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Trying To Help An Adult Addict?


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My best friend is dependent on pills and "sometimes" alcohol, and they are willing to admit they are dependent on the pills and "sometimes" alcohol, but they are unwilling to admit they have a problem with being dependent on them. Like, to them, being dependent on the pills and "sometimes" alcohol is not a problem. She's lost numerous jobs and friends due to her dependency on them, and I guess this is the addict within her, she isn't willing to admit that because in her eyes, nobody can tell when she's on the pills. When in reality, we all know.

And so, her life has kinda gone south in the past year, and she hasn't been able to stand back up. And tonight she decided to take half a pill bottle and half a litre of alcohol and go crazy. So her parents kicked her out. And so she threatened suicide, and started calling and sending text messages to all of us. This isn't the first time she's gone nuts with a pill bottle, and this isn't the first time they've called the cops for her taking too many pills, but the problem is whenever they get to the house and question her - she lies out her ass to them. Obviously they take her to hospital, but as soon as she sobers up because she lies to the people doing the mental part of the evaluation and she tells them that she doesn't have a problem, she isn't depressed, and she's totally fine. And they release her, because she's an adult. She goes back home, does the same stuff, gets kicked out, threatens suicide, and the whole cycle continues. I don't understand how that happens.

And tonight her mom asked me to prove that I had photo evidence of her telling me she wanted to commit suicide, and so, trying to be a good best friend, I brought forth the text messages, and you know, she even told the cops that it was true and that she didn't mind the prospect of dying at all, but still because she was both drunk and high, the text messages "might be useless to the hospital people at all."

WHY?

I mean, it's like we finally get to a point where okay, she's admitting it, and you're going to shut us down because she's too high? She's obviously going to sober up and the cycle will complete again, and she'll make some bulls*** story up about the text messages, and she'll get released.

How can we help her, if everything we're doing is just being shut down by the big guys?

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j02,

That is a really tough situation. The best you can do is to keep trying to help your friend. I am not good at advise for sucide situations. I offer you hugs and I hope things get better for you and your friend. -jmg :flowers:

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My best friend is dependent on pills and "sometimes" alcohol, and they are willing to admit they are dependent on the pills and "sometimes" alcohol, but they are unwilling to admit they have a problem with being dependent on them. Like, to them, being dependent on the pills and "sometimes" alcohol is not a problem. She's lost numerous jobs and friends due to her dependency on them, and I guess this is the addict within her, she isn't willing to admit that because in her eyes, nobody can tell when she's on the pills. When in reality, we all know.

And so, her life has kinda gone south in the past year, and she hasn't been able to stand back up. And tonight she decided to take half a pill bottle and half a litre of alcohol and go crazy. So her parents kicked her out. And so she threatened suicide, and started calling and sending text messages to all of us. This isn't the first time she's gone nuts with a pill bottle, and this isn't the first time they've called the cops for her taking too many pills, but the problem is whenever they get to the house and question her - she lies out her ass to them. Obviously they take her to hospital, but as soon as she sobers up because she lies to the people doing the mental part of the evaluation and she tells them that she doesn't have a problem, she isn't depressed, and she's totally fine. And they release her, because she's an adult. She goes back home, does the same stuff, gets kicked out, threatens suicide, and the whole cycle continues. I don't understand how that happens.

And tonight her mom asked me to prove that I had photo evidence of her telling me she wanted to commit suicide, and so, trying to be a good best friend, I brought forth the text messages, and you know, she even told the cops that it was true and that she didn't mind the prospect of dying at all, but still because she was both drunk and high, the text messages "might be useless to the hospital people at all."

WHY?

I mean, it's like we finally get to a point where okay, she's admitting it, and you're going to shut us down because she's too high? She's obviously going to sober up and the cycle will complete again, and she'll make some bulls*** story up about the text messages, and she'll get released.

How can we help her, if everything we're doing is just being shut down by the big guys?

I am afraid you can't....until she decides she wants to stop and needs help....I was in her shoes......

Try to be there for her.....but I know with addicts it is nearly impossible...especially when they are in denial stage.....

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  • 2 weeks later...

You can't do anything to change her behaviour or make her healthier.

You can perhaps involve some people that know how to deal with addicts who are behaving the way she is behaving, however.

The reasons this cycle keeps continuing with police and doctors is this: their mandate is to assess whether the person is a threat to themselves or others at that precise moment. That's it. Past behaviour doesn't usually come into the decision, and long-term help isn't their job.

I'd suggest speaking to a social worker in the addictions field or someone at a distress centre (a staff, not a volunteer, and in person if possible rather than over the phone).

They have more training in this type of situation and their job is about more than just the immediate situation. They can offer more advice to you and your friend's family than a cop or doctor/nurse (who probably won't provide any and if they do, it's probably not very good). They may even know legal options you could pursue to get your friend involuntary commited if it comes to that, so her song and dance routine when she is actually at the hospital won't matter.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane
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