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Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here!

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I made it to walmart and bought lots of stuff on my list. What a time I had! So hot and it's only March. Just lugged everything in and put about half of it away. Taking a break then will put the rest away. That's the part I despise, bringing the stuff in and putting it away. Also dragged the trash to the road for tomorrow's pickup. Now I can just relax the rest of the night!!! So glad that stuff is done!

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Put in 3 applications for jobs I didn't want. I would be so happy if I never had to work another day of my life. My life would still suck either way. So I guess it doesn't matter. 

Took my bath for the week.

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Nah I've played a game online it distracted me a bit from the emptiness of my life.  I need to find a hobby but I feel like getting some rest is more important right now.  I've been so tired recently and done nothing but stay in bed...  Wonder how to feel refreshed.  I eat healthy BTW. 

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It has been a tough few days.  I can't really put my finger on it except I've just felt this overwhelming sadness. Missing my parents and countless friends that have passed a lot.  My PTSD has been working overtime.  I have been told by my therapist I suffer from survivor's guilt.  Unable to rationalize why people I love the most are gone, and most of all, why them and not me?  

Death is inevitable, but experiencing so much death, especially friends who passed way before their time, makes me extremely sad. Then my parents and other relatives.  I think I have grief overload or something.   I don't think there is any time limit for grieving.  It just all becomes overwhelming at times.  Then, suddenly, the sadness goes away.

I made a promise to myself after so many of my friends were dying in the 80's and 90's that I would always carry a piece of them in my heart.  I think the problem is my heart is full, and now I guess all this grief and sadness is really coming to the surface because it has no other place to go.

Tomorrow I see my therapist.  I really need his help on this.

I guess the good news is I saw my doc last Friday and he is increasing the dosage of my antidepressant which I think will help.  I've been on the same dosage for over 8 years and probably need a bump.  If that doesn't work he is going to put me on something else.

I keep telling myself one day at a time, but that is so much easier said than done, at least for me.

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saw my psychiatrist

saw my real estate friend about a deal

dealership to replace a bolt on my car

cut my hair

mediation

emotions anonymous

starbucks

second cup

tim hortons

shower and shave

talk to a buddy from work about investing over the phone for 90 minutes

organize my bill payments with two separate banks

 

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Last night we all went to see a drum show called called, I believe TOA, from Japan. It was outstanding but my anxiety level was ebbing up and down. For one I have an extremely hard time being in doors for more than half hour unless I'm at home. Second, my son is homeless in the town we were in and we weren't able to see him. 

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The last week or two have been particularly brutal, just feel like isolating and avoiding everyone and everything. I am off work today and have pretty much just been glued to the couch, half-watching the TV and aimlessly surfing the web. I finally managed to wrench myself out of the apartment and walk to the library, where I am typing this now. I suppose that is one small victory.

I came down here to order and print the voucher for my son's season pass for King's Dominion this year (I don't have a printer at home). So another small victory.

I have also started therapy again, it is going to be a crunch in terms of money, but I feel like if I don't get some help in getting myself "unstuck", this disease is going to consume me. She and I are focusing on my career stagnation and developing some strategies to help me figure out just what it is I want to do with my life (in terms of work, anyway - relationships are off the table indefinitely, probably for good). I also saw my psychiatrist, who I hadn't seen in a year or more, and have started taking Fetzima, 40mg. I haven't been on meds in over a year, and feel like I need to try something, as, mentally, things have deteriorated with staggering rapidity. I had open enrollment for benefits at work, and opted to pay a few more dollars out of pocket for a plan that has a much better RX benefit. So meds should be much cheaper now. He wants to start me on Abilify as well, but it is superexpenseive (he gave me a ton of samples for the Fetzima, which is also costly) and he didn't have any samples, so I am going to hold off until May, when the new plan kicks in. 

What else did I do today? Took a shower, shaved, and posted here. I am slowly working my way through this particular thread, still 90 pages or so to go. Reading up on everyone's little victories is quite inspiring and brings a fair bit of comfort.

Peace and better days to all,

 

Tim

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I went to EFT Group.

I had coffee with my friend John.

I went to the book store and accidentally met another friend Ken. We chatted for two hours.

I spoke to Annie at another coffee shop.

I came home and had a shower and shave.

I paid some bills.

I am going to the airport to pick up my big sister and my niece.  

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Something is going on and I can't figure it out.   My therapist is concerned and so am I.  We are bumping up the milligrams of my antidepressant, perhaps adding another.  I thought my depression might be circumstantial but now I'm pretty convinced it is chemical.  My therapist feels an unusual amount of stress may be part of the equation.  All I know I'm finding it hard to control.  It seems to be consuming me, and I'm trying so hard to fight it .

Definitely in the depths of despair, and hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Hugs to all! 

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I started doing my income taxes.

I had dinner at my big sister's home for the second day in a row.

I went to a depression group meeting.

I went to Starbucks for coffee where I chatted with the barista Paul and my friend Joe.

We went to the Next Act Pub.

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I must find another (additional) way to make money as my blog is not earning like it used to. I can't work outside the home. It must be something I can do online. I really need to get back into sewing. I used to sell a line of clothing that I designed. I figure if I post that here, maybe, just maybe, I'll accomplish it. Very worried about money lately.  

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-I went to class even though I didn,t sleep

-had self-control didn,t get drunk in the morning even though I had alcohol

-ate breakfast i usually skip it.

-Worked with my classmates without getting angry.

-talked to my professor about the project I have to do to graduate

- asserted myself with my professor so I could get my test results later so I could home and get coffe

-Didn,t panic yet about all the class work I had

-posted on here.

I am weird I don,t care if I make big accomplishments s long as im not homeless,breaking the law or don,t become some kind of addict I feel accomplished.I don,t get what's wrong with browsing the web and watching tv to me thats accomplishing something so is staying in bed.i don,t get how people don,t consider those accomplishments people in thrid world nations don,t have the luxury of doing those things,i would consider that appreciating what society has created.I don,t get sometimes how people think things like going for a walk is a bigger accomplishment then something like playing video games.Same with meeting in groups I went to alot of groups and volunteered and felt just as accomplished as going out to dinner or doing other random things.everything is a accomplishment depdending on how you look at but soceity judges you if you want to have a low-stress life and be happy with yourself,its not the activity that makes it accomplishment but how you judge it.

On 3/8/2016 at 8:35 AM, GoldenEve said:

Getting out of my comfy bed was quite an achievement, going to work was another huge achievement so... Do I get an award.  :smilingteeth:

Yes you get a thumbs up:thumbsup:

 

-

 

 

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2 hours ago, scienceguy said:

 

-I went to claI am weird I don,t care if I make big accomplishments s long as im not homeless,breaking the law or don,t become some kind of addict I feel accomplished.I don,t get what's wrong with browsing the web and watching tv to me thats accomplishing something so is staying in bed.i don,t get how people don,t consider those accomplishments people in thrid world nations don,t have the luxury of doing those things,i would consider that appreciating what society has created.I don,t get sometimes how people think things like going for a walk is a bigger accomplishment then something like playing video games.Same with meeting in groups I went to alot of groups and volunteered and felt just as accomplished as going out to dinner or doing other random things.everything is a accomplishment depdending on how you look at but soceity judges you if you want to have a low-stress life and be happy with yourself,its not the activity that makes it accomplishment but how you judge it.

This is so great I love it! 

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Definitely a rough weekend.  Might partially be due to our March Northwest weather, lots of storms, big wind storm on Sunday, lots of rain.  Just hunkered down and stayed in trying to get projects done, of which I have many to attend to.  All I can say is I feel like I'm running on empty.  Fatigued, irritable, sad, drinking more than I should to make me feel better.  

This week I will be bumping up my dosage of Wellbutrin XL from 300 mg to 450 mg.  My doctor might also add Zoloft.  I hope this helps.  I feel so confused about what is happening in my life, and even more confused about all the trouble in the world.  I don't get people, I really don't get anything at the present.  All I know is I have saved enough to move to another country if necessary depending on who wins the Presidency.  

This is a confusing time, and it is hard to make sense what is happening in our politics and the world.  Actually all of this makes my depression worse, because my nature is to expect the worst case scenario to happen.  I try to be positive, but can't seem to find a positive thought to hang on to.

Anyway, hugs, and I hope everyone else is having a better day!

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It's exam week. I took my first exam of the week a while ago, which is Algebra (it's my second time taking that class. I'm dreadful when it comes to Math). Not feeling so confident about that. I went on a date with my girlfriend. Took aside my pride once more and said sorry to my best friend for the second time. I didn't show her my best attitude yesterday. I was touchy and problematic and I might have put it all out to her. It's gonna be another day tomorrow.

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Watched a bunch of porn

pulled myself out of self loathing

Went to class

im about to start my homework

made myself breakfast

followed politics

listen to lectures about being postie

didn,t drink today,so I could save my beers to binge drink on friday.

charged my lap top

cleaned some dishes

fell asleep last night

noticed little details i never saw when,driving and walking into school.

Didn,t complain

Didn,t get angry yet.

didn,t have road rage when driving.

took good notes in class

took a shower

drank some water

 

 

 

 

Edited by scienceguy

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Worked until 7am, came home and pretty much fell right asleep, it has been a pretty down day, i miss my kids, miss my wife, my dogs, just have to keep making it through each day until i can see them again, went out for a bit paid some bills, going to head to the gym in a bit that always makes me feel a bit better, hopefully tomorrow is better.

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On 3/14/2016 at 0:40 PM, idkusername465 said:
On 3/14/2016 at 10:34 AM, scienceguy said:

 

-I went to class even though I didn,t sleep

-had self-control didn,t get drunk in the morning even though I had alcohol

-ate breakfast i usually skip it.

-Worked with my classmates without getting angry.

-talked to my professor about the project I have to do to graduate

- asserted myself with my professor so I could get my test results later so I could home and get coffe

-Didn,t panic yet about all the class work I had

-posted on here.

I am weird I don,t care if I make big accomplishments s long as im not homeless,breaking the law or don,t become some kind of addict I feel accomplished.I don,t get what's wrong with browsing the web and watching tv to me thats accomplishing something so is staying in bed.i don,t get how people don,t consider those accomplishments people in thrid world nations don,t have the luxury of doing those things,i would consider that appreciating what society has created.I don,t get sometimes how people think things like going for a walk is a bigger accomplishment then something like playing video games.Same with meeting in groups I went to alot of groups and volunteered and felt just as accomplished as going out to dinner or doing other random things.everything is a accomplishment depdending on how you look at but soceity judges you if you want to have a low-stress life and be happy with yourself,its not the activity that makes it accomplishment but how you judge it.

Yes you get a thumbs up:thumbsup:

 

-

 

 

This is so great I love it! 

Well said scienceguy.

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Slept most of last night and today.

Saw my therapist. Told him I think about the lady all day.  He said to practice mindfullness.

I went to the book store and Starbucks when I met up with my friends.

We went to the pub and had nachos.

I wrote down some things to tell my psychiatrist tomorrow.

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