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Am I A Worthless Person? Please Help.


irep

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hello everyone. i'll start from saying that I had a sheltered upbringing. my parents grew up poor and they didn't want their daughter to have to go through what they did. they gave me a good life, and was very protective of me. i grew up being naive of the world, and sorry to say that i don't really know how to handle real life situations. i was a bright student when it comes to academics, and that was the only comforting thing that i knew i had.

going to college made me realise that there are many things that i do not know of, and that there are many things i cannot do. like play sports, or even debate. i've realised the only talent that i have are only in studies, and that i have friends only because they wanted to do well in their studies too, nothing more and nothing less. i do realise that studies is not the only thing that matters, and i have tried to try new things

these past few years has been hard on me.(and i do feel selfish for feeling that way) i keep feeling inferior to everyone around me. i lack so much talent compared to everyone. no matter how much i tried, i just couldn't seem to improve. i think about this all the time and cry almost every night just thinking what a sad person i am. i couldn't handle failure well, and break down everytime i couldn't meet my own goals. i have seeked out advice from a few lecturers, but none of that seemed to help.

my parents are worried about me, and that is something that i'm ashamed of. i wanted to be a good daughter to them, to be the happy person that they wanted to be, but no matter how much i've tried, i just couldn't seem to improve myself.

my friends only see me as the nerdy girl who only knows facts and nothing more. i've always felt as though i'm the one looking in, as people live their lives, excluding me in everything. these days i get extremely sad often, and keep having crying spells for hours, and i don't know how to stop myself for feeling this way. i keep contemplating suicide, but i know that it'd hurt my parents even more.

please help me, i'm really lost. i want to be a better person for society yet i don't know how

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Well hello irep and welcome to DF! Nice that you decided to join our community and share something about yourself. While reading your post I got the impression, that are you perhaps a little too hard on yourself? Like you should be the ideal daughter, the ideal student and the ideal worldly lady. I've been struggling with the same thoughts too, but eventually I realized none of us can stick to completely the idea of the perfect person, simply because perfect person as such does not exist. For example, I speak and write good English but totally suck at math, I have a tendency to bond with people on discussion forums but am reserved around my co-workers and I'm brilliant in giving presentations but am so afraid of singing publicly that I even don't dare to go to karaoke. We people are like coins: we always have two sides to us. We can never be one-dimensional, even though other people seem to prefer to label us.

It is great to hear you're so courageous that you've tried new things in addition to studies. However, being a talented student should be a great source of pride. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you are a good student. In addition, you may well find like-minded buddies by participating in school-oriented activities. Do you find math is close to your heart? Then an algebra club or something like that would probably be your thing. Are you a good writer or do you enjoy reading? Then you might want to consider becoming a journalist of student magazine or perhaps join a reading club. If you feel you would like to participate in something more interactive, a drama group would offer you the chance to do so. Many colleges offer a selection of special interests' groups and clubs, so you might want to check out if there's something that would suit you.

I hope you would feel better soon and please try not to beat yourself up. You are a worthy and interesting person just the way you are and even if you find you need to improve yourself in some ways, it doesn't mean you are a failure or anything. We all need to improve ourselves all the time. Lots of courage and positive vibes to you, and hope we would see you posting more!

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I grew up very poor, and very sheltered and over-protected, my mom admitted it was her biggest regret. She blames herself and that on a lot of what happened to me because I was so naive leaving home. I know how hard it is trying to adjust in the real world. Heck, I wasn't allowed to answer the telephone growing up and then I was thrown in an office and a good part of my day was talking on the telephone. I lived in a very rural area, tiny hamlet with a lot of elderly...awesome people who I could trust completely. Went to work in the city...and well my trusting nature was easily abused. It was a definite struggle. I can tell you several things, your naivety is part of who you are and what makes you special. You will adapt but it will take time. You have talents, you may not know what they are yet but we all have them. You are definitely not worthless. You have a lot to offer this world

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Heck no, you're not worthless! Let me tell you something, Irep. There's a really easy way to distinguish between good and bad people. Bad people believe that they're fine, but that something is fundamentally flawed about the world. Good people believe that they themselves are flawed, but that the world is just fine. It sounds to me like you fall well into the second category. You're critical, but don't be so self-effacing! I know that it can seem like other people are inexplicably 'above' you. A lot of the time, you can't put your finger on exactly *why.* But you know what? Everyone's mentally unsettled, some people are just way better at hiding it than others. You're one of the lucky ones. You know that you have problems, and you're trying to face them on your own terms. That takes a lot of courage, doesn't it?

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I can relate to your feeling of looking in on other people who appear to have great social lives, friends and be talented in interesting ways like sport or fashion. I agree with others about being hard on yourself. If you have suicidal thoughts please phone a helpline to talk things through. Your college may have a student helpline. You may find therapy helpful - do go and discuss how you feel with a doctor. You sound great and there are people ut there who you can be friends with and you are worthwhile.

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I'm kind of in the same predicament as you. People only use me whenever they talk to me. But you seem like yore too harsh on yourself. I see you as a bright, brave girl. You have a lot ahead of you, those people should be jealous of you. I don't play sports, but when I do, I'm not good at them. It sucks knowing that I'm probably never going to be as good as them, but you have to realize that sports is what they excell at. You excell at academic things, which is as equally amazing. Don't feel like you're no good just because others can do things you cannot. They are not as intelligent as you, which is why they come to you for help. I'm seen as the typical Asian kid who knows "everything". No one talks to me but I get around. So don't let this bring you down. There are tons of people (including me) who feel the same way.

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I understand that you feel depressed because it seems that you lack life experience as compared to everyone else. I was overprotected too and grew up pretty naïve. But you are talented Irep. Even though it seems that society undervalues your talent that does not make you worth any less than them. Being good in studies is a talent that a lot of people sincerely wish they have and they are probably jealous of those who have it. As for life experience, you still have a long way ahead of you. Try to expose yourself to a lot of activities and get out of your comfort zone. Even if they are small steps. You are special Irep and I am sure your parents are proud of you

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thanks a lot for the advice. i'll try my best to be positive again. although everything seems to be caving in on me. it's hard to find people to confide in, none of my friends know about this, as i'm worried about what they'd think of me if i'd told them. it's difficult sometimes, i want someone to talk to, but i just couldn't trust any of them, and that's what brought me here i suppose. it's nice and comforting to find people who wouldn't judge you for being the way you are. i'm trying my best to change, though the crying spells do hit from time to time. anyone have any advice on that?

and i appreciate all your replies. it means a lot. :)

Edited by irep
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I'm not sure where you live, I don't know very much about universities in countries other than the US, but if you're in the US, your school should have a student health center, who should have therapists available. Most of the time they are free for students - you pay with your fees anyway, so might as well take advantage of the service. That can really help when you're needing someone to talk to - sometimes it is hard to talk to our friends - they may want to help but simply don't know how. They may very well judge us, too. There is a lot of bad information out there about depression and other mental illnesses.

As far as the crying goes - hey if you figure that out let us all know - because honestly I just let fly and boohoo all over the place. I have no control over it it seems. A friend of mine walked up on me sitting on the curb of the street on Monday just bawling my eyes out. Yikes!

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