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Achelois

How Do I Force Myself To Go To Work?

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I've been depressed for about a week now and thanks to my family doc who knows my history, managed to get a formal sickness certificate stating I had a terrible flu.

But tomorrow I have to go to work....and i can hardly get out of the house.

I already lost jobs to depression and can't lose this one.

and yes, i am in therapy which helps partially and i am off anti deps for a long time since they only made things worse (I tried about 8-9 of them, so no, trying a new one is not an option).

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I don't know if this will help at all, but when I find myself without any motivation I sometimes arrive back at this thought.

I have to be somewhere: I have to do something.

Not very inspirational, I know. Choosing to be at home and do little or nothing turns out to be worse than getting myself to work and facing the drudgery there. I really don't care about the work any more, but it forces me to interact with people, smile occasionally, and move.

I like your avatar, by the way: strength. Thanks for that.

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Thanks for your response...the problem is that i am too depressed to even wake up, get out of bed, take a shower and get out.....I have trouble sleeping, so i fall asleep at 3 am and then sleep for 10 hours....

I hear the alarm but I am so down i don't even care.

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So maybe focusing on your sleep habits is a good place to start. I know that can be a challenge, too. I struggle with that issue. And, of course, sleep is connected to so many things: eating well, exercise, a regular evening routine, etc. There's no magic bullet.

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Achelois,

I have been like you in the past. I lost a lot of time at work over it. I finally had to force my self to work, almost like a zombie. I wrote down on a paper the things I had to do, and just did them.

Dont know if this helps or not. I sympathize with you. jmg :flowers:

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Achelois,

I truly sympathize with you also. My entire life has been forcing myself to do EVERYTHING - work, play, socialize, exercise, etc., all because I've always heard that is the only way to get rid of my depression. Sometimes it helped but still forcing myself. Probably not much comfort in this, but at least you're not alone.

Skitzo

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Achelois sorry the depression is bad. I'm really just writing to say that I understand at least partially having given up my last job due to depression. Would there be any flexibility to work different hours or work at home (if it would help)? I've heard that even thinking or talking in a positive way can help, so rather than using words like force yourself to work you could encourage youself and try to begin with the view that you will manage it. This is much easier to say than do when depressed but I thought I would mention it, sorry it seems patronising.

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Like others have stated, I have to make myself do it...that's the only way.

If you are not seeing a therapist, I strongly suggest you look for one ....you need to be up a level or 2 to force yourself to do what you need to do, imo. They can help you get there....but it has to be the right person that you feel comfortable and good about.

When I'm where you are, it is very hard to crawl out of my hole...it's doable, but it's so hard. When I have problems or am down, I try to remember how hard it will be for be to get back to where I am now, if I get that low...it's a battle.

Once out among people, in the fresh air, etc. it actually is much better....not perfect, not easy, but better.

I will pray for you...if you don't believe in prayer, think of it as my sending you my positive vibes and thought.

Pray for me too....I'm having a rough time financially and have for 11 years....it's getting old.

Peony

Edited by Peony

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I've been in a major depressive episode for approximately a month. I, too, have trouble getting out of bed. Simple routines are exhausting. I used to look forward to showering, applying makeup, fixing my hair, going to work. Now I dread it all. I just want you all to know that I understand how you feel during these episodes. I wish I had some encouraging words. I'm starting to feel hopeless myself. I need to get back on my feet for my children's sake. They are teens, and know something is wrong. I don't know what to tell them.

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Achelois, I wish I had some advice for you--it is often difficult for me to get out of bed, too, but I do it. Sometimes I open my curtains, so the light from the sun encourages me to get up. Well, I also have a mewing cat who wants his breakfast.

I find that when I have had jobs I didn't like, I would pick my clothes out the previous night, because otherwise, I'd stand and just stare into my closet and make myself late.

I know you said you've given up on meds . . . but I wanted to mention my doctor just prescribed Ritalin to help me with exams and I found that it gives me energy I didn't have before.

My thoughts are with you.

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JA59,

I know your situation is hard......could you be honest with your teens? Do you have a supportive spouse? Are you getting help?

Peony

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Hi Peony,

I told my children I have thyroid issues. I do have hypothyroidism, but just had my levels checked in May. I just tell them I'm doing everything I need to do to feel better.

I wish I could say I have a supportive spouse, but I don't. He does not validate my feelings, and reiterates he can't fix me. He isn't in love with me anymore. We are living like roommates until the kids are out of school. That is a big part of my problem. The root cause of my depression and anxiety, so I am told, is father wounds. My dad was emotionally cruel to me, and my mother did not protect me from the cruelty. Here I am married to someone like my father. Unbelievable.

I am so upset with my poor choices in life. Rationally, I know life is precious but feel like I am just floundering, just existing. I wish I could get motivated to take a walk or go to the gym. I have lost all interest in such activities, in all activities and interests, I pray my increase in abilify will kick in.

Thanks to all for your responses!!! They mean a lot to me.

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JA59,

I think if you don't have one already, that a therapist could really help you adjust to what lies ahead, and the state of your marriage, and helping you to look out for and take care of you. I had to go to one before, during, and after my husband took all of my money and left me after 25 years together...... couldn't have done it without her help.

Peony

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JA59,

I think if you don't have one already, that a therapist could really help you adjust to what lies ahead, and the state of your marriage, and helping you to look out for and take care of you. I had to go to one before, during, and after my husband took all of my money and left me after 25 years together...... couldn't have done it without her help.

Peony

I have no support at all.....my parents would freak out if they find out I am not going to work.

During my last depressive episode I was such a wreck I had to move back with them and they supported me financially....if they find out I might lose another job it will **** them.

I am a disappointment for them as it is, so I can't even imagine what might happen if I get sacked...

I have no savings and I don't know how to get myself together and try not to lose this job.

I couldn't go there today and told my boss I have some health issues and I am sorry If it takes too much time, also told him I can come to the office on Sunday and we can decide whether I come back or he should hire someone else.

He mailed me back saying health should be my first priority and he needs to know what's going on before he can make any decisions.

Now what am I supposed to tell him?

I am so nervous....

Hi boss, I sank into depressive episode?

I mean, what is he supposed to think?

or should I lie and make up something?

I am so lost

Edited by Achelois

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I would say as little as possible. Probably something like "I'm going through a difficult time right now." I will soon face this situation, as well. If you have a Human Resource person, you might want to ask what is needed for short term disability if you have this benefit. Again, say as little as possible. Your physician will need to complete some paperwork. Your " disability " is a private matter. Very confidential. In my group, people talk and make assumptions. I've made the mistake of confiding in a person, and my fragile mental health took a blow.

Good luck, and keep us posted. Thinking of you.

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I would say as little as possible. Probably something like "I'm going through a difficult time right now." I will soon face this situation, as well. If you have a Human Resource person, you might want to ask what is needed for short term disability if you have this benefit. Again, say as little as possible. Your physician will need to complete some paperwork. Your " disability " is a private matter. Very confidential. In my group, people talk and make assumptions. I've made the mistake of confiding in a person, and my fragile mental health took a blow.

Good luck, and keep us posted. Thinking of you.

Thanks for your response...the problem is I already said it's health related...so, going through a rough time sounds strange....I really don't know what to say....I need this job to pay the bills, I can't afford losing it....

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I honestly have no idea how to forcibly motivate myself anymore, if you find out let me know lol. I have lost 3 jobs due to my depression over the years and know exactly how you feel. My will power has all but dwindled, I am thankful to have such a good mental healthcare professional and the support of my wife and family. Without them I would definitely be lost. Stay in touch, and don't hesitate to keep shopping for a doctor that you feel understands your problems and genuinely wants to help you.

-Take care

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I don't think there is one right answer. I think you say what seems right at the time and go with it. My therapist in the past told me that no answer is wrong.

I understand how much you need a job to pay bills....I'm there myself with working only 15 hours per week right now......but maybe you need to take care of yourself by seeing a good therapist you feel comfortable with and have faith in, and trying another form of therapy if not meds....meds need changing when they stop working....some people have to use alternative therapies...ECT, etc.

When I feel the lowest of lows, there is no way I am able to work or function around others.....no matter how much I know I need to. This is not easy for me to accept.

I feel for you and I am praying for you.....this is such a horrific disease and I am sorry you are in such pain right now.

Peony

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Achelois,

Was today any better for you? I hit an all time low, and just made an appointment with primary care physician. Now I'm afraid to go in for my appointment Monday morning. May I ask you about your physical symptoms? I feel like I am dragging. Like my limbs are heavy. I feel weak. I'm very tearful. I don't want my teenagers to see me this way. I work with infants and toddlers in an early intervention program ( special Ed services) and don't think I will be ble to go to work in a few weeks. I'm very lethargic. I'm afraid to go to the doctor, and afraid not to. My spouse is always on the road, and even when he is home he is unsupportive ( part of my depression and anxiety).

Can anybody else relate? I have to keep going for my children's sake, yet I am so down.

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Achelois,

Was today any better for you? I hit an all time low, and just made an appointment with primary care physician. Now I'm afraid to go in for my appointment Monday morning. May I ask you about your physical symptoms? I feel like I am dragging. Like my limbs are heavy. I feel weak. I'm very tearful. I don't want my teenagers to see me this way. I work with infants and toddlers in an early intervention program ( special Ed services) and don't think I will be ble to go to work in a few weeks. I'm very lethargic. I'm afraid to go to the doctor, and afraid not to. My spouse is always on the road, and even when he is home he is unsupportive ( part of my depression and anxiety).

Can anybody else relate? I have to keep going for my children's sake, yet I am so down.

Hi,

Thanks for asking....nope, the problem is that i am doing pretty bad during the mornings, feeling better at noon and then get the blues at night....awful blues....I did not go to work on Thursday and had to tell my boss the partial truth...he said he's off on vacation next week, so if i want to keep my job (it's not his words, it's what i think), i better get myself together and start coming to the office every day and getting things done.

Where i live a working week starts on Sundays, meaning tomorrow....last night i had a really rough time, i could not fall asleep until 3 am, i had all these negative thoughts in my head and kept obsessing over them, worrying about dealing with my parents who return from a trip abroad on Tuesday and always worry too much about me....so much that they drive me insane.

I honestly don't know how to get up at 7 am tomorrow, go to the office and pretend i am doing fine.

I am also crying more than usual lately, feel heavy, feel i have no energy.....like i am in a state of total apathy and don't care about anything.

I find it hard to get dressed, to get out of the house, to speak to people...

Don't know how to deal with that.

I set up an appointment with a new p doc tomorrow after work.

I am very very disappointed with my p doc....He treated me for more than a year and despite all my problems, he refuses to consider anti depressants.

Once my mother barged into his office (I am 31 years old! and she still keeps all my personal issues under control) and cried for hour how my former p docs damaged my brain by trying so many different AD meds on me (well yeah, I tried maybe 9.....) and most of them did more damage than good....but 2 of them saved me from very dark times!

So they both came to conclusion i do not need meds.

It got me so angry.

So now i want a different doctor, i will not tell her his name and i will decide with the doc what kind of med i need....and i obviously need one.

I am just worried i will not have enough strength to get out of bed tomorrow....my mood is so unstable, i have no idea what to expect.

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See if you can find a clinical trial utilizing ketamine or a psychiatrist willing to use it off label. Early data are quite promising. If you've failed 8-9 meds you're really running low on options medically. Have you used any non depression meds like depakote or the second generation antipsychotics? They can function as a bit of a mental glue to keep things together upstairs.

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I feel for you. I am in the same position. Except I am in another country for a work conference. I am probably going to have to come home early and that will raise major questions and cost me a lot of money reimbursing my class fees and changing airfare. And I will have to tell my boss what happened. If only I didn't come on this terrible trip. It was optional. Could be he winning of the end. I have children and a wife depending on me and I am really sinking.

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How many more days are left of your work conference? Are you traveling with any other co-workers? Perhaps you could grab a bite to eat with another person with whom you feel comfortable.

I make it sound so easy, and I know it is not. I don't like leaving my room anymore. I made it to the grocery b/c my husband took me. I dread this coming week b/c my husband will be out of town again. He is an industrial engineer, and tells me he can fix machines but he can't fix me.

My kids are depending on me to get to all of their summer activities such as band camp and drivers education. I have to pull myself up out of this depression and self-focus, but I don't know how. I am scheduled to see my physician tomorrow and I dread this, too.

Prayers and positive thoughts for all of you struggling with depression and its impact on school and work.

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