Popular Post dsm Posted December 11, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted December 11, 2013 Today I had to go to the store, and that's a very big task for me for so many reasons. One, I hate to leave the house. Two, I hate myself. Three, I'm obese and it's a huge struggle for me to move around. Four, I suffer from severe anxiety. Five... and so on.When I have to go to the store, I make myself sick over it for days. Today, I told myself that if I made it to the store, I would come and post my success here and maybe someone would understand just how big a deal it was that I got that task done. And even though I don't know anyone here, I was anxious to be able to tell someone, anyone, that I accomplished my task.I went to the store today! Not just one store, but two stores. I'm exhausted and stressed to the max, but I did it.If you did anything today, anything at all... please post here. Or if you do something tomorrow, please come back and report it. I don't care how small the task is, because I think when suffering from depression, there are no small tasks. I have days where if I take in the mail, it's considered a good day. Seriously. So, did you do anything at all today? Anything? 34 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASLycoris Posted December 11, 2013 Share Posted December 11, 2013 dsm-I can understand that. I really can. I... have a hard time leaving my house most of the time. I could make it into a store, but it'd be an accomplishment to get there. So congratulations! :) Seriously. Good for you. Last night I made it through a dinner out with a guy who hates me and a total stranger. It was a big accomplishment. A huge one. I was uncomfortable the entire time... if it wasn't for the tequila (and the fact that I was already tired), I probably would've had a panic attack in the restaurant. But I made it through. Didn't snap at anyone. Didn't start crying and embarrass myself. I was so (emotionally & physically) exhausted that I fell asleep the second I got home. Couldn't even change.But it was good.Of course, then I was belittled this afternoon for being unable to be "normal." Victory is short-lived, eh? 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 11, 2013 Author Share Posted December 11, 2013 Victory is totally short-lived, and I'm usually the one who ruins it for myself. Like I was not able to put the non-perishables away. So they will probably stay in the bags until they are eaten. So even though I made it to the store, I feel like a failure because I can't buy some groceries and also put them away. Tomorrow I hope to put away the clothing that has been on my couch for at least 2 weeks. Clean clothes that just sits there. Yesterday I watered a plant that I was sure I had finally killed, but it's coming back to life. It's just so hard for me to do anything. I think it's because I have SO MUCH to do that knocking little things off the list are like a joke. So I rather do nothing at all. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyberpunk Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 I took a shower today. That's about it. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hotaru Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 I managed to make it outside for a long (probably an hour and a half each way) walk to a yarn shop, just to check it out. I'm currently not in the middle of a heavy funk, so this would be normal for me, but I am experiencing some ugly PMS the last 3 or 4 days, which is making me tired as hell all day long. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning (especially since it's DARK when I wake up to keep my husband company while he gets ready for work), and have felt tempted to go right back to bed after he leaves, but resist the urge…at least until after lunch, usually, when I get overpowered by sleepiness and surrender to a nap.Hoping to make some significant headway on the hat I'm knitting today, too. I'd like to actually wear the thing, since it's getting pretty cold out now. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Licorice Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 I took a shower today. That's about it.Same for me... I had a lot of plans, but found ways to lounge around instead. I managed about half an hour of distracted writing, though, and might be able to fit in a little more before bed. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 I just managed to put the clothing away that has been on my couch for like 2 weeks. It's funny (not funny ha ha, but funny strange) how doing that 10 min task can make me feel even worse than before. Just doing it causes me more emotional pain. Maybe I'm not folding up to par. Maybe I should be turning the shirt right side out (I leave everything inside out so I can get through it quicker). Maybe I should be cleaning my entire house and not just putting away a load of laundry. It's not just the physical part of doing a task that stops me (my weight, back, legs, are a major issue), but the mental part too. I think, I KNOW, it's the mental part that stops me. It's bad enough to be depressed and to have to force yourself to put away laundry, but then to suffer mentally while doing it? It's just so hard!!!But that little bit of clothing is now in it's place. I hope later I can go through some mail. I'll post here if I do. I'd love to know if you got something done too. I'd also love to know if it hurts you mentally to do simple tasks so I don't feel so all alone in my misery! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfcaster Posted December 12, 2013 Share Posted December 12, 2013 made it to work for the first time in a week 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 12, 2013 Author Share Posted December 12, 2013 Went through some mail and I should know better than to do that at night. Got a bill I was not expecting and can't make any calls until tomorrow. And I'll probably never make the call and will end up just paying it because I hate making calls. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueyonder Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 great thread!!!!!! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saliency Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I went to work today. I was two minutes late, but I worked for about six hours. And I went to the store and bought a bunch of stuff. I guess you might call this an average day for me. I always seem to do something with my day that might seem significant, but it's never jam-packed with action or full on. Even a six hour shift is enough to take the life out of me. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doommantia Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I achieved getting through my shift at work without losing my temper, or embarrassing myself. So thats always good.I'm now spending my day with games.. as usual. Though the past week Ive been sleeping entire days after work (i work very early in the morning till noon), only getting up to use the bathroom and get dinner at around 7pm then going back to bed. So I've achieved not going to bed and actually trying to do something. Not much to most people, but to me just being awake at 2pm is a small victory. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graycoyote Posted December 13, 2013 Share Posted December 13, 2013 I babysat my granddaughter had a Great Birthday Supper and a Great Night with my wife last night. I'm 58 now.getting older and much wiser on this thing called Depression 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 13, 2013 Author Share Posted December 13, 2013 I took my shower and got dressed before noon. I shower and dress every day, but getting that done before noon is not always possible.I have so much stuff that needs to get done. It's so overwhelming. When I wake up, it's all dread and doom. It hits me like a ton of bricks. Today when I woke up, I thought about everyone in this forum and it helped to know I'm not alone. I can't afford counseling right now due to changing insurance and now have a $50 co-pay (I miss my therapist soooooo much), so coming here helps! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AintNoHer0 Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 I got a tattoo 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 14, 2013 Author Share Posted December 14, 2013 I went to my two local libraries and got some free movies to get me through the weekend, but that does not feel like an accomplishment to me because I really need to do stuff around the house. Maybe I can do a load of laundry. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flasquish Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Hi Dsm,Sorry you're having a rough time. Hopefully you'll feel better soon. It was a nice day in Florida today and I went for a drive, which usually makes me very stressed because of the maddening traffic, but I did it and am glad for it. It's good to get outside, forces me to face the world. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 14, 2013 Author Share Posted December 14, 2013 flasquish, I am terrified of being on the road now due to texting drivers. I've had cars come at me head on three times now. And I see numerous others crossing the line. It's awful! They say texting is like driving drunk. I say it's worse! It's like driving asleep at the wheel! I feel like everyone is going to come at me. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flasquish Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 Dsm, you're preaching to the choir. I'm a little older and just don't understand the obsession with cell phone use while driving!!!! I can tell when someone in front of is texting, like having a serverely drunk person in front of you. But in a way you have to feel like everone is going to crash into you to keep you sharp and avoid accidents at all costs. Driving is one of my most anxiety filled tasks every day and one of the reasons I started taking sertraline. I live in the outskirts of Orlando which is great. Unfortunately, I have to go in to town to work and do any shopping. I'm glad you went to the library and got some movies, that's real progress for those of us that don't feel like we can leave the house. Try to feel better :) 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 14, 2013 Author Share Posted December 14, 2013 I don't text, period. I tried a text like maybe 5 years ago and it took me maybe 10 minutes to get the message out there. I had it turned off so no one could text me. I'm a blogger so I'm typing and reading all day, every day. If I want to chat with someone, I'll call.Driving stresses me but being a passenger is unbearable. I'm not in control at all as a passenger and I make the driver miserable. So, I have to drive. I can't believe I found a place where I can tell someone I went out and that person gets it!!! I can't believe I never thought about looking for a forum like this until just recently. I've had an online biz for 14 years now, so you'd think I would have found a group before now!!! Just glad I found one. I like it here! 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flasquish Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 This is my first time being on a forum and I LOVE IT! The messages here are very helpful. I've been going through a lot of forums over the last 3 months and this is the one to be in. Even when I do get back to myself, I plan on staying on this forum to report on my progress and send out any helpful messages that I can. So many of us out there! 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenwilson523 Posted December 14, 2013 Share Posted December 14, 2013 I did was I always do. Think about all the things I really want to do and then not do them. It always seems like an amazing idea till the time comes that I actually have to make an effort and go do something. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
law055car Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 I picked up the house and did some laundry thats it 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichW Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 My brain thinks it's still Saturday thanks to silly sleep habits. On Saturday I ended up doing a day's work, being sociable and did a fair amount of exercise. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm Posted December 16, 2013 Author Share Posted December 16, 2013 I had to shovel snow today. Just did a little. My boots were still by the door. Never put them away from last winter. The irony is that I hate clutter and hated seeing those boots there, but never got around to putting them away. Also got away from my computer a bit and watched a movie. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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