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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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Got the job.  Planned my bus route a little bit ago, and according to it, I am running more like 8 miles.  Which I don't know how accurate that is.  Really just doesn't feel like that far to me.  You know, it feels like I've been here before.  How many times do I have to rise from the ashes?  The worst part is, it feels like I know where this is going.  And I'm just really angry about it.  Do I want to get better, yes.  Am I trying really hard? Yup.  I guess I just don't have the expectation of anything actually working out for the better, no matter how much I thrash for it.  But the chick that interviewed me was named Angel and was from China and was super cool.  I liked her galoshes (heavy storms today).

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Still feeling unhappy, but have had more motivation to do stuff at least. 

Been going to the gym, and almost finished my thesis for school. Hoping to graduate within a few weeks and put that part of my life behind me. 

Looking back a month, I was on the couch all day, I guess every step makes a difference 

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Saw my counselor today.  I feel somewhat awkward as he is in the middle of major chemo fighting his cancer, and I feel guilty talking about my stuff which seems so unimportant compared to what he is going through.  My heart goes out to him.

I told him how I felt and he said I'm o.k, let's talk about you.  I knew he wanted to pivot from his issues.  As the result we had a very productive session.  I beat myself up a lot and he is striving to keep me from doing it.  My life has been complicated, full of guilt, mistrust, these feelings brought about by bad relationships and bad friendships.  I allow myself to be taken advantage of, and he is helping me establish boundaries for this.

He is concerned because he feels I am isolating, which in theory, I suppose I am.  But this is by my choice, not really the depression.  I make all my appointments, run errands, and converse with merchants and friends I know in the village where I live.  Long term friendships are complicated as they don't register the word "sad" and being depressed easily.  Compounded by a chronic disease.  I am tired and worn out, but I even though I am at home a lot I make good use of it, writing poetry, and trying to get my novel complete.   

I do talk on the phone a lot which I guess counts.

It seems when a professional or friend or relative suggest you are isolating, my response usually is that I don't mind it, and it is  mostly by my call.

Why does isolation always have to suggest you need help, or it is unhealthy?  I have no issues being alone, and usually prefer it that way for peace and no stress.  I do well talking with strangers and usually end up making friends with them or good acquaintances because we are meeting fresh not knowing each other's history.  I like that, as I get tired of my old friends constantly bringing up baggage i want to forget!

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Wednesday

Saw my pdoc, drove my sister to doctor, saw a nutritionist, went to an anxiety/depression group, met my friends at Next Act Pub, then Remedy Cafe.

Thursday

Drove my sister across town for an ultra sound,then went to see my psychologist, then nap for a few hours, then men's group, Starbucks, Tim Horton's coffee shop,  walk.

 (My sister has been ill for the past week.)

 

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9 hours ago, highanxiety said:

Saw my counselor today.  I feel somewhat awkward as he is in the middle of major chemo fighting his cancer, and I feel guilty talking about my stuff which seems so unimportant compared to what he is going through.  My heart goes out to him.

I told him how I felt and he said I'm o.k, let's talk about you.  I knew he wanted to pivot from his issues.  As the result we had a very productive session.  I beat myself up a lot and he is striving to keep me from doing it.  My life has been complicated, full of guilt, mistrust, these feelings brought about by bad relationships and bad friendships.  I allow myself to be taken advantage of, and he is helping me establish boundaries for this.

He is concerned because he feels I am isolating, which in theory, I suppose I am.  But this is by my choice, not really the depression.  I make all my appointments, run errands, and converse with merchants and friends I know in the village where I live.  Long term friendships are complicated as they don't register the word "sad" and being depressed easily.  Compounded by a chronic disease.  I am tired and worn out, but I even though I am at home a lot I make good use of it, writing poetry, and trying to get my novel complete.   

I do talk on the phone a lot which I guess counts.

It seems when a professional or friend or relative suggest you are isolating, my response usually is that I don't mind it, and it is  mostly by my call.

Why does isolation always have to suggest you need help, or it is unhealthy?  I have no issues being alone, and usually prefer it that way for peace and no stress.  I do well talking with strangers and usually end up making friends with them or good acquaintances because we are meeting fresh not knowing each other's history.  I like that, as I get tired of my old friends constantly bringing up baggage i want to forget!

@highanxiety    

Thinking about you.  :console:

 

 

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I'm feeling empty.  All of myself has been given to helping some close friends of mine in peril.  Now I am drained. Always try to be there for my friends.  But maybe too much.  Sometimes you don't know if you are a genuine friend, or one maybe a little taken advantage of.

 

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finally used a gift card and went to San Francisco with a friend. it felt good seeing people my age walking about and being a part of that.

then I got home to family country and am alone again.

i wish I could afford to live in SF for a bit.

i would be happy :(

Edited by ejc
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Woke up early, finished part time work for the weekend, avoided going back to sleep, went for 8 km hike with my friend and our dogs, showered got ready and packed up all the stuff for Mother's Day meal at brothers, went there made three big salads for the whole extended family (30!people+) played outside with my nephew , dinner, gave mom her presents, cake and then came home, cooked meat for the dog. 

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On 5/8/2016 at 1:55 PM, highanxiety said:

I'm feeling empty.  All of myself has been given to helping some close friends of mine in peril.  Now I am drained. Always try to be there for my friends.  But maybe too much.  Sometimes you don't know if you are a genuine friend, or one maybe a little taken advantage of.

 

I can relate to you. I've also read your other post up there. Same here with me. I would say very much the same experience like you. Because of the experience, I'm scared of people (can't go into detail with that).

(((((((Highanxiety))))))))):hugs:

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Today I showered and shaved then I went to a depression group meeting.

After the meeting I went and had coffee with one of the guys David then we had nachos at Next Act Pub.

Now I am home on DF

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1 hour ago, duck said:

I am feeling very crappy tonight.  I am feeling like death is my only answer.

I have been reading this post and I have noticed you. I can tell you you have done a lot of things, a lot of accomplishments, don't you think? Look at all the things you write you have done here. 

Please, cheer up and keep going. Even if you haven't noticed, people like you, who fights everyday, are a model for other people who is fighting the same monsters. For that I would like to thank you, Duck.

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I had a three-day weekend, which is unusual for me. I was quite active Saturday... went to a movie in the morning, played two rounds of disc golf in the afternoon, then went to a friend's housewarming party that night. Sunday I was exhausted and didn't get anything accomplished. Today however I ran some errands (had to go out twice because I forgot something the first time) and got my mom's memorial plant re-potted. Also got some reading in of the self-help book I bought to try to help me figure out a career path.

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didn't get the job I wanted . it didn't require a degree I have a law degree. didn't require being bilingual, I am. I looked good on paper. county jobs, I wonder if it's who you know. 

i accomplished not crying or getting angry. just  dissapointed. 

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About 6 weeks ago I left my main blogging gig which was at one time a high money earner. The earnings were still good, but going downhill fast. And I was getting sick of the blog.  I left it for a full time youtube career. I'm not making the money yet, but I'm hopefull.  I just know that I'm MUCH happier!!!  Youtube has been like therapy for me!  FREE therapy!!!  Very, very grateful to be able to have that outlet.  And I suffer from great social anxiety. But for some reason, I'm okay with talking to a camera.  

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