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Hey everyone,

I wanted to give a quick intro: I'm a 54 year-old guy living in the northern U.S. I've been grappling with depression since at least my teens, but over the last 10 years, things worsened. I also began experiencing a lot of anxiety and sleeplessness (though I've always have been an insomniac). A year ago, I finally saw a physician (rather than drinking myself stupid, as my home remedy). I got prescribed citalopram for the daytime, and trazadone at night to help me sleep. Within a month, I began feeling much better and my outlook brightened considerably.

I also began gaining weight, in spite of a good diet and lots of exercise. Plus, my *ahem* libido dropped to absolute zero. As a result, I got put on buproprion a month ago. I'm supposed to be weaning myself from the citalopram and relying on the buproprion, but I'm a little fearful of the anxiety and insomnia reappearing. The weight gain and loss of libido seem a fair price for not having to deal with the other things. I lead a busy life and don't want to get bogged down again like I was in years gone by.

Anyway, it's great to find this forum and I look forward to learning from others who are here!

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Hi there JD4010 and welcome to Depression Forums (what a lovely tractor avatar btw! ). Even though you've been battling with depression such a long time, it hasn't put you down. To me, you strike as a true survivor. In these forums, there are a lot of members who can relate to what you're experiencing, including the negative side effects from meds. Therefore, please don't hesitate to participate in any discussion you might find helpful or interesting. Nobody's gonna judge or belittle you here.

In case you have any questions concerning this site, please feel free to PM any Support Staff member, any Moderator or Administrator. We will do our best to help you to accommodate yourself and you also may notice our members are a welcoming bunch too. Wish you an enjoyable stay here and hopefully we'll see you around more!

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Thanks for the welcome!

Ya know, I've always been a pessimist, too. I had a lot of unpleasant stuff happen as a kid (parents divorced, traumatic move, illness, other crap that almost everyone deals with), but I seemed to be able to rebound from it. I kept it bottled pretty well until about 10 years ago, and then it began eating me up.

Looking back, both of my biological parents were pessimists, too. However, my stepdad was a complete optimist. I'd like to think that some of his positive outlook got transferred to me. He was a great dad (as was my bio dad, but his depression got so bad that he took off when I was 8 years old).

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Hello, and welcome to the forum from another fellow pessimist! If you read my profile, you'll see why, life's kicked me in the butt a few times too hard but I'm getting there!

I too suffer from insomnia. I'm on ambien, clonazepam and mirtazipine and you'd think I'd sleep like a baby but just had my first 6 consecutive hours 2 nights ago (tapering down on the mirtazipine and up on the Prozac, I think it's helping). It sucks not being able to sleep! Plus, I'm a smoker and that's my worst time, I get up and go out in the garage (I don't smoke in my house) every time I wake up. I'm hoping if the meds help with the sleep and anxiety, I'll be able to kick that habit for good once and for all!

You're lucky to have had a great stepdad. Sometimes I think I should have tried harder to meet a nice guy to give my son (my only child) the father he deserves since his sperm donor is only good for helping me create him and child support. It's hard to feel like meeting someone when you fight depression though. I'll be 48 in 2 weeks but who knows, I'm living proof that miracles can happen!

Welcome to the forum, I look forward to seeing you around!

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Hi JD,

Welcome! I know what you mean about things getting on top of you as you get older. I also grew up in a very negative household, with a super controlling narcessistic father. Ugg!

I'm glad you are not self-medicating with alcohol any more. I've been there and done that too! I know changing your meds can be scary, I've been through that too, but believe me, you will get through it and feel better.

For a variety of reasons, including my medication, I have gained a lot of weight. It's really hard to get that under control. However, like you, I'm OK with a few extra pounds as long as the medication is working for me!

Again, welcome!

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