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Turning A Corner?


RichW

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Ok. I know i'm probably going to be preaching to the converted and I'm not really sure why I'm writing this but maybe i'll feel better for it once I've clicked that post button, I don't know.

Well, I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I've been depressed through unemployment, employment, studying, being in a relationship, being single, living alone, living with friends or family, being obese, being less obese - you name it. It doesn't matter what I'm doing with my life or where I am, it's always there and nothing seems to make a difference. It makes me feel like such an awful person that I can't seem to be grateful for what I've got, because as people who don't understand love to tell you flippantly, it could be worse couldn't it? Being unable to feel gratitude that things aren't worse makes me feel like such a horrible person with some sort of sense of entitlement. But the thing is, I don't even have any expectations. I'm not a particularly materialistic or demanding person, I don't want the latest gadgets, even if I could I wouldn't want to be happy all the time. I've been losing interest in a lot of the things I used to be passionate about. I just want to get by but it doesn't seem to matter what I do, where I am, what help I seek, what progress I make, I always seem to end up at the start and it frustrates the hell out of me. Sometimes I feel like giving up.

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I just read your post. You list and describe things I have felt and thought at various times. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings come to me in succession and sometimes almost simultaneously or alternating with their opposites. The brain seems to have a mind of its own.

I don't have any really good advice for you. There is some evidence that depression is linked to disease pathology in the brain: atrophy [as great as 20%] in the hippocampi and thinning of regions of the cerebral cortex [by as much as 28%] as well as reduced regional cerebral blood flow and energy utilization [glucose metabolism]. I am not a doctor or medical researcher and these studies are all prelim. You might want to consult with a doctor, even if only to rule out depression or other organic factors. Maybe you have already done this.

I have often felt like giving up. I was helped by medication and by books I read. I am not you, not in your shoes or your mind, so writing all this to you does not really constitute "advice". I am real sorry to read that you are suffering. Having suffered numerous illnesses in my life, I feel that depression is the most vicious, the most brutal, the most heartless. I hope that you are able to recover the joy of life again and soon. So sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Have a nice weekend RichW!

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RichW,

It does seems as if you are going through a rough time, but just remember we, and other people do care. Keep on writing and posting if it helps.

You have obviously sought help and do realise the what seems sometimes futile struggle. Of course it isn't futile and please don't add guilt over whether your reasons for being depressed are "valid". The fact is that we are all in the same hole when it hits bad, and we are all subject to the warped distortion of what was once logical thinking. So don't add to your situation by somehow thinking that you must man up somehow because others seemingly have it worse. Epi said it well when he stated depression is heartless and doesn't have rules to abide to.

Keep in touch,

Stonium

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I just read your post. You list and describe things I have felt and thought at various times. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings come to me in succession and sometimes almost simultaneously or alternating with their opposites. The brain seems to have a mind of its own.

I don't have any really good advice for you. There is some evidence that depression is linked to disease pathology in the brain: atrophy [as great as 20%] in the hippocampi and thinning of regions of the cerebral cortex [by as much as 28%] as well as reduced regional cerebral blood flow and energy utilization [glucose metabolism]. I am not a doctor or medical researcher and these studies are all prelim. You might want to consult with a doctor, even if only to rule out depression or other organic factors. Maybe you have already done this.

I have often felt like giving up. I was helped by medication and by books I read. I am not you, not in your shoes or your mind, so writing all this to you does not really constitute "advice". I am real sorry to read that you are suffering. Having suffered numerous illnesses in my life, I feel that depression is the most vicious, the most brutal, the most heartless. I hope that you are able to recover the joy of life again and soon. So sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Have a nice weekend RichW!

Hmm, I've really not looked into depression in that much depth. To be honest I've avoided reading symptoms and side effects of meds too, I think Google doctor is one of the worst things we can do! I don't know if by making yourself aware of the possible side effects of a pill maybe you're increasing the likelihood of those? If someone gave me a placebo and told me it'll make me hungry, tired, horny or whatever, maybe it still would even if it probably shouldn't. I've never been diagnosed, I really don't want to be, I feel like I'd be legitimising the irrational thoughts I do have and I really don't want to be doing that. Ah, I don't know.

Sorry You are feeling lousy!

Hopefully this is just a bump in the road

Probably is, we all have them. Might be worth mentioning I had a hangover when I wrote that too... Hate being my own worst enemy at times.

RichW,

It does seems as if you are going through a rough time, but just remember we, and other people do care. Keep on writing and posting if it helps.

You have obviously sought help and do realise the what seems sometimes futile struggle. Of course it isn't futile and please don't add guilt over whether your reasons for being depressed are "valid". The fact is that we are all in the same hole when it hits bad, and we are all subject to the warped distortion of what was once logical thinking. So don't add to your situation by somehow thinking that you must man up somehow because others seemingly have it worse. Epi said it well when he stated depression is heartless and doesn't have rules to abide to.

Keep in touch,

Stonium

That's the thing though, I'm don't feel like I am really going through that tough a time. I suppose that's the mistake I'm making, can't justify the way I feel but why should I have to anyway?

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