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Depression Is Slowly Taking Over All Aspects Of My Life


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It started with the occasional feeling sad and lost and depressed, but then I would bounce back. Then depression started interfering with college, and I got behind on some work and even skipped some classes. Then simple things such as cooking food started feeling like I had to put all my effort in just to complete the task. Lately all I have been doing is attending school, working out, and completing any work I have to for my online training business, but other than that I usually am lying around sleeping, sitting feeling numb, or walking around not knowing what to do with myself. Sometimes I try to get little things done around the house, but I find myself having to sit more and take breaks because it feels like it takes all my energy to get things done. Tonight depression interfered with my workout, the one thing that was my escape from everything. I thought I had friends, but no matter how much I try to spend time with them they continue to turn me down, or cancel plans last minute. Today was Thanksgiving and I spent it alone, lying down, upset. Yesterday I spent a good deal of time lying on the floor in the dark, feeling emptiness. I just wish that I had someone here, a friend or a girlfriend, who would just give me a hug and show me that they care and love me for who I am. :cry:

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Yep bro. Sounds like good ol' classical, clinical....depression. Isn't it awesome man? NOT! Good description above. Sort of like having a 2000-pound dumbell attached to your ankle every time you try to get something done.

This too shall pass. You will recover. We all will.

What's you med status? Might be time for a switch on the meds.

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Onlinefitnesstrainer,

I am going through the same process. Thanksgiving and Christmas are time of great loneliness for me. I realize many people, even normal people not suffering from depression, find them difficult. Most churches have a day in December with a special service for those of us not having a commercial holiday experience. Friends suggest that I just view these days as just another day. I cannot, though. It hurts that I have family that will not let me enter their premises on the holidays. I believe that I am warm and friendly. In my past, I had many friends and acquaintances. Now I do not. I wonder if it is my depression. All I can say is that I resolve that next year I will make more of an effort to make friends. When I volunteer, I feel I have some purpose. My purpose now is enduring the depression so I might have a chance to build better days in the future.

Looking back, I have had better years. Many times I wonder if I am the only one who tries so hard for a feeling of community and can't wrap it up. Once I am stable, I want to make a sustained effort. Your descriptions of cooking, cleaning, etc. mirrors my own struggle. Normally, I don't relish these tasks but II do them without thinking. My thoughts are racing. I loack focus.

I have rational hope that this is a temporary problem. It hurts! It need not be the rest of our lives, however. Anyway, tht is my belief. Exercise is the hardest component for me to add to my routine.

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"Lately all I have been doing is attending school, working out, and completing any work I have to for my online training business."

That's more than I do on any given day. I'm depressed too but for monetary reasons. Your depression comes from lonelness which steams from a lack of respect for other people, which ultimatley stems from a lack of respect for yourself. You said you used to be okay with the loneliness, but now you are not. I recommend you figure out why your friends are bailing on you. It's obvious that people don't like to be depressed, so if you are dragging people down that could be a reason why no one wants to hang out with you. Respect is showing other people that you care about their well being and happiness. So if you feel like talking about death, and you know your friend doesn't would you still talk about death, or would you be respectful and talk about something your friend enjoys?

You did ignore StanF23's question about your medication status. I'm not sure if you are taking any or not. If you are not taking any is it because you don't want to see a doctor? It feels like you are feeling sorry for yourself. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I can't give you a hug over the internet. I wish I could.

I'm here because I need to find my motivation, I need to stop drinking, and I need to work my ass off. I can do it I know I can. Sometimes it is hard if we take on too much, we are almost setting ourselves up for failure. Choosing our daily tasks is the most important thing. And if you don't have any reason to get out of bed, you shouldn't expect yourself to leave it. Work, play, hobbies, activities, commitments, student clubs, and anything that forces you to leave the house will help you. Don't sit in your room and do nothing because you hate yourself. If you haven't previously setup an engagment then you wont want to leave the house, so you are setting yourself up for failure. It's okay to sit in your bed and do nothing if you have no prior engagments. I do it all the time. I sleep like 16 hours a day. I'm a writer and i know that my writing will be waiting for me. I need a partner or something. I need to get active again. Blah. I feel terrible now.

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@ Magnum45

You have no clue who my friends are and you are going to make the statement that I do not have respect for other people? You are putting judgement on something you have no idea about. Furthermore, if I were feeling sorry for myself I wouldn't be posting looking for support, because I want to overcome this, just as we all do. I didn't answer the medication question initially because I didn't feel comfortable talking about it right then. You know nothing about the person I am aside from reading that post. I am an online fitness trainer, I dedicate my life to helping other people. I have a strong passion for the happiness and well-being of others. Reading your post ticks me off, not you as a person, but the way you worded your sentences.

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i remember the last time i felt tired, and numb. like i couldnt move, or had no motivation to complete even the most simple of daily tasks. i would lie in bed for hours upon hours during the day. not even sleeping at all. just lying there, my eyes wide awake with zero energy to do anything. I was rejected by the first girl i really had a crush on. it was back in college and i let an entire semester ruin my overall gpa because i was so emotionally devastated by her. I haven't felt that kind of depressed in a very long time though, but i still understand what it feels like to literally live in your bed and never get up.

And while i am still awfully depressed myself and have serious personal issues, i think i have recovered somewhat from that experience. For me, it was just the passing of time that helped me overcome that. I don't know if thats what you need but i hope you at least one day find the energy to get out of bed and find some sense of normalcy again.

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Just a word of encouragement! Never Give Up----There is Help out there.

If you want to stay away from meds then I can personally tell you to try CBT and EBT they have been a great help to me.

I also take meds but the thereapy thru a Pschologist and the self-help workbooks , on CBT and EBT,were life changing.

Wishing You the Best and as Blueyonder said---- You Can do this

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I am sorry that you are experiencing such a profound depression.

My only advice comes from my psychologist...when I have days like you describe, no motivation, I tend to over think it. I lay in bed and constantly talk to myself, telling myself to get up, to get the housework done, to call a friend, etc. My psychologist says that I am not supposed to put much stock in my thoughts. My brain is not well right now, and I cannot trust it to tell me the way things really are. So her suggestion is that the minute I think of getting up and doing something, I need to do it. Do not sit and think about the pros and cons, just literally get up and do whatever task I think needs to be done. That one action can tend to have a snowball effect, and one task usually leads to another. Not always though, I still have days that I go back to bed and do nothing, but it is most often that I stay up and sit in the living room, read a book or watch tv or even get some chores done.

I do not suffer from the lonely feelings that you are having. I have a husband, daughter and friends. I don't go out much, but I do have supportive friends that are just a phone call away. I can't imagine not having them in my life, so I really, really feel badly for you. Is there somewhere in your town where you can commit to volunteering at a couple of times a week? A food bank maybe? You would meet other really great people and possibly create lasting friendships. I know it is almost impossible to think of volunteering when you are so damn depressed, but maybe just try it...force yourself. My psychologist calls it "behaving your way out of depression".

I strongly encourage you to revisit the medication route. I would be dead without meds. I have been suicidal twice in the past few years, both times ending up in the psych ward of our local hospital. I have tried many different meds, and many combinations of meds. I am finally on a combination that is helping me fight out of the depression. Before meds I would lie in bed 24/7. Now I get up most days (not all) and get a few things accomplished. I really wish you would go to your doctor and describe your depression to him/her. Just because some meds didn't work for you doesn't mean that a different med won't work. I encourage you to try this route.

Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. ((((onlinefitnesstrainer))))...here's a virtual hug for you.

Be well.

Gayle

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It sounds as tho normally you are very functional. Perhaps it is all right to not do things if we are ill. Sometimes depression makes it almost impossible. I am having trouble with household and personal tasks, such as showering. The idea of just doing it without analyzing too much makes sense. The inability to shower seems strange. There has never been a time in my life when I did not feel better after a shower. Also, it is so pleasant during the experience that I don't want to quit. Yet here I am. Part of me feels stripping makes me too vulnerable. I don't know understand the process. None of it is logical.

I felt that the statements were provocative. We are doing our best. Depression is an illness, not a matter of character or right living. Our brains have a chemical imbalance. The meds could not work if this were not so. Compassion for ourselves is important. I do believe that close friends and family can endure our statements during depression -- for such statements do not reflect our true selves. Indeed, it would be good to hear that our feelings are not our everyday beliefs.

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