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The Vent Thread


newuser

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Electronic communication. I'm tired of it. Why don't people send letters anymore? With doodles, with fountain pens, words misspelled then crossed out and corrected, newspaper cuttings, flowers, on impromptu paper..

I still do. And I enjoy making my own paper. My closest friend doesn't have a computer, and has never emailed. So I'm glad we still write to each other. It's something for each of us to look forward to.

Remember passing notes in school? Much more fun than texting.

Oh well.. not a huge deal, but irksome on some days more than others.

I agree. I have some old letters that I wrote to my mother and she kept them. She has died since and I am much older but I enjoy re-reading them. I love letters. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to receive one, but no one writes anymore. Not even email!!! What happened to that? I remember passing notes too!! Wish I still had them!!!

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Lately I have ben so fed up of trying so damn much but not getting better like everyone wants and pretending everythings alright when its not and trying to be as reasonable and calm as can be so i wont receive the i'm not trying or other bs people throw at me to try and twist everything I say. I have valid reasons for being upset and angry and distraught and tired but I'm depressed so those automatically become my fault.

I even neglect my problems for others but then am told i spend too much time sulking when that hasn't been true recently. I have been workijg my butt off at its hardest.One depressed day people assume you arent trying. One thing you want to get off your chest you can because your not in the right mind, Want to vent? Too bad, chances are i will be cut off and interrupted right away and hear them vent for an hour. But if I step in I'm in the wrong. but everyone says there are those who can help me.

My counselor made me feel like absolute and kept cutting me off when all i wanted to do was to get things off my chest. Its a crime to have one bad day. That means It was me having negative thinking for way too long which also wasnt the case. I'm out in situations where you can never win and when I speak or try and defend myself I have no idea what i'm talking about and if I do someone will make sure and twist my words to make me even more confused and prove their point. Don[t get me started on the liars, manipulators, and the narcissist i run into on a daily basis.

Perks of going to a drinking school where everyone is more focused on trying to one up each other, groom their egos, and get smashed every night but of course they have better judgment than me. But its all in my head right? I may be depressed but i'm not dumb. I really refer not to play this game called life...

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I am really going through lot mentally right now.

I wish I could really express myself, but I would not give a damn about political correctness, and someones feelings might get hurt,

and that would only add fuel to the fire.

Mental stability is an effort for me....may times I try to control myself so much, my hands are shaking as I am typing.

But here is really the only place I could really say anything at all.

It is so hard sometimes for me. And I hope the Forum Mods and Admins understand, and so far it seems they do.

I am not some troubled kid....Well into my forties, I have been through so much, and I have learned so much.

I see people, especially public people, or on the internet, talk talk talk, all day long.....they put a whole bunch of long words together, and talk about all the elite education they have,

and what they are saying is totally worthless....in the "me" and "now" generation, hard work and sacrifice mean nothing.

Other places and other sites I will call someone out in a heartbeat, unless I choose to completely ignore them- because they are completely clueless.

Some places in this world I can get into a argument that is constructive, because both parties involved respect each other and are sincerely working to find a solution, and regardless who is right or wrong, a constructive and positive solution is found for both parties involved.

However that is becoming more and more rare.

People are so weak and self absorbed that if they do not even look at them in a manner that they like, they get insulted. They think the entire world has to fit in their frame of mind.

That, however is old news, and not the point of my words here. I am not perfect, and if I am wrong I will be first one to say that I am wrong.

Because it is about truth, and it is not about me...and that is something less and less people have any clue about,

and this cluelessness goes on to the next generation, and the cluelessness multiplies exponentially....

There are many people on this planet that should not have children, because they will only pass on suffering or cause them to be in suffering...and that is not me saying that. Just look around.

People avoid me because I will tell them what they do not want to hear, what they do not want to see.....even if they know what I would say...

Should I just "go along with it" and just be another "brick in the wall" because "everyone is doing it" and "it is what it is?"

Well, I am not going to, I never did, and I never will.

I will not play their silly little "reindeer games."

For them, "ignorance is bliss" ..

Well that is not true.

Ignorance is Ignorance, plain and simple. And I have no reservations about putting up my two middle fingers up to that....

Edited by svendorrian
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I work very hard as a chemistry instructor. I give thorough pre-lab lectures. I even teach them the material that they need for the lab if they did not cover it in class. I really care about their learning chemistry so that they can succeed in their future career endeavors. So, how come they cannot step up to the plate and take responsibility for their learning? How about actually listening during those pre-lab talks? Or, if they finish their experiment early, why can't they stay and make sure that they understand their data analysis? Or ask a question instead of putting down some off the wall explanation? Seriously, am I such a hideous awkward science nerd that you can't ask me questions, and ignore me when I talk? I ask them hundreds of times if they have any questions and no one asks. Yet, they want me to give them As when they do something wrong. I have enough problems as it is and am working hard to take care of my job responsibilities too.

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I hate my life. Honestly. I don't want to do anything. My favourite thing to do is waste time doing nothing. Other than that I just like to watch TV, exercise, and plan out what food I'm going to eat today. I'm obsessed with the way I look. I feel like my appearance is more important to my happiness than actually achieving anything. I don't care about society anymore. I hate it. It hates me, and I don't want to contribute. I wish I were rich, so I could travel the world and help people who actually need help, rather than be a cog in the machine for all the arseholes who make life difficult for me. My only ambition these days is to not be in pain. I'm becoming more detached from reality and keep drifting further and further into my own fantasy world. The amount of time I spend inside my head is scary. I know I won't, but I feel like I should just quit school and marry someone rich. I don't even care if that sounds superficial. That's my level of concern for what others think of me right now. I've just been through so much pain these past few years and I do not care anymore. A lot of lucky people who have never been through anything particularly traumatic don't have to work for their happiness, so being the horrible depressed and traumatised person that I am, why am I more obliged to work for mine?

I know people will respond to that by saying "Well with an attitude like that, don't ever expect yourself to be happy", but I could not care less. I'm sick of being told to be optimistic and have a positive attitude when everything is a complete and utter s***storm. I've worked so hard for these first 20 years of my life, and it HAS NEVER PAID OFF. I've seen how people become successful in this day and age, and from what I've seen, I'm not convinced that effort is the key to success. No one has been able to successfully convince me of that. I would love it if someone could, but the people who tell me I need to work hard are bitter and miserable themselves, and everyday, the happy people I see are the lazy ones who leech off of everyone else and get away with it because they're pretty or have some other attractive quality like a decent singing voice. Society is just screwed. I wish I was a kid again so I could be naive and think I could be whatever I wanted to be if I worked hard, and that good things happen to good people. I'm sick of the ridiculous expectations that are placed on me by people who do nothing to help me and don't give a s*** if I'm sad or could use some constructive feedback. I just get punished every time I make a mistake or have a problem. And the reason I have these expectations placed on me is because at one point I actually had potential, was ambitious and worked my arse off. I brought this upon myself by listening to the demands of others. I should have been lazy and never bothered with anything. Then I wouldn't feel all this pressure, because no one would expect anything from me and this pressure wouldn't exist.

I know this sounds whiny, but I listen to people whine all day everyday in real life. I'm that person who always listens, even to the nasty people that no one else likes. I give everyone advice. And somehow it's good advice, and I know it's good advice, even though I can't seem to utilise it in my own life. A lot of the time though, the people I talk to are like me. They know the advice is good, but they're too afraid to put it into practise, so they don't do anything about the problem. That doesn't stop them from continuing to complain to me about the problem though, and ask me for more advice which they won't take seriously either. I'm sick of everyone unloading everything on me when I have no one to speak to about most of my problems. I'm tired of thinking so hard to try and help everyone else solve their problems when I can't solve my own and no one will help me.

Edited by Saliency
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i am so tired of my job. i am tired of being yelled at when a tenant is having a bad day and i cant say anything back. tired of finding people passed away. i have to be strong for all of the people give them support, but they dont appreciate it. i have let this job get to me.

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I hate it when I try to help someone, and they keep putting themselves down. I try to bring them up, and they refuse to take a positive direction.

It makes all my effort for nothing, and I have nothing to do with them, because they make a conscious decision to focus on their issue instead of focusing in a positive direction.

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They often call my generation lazy but I don't know what the incentive is to try harder. We tell people to work hard and they'll achieve great things. It's the biggest lie in the world. Working hard gets you absolutely nowhere. N o w h e r e. I've been working hard at my job for six years. I'm doing a number of tasks that were not in my job description when I started, showing up early and working late, finding ways to save costs and increase efficiency. And no one cares. Certainly not my boss. I had to pretty much beg to get a raise and be paid a wage that I could live on. It was the most insulting conversation of my existence. I had to literally list all the things I've accomplished while being here and be told it's not enough by a woman who can barely figure out how to send an email. Who went to an internationally-recognized school and can barely spell. Who complains when I have to be late one day a month for an appointment and then takes off on a Thursday to go to her country home for the weekend every few weeks.

I'm grateful to have a job. I truly am. But sometimes I wonder what all this is for. The sad part is I got into this industry because I thought it'd be interesting. Now I spend my days working at a job I hate, for people who don't give a damn about me, earning money to buy things I don't really want, don't really need, don't have time for, and barely care about anymore. I'm supposed to hold on, find pleasure in the fleeting moments when I can fool myself into thinking things aren't so bad. I get condescendingly told that there are others who have it worse than me, as if my problems don't matter, as if life is some zero-sum game where having one victory in one area invalidates all the other losses and failures.

This is our reality. Keep your head down, your mouth shut, and be thankful that as bad as it seems now it could always get worse.

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Things that bother me lately are human contact. People who text while you're talking to them and people who can only talk about themselves. Also people who don't take responsibility, people who are always late, people blaming you for their issues, and people who don't get back to you about something importance, at all.

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  • 2 weeks later...

When I am unhappy, I snap a lot. It's something I cannot control, no matter how much I try. If I keep it in, I gradually go insane. I believe this is perhaps part of the reason for my strange dreams lately.

It is not uncommon for my dreams to be violent, but they have been so in such a way that I don't recall seeing. I am becoming increasingly deformed in them due to self-abuse, and I am lashing out on others in them due to feelings that they are not listening to me/dislike me for no good reason. In reality, I've had an awful time lately that reflects this.

The people I have spoken to lately have not helped as well, and so it's hard to keep my head up. Although my reaction to them is not their fault.

But on a different matter, I wish I had something I wanted to do in this life, a goal or aspiration that I could realistically go for. Just because it is depressing to sleep easier at the thought of my own death rather than my continuing life. I'm being very selfish, but my mind is still selfless. Along with other stressors in my life, it's causing a conflict fuelling too much self-hate than I can handle, plus I'm sure it's increasing my bad headaches.

I hope I can feel better soon. I will keep trying.

Just keep thinking about my life and how much I want everything to go okay, but how I have absolutely no reason for that. I don't see any good in my future, near or far. It's not just in my head, it's reality. Whilst I personally am currently living for my brothers, I want to live for myself at some point or else I don't think I'll ever truly get better.

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@Saliency: The first thing I thought of when I saw this part of your post was something a former counselor told me. She worked in a very affluent suburb, and had a lot of clients who were trophy wives. She said she had more than one of them seeing her because they were miserable and felt completely trapped. Of course, you can't stereotype, but think about who has money: CEOs and other dysfunctional, sociopathic a-holes. These women were given very strict rules, and at least one of them knew her husband was cheating on her -- the counselor's point was that they all felt like property, and were depressed as a result. So marrying for money can be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Just be careful.

I feel like I should just quit school and marry someone rich.

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I feel like crap lately. I don't know what to do to get it in check, either. We're experimenting with my medication, so I'll just cross my fingers and hope that helps.

I'm looking for a new job (I am employed), and working really hard at it -- networking, reaching out, etc. I've done something that I've read about my entire life -- requesting meetings for informational interviews. Hardly anyone has even responded. A couple of people who did respond basically said, "We're not hiring right now." Okay, I know you're not hiring, hence the term "informational" interview.

I'm tired. I feel fat. I can't stop eating, and I hate that. And my job is so ridiculous. I mean, my career is ridiculous enough, and I don't like it, but this job is beyond stupid. Of course, it would make sense that I'm making more money than I ever have! (I can't complain about that part.)

I've tried changing careers -- gave it my absolute all; did everything I could and more than most people would do -- and failed. So I no longer believe you can "be anything" or "do anything." That's a bunch of crap. I heard an interview with Tony Robbins this weekend, and he even stated as much. He said not everyone is lucky enough to be able to make a living at what they're passionate about. Those people need to turn their passion into a hobby. Great.

I hate that we all have a finite, very short time on this planet, and have to spend most of it doing things other people tell us we have to do, rather than doing things we'd like to do. It's asinine.

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I agree with much of what Lori123 said.

Too many things are out of our control. So much advice that doesn't help. So many oppurtunities of 'hope' that turn out to be a complete letdown and a waste of time. So much bad luck. These things can happen just about anywhere. It's just nuts and messed up.

In terms of my own life, I've learned that I not only have to figure out what I truly need to get on with living, but I also learned that I have to know how/when to use my life strategies.

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Okay so thanks so much for making this topic.

I don't even know what's wrong with me. I mean, I know I am depressed, but I don't know why. Everyone finds that weird, and I think my friends have given up on me. I hate my psychiatrist, and my meds don't work at all. School is terrible. My grades have never been this terrible. People pity me. I don't know if I like that or not. I just don't know anymore. Ugh... There is just to much, much more then I said here. Thanks for reading this.

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I wish I had something I wanted to do in this life, a goal or aspiration that I could realistically go for.

what if there is nothing left in this world (that is not to say the earth itself) that is worth doing? look at all men's hobbies, particularly the arts and sciences, where he does nothing but toil over words and numbers; lifeless things. he does not even know how to frolick any longer; to play as a child and earn the envy of the animals again. to do something with the life that is present all around him every day.

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Politic,politician all the same crap. I can't wait for the election to be over. all a bunch of hypocrite, would it **** them to admit their mistakes. but anyway I need to go vote, I dont like the current government we have, they are all the same s*** but there is always one that is worse.

Edited by chucapabra
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what if there is nothing left in this world (that is not to say the earth itself) that is worth doing? look at all men's hobbies, particularly the arts and sciences, where he does nothing but toil over words and numbers; lifeless things. he does not even know how to frolick any longer; to play as a child and earn the envy of the animals again. to do something with the life that is present all around him every day.

I feel like there are many things within the world that are well-worth doing, and I admire a huge amount of jobs that people do out there. I am just not well equip to do any of them, unfortunately.

But thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts, x.

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Hey "kids" in one of my classes,

You are now adults. As adults, you should "know" that it is rude to talk and do other distracting things during class. It distracts your classmates, who are also paying money for this class, from learning. In addition, it is also disrespectful to make snide comments and laugh at someone, who is putting in a great deal of work to help you and your classmates learn very difficult material. It is even more disrespectful to do the same to a fellow classmate. None of you are doing that great in this class to act all high and mighty. If you feel like I suck that much at teaching, I invite you to take over. Otherwise, grow up!!

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Today i completely give up. I'm too exhausted to try anymore and just don't care anymore. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. People have let me down way too much in the past couple of years and can't trust or rely on anyone. I seriously hate people and if there was an apocalypse it would be the best damn thing to ever happen to me. Empathy, respect, hard work, fairness, and tolerance gets you no where in this life. Even if i were to blow up randomly no one would miss me. Everyone will just feed me with lies.

I wish I was on the death penalty....

Edited by Icarus21
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