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What Is The Difference Between Grieving And Forgetting?


Hertz

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((((Hertz))))

I'm with blueyonder: acceptance is the key. Grief needs to be dealt with before you'd be able to forget. Unprocessed grief is a huge emotional baggage and can totally drain you mentally. Do you have any trusted people to turn to, if you feel you cannot get over it alone? If you feel you really cannot or don't want to talk about this IRL to anyone, you can always open up to us, if you wish. Also please remember to be kind to yourself and take all the time you need. Take good care of yourself!

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I'll never be able to forget the things I have and am grieving over, but with time comes the aforementioned acceptance, and for me at least, it's brought a little peace. I really hope you'll be able to find some peace and comfort if you're grieving, Hertz. When it's fresh, it's a lonely road - but that's why we're here, and I hope you feel that you're cared for when you see our replies to your post come in. :)

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Acceptance is definitely a factor, but there needs to be more sometimes. I have been hit very hard by death so grief has become a very familiar feeling for me. I accept the deaths of my family members, but what is hard are regrets. . You have to find an inner peace with each grievance. My brother spent a lot of time hating people for dying. It was when he finally understood certain things that he finally stopped hating. The grief will never go away, but it will soften.

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Perhaps grief ends when the times that you look back and remember someone and feel warm from having known them outnumber the times that you spend feeling horrified at the thought of never seeing them again.

Acceptance certainly helps.. eventually you stop questioning 'why them?, why me?, this isn't fair, could I have done anything to stop this? Why didn't I tell them I loved them more often' etc. Once you can acknowledge the hopelessness of the situation without going over and over it again with nothing changing, it starts to get easier and we get used to the thought of them being further from us than before.

I guess you stop mourning what could have been and appreciate what was instead. I can't say I know how to get there, it just happens..

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My best and only real friend in the world died about 3 years ago. We grew up together and I had known him since I was 15 years old, over 35 years. We had been through the best of times and the worst of times and had a real bond. I was at his house visiting a couple days before my birthday and it was the last time I saw him.

His mom called me the next day to tell me he was dead. He was in a wheelchair and had a friend that stayed with him to help him out. He said he went out for a walk to get some fresh air, came back 15 minutes later, and he was sitting at the kitchen table where he left him, only dead.

I missed him horribly, since he was my only real friend. Not a day went by when I wasn't thinking about him, wishing I could talk to him again. I found myself getting ready to call him if something good was going to be on TV, like I used to, only to realize he was dead and I wouldn't be doing that anymore. I even went to his graveside and talked to him a time or two.

I still miss him, but it doesn't cause me the pain like it did at first. I still think about him, but maybe not every day. When I do think about him, it's about the fun we had, not about how he's dead. I still wish I could talk to him, but know he's in a better place now and the pain he went through is over.

It just takes time to get over the grieving process, and even though he isn't here anymore I haven't forgotten him.

Edited by Bizarro
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Thx everyone. I didn't expect so much participation.

Maybe we never completely get over the grieving process, or when we're in a rough patch old wounds re-open and drain us. Perhaps remembrance can be nourishing in times of vitality.
Perhaps grief can help us reflect on the values associated with the thing/person we lost, and motivate us to cultivate and seek them elsewhere.

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