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Wife Always Upset With Me


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I'm not sure this is even the place to talk... I just was searching google and found this site and really needed to just talk to anyone. My wife has a tendancy to get extremely upset easily over what I see to be small things. Last night at the mall she gave me a $5 coupon to use at hallmark while I took our oldest daughter there to get Mother's Day cards. My daughter is 3yo and was having a good time picking out the card and then going to pay for it using my credit card. Well, while doing all this I totally forgot about the coupon.

Later in the night when getting receipts out of my wallet she sees the coupon still there and she has a melt down. She works really hard to cut coupons from the paper and look for them online to help with costs with our family. Ill be the first to say it has really helped out with our costs.

However this morning she was still mad at me, telling me she was throwing out her coupons since I don't appreciate all her work. I told her I was sorry and would try to to let if happen again. She just says she is upset and that all I can say is sorry and never say how ill fix the problem.

I really try hard... We have a 3yo and twin 9mo olds... I'm always busy helping with them ... Take them to daycare , pick them up, help change diapers, clean bottles , etc... I try to help out ... And one say she says in the best husband and so helpful then the next day when I do something wrong I'm the worst and I don't pay attention.

I'm so sad right now. Then I toss on getting ready to turn 40, lack of sleep from waking up with babies, bad management at work, neighborhood isn't as good as it used to be, but can't move because home values are terrible. It is like when things get bad suddenly all the other issues also pop in my head and I'm feeling even worse. Usually it isn't a problem, but when she gets upset like this I can't seem to talk her down.

As a side note ... Her mother has always been like that... Gets mad over the smallest thing ... No way to tell if something will set her off. I'm tired and sad and just want my kids happy and not to see it. Even if I get torn up inside I want them happy.

There is so much more back story, but now I'm just rambling. In the end I think I just needed to get this all off my chest to anyone that will listen.

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Hi FLDad, welcome from a recent newcomer.

I can't help but feel we are in a very similar situation. I don't have kids and am not married but I plan to do those things with my current girlfriend of 2 years who I live with. The fear of doing something wrong and setting her off is constant. I convinced myself it was something I was doing wrong. However nothing ever seems to make her happy even though I try by helping around the apartment, buying her occasional gifts, going places she likes, spending time with her. She has a history of depression and her entire family has a history of psychological issues. It sounds to me that you wife may have a similar situation with her mother having issues as well. Depression is much more common in women than men according to some studies, although this may be due to men's general reluctance to seek treatment. Depression is becoming ever more common in this country for reasons no one can explain exactly. I suggest you talk to your wife about marriage counseling or atleast talking to a doctor about your situation. I know treatment is like a foot thick brick wall to start but the day is truly brighter on the other side. I have seen this happen with my father who was diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder. Since treatment his relationship with my mother has become much more stable. The thought of taking medication every day for the rest of your life is pretty scary, but think of the alternatives. Would you rather take a little pill or be miserable?

While I am still struggling to get my girlfriend to re-start treatment I hope you will do something to help your situation. Not only will your wife benefit from it but so will you and most importantly your children.

Be strong,

Justin

Edited by Justin421
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Justin,

Thanks for the reply. It really helps just talking to someone else. I guess what sucks is that I should be talking with my wife about problems. It just hurts when I can't go to her with a problem. I'm just tired right now. I sometimes wonder is it like this for everyone? Do all people have these issues in their relationships and they deal with it and don't whine like I feel I am?

I guess right now I'm just a bundle of emotions and I'm all confused with what I should and what I realistically can do. I really just want a simple happy life, nothing else. I fear that may never come to pass. I know as my 40th bday approaches ill probably start doubting myself even more. I know if she hears me say anything she wl tell me to get over it. I feel like I haven't accomplished as much as I should have for being 40. I am happy to have a relatively good steady job, I could be unemployed... But is always saying hey it could be worse really the way I should judge thing?

Sorry for the rambling again... I just haven't really talked to anyone about all this and just trying to get it out of my head.

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Sounds like something similar to what my boyfriend's been complaining about... But it could be the overwhelming stress your wife might be dealing with. Eh, long story short from a woman's point of view - I work full time and do a bunch of house cleaning..I can't imagine that taking care of kids is any easier, and even with your help she still might feel overwhelmed. Maybe she needs some outside help or, if it's really a mental thing, she might benefit from certain types of treatment. Up to you guys on figuring out what to do there, but it doesn't hurt to ask what you can do to make things easier for her.

Just a bit of info.. *shrugs*

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I also can relate to your story. The coupon incident is very familiar to something my boyfriend did recently. In the case of both of our partners I think that the problem really is theirs and its due to stress. No matter how much you are helping your wife out right now, having a 3year old and 9 month old twins is probably incredibly stressful for her. When you are really stressed out you often flip out at the stupid little things and not address the real issues. I think stress is causing my boyfriend to act like your wife has been. I guess all we can do is talk to them in a caring manner. Let them know that we understand they are under a great deal of stress but that their behaviour is difficult on us. Having depression and anxiety I have found that stress tends to overwhelm us to the point where we really don't know how we're affecting those around us. Sometimes we need to be told that out behaviour is unacceptable.

Best of luck to you,

Misfit

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Has she always overreacted like this? In your wife's previous pregnancy was she treated for post-partum depression? We have a few threads in our other rooms dedicated to the topic. It's definitely worth checking out. It may be more than stress on her end.

As for you when you are struggling with all the other stress like money and work take time out to breathe.

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FLdad,

You got to talk to her about it - sit down and have some real communication. It may be that she is frustrated or upset about a lot of things. Listen to her and find out what is really bugging her.

Sounds like you need a vacation. If you cant afford it, even a small one or just an afternoon outing may be what is needed. How about a date night?

Hang in there, jimg

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