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gbrown254

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Hi guys,

i reported a few weeks ago that i suffered a relapse after about a year and half of being okay and i thought the relapse was getting better after a week off work. I went back to work positive that i was going to beat this relapse and carry on but in the last few days, it's dramatically got worse again and has made work unbearable again for me. I've just finished my shift and struggled through it and am scared stiff that i'm going to have to take some more sick time off work. I'm also devastated that this has come back big again when it seemed like i was very slowly getting there. I upped my medication to 30mg from 20mg citalopram 2 weeks ago but it doesnt seem to be doing anything. I was seeming to get a little better from the week off and before i upped my medication. Is work causing the relapse? I'm so anxious at the moment and keep pacing up and down and cant keep still but this depression numbness is in my brain and is terrifying me that this is going to keep happening over and over again. Just when i begin to think i'm seeing the light, this happens and i don't know how much i can take. What do i do? I just want to feel better instead of feeling like breaking down into tears.

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I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time right now...from my experience from starting and just increasing my fluoxetine I go through the anxious stage...I know it's hard, but if you can be patient, it should get better soon. It took me 4 weeks to feel any effects from the fluoxetine at all and I just increased from 20 to 40 a few days ago so I'm settling in for a long wait but hopefully it will be worth it!

If it gets too much, call your doctor, maybe you could get something for anxiety temporarily. Or try taking a long walk with some good music, that usually helps me. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!

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I feel like i'm not treatable. I have so many setbacks and i can't remember what it feels like to feel good. I also feel like i'm the only one with depression this severe and that i'm not going to recover from this. More that i'm a unique case

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Well, gbrown, with respect to your meds problem, I think you're not alone in experiencing that issue. Actually, I feel the same way (I take the same family of drugs). But, I read something awhile back which may help shed some light on your issue. Specifically, SSRIs are not 'happy pills.' They aren't supposed to make you feel upbeat or stop you from ruminating, etc. They do make you generally 'feel better,' but the #1 reason why people quit taking them is because they think they're not doing anything and they're no longer 'necessary.'

I relate depression a lot to Newton's third law, that every action produces an equal and opposite reaction. On the one side, you've got your big stress factor; work. On the other side of things, you've got a chemical formulae in your mind which distorts your perception of things sometimes and can make life a living hell. Either side can 'open up' the other, like Pandora's Box. Any big life event or even day-to-day stress factors (trouble at work, difficulty in school, grief/bereavement in its many forms, etc) can create a wider, inexplicable 'net' of depression, referred to by you as a relapse. Likewise, these relapses can occur independent of 'social context.' Specifically, everything can be going 'well' for you, but you're still really down.

The best advice I can give you is to isolate your 'stress factors' (work, and whatever else) from plain old depression. We're always here to talk about both. If you have a therapist presently, I would suggest that you speak to him/her about this. Learn when it's the depression talking, not you. In other words, don't let the depression create problems in your mind which aren't there (i.e "I'm a waste of space," "everybody hates me," "I'm a burden," all real common thought patterns for depressed people). None of them are true and they're a symptom, just like any physical illness.

Lastly, mind those paroxysms of sorrow. I know what they are, I've been there. In those bleak moments, try your best to relax. I know how futile and silly that must sound, and trust me, it's something I struggle with too on a really regular basis. Use the time to pray, if you're religious, or try to voice your problems out loud.

Best of wishes to you.

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Gbrown, I would also urge you to continue to write in these forums. I find that very therapeutic when I feel isolated and desperate. Psychiatry is an inexact science and everyone is different - even though we all suffer from the same disorder. It often takes time to find a medication that matches your brain chemistry and then additional time to let it build up in your system enough to be at therapeutic levels. Patience is not my virtue, but the end results of sticking it out are often very good.

There are some great listening ears on here - avail yourself of the support. Blessings!

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Thank you guys. I think i just want to know i'm going to be fine. I haven't heard of any stories of people having something similar and then doing absolutely fine and changing their life around. I think if i heard more stories like that, it would give me more hope and although i've looked in the forum 'one step at a time', it doesnt seem like theirs a big selection in there either

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