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Depression/anxiety And Pushing Those Closest Away. Please Help


Softball4

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Hello everyone. Hope u guys are doing ok. I have read so much about this but I wanted to see how u guys felt about this. Is it true that someone suffering from anxiety/depression will push the ones they love most away. My friend seems to be pretty shut down most of the time. She has said some very hurtful things while in panic mode. She has blamed me for her having to take medications and I feel like she tried it blame me for an emotional breakdown she had. I wish I would have noticed th signs before she got it that point. She was unable to work much, trouble concentrating, irritable, unable to express emotions or hug like she use to, and always talked about headaches, dizziness, and numbness and tingling. This all really started in January that it got pretty bad. However, looking back into 2012 she had a few panic attacks and didn't realize what they were. When she hat this emotional breakdown in march she described it as the straw that broke the camels back. We had a minor disagreement to which she was very being short and irritable. I had no idea what was happening and asked her what was wrong. She was very rude and I left her house. I guess she thought she was losing someone very close to her and broke down. After that she has been increasingly withdrawn. She gets angry or won't answer if i tryb to talk about our friendship or if we will get back to normal. She gave me a bday card and present Monday and dropped it off when she knew I Wouldn't be there. In the card it just said her name. She was unable to sign it with love of any kind which is not like her. I don't know y I was hoping for anything different. She has only said it once I'd twice in the last 8 months. One time when I was asking her about our friendship and what was happening she said she tried yo explain and then she got defensive and said she felt smothered. Thus was from someone who use to text me morning noon and night and want to see me all of the time. This hurt my feelings bc I was and am only trying to be here but give space too. I feel like if I say something wring she will disappear. I keep blaming myself and thinking if I wouldn't have handled things in a certain way she wouldn't be dealing with this or being withdrawn. It's hard to believe we won't get back on track. It's also hard to believe she doesn't love me. What can I do? I use to help with everything and now I'm shut out. She will talk about the weather and tv shows but it's so hard bc I won't to see her and laugh with her. Make sure she is ok. She is throwing herself into work and I think it's bc she doesn't have to think about anything. It helps her mind not race. She is able to act fine around those she works with, or even casual aqiantences but when it comes to me... Someone who really knows her I feel she blames me and has completely withdrawn. What can I do? What would u guys want done? I think at this point I only initiate every once in awhile and let her come to me. I'm afraid if I do this she will forget about me or think I don't care. This has been so hard and I want to do the right thing. He has never described or said she had depressions and anxiety but I came I that conclusion with knowing her past and knowing how she tried to describe he felt... Such as overwhelmed etc. I took all this as she hated me at first and I feel badly for handling things wrong. Want can I do to not make her withdraw further? Do u guys do this? And do u really know that deep down u love that person but can't express it. I also think she feels she has nothing to give is why she avoids me. However it's been 8 months now and I don't know if she is getting better and moving on without me or she is still struggling. I keep hoping one day she will be able to tell me that she loves me and wants to be friends like we were. Any suggestion? Advice? Or stories how u feel about close relationships. At first she kept saying u dint understand but I thought she was just mad at me for that disagreement. If I would have know I would have handled things differently. I do blame myself.

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I've done it and had it done to me, so yeah, it can happen.

I'd really like to hear her side of the story. It sounds like she's going through a really rough time.

Judging from what you've written, she's clearly going through something, maybe even a chemical imbalance, which would affect her regardless of any kind of life situation, so if you want to be a good friend, just hang back and ride it out. Back off until she's ready to approach you again. You were right to leave when she became abusive with you - no friendship is worth that - then again, she's not in her right mind, and that's why my suggestion is to just ride it out at a distance and wait for her to figure something out. If she wants to talk to you about your friendship or something else, she'll talk to you about it. Pushing the issue will only drive her away, I think.

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Thank u for ur reply. I posted more of this story on another thread. Here it is. U can hear all she has been through in the last fee years and how I was there :) I do want to do the best thing and I think ur right I have done everything I could to help. It seems to be ok sometimes and other times she doesn't want to speak to me. It's hard thinking that she is moving on without our friendship but I should know better than that. She had told me when this started she loved me unconditionally and there is nothing i could do to change that. But I have doubted that and blamed myself the last few months. Like I said, she seems to be able to wear a mask top some. Here is a link with more if the story :) I do understand this is not her but an illness. Her excuse for pushing me away was that I had done things she can't forget. Wen asked what she couldn't say.

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/96391-friend-with-depressionanxiety/

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And u are right. She is not normally abuusive at all. We were like sisters so very close. And she just was not herself and hasn't been for a very long time. I do refuse to quit this friendship. Unless she asks me to. However I need to realize that this is not the same friendship right now. I will always be here for her and she knows that. Maybe not right now but she will remember. Unjust hope she doesn't get better and forget about me:) that's what hard. This person and her family are dear to me. She is so kind,caring and thoughtful. I miss that... And miss all the laughs, hugs, love, and talks:) this has been going on for 8 months and she has said her walls are up. So read the other thread and u will hear all about what she has been through. She is a strong lady and thesis hard bc she always wanted me there when having a hard time before. She would think of herself as being weak if she said she had is. Which we all know that's not the case. You guys are the strongest people!!! I can't imagine the other Side of this. I keep thinking if this is hard on me what it must be like on her. I do believe she will want this friendship back. This was more than a friendship. This was two people who met and became sisters.

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I withdraw from friends and loved ones sometimes for a few reasons.

First of all, they have expectations that I feel like I cannot meet. I have felt pressure to be something that I am not feeling up to. People remember you being one way, and say things that can really make you feel worse about yourself. "what happened to you? You used to be a very (whatever) person?"....then I look at myself and ask myself the same question and feel horrible.....ESPECIALLY if you friend has not come to terms with whatever is going on with her - if she has not been diagnosed or accepted, or has proper support to deal with it. Its hard to have the confidence to say "hey listen friend, I feel horrible inside, and thats NOT because I am not trying, or because of anything you did or didn't do --- its because of the situation that I am in or the chemicals in my body." That takes ENORMOUS strength and self awareness. Hey, I have had depression all my life and I still can't say that stuff to many people! I am 38!

I often will keep to myself when I feel bad because I don't want to "spread" negativity. So often in this society people say "if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything" so we learn to just answer every "how are you?" with FINE or GREAT. This is true for me because I have felt stereotyped as the angry or depressed girl. It hurts after a while, so I just pretend to be something I am not alot around people who don't know me, or I stay to myself.

Its exhausting trying to put up a front to make others happy, trust me. Soemtimes I would just rather be alone - which isn't the best thing, but then I know at least I am not making anyone else feel worse.

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Thank u so much for ur reply. I am starting to understand more and more. I can't imagine what it must feel like. I feel extremely guilty for handling things wrong and believing it was about me. Ur right she knows or knew I had expectations of her. In a way, she can't be around me bc it reminds her of what she is not..... What she can't be right now. :( wow, thinking of it that say is horrible. I noticed she can act down around me.... Or could. This actually shows that she can always be her real self around me. She doesn't have to pretend. She Is or was seeing a therapist. And i think she has not fully come to terms with this. I hate I did anything wrong or asked how she was doing and took it personal when he couldn't explain or tried to but it felt she wasbblaming me. I do know she told me she needs to have fun. Which hurt bc I thought we always did. However, I don't think she can have fun with me bc she can't wear that mask and she can't act like everything is ok. I know her to well. I know she wants to be here for me but just can't. I know she would describe it if she could. I know that depression and anxiety makes it hard to express things or emotions. And I have defiantly done things to make her withdraw without knowing it. But before we would have talked about anything and everything. I was very confused and I would only want to help. But i think what's so hard with depression is that one can't describe it while its going on. This has been a roller coaster the last 8 months but I would never give up on her. However I need to let her do this. I need to let her get through this and be supportive from a distance. I will check in every once in Awhile and be here when the meds and therapy start working. Thank u so much for replying and please ask me any questions if u have any from this point of view. I have learned to take care of myself bc I have become emotionally tired. I tried to fix this when in reality i can't. I would never do play dr on anything else medical wise... So why should I try on this. I think she feels pressure with me bc she feels she needs to explain but can't. That must be awful to feel about someone u love. I know if she could feel her feelings..... She would love me. And will again. I'll be here with open arms :) no explanation or apologies needed.

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Hello idk username. I have a few questions for u if u don't mind. Do u know any reasons for pushing these people away? How long have u felt this way and how long have u been dealing with depression? I am very interested in how u think on this subject. I'm afraid my friend is moving on and will never want to be friends again. Deep down I think she will be back but I just don't know.

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