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How Many Of Us Suffer From Jealousy Or Envy?


Rexxsi

  

165 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from jealousy or envy?

    • Yes, extremely badly.
      36
    • Yes, frequently.
      60
    • Yes, mildly.
      32
    • Not often.
      17
    • No, not at all.
      10
    • Sometimes.
      10


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I am jealous of the people who went on living normal lives after my diagnosis of major depression disorder became public. Everyone knew I had Fibromyalgia and frequent Migraines, but the depression hadn't been diagnosed until I applied for disability in my mid 40's at my doctors insistance. After that two supposedly close childhood friends quit talking to me, my husband divorced me, and even my own family began treating me with kid gloves; I was suddenly a leapor. Although my personality hadn't changed with the diagnosis, their attitudes did. I lost everyone except my daughter and one very good friend, not to mention almost losing everything and would have had it not been for a good lawyer and the disability people, when the diagnosis and divorce happened. Since then I have watched my ex (who needed and still needs psychological help) re-marry and prosper economically with his work. The other friends went on to also live "normal" lives, as has my family. Soon most of these people will be retiring. I will never be retired since my disability payments aren't enough to pay the bills so I have to supplement with small jobs here and there. So yeah, I am jealous. I also envy the health some of the people I know have kept. I used to be very athletic even with the Fibromyaliga but now I am unable to do much more then a good brisk walk. I wish I could do things over again...I wonder if I could have chosen not to get sick?!

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I think the only thing I'm a little jealous of is women who are artsy, pretty, and either bold, outgoing, and fun or shy, demure, and delicate, which are two coveted extremes in my experience. They draw in the only ones I can have a fulfilling relationship with, considering how central creativity and ideas are to my sense of who I am. I'm kind of dorky and plain, so I can't really compete with them when it comes to what similar people want in a partner.

I've tried to go without a few times, but I always felt isolated and misunderstood. Like the most important parts of me were never really visible, just nice things to nod and smile at.

Edited by Licorice
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I think the only thing I'm a little jealous of is women who are artsy, pretty, and either bold, outgoing, and fun or shy, demure, and delicate, which are two coveted extremes in my experience. They draw in the only ones I can have a fulfilling relationship with, considering how central creativity and ideas are to my sense of who I am. I'm kind of dorky and plain, so I can't really compete with them when it comes to what similar people want in a partner.

I've tried to go without a few times, but I always felt isolated and misunderstood. Like the most important parts of me were never really visible, just nice things to nod and smile at.

Licorice, you are not any less attractive than the people you have put on a pedestal. Try thinking you are an equal to these people and hopefully, you'll get responses from others to you that will show you that you ARE equal to them :) I feel used to feel the same; in some ways, I still do, but on the whole, I've accepted that this is my insecurity and something I need to work on. Others will find you attractive for all sorts of reasons, you don't always have to project any particular 'self' onto them, just be you. But a confident version of you :)

Elle

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've suffered from jealousy almost exactly from the onset of my depression. As soon as I realized that tonight I wanted to ask this question to you all here.. being as depression, low self-esteem, bad body image, and such all are similar things that fuel jealousy. Before I was depressed, I suffered no jealousy at all. But when my depression came on, my self-esteem suffered (so I perceived other women being much more attractive and desirable to my partner over me), and so my jealousy became very high.

I realize that not all people with depression endure jealousy, but I do think I can't be the only one here battling jealousy as well as depression.

I think the subject of jealousy points to where we feel we should be excelling in life for some reason. For example.. Someone getting depressed over their bad grades could be more likely to feel jealous of someone with great grades. Same for looks, intelligence.. I'm sure that's obvious though, lol. For me, it's look. Breasts to be precise. And looks have (much to my sadness), been made the spotlight of who I am as a person. Because I feel that family and friends and partners have all put the main focus on me as a person on my looks, I feel like it's all I'm worth, so if I feel like I'm not physically excelling, I feel depressed, and jealous of women I see as being more attractive than me as a result. If focus had been put on my grades, I'd probably have a similar jealousy about that.

Anyone else suffer jealousy or envy? What / who do you get jealous or envious of and why? Anyone care to share their stories?

As much as I hate to admit it, I am jealous of attractive women. They get certain favors that unattractive women do not get. That has primarily been the cause of my depression for the last several years.

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So I guess I'm the only one envious of people who have a loving family and loving friends... :(

Nope, Clouds...you're definitely not the only one. I'm thankful for my mom and my husband, despite our differences sometimes. And one of my aunts is pretty cool, too.

But besides them, I often wish I had more people who cared about me. I have a weird relationship with the rest of my family. And friends? I can't really say I've had many friends in my life. So you're not alone. Plenty of folks in the same boat with you.

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  • 2 months later...

My parents died in 1990. I was an only child. My wife of 31 years died 13 months ago and we had no children so I now find myself totally alone with no immediate family. I have only a few close friends and one person I consider as my closest friend and I confide everything in her. I am very envious of her as she has a wonderful family. I am envious of my other friends all of whom have families. I do feel very much alone and lost. I wish my closest friend had more time for me but she doesn't due her heavy work obligations, her studies, her family and personal interests. I feel like I am losing her as well but I do accept and understand her situation completely.

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I don't know if you want to call it jealousy or envy, but I am tired of seeing bad people get ahead or how many people just seem to be born with few/no physical or mental flaws that might restrict them from having a normal life (relationships, careers, school, children).

With that being said I also wouldn't wish this curse on anyone.

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I get really jealous/bitter of people who have a lot of money either from their parents or by marrying rich. My parents struggled financially when I was growing up and as a young adult I supported myself since 18 and worked 3 or 4 jobs at a time when I was in university to pay for it and still had to get student loans, which now as an adult I still owe a lot of money on. Saving up money to get a downpayment for my condo was hard and took about a year and a half of scrimping, saving and always saying yes to extra shifts and on call duties at work. I get jealous/bitter when I see friends from well to do families get handed the keys to a brand new car or get their parents to pay for college or give them money for a house! Or girls marrying guys with money.

I know it's wrong I should be happy for people but it's hard because I feel like I work really hard and still have so much debt even though I spend virtually no money on unneeded things, drive an older vehicle, and save wherever I can. I stress about it a lot about debt and money even though I have a good paying job. I get especially jealous when I hear people who just have no concept of money because they've never had to worry about how to get rent paid or been scared your car is going to break down and you have no money to fix it!!!

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  • 2 months later...

I used to have more jealousy when I was younger. Back then it was mainly jealousy having to do with romantic relationships I was in. Somehow, that has decreased quite a bit now. I still get jealous of other things, like family members who have their life more "together" than I do.

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  • Yes, I am jealous of other women who are in great relationships or marriages because every guy I meet just wants a fling or a fall back chick. I should be used to it by now, but I am not. I can't understand why this happens to me EVERY time I meet someone. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I have cried about it so many times, I can't even cry anymore.

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I'm really too much of a skeptic at heart to struggle with jealousy or envy to any significant degree. If I see someone who seems to have it all, I don't trust what I see, and I end up wondering what life is really, truly like for them. To me, more stuff means being on a tightrope that's much higher above the ground than mine. Sure, the view might be great, but d*mn I'm not gonna miss the fall, ya know.

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I definitely do. Especially if a person was a former bully and ended up more successful than me. It's sad that the bully still ends up on top after all the horrible things they do to you. One of my former bullies has a singing career and I'm still unemployed. Life is not fair.

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I envy other person (man or woman) when they show confidence and have great personalities. I feel so awkward all the time that when I see people who are comfortable in their own skin, it makes me very jaleous! I compare myself to other people all the time. Low self estime...

Edited by Valgomoms
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I don't know why, I coudn't edit my other post, but it continues here:

Btw, I don't think Facebook helps me with my problem. If I post something, I get anxious because I compare the number of replies I get with my other Facebook friends and if i don't have enough for my taste, I tell myself that people don't like me very much and my other friends are better than me. Cwaaazy...

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When I was a kid I don't remember getting jealous much, if I did it was the kind of jealousy that wouldn't last long, and didn't affect me. But now, it's definitely worse. Maybe the depression makes it worse, or coming back from travelling. But I think it's all about what you do/don't have and comparing it with other people, and as you get older it seems there are more things to compare - jobs, relationships, where you live, friends, success etc. and I think there are expectations in society that 'by age X, you should have done this', and for some people it makes them feel bad if they haven't. I'm still young, but I worry this will happen to me if by a certain age I haven't got married/had kids/had a career etc. etc.

Facebook has been the worse thing for my jealousy i think. I know that it's just people bragging about the highlights of their life, but I can still tell when someone is having a better life than me, I KNOW they are. I have nothing good to brag about, whereas they do, so they must be at the very least, doing more than i'm doing, and at most having lots of fun.

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It's 'funny' (ironic): If you're severely depressed- as I am right now- one of the ways you really can confirm it is that you're jealous of everybody. Everybody seems better adjusted, happier, more successful, healthier, etc.

The hallmark of the non-depressed mind is indifference towards relative things i.e. not caring that your friend makes much more money. The hallmark of the depressed mind is incessant comparison with everyone else and finding yourself coming up short.

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Geez! I like that topic. I was at one point in my life jealous and envious, I’m not anymore. I’m happy with who I am and what I achieve in my life. I might not have much; I’m not rich but… I have found a man that believes in me and spoiled me with his love; to me this is being rich.

This topic got me thinking about something that happens lately at work. I found out that one of my coworkers was very much envious of me, to my total surprise. This girl to me as it all, her only problem is that she doesn’t see it, she forget what she’s got and always look at what she doesn’t have.

Yes! For sure sometime I wish, I could have more that what I got, “ my dream is to win a big lottery, so I can say bye! Bye! Boss “, like anybody else I’m sure, but… I’m still satisfied with what I got.

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Feeling jealous is a very normal human feeling. Yes, even the people that are being jealous are probably jealous them self.

i do have that "i dont want to be me anymore" type of feeling (ever since i'm feeling down - which is a terrible feeling ), i dont have that "i want to be X" kind of jealousy (but i used to - keep on reading!)

Speaking out personal experience, i was very fat and very short at school, and was always bullied by others, so i decided to train and become stronger (i even used to look at those bodybuilders like Arnold and dreaming i would look like them), thinking it would make my life much better (girls, social life etc), as i grow up and developed my body, i was of course very happy with it, but it looked better as a "fantasy", from the point of view. so i'm basically trying to say - try to imagine it from the another perspective - would it really make you happier if you would be richer, or taller , or "prettier"? think about it.

Sometimes you have to accept what you got, and sometimes you can try to make it better. being short does not mean its impossible to find a partner, and being fat is not permanent thing.

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Life is not filled with attachment for attachment will.only bring desire want and pain. A farmer ask I want more crops and healthier cow's however, does not sow the land. Attachment is difficulty especially with love involved I get caught up.in the moment know one can be perfect. However, if I continue to attach myself and hold on to those feelings of love what will it do. Can I grow and flow with life must realize. For the river never ends.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I totally get how you feel and I feel a lot of jealousy and envy because I look at other people who seem to be having the time of their lives with no care in the world and I sit here struggling to get out of bed everyday. But it is my fault to a certain extent because I am refusing not to live, I need to start taking responsibility to do better self care. If I go out and go for a walk other than staying in the apartment (I am extremely agoraphobic) but if I push myself I end up feeling better in the end. I do know what it feels like to be jealous and envious however because I want the life someone else has where they don't have to wake up and take 5 different pills each morning to help them cope and feel as icky as I do. But I have to believe in time I will be better.

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