth the read, intense!

O sweet To-morrow! - 
   After to-day 
   There will away 
This sense of sorrow. 
Then let us borrow 
Hope, for a gleaming 
Soon will be streaming, 
   Dimmed by no gray - 
   No gray! 

While the winds wing us 
   Sighs from The Gone, 
   Nearer to dawn 
Minute-beats bring us; 
When there will sing us 
Larks of a glory 
Waiting our story 
   Further anon - 

Doff the black token, 
   Don the red shoon, 
   Right and retune 
Viol-strings broken; 
Null the words spoken 
In speeches of rueing, 
The night cloud is hueing, 
   To-morrow shines soon - 
   Shines soon! 
Thomas Hardy


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Not so much "accomplished", but the curtains I ordered that actually fit the windows of my new apartment arrived, so I'm super comfy right now.

Because I can take a break from the world and have some privacy I mean. Though I kind of miss work, strange as that may sound. Looking forward to Monday~

Edited by SenorDomino
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So tired from all the running around yesterday.  Got up late, had a good breakfast.  Watched CNN a bit.  I'm trying to cure myself of watching the news too much.   Makes me more depressed.  Cleaned the house.  Paid some bills.  Talked to a friend of mine who is also dealing with depression.  I think we both consoled each other enough so we can face the next day more positively.  

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So I decided to take this sales position.  I may have to cancel my psychologist appointment Monday because of it.  I would really like to go though.  It's nice having the words actually leave my mouth, and for another human to look me in the eyes while I'm saying it.  I really enjoy this place.  Before this place I have belonged to a couple other forums that I feel really close to.  This week I have joined a couple poetry forums.  I really hate reading some of their stuff, and some of them have flamed me already because my poetry is too dark.  Maybe it is, but at least when I post it here I feel like I'm actually connecting with people.  And that's a pretty big deal to me.

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8AM (!) Mass

First meeting with soon-to-be advisor

Meeting with human services dept lady

(Took so much to screw up the courage!) Meeting with program director to ask again to move my admit date up to summer - success!

Financial aid office - more success! Good news, anyway.

Grad admissions - more good news. Still have to fill out a form online.

Made two appts for next week.

Ordered my transcripts...praying to God they're complete - I don't have long to register. If I don't sign on for summer classes, it's sayonara to housing, student jobs, and so many other resources I desperately need.

I ate enough again.

And I still feel like I didn't accomplish enough.


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I made a list of tasks I must do and will try hard to complete one each day. Some are easy, like clean one mirror. Some are more complex. Just need to get some cleaning done around here!  I like lists.  But then sometimes they add too much pressure. I'm so difficult!!!

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