Jump to content

Everything Feels Impossible

Lost Dreams

Recommended Posts

Feel free to read if you can relate... I am just venting here.

I'm in college right now and I only had a year left to graduate. Recently I started getting really depressed for no reason. My life was great. And then for no reason, my mind went blank. Everything is so fuzzy and I can't even think. I feel detached from my mind. I can't really explain it... it just like there is this constant fogginess over my thoughts. Sometimes I can't even remember driving somewhere or doing certain things because all of the moments in my life just blur together. Things just happen and I'm not really living. I'm not really there, mentally. And I can't force it - it doesn't have to do with not being focused, which I'm not. It's more like something that is out of my control - I feel like I have lost my mind.

I can't even read my homework assignments because reading 1 page takes me ten hours and then I still don't even know what I read. I just don't care -- even though I have always cared so much. I have worked so hard to get to where I am, and I am throwing it all away because I just stopped caring. I've been dropping classes at school left and right even though I almost have a perfect 4.0. I quit everything I was involved in as far are building my resume for the future. I've quit my major - I decided to change it for the 3rd time because I don't feel I have the concentration or focus to do it anymore. I can't even think of anything to change it to because nothing at all interests me. That makes me anxious because then I feel like I have no future.

Getting up and getting ready for the day just makes me want to cry. Driving to school feels like I am moving across the country. It all feels like so much effort and I have no energy at all. I stopped eating healthy and I stopped working out - two things which I love to do normally. I just have no energy and see no point so I find comfort in laziness and food. I can't find a reason to get out of bed when I could just lay there and die... I have no friends. I had some but I pushed them away because they would never understand how I feel now. It is easier for me to be alone in this than to be surrounded by people who don't understand. I am basically failing school now and I don't know how I will ever graduate because I have lost all motivation and focus. There is no way I can take another semester if I don't find an fix to this problem... there is no way my mind will be able to do it. I have a job but I barely work because it takes all of my energy to put on a fake personality and pretend that I'm happy. I feel like I have disappointed everyone in my life because I have quit everything.

On top of all of this my health has been bad - my sleeping schedule is messed up. I have anxiety which I never had before in my life. I constantly worry about the future even though I feel as though I don't care about anything. I lay awake most of the time and then I'm exhausted in the day. Even when I get enough sleep I still feel like I could sleep forever. I don't like to do anything at all anymore except just lay and wait for sleep to take me away from everything. I have other health issues that make me feel terrible about my physical appearance and there is no medicine that can help. I have dealt with it by focusing on other successes in my life and now that I have none I am falling into this deep dark hole and I cannot climb out. I have no close relationships with anyone so there is no one to help pull me out. I feel hopeless and alone in this. I don't take medicine for this because side effects scare me. But I don't know what to do anymore... Just a few of my thoughts.

Thanks for listening. :/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there LostDreams and welcome to DF! I am sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. From what I've observed, experiencing anxiety can be very common just before graduation. Many students go thru a kind of 'graduation crisis': after all, they need to leave the safe world of college and find a new direction for their life, be it starting job-hunting or something else.

However, if you feel your anxiety is only debilitating, please do not be afraid to seek help. Last year this month, I was reluctantly working on my thesis and was suffering from lack of motivation in general. After I graduated in May, my depressive episode set off during the summer after and it was so hard I'm still recovering from it. Looking back now, I realize I should have sought help already in the spring prior to my graduation, so I wish you would not make the same mistake as I did. Of course, eventually only you know yourself best and know whether seeking help would benefit you.

I'm sending you lots of strength and caring thoughts. Please feel free to talk to us any time you need to, as that's what we're for. All the best to you and hope to see you posting more!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How you're feeling sounds very similar to what I'm currently going through. It's hard to find hope and feel like "this too shall pass" when nothing seems to matter anymore.

After being sick and tired of feeling this way for a couple of weeks, again (I have felt this way a couple of times throughout my life), I found the only thing that led me to start a path to recovery was to build up the strength to make an appointment with a Dr who referred me to a psychiatrist who prescribed me with an anti-depressant. I was reluctant to take the medication as I was scared about the side effects too, but I knew it was worth it to feel better overall and have some kind of life back.

Now, after 2 weeks of taking the medication, the side effects I experienced weren't too bad and I think I'm over the worst of it now. Just waiting for my serotonin level to rise, so my mood lifts enough for me to get my life back on track and feel pleasure again.

If you don't feel like going to a dr, is there a counselor or someone at college you could talk to?

These forums are a great place to start. Keep us updated on how things are going for you. Best of luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you seeing any counsellor right now? You should try to see one because they can give you the emotional support that you need to cope with this difficult period in your life I am sorry to hear about your predicament it must be hard on you. I know it seems difficult to think about it right now but things can change for the better

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...