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Hello everyone, my name is Justin. I have come here because I am at the end of my rope and I do not know what to do. I do not suffer from depression myself but my girlfriend does. I want to help her but every attempt I make seems to end in abysmal failure. My hope is to find someone who has gone through a similar situation and has overcome the challenges of living with someone who is depressed. I also look forward to reading about others troubles and provide support back to those who support me. In understanding others problems I believe it helps to understand our own.

I would also like to take this time to say the CAPTCHA systems this forum uses create a large barrier to entry to registering here. The second part took me some time to figure out with the crazy picture sorting. I was about ready to give up and say forget it but I have no one to turn to.

Justin

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Justin:

I think what's important is that you offer support to her. Is she seeing a doctor for her condition? Is she on any medicaitons? Depression can get better with treatment and there is a light at the end of the tunnel in most cases. My wife offers support for my depression as much as she can and believe me it means the world to me. It sure makes getting through the day much easier.

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She was seeing a psychiatrist and on some medications before I knew her. She told me the side affects from the medication made her feel worse and at some times physically ill. That experience has made her wary of seeking help now because she believes doctors are just going to shove pills at her. She has a bachelors degree in psychology herself so she also knows that therapy is difficult and usually expensive as well. I've tried to analyze her symptoms myself using materials I have found my self about depression. I have found she exhibits about 90% of the typical things like irritability, self loathing, feelings of helplessness etc.

She also has had a hard time dealing with the death of her favorite uncle some years ago. She brings him up every week, usually reminiscing about the same things, which can be really hard to listen to. Some times I want to tell her to move on but I have found that sending ultimatums to a depressed person is not a good idea and usually ends up in more pain/fights. I try to be supportive, make her happy, and gives her words of encouragement such as "I want to help you" and not "why can't you just be happy?" but she seems to have a very short memory about anything we talk about. I try to be patient with her but her constant state of irritability puts me in a defensive state automatically. Breaking this cycle is especially difficult because I know it will just happen again because she does not see it the same way I do.

That was my rant. I don't actually expect anyone to read the whole thing (I probably wouldn't myself) but I have no other outlet. I would see a counselor myself but I feel any problems in our relationship that I have all seem to stem from her depression.

And thank you for your responses, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

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Just having a complete psychological assessment would tell you what you really are dealing with, then you could move on in a more constructive way. And as was said side effects ware off and besides different drugs suit different people, and if absolutely necessary would have to be administered. One must find a therapist who is not only good but also who can relate with the patient and make her feel good. It may take a while to find such a therapist as many can be actually rude, from my experience, but it is well worth finding the right one. Pills can be kept for the last option as they do give annoying side effects and sometimes worsten the depression, however if unavoidable they will have to be an option. They do help in the end.

Welcome to DF and I hope you find light in your darkness, and a smile through your tears.

Much Love.

The Friend.

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The Friend: Unfortunately I have not yet found the courage to directly request that she seek treatment. I managed to get her speaking about possibly seeing a counselor but it never turns into action on her part.

That was 4 days ago. Yesterday she was discouraged yet again in her hunt for a better job. Her current job is the cause of most of her anxiety recently. She made an offhand remark "I don't want to live anymore.". I know her enough to say she didn't mean it, but I know this is not good. I can't go ballistic on her and force her into treatment because that will just escalate her downward spiral. Some days are good, most days are bad.

I fear her depression is also wearing on my mental state which has negatively impacted my own outlook on life as well as my performance at work. I can't ever tell her I feel good about myself or lucky in life because she will automatically start to think negatively about herself. It forces me to keep these thoughts to myself.

Thank you all again for even clicking on this topic

Edited by Justin421
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The one thing I have learned growing up in a family of mentally ill people is that in most cases you cannot force them ino treatment. They have to want the help themselves. That being said, if they are a true danger to themselves and/or others please do not turn a blind eye to it. Get your girlfriend the help she needs.

You said that you have been afriad to talk to her about getting help. Someone who has taken the time to receive a bachelor's degree would appreciate some logic, even if they are not well. Perhaps some literature on the newest meds out there? Heck, even a powerpoint presentation of concrete information might help. Seeing it on paper might just be the way to go.

Best of luck to you.

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