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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!


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I saw my original psychiatrist this morning Dr. M then I went to the mall and drank coffee and ate donuts for three hours.  Later this afternoon I saw my second psychiatrist Dr. C and I explained everything to him.  All my issues. He said he cannot help me.   There is nothing more he can do for me. he said I am sensitive and insecure and group therapy in a hospital may help me.  He told me to go back to my old psychiatrist Dr. M and have him refer me to a six week program in the hospital.

I went to an Anxiety/Depression group in the evening then to the book store and starbucks and later a cafe.

Shower and shave and ate some delicious food my sister cooked.

 

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On 3/16/2016 at 1:51 AM, duck said:

I agree with you Duck that this post is pretty spot on!  Hope you are doing well!

I am weird I don,t care if I make big accomplishments s long as im not homeless,breaking the law or don,t become some kind of addict I feel accomplished.I don,t get what's wrong with browsing the web and watching tv to me thats accomplishing something so is staying in bed.i don,t get how people don,t consider those accomplishments people in thrid world nations don,t have the luxury of doing those things,i would consider that appreciating what society has created.I don,t get sometimes how people think things like going for a walk is a bigger accomplishment then something like playing video games.Same with meeting in groups I went to alot of groups and volunteered and felt just as accomplished as going out to dinner or doing other random things.everything is a accomplishment depdending on how you look at but soceity judges you if you want to have a low-stress life and be happy with yourself,its not the activity that makes it accomplishment but how you judge it.

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Kind of a slack week.  Not many appointments.  Next week is very busy.  

Really been overwhelmed lately.  Can't put my finger on it.  Grieving and PTSD I guess is a big part of it.  Just missing people I have lost who I loved.  Plus trying to stop the past interfering with my life.  I need to forget the bad stuff and move on.  Fortunately I have lots of good memories too, but lately the bad have taken over.  

Feeling unsure, I think is the only word to describe it.

The upcoming weekend we are to have Spring weather and sun, so that might help.

Tough week!

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On 3/16/2016 at 4:53 PM, Recherche_Misfit said:

I attempted to revive dead passions from my past (e.g. writing, drawing, etc.). I eventually ripped up my paper(s) out of frustration, threw my books and pencils to the floor and decided to accept the truth.

I found a book on Amazon by one of my favorite writers/cartoonists, Lynda Barry, called "Syllabus - Notes from an Accidental Professor."  It is literally a composition notebook with syllabus notes and what appears to be doodles and a collage of junk!  But there are some really good exercises for writers/artists and objectives for her, as a teacher.  She says:

"I'm especially interested in people who quit drawing a long time ago and hoped some would be interested in the class.  I have a theory I'm trying to work out about bringing drawing back into someone's life -- which is different than teaching them to draw.  I'm interested in using using the drawing that is ALREADY THERE -- IS STILL there in spite of everything."

We censor ourselves so much; I leave the piano often before I get in any really good practice because it doesn't sound good.  I guess I'm saying, SO WHAT IF IT DOESN'T SOUND THE WAY I WANT IT TO YET?  Who CARES if what you draw isn't perfect, or looks like a kid drew it?  It's yours.  I'm actually thinking of getting a sketch book and just putting some stuff on paper from inside myself.  If we didn't judge ourselves, I wonder, what could we do? 

Anyway, I hope tomorrow is better. 

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I slept all day.

I went to see my family doctor this afternoon for my monthly checkup as required by my insurance company.

I went to McDonald's then sat in the mall with my sisters and ate.

Dropped off my prescription at drugstore.

Drove around and looked at some new houses for sale.  Kind of like window shopping.

Went to bookstore and spoke to the staff and made them laugh.

Coffee shop. Chatted with the staff.

Pub with my lazy friend.  I had an okay time.  

Bought gas.

Check the mail box.  My mail box is about two blocks from where I live.  The Government wants to save money so we have what they call community mail boxes.  It's all BS.

 

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I'm been a mess lately. Completely rethinking my blog business. It's not earning what it used to earn. Can't really afford to give it up, yet I need to get that income back. So I either have to revive my business, or I have to change it.  All this makes me want to just stay bedridden.  I swear, I change my mind by the minute. I can be 100% positive I came up with an awesome solution and the next minute I'm beating myself up for coming up with what I suddenly consider the dumbest idea I ever had. So hard to cope with my brain.

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4 hours ago, drummer_lady said:

I finally got a hair cut after 5 months since my last one.  I went to a new place and I really liked it.  Then I went out to run some errands afterward, and the combination of looking fab and the beautiful weather had me feeling pretty good :)

Looks great, drummer_lady!

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Exercise class. Asked neighbor who did her front porch, Made dinner.

Got a return phone call from a social worker w/my son's health care--wanting to know what he should have in the way of targeted care.  I am grateful she was able to pinpoint what we need and that she is going to have me be contacted tomorrow.

Whew. In the process, I realized that all my fears of being thought a bad parent went out the window. My son was/is pretty easy to manage and I told her we were thinking ahead for when we would, my husband and I, no longer be around to drive him, keep his financial stuff going, etc.

I thought I would feel ashamed for not having done this earlier, but instead, I felt angry. I thought to myself how easy I made for my husband to think of me as a drudge, how he didn't do any of the phone calling, the shlepping our son to doctors and specialists.  How even when I worked full time, I tried to make appointments for my son when I had time off every other week.

I'm a mother, what else could I have done. I never thought any of my needs came first.

This is an accomplishment too, realizing where my anger came from.

Edited by Dolphin2013
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Thursday, the 17th, I got my hair done.  Wash, cut, style.  Very okay. 

On the way home, I thought I'd stop at a dollar store to get some of those mini toothbrushes you use between your teeth.  I turned left at a light from a major thoroughfare, thinking the store had a driveway entrance on the side street.  It did not, so I found a driveway on that street and turned around and stopped at the same light I had turned left on.  I waited for the light to turn green and proceeded through the intersection in an attempt to turn left, back onto the main thoroughfare, when I saw a large SUV approaching on my left, who looked like he had no idea his light was red, or that there was a light at all. 

(We've all seen that shot in the movies, haven't we?  A big car or truck coming straight at our protagonist's left.)  There's a split second when you think, "No, this isn't really happening.  He's got to stop."  But he doesn't.  And by the time you realize he isn't, there's nothing you can do.  The impact of his vehicle as he hit mine sounded like a train hitting a wall.  And I remember screaming, over and over and over.  I didn't even recognize myself or the sound of my own voice.  My car was still driveable, and I found myself on the right side of the thoroughfare, parked crookedly and blocking one lane of traffic. 

People came to my aid.  Called 911.  One woman held me and told me I was okay; everything was okay.  "I'm an angel for people.  I've seen stuff like . . . it doesn't matter.  Just listen, and believe me.  You're okay, honey."  One guy at the scene advised that I breathe in through my nose, and out through my mouth.  I was hyperventilating, and then screaming again.  He asked if there was someone they should call to meet me.  I called my mother.

I don't know how long we were there on the street, my angels comforting me and steering traffic around me.  Telling the guy who hit me (who, by the way, was trying to lie his way out of it) that they were witnesses; the light was red and he should have stopped.  The ambulance came before the police did.  I was put into the ambulance, my car towed away. Later I found out that, once the police came, the woman who had been so kind gave her name as a witness.  My mother met me at the hospital, and she, too, was an angel.  I was so moved and grateful for the KINDNESS of EVERY SINGLE PERSON INVOLVED in this . . . drama.  The hospital staff, the policewoman, the EMT guys, the witnesses . . .

This was not how I saw my day going when I got up that morning.  But I was cared for in ways I never expected, by people I whose names I may never know. 

Yeah, my car is ****ed up, but he hit the driver's side BACK door, and just missed the gas line!  It's sitting in the garage now and I hate to look at it (my car is my FRIEND!!!!!) the way it is, but I have hopes that it will be repaired completely. 

Now, the battle begins.  I've been through it before.  Had an accident in 2007 when I lived in L.A., where I was rear ended on the highway twice at speeds of 70mph.  Hence, the spinal arthritis.  I know my screaming and incoherence on Thursday took me back to February 24, 2007 at 3:15 p.m., on the 101 Freeway, just 3 miles from home.  There will be treatment(s) and a lawyer and insurance adjusters and car repairs.  But what matters most to me was that I got what I needed when I needed it. 

I've experienced loads of kindness here, and though I may never know your names, I know we are all connected.  The timing of the words we speak just when someone needs to hear them is not random; it's orchestrated by a loving universe that connects us, as vast as the universe may be, and however small we may seem within it.

Thank you for listening.  May we all have better days ahead.

WOTL

 

 

Edited by womanofthelight
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Royal Bank

TD Bank

McDonald's

Costco......return pants

Atlas Muffler and Brake.........to get estimate about shocks/struts for my van.

Home   

Phone two banks to find out what happened to my $16,000.

Phone Walmart Mastercard

Phone hospitals again to find out about out patient psychiatric programs.   They are not returning my calls.

Tailors....alter three pairs of pants.

Drove buy a house for sale.

Men's Without Hats group...2 hours....first time for me.

Bookstore/Chapters

Starbucks

Text my friend Pam

Home 

Do Income Tax.

 

 

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Sorted my car re-payments, checked ex-wife was ok and hadn't gone to Belgium yet, sorted books sold, posted strimmer for sale on various buy and sell forums, walked dog and fed rabbit, chatted with M, read Webmd article about "body noises" which amused me, went and did food shop, housework.

 

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I worked on my mortgage papers.  I am trying to buy a property in Victoria B.C.

I went to Starbucks and met my friends.

I signed and emailed all the mortgage papers along with my statement of income and bank statements and my house property tax documents.  I still need a letter from my employer.

Called my employer and have my benefit premiums payment corrected.

Watched TV business shows.

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I accompanied my brother-in-law across town to pick up his cheque for his rental apartment.  I met a really friendly lady who was working there.

I did not go to mediation and Emotions Anonymous instead i spent the time with all my sisters and niece.  We had supper together.

Later I went to Starbucks to meet my friends and a pub.

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15 hours ago, duck said:

I accompanied my brother-in-law across town to pick up his cheque for his rental apartment.  I met a really friendly lady who was working there.

I did not go to mediation and Emotions Anonymous instead i spent the time with all my sisters and niece.  We had supper together.

Later I went to Starbucks to meet my friends and a pub.

Duck I'm glad you are getting out and doing things.

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