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I'm So Depressed I'm Thinking About Divorce But I Can't...


Sindus

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My name is Sindus. I'm 28 years old. I got married very young in the middle east to a Lebanese boy. He was 19 I was 21 when we met. When I had my first child I was 22 and my second at 25. They were both unplanned (blessings). The first few years of the marriage I had stayed with my husband and his family (we eloped so they hid this fact from my family). They suggested we stay there till we get on our feet. But later on I realized that this family wasn't just any normal family. They were a very close tied family. They saw me (as an American Citizen) as "a way out of this country" (so I assumed) because every time I felt uncomfortable I would have thoughts of leaving but they would guilt trip my thoughts into staying. They had no idea I had wanted to leave at such an early stage of the marriage. It was because everything I saw made me comfortable but for some reason I had a feeling something had put me at unease in a way.

My newly wed husband and I had tried to look for a house because we agreed we are a newly wed couple and in case we need to have some "alone time" we had no place to do anything. We actually ended up just hiding under the covers while his siblings were sleeping and just being really quiet. (What kind of honey moon was that?) When we finally got an apartment some 5 minutes away his family started to guilt trip him into staying not moving. They said he could save the rent money and just stay there. I had no word or say or opinion in anything since he would start gradually ignoring me and listening to them. We finally moved all together as a family to a larger house. In this larger house we had our own room...which was progress from staying in his siblings room.

We stayed there for the first 3 1/2 years of our marriage and eventually within those years I got the idea into his head that I can give him the citizenship and we can have a better life financially in the US. Several unfortunate events occurred during those years that had me of course in my mind I wanted to get away from his overly attached family. He felt it was normal because hes lived with them all his life but I hadn't. He supported the idea. When I finally found his family supporting him for something he wanted I was excited that my mental plan was working.

I was so exhausted during those years that I had gone down to an unhealthy weight of 95 pounds. At my age height and being a female I am supposed to be 125 lbs for a normal healthy weight. I was sick and depressed they didn't even attend to that. I wasn't only concerned about my healthy I was also concerned about my baby being raised by them and not me...her mother. I was concerned for the future of my relationship with my husband. I was concerned that I would just be the maid of the family and his screw at night. I knew he was following whatever they want and stopped respecting what I need and my opinion in general. His family would even secretly encourage him to cheat since I'm not fulfilling his needs as a wife...sexually and generally everything as a wife.

I caught him once. Only once. But the rest I was suspicious. I'm sure he cheated more than once back in Lebanon...just didn't catch him in the act.

In early 2010, We went to see a psychic together to ask a lot of questions. The psychic said that in June we will be in another country. She also said that he regrets the life he's made for me and that he feels he can't do anything about it since he's so comfortable with his own life and didn't want anything to change. She continued to say that I wanted out of the life that I'm in and I will have a beautiful life full of money love and happiness but he won't feel the same and that he needs to "stitch the hole in his pocket" if he wished to save money which will eventually lead to the reason for his unhappiness.

My parents living here in Atlanta so they helped me with thousands of dollars for paper work and plane tickets since he didn't have enough money to buy cigarettes.

My oldest daughter was almost 2 in May of 2010 when we arrived in Atlanta and my parents picked me up from the airport with my husband. He immediately found a job as a server in a restaurant within a months time. He went through several jobs on and off and finally got a job at a hotel as a driver in August of 2011. A lot better job than any other job he had. It had a future in it. We moved out of my parents house after we received our first ever Tax refund in 2012. During that year and a half my parents supported every single move we made and every single idea and asked us to talk to them about anything we need for anything at all and if we needed money that they are there. I'm not mentioning money like it's the only problem in our life I'm just mentioning it to give an example of the difference in living between my family here and his family back in Lebanon.

I gave birth to my second child in October of 2010.

Our life was beautiful and fulfilling just like the psychic had said. I had started a baby sitting job and I'm still with her for the past 2 years. My husband is still in his hotel job. We have out own apartment, our car, and an endless amount of...STUFF...that I never thought I would have in Lebanon if we ever began to conceive a life like this together. We're still considered in the poverty level but we are thankful for what we have.

I don't believe in psychics but I had to mention that it came true in order for me to lead you to the problem.

Eventually we came to problems and trouble here and there between him and I but we would always resolve it. The feeling in my heart against his family grew stronger here since I had flown so far away from them across the globe. I had stopped giving them any phone calls not on Skype or on Facebook. I never talk to them more than once a month. My husband on the other hand talks to them endlessly everyday.

Now here's the problem. I've heard endless conversations between him and his family about bringing them here after he gets his citizenship after 3 years of residency. It's not like I don't want him to see his family anymore...I just was so happy with my life already here as a family of me him and the kids that I don't want them changing or interrupting or intruding at all in anyway. But since it's in their blood...here's the story that I can't find a solution to:

I've made it clear to my husband that I'm not going back there. Ever. Again. In my life time. Or my kids life time. And I don't want my kids to be raised in that country or by them. I don't want them to feel what I felt as a woman in that society or in that social status. There's no problem with being poor or mediocre...I just love the fact that I can control my own life and my own pocket and my own needs. Who wouldn't?

His family mentioned that they don't see that his life here in the states is progressing to their satisfaction and they would like for us to all come back to Lebanon. They mentioned my younger daughter and they haven't met her yet since I gave birth to her here. They asked how much they have to suffer the agony of being so far away from their son. There's so much more they said that it sickens me. They also said that they lost all hope to come over here (as if there was any in the first place!) and that's why they want us all to come back to their home and continue our lives there in their home in that room.

Regardless, of whether I felt I didn't want to go back or not he mentioned the issue to me and I told him "What about our kids? We both agree that it's better for them to be raised here than in that country." He kept beating around the bush for a few days and planning with them and I kept humoring him as if it was going to happen but then he started getting serious and asking me where we will be keeping our furniture and whether I should stay with my parents before we go when the lease for the apartment we're staying in is over and then I had it and I said "Ramez you know I don't want to go why are you asking me these questions as if I don't have an option...as if you have already made your decision and planned my life with your family and it's over it's done no further discussion?" He said "because I wanted to hear you say it" I said "you know that already...why do you want me to say it again" he said "I just want to hear you say it again..." I had started to develop such a deep depression that i couldn't understand and didn't want to ask anymore questions I just wanted to defend my side of never going back there again and that it's not a good future for my children. (Realize I said my children not our)

I'm afraid I've come to a point with him that it's either his way or the high way and that I need to take my now 5 year old and 3 year old out of this craziness before they start to understand what's going on. I feel I need to get a divorce but my parents are against divorce...and also I don't want my children to be raised by anyone else other than their biological father. I've had it with his crazy family and if he wants to follow every word they say I'm done with him too. But on the other hand my main concern is my children before myself (of course)

PLEASE HELP!

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Before doing anything rash, give it much thought and consideration first. Especially while You are Depressed.

The Bible says for us to get/seek wise counsel. So before doing anything consult with a wise Marriage Counselor first.

Hope this Helps, God Bless

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