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raisa

Isolation?

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Hello; I guess I should start off by saying I am brand new here (literally within the past couple hours), so I hope I'm not bringing up something that has been talked to death. If so, I apologize. However, this past month has been a journey in severe isolation that I feel I have no control over; I literally haven't left my room aside from going to work (and that is incredibly difficult and gets more difficult every day). I have been ignoring phone calls, emails, not speaking to friends or family...ad it's not that I don't want to. I do. I miss them. I'm just too incredibly sad to interact with anyone or do anything.

Thus, I'm alienating my friends/family as they have no idea what's going on (many know I have had problems with anxiety and depression in the past, but no one knows it's manifesting now or how severe it is).

The following things are happening that are making me even more depressed; I'm not eating, I'm not cleaning, I'm not even really getting out of bed unless it's out of absolute necessity. Additionally, I've been having random crying/sobbing spells. Nothing specific brings them on; I just...cry. As ridiculous as this may sound, my cat has become my sole comfort in life.

I feel as though I'm at a crossroads with my depression and I don't know what to do. I'm not even entirely sure why this spell is happening Has anyone else had this as a symptom of depression? How did you pull out of isolating yourself from your world? I'm worried this is just going to get darker, worse...and soon I won't even be able to get up for work.

Thanks for reading and any advice or input.

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Well, posting here is a step in the right direction. You can feel yourself sinking and you're reaching out. The next step is finding a therapist. I know this because all you've said is very familiar. I've been there. The isolation, the lack of cleaning, communication...I get. I stopped eating and the only thing that got me to a therapist was that I promised if I lost 20 pounds I'd get help. At 21 pounds I made the call. Make the call. If for no other reason because you need to keep your job to pay for your therapy. In the meantime, we're here for you.

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Thank you so much ArthurP.

I think I failed to mention an extremely important point; I see a psychiatrist pretty semi-regularly, however we focus more on managing my anxiety issues (mostly medication management, not too much talking goes on). I work at a hospital where he is located so it's not difficult to get to the appointments; I just feel embarrassed to bring this up to him. I don't know why and I know it's ridiculous and stupid, but like the isolation, I've lost control and I can't even be honest with my therapist unless we're discussing my anxiety...I feel even worse because I know I'm not doing what I should be, and I feel guilty because I know many don't have access to the resources I do, but I just cannot bring myself to tell him. I think deep down I don't believe he can help me with depression. I don't believe anyone can.. .

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I'm going to state the obvious: of course he can't help you if you don't tell him everything. You're making this into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don't tell your therapist things because you fear he can't help you and because you don't tell him everything, he can't help you.

Your therapist has to be the one person you cannot lie to. Again, I know how you feel. There are things I sometimes don't want to tell my therapist out of sheer embarrassment, but I do because the alternative is not getting and feeling the way I feel forever.

Some suggest what you can't say you write down then take it in with you. Try that. Good luck.

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I'm curious because my therapist, she's actually called a counselor, mentioned to me that there are several fields, are you seeing a therapist / counselor or just receiving medication from the psych? If the later maybe you should find one to discuss whether you have something resolving and its not entirely chemical? Regardless this doesn't seem like anything there are easy answers for. You just have to get outside and try to start getting comfortable in your skin. I'm sitting in a coffee shop now because I know if I go home I'm just gonna wallow or drink. I figure here I can get some work done and all the people are a nice distraction from the noisy interior of my head.

Edited by natethegreat

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I guess depression can defy logic. I also fear admonishment from him...for not mentioning it sooner to him. And he's a good therapist; because of him, my anxiety is managed responsibly and almost fully, but my crushing depression...well, that I literally hide from him with a bright smile. Again, I know it's illogical but I feel out of control.

I think the writing things down is a good idea. I may try that; I've never heard of it but it seems much easier than actually saying it. We see each other again the 26th of June; I'll do everything I can between now and then to shove down the shame I feel to get help with this from someone who actually can help.

Thanks again...it's good to have found this place and know people are going (or have gone through) the same things...I think I believed I was the only person to be scared to tell my therapist how I feel.

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I'm curious because my therapist, she's actually called a counselor, mentioned to me that there are several fields, are you seeing a therapist / counselor or just receiving medication from the psych? If the later maybe you should find one to discuss whether you have something resolving and its not entirely chemical? Regardless this doesn't seem like anything there are easy answers for. You just have to get outside and try to start getting comfortable in your skin. I'm sitting in a coffee shop now because I know if I go home I'm just gonna wallow or drink. I figure here I can get some work done and all the people are a nice distraction from the noisy interior of my head.

I see an MD (psychatrist) but he also specializes in talk therapy and psychosomatic medicine. It's me creating this problem; the resource is there to help. I think it may be that he sees me as a bright, driven , successful girl with bad anxiety that he has been able to manage for almost 2 years now...I'm just embarrassed to reveal that's only me inside the hospital (where we both work, and where I'm able to behave normally). And I totally get the wanting to drink at home thing. I actually don't keep alcohol at home for that reason. Drinking alone is BAD for me.

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your not saying why your doing all this isolation all of a sudden

if I had friends, I wouldn't ignore them, because I havent had any friends in 4 years

I don't know why the isolation hit so badly the past couple months. If I had to guess, it would be turning a certain age and realizing I've done nothing I thought I would have done by this point in my life coupled with clinical depression diagnosed very early in my life. As for my friends, I am very grateful for them, but I don't want to burden them either. Putting my weight in their shouders seems unfair, nor are they able to help. It's best for me to get past this then reconnect.

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your not saying why your doing all this isolation all of a sudden

if I had friends, I wouldn't ignore them, because I havent had any friends in 4 years

I don't know why the isolation hit so badly the past couple months. If I had to guess, it would be turning a certain age and realizing I've done nothing I thought I would have done by this point in my life coupled with clinical depression diagnosed very early in my life. As for my friends, I am very grateful for them, but I don't want to burden them either. Putting my weight on their shouders seems unfair, nor are they able to help. It's best for me to get past this then reconnect.

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yeah i put the weight on my mom and grandpa all the time. and they really get tired of it.

for me depression isnt something that happens for no reason. i dont have to guess the reasons why im depressed. that sounds odd to me.

so what is the age and what are the things you didnt accomplish?

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Hi Raisa,

Yeah they all are classic symptoms of depression. I too am isolating myself constantly and now that I lost my job I'm not leaving my room AT ALL! I know it's bad but that's the way things have gone but hopefully this week I can start medication and maybe a new therapist if I can get out the house at all!

You said you were seeing a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists aren't "therapists" and tend not to deal with the emotional talk, just the symptoms,treating them through medication. I've seen a few in the past and found it VERY hard to open up to them and whenever I did they didn't want to hear it and just tried to put me on more medication. You're best seeing a psychotherapist/psychologist/counselor to talk about your problems with as they will listen and help you, give constructive advice etc. I agree writing down your feelings and taking it with you is a great idea, I used to do that as my memory has become terrible, especially when you're very anxious. It doesn't matter if you haven't told the psychiatrist certain things, but now is the chance for you to be more open with him and tell him. This has happened to me before as I take a while to open up to new people, so I have added a lot more information in later. You don't need to justify yourself they will be used to it happening all the time, but it's so important you give them as much information as you can. Also, the psychiatrist should forward you on to a therapist? You should ask them to so you can get more emotional support.

It's good that you're still going to work, I remember that and everyday was such a struggle to force myself in! Since I stopped working and moved back home I've isolated myself away so in a way working and have that routine and reason to be out may be a good thing.

I too have/had lots of friends but have completely shut nearly all of them out. I feel bad about it, but

then I don't want to put all my issues on them either and friendships have suffered before when I've opened up to people who are going through similar issues themselves and they couldn't handle it. I understand this, but it actually helps me to help other people when I'm feeling bad as it takes my thoughts away from me and focus on someone else.

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