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I'm Such A Loser... Not That Anyone Cares


lukeskyflyer

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I've probably posted about this before but I need to vent...

I feel like a complete loser. I went to college for 4 years and got relatively good grades and now I'm working as a bank teller, a job you don't need a college degree for... Sometimes its alright, but most times I hate it. I'm not an extrovert, and I'm not good at sales, which is a huge part of the job. Moreover, I feel like I should be working a more prestigious job since I went to college but I hate interviews and am afraid that any job I went after I would hate just as much or more. This will sound stupid and probably even sexist, but I feel that a bank teller job is a woman's job and I don't feel very manly in that position. Sorry if that is offensive but it is something that really bugs me. I want to quit but I know that looks bad... the pay is not great but it is more than minimum wage and I get decent vacation time. Those literally the only things keeping me there. I get next to no fulfillment out of it, fill like I am terrible at the job, and constantly am worried I will end of getting fired. On the odd occasion I do get a complement I shrug it off and forget about it, but if a customer, coworker or boss snaps at me I let it eat away at me for days, and even if someone wasn't trying to be mean I take it that way.

The other thing that is sucking away at my confidence and happiness is the fact that I am single and I can't seem to do anything about it. I've been single my whole life... never had a girlfriend or anything close... never been kissed by a girl, never even held a girls hand. I went to a small college that was 60 percent female and thought surely I would find someone there. Well I found plenty of girls I liked but none of them wanted anything to do with me besides be friends. You could tell they were disgusted about the possibility of anything more than friendship with me.

The fact that I am still single and out of college with a job I hate makes life very difficult to deal with. I know there are people who have it a lot worse than me but making comparisons like that doesn't seem to help much. While I dealt with depression and some definite lows in college there were many highs to make up for it. Right now it seems that my highs are that high at all and my lows are lower. I live in perpetual anxiety, sadness, and discontent. I have tried online dating but no girl on there really seems interested. I had two dates with a girl I met there but it was clear we weren't a match and we haven't talked since the second date. I send out what I think are nice, respectful messages to girls I am interested in and they almost never reply. I can tell that they have viewed my profile, so I always assume they think I'm ugly and/or not very interesting. Maybe I'm too shallow and need to go after girls I don't find attractive, but doing that wouldn't really be fair to them or myself because I would not be any happier than I was if I was single.

I need to make a huge change in my life but truth be told I don't have the courage to because I am so fearful of things getting worse. I have tried counseling but it seems to only work for the short term. I just hate feeling depressed and feeling like a loser all the time. Plus the anxiety I am feeling is unbearable. If anyone has any advice that I haven't thought of yet I would love to hear it. I really appreciate anyone's help.

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I've probably posted about this before but I need to vent...

I feel like a complete loser. I went to college for 4 years and got relatively good grades and now I'm working as a bank teller, a job you don't need a college degree for... Sometimes its alright, but most times I hate it. I'm not an extrovert, and I'm not good at sales, which is a huge part of the job. Moreover, I feel like I should be working a more prestigious job since I went to college but I hate interviews and am afraid that any job I went after I would hate just as much or more. This will sound stupid and probably even sexist, but I feel that a bank teller job is a woman's job and I don't feel very manly in that position. Sorry if that is offensive but it is something that really bugs me. I want to quit but I know that looks bad... the pay is not great but it is more than minimum wage and I get decent vacation time. Those literally the only things keeping me there. I get next to no fulfillment out of it, fill like I am terrible at the job, and constantly am worried I will end of getting fired. On the odd occasion I do get a complement I shrug it off and forget about it, but if a customer, coworker or boss snaps at me I let it eat away at me for days, and even if someone wasn't trying to be mean I take it that way.

The other thing that is sucking away at my confidence and happiness is the fact that I am single and I can't seem to do anything about it. I've been single my whole life... never had a girlfriend or anything close... never been kissed by a girl, never even held a girls hand. I went to a small college that was 60 percent female and thought surely I would find someone there. Well I found plenty of girls I liked but none of them wanted anything to do with me besides be friends. You could tell they were disgusted about the possibility of anything more than friendship with me.

The fact that I am still single and out of college with a job I hate makes life very difficult to deal with. I know there are people who have it a lot worse than me but making comparisons like that doesn't seem to help much. While I dealt with depression and some definite lows in college there were many highs to make up for it. Right now it seems that my highs are that high at all and my lows are lower. I live in perpetual anxiety, sadness, and discontent. I have tried online dating but no girl on there really seems interested. I had two dates with a girl I met there but it was clear we weren't a match and we haven't talked since the second date. I send out what I think are nice, respectful messages to girls I am interested in and they almost never reply. I can tell that they have viewed my profile, so I always assume they think I'm ugly and/or not very interesting. Maybe I'm too shallow and need to go after girls I don't find attractive, but doing that wouldn't really be fair to them or myself because I would not be any happier than I was if I was single.

I need to make a huge change in my life but truth be told I don't have the courage to because I am so fearful of things getting worse. I have tried counseling but it seems to only work for the short term. I just hate feeling depressed and feeling like a loser all the time. Plus the anxiety I am feeling is unbearable. If anyone has any advice that I haven't thought of yet I would love to hear it. I really appreciate anyone's help.

Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you in a lot of ways. I got no girlfriend & I don't even have the courage to go about messaging anyone on dating sites due to having bad depression/anxiety issues. My problem is I just feel a girl wouldn't give me the time of day when they find out that my job is an awful paying job, while their probably making a good income. I know it's a bad way to think about it, but I'm pretty sure most women wouldn't give me the time of day with a bad job. I just wonder if there's any women out there who I would find attractive who would be understanding & actually want to be with me for me, instead of money being a deal breaker.

I need to make changes too, but it's hard to even want to do anything when depression holds me down. I also have an unrelated issue with my jaw or inner ear that I will have to get taken care of eventually, but I'm even too scared to get an x-ray on it because I fear that it's going to show the worst and I'd need some type of major surgery.

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"I'm working as a bank teller, a job you don't need a college degree for... "

There is dignity and worth in every job. You have no reason to be ashamed. None of us can help it that the economy and the times are the way that they are. I'm a person with college experience that is working a job that I hate too, but I'm trying to stay positive and just count my blessings that I have a job to begin with. At the same time, I'm always on the lookout for an opportunity to move up to something I might like better. Nothing wrong with that.

"This will sound stupid and probably even sexist, but I feel that a bank teller job is a woman's job and I don't feel very manly in that position. Sorry if that is offensive but it is something that really bugs me."

If that's how it feels, that's how it feels. But consider this: would a female likely prefer that you have a girly job, or that you have none at all?

"I want to quit"

I want to quit my job too. That's a natural feeling for anyone that doesn't like their job, but it doesn't mean that one actually has to go through with it.

"I am single and I can't seem to do anything about it."

This is false. There is always something one can do about something like this. Consider the way you look. Do you think it's a look that girls might be into? If not, is it possible for you to invest in a different look? A couple of semesters ago in school, I took it upon myself to abruptly make it a habit of dressing in formal attire. A girl told me, "Girls love a sharp looking man," so I decided to give it a try. I didn't have to dress formally to go to class, but you can bet that when I did, people noticed, including girls. Always look and smell as nice as you can possibly look, even if for no particular person or reason. And smile! A cheerful personality can do wonders for you. You never know who might be falling for your smile.

"I know there are people who have it a lot worse than me but making comparisons like that doesn't seem to help much."

I feel the same way. It doesn't really matter that some people have it worse, because everyone's situation is different. Some people have a much lower standard of living. For some starving children in Africa, just getting a regular meal three times a day would do wonders for their self-esteem and outlook on life. For us it might not be that simple. If you expect to be at a certain level in life and you're not, of course you would feel depressed, especially if you thought you couldn't do anything about it. It's okay to feel that way.

"I need to make a huge change in my life but truth be told I don't have the courage to because I am so fearful of things getting worse."

If things are bad now, what do you have to lose? Things will never get better unless you make an active effort to stimulate changes in your life.

Edited by Luis
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You're not alone in the job hating department, I think most people hate their jobs. I'm having trouble in seeing dignity and worth in my retail job though that's for sure. I have to deal with & eat so much s**t for so laughably little. I wonder if people told slaves that there was dignity and worth in their jobs?

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Slaves by definition don't get paid for what they do, so that isn't really a job. A job's dignity and worth isn't so much based on what the job description is or what the job entails, I don't think. There's dignity in every job because a job that pays is a job that can provide a living for the person that has that job. If the person has a family, the job helps maintain the family, and there's nothing wrong with that, no matter what the job is. If the person is single and without family, a job helps maintain his or her independence. There is dignity and worth in that.

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Thanks for the feedback. I was dealing with a serious case of the Sunday night blues last night... Today wasn't great but it wasn't terrible either. I'm trying to have a more positive outlook but it is very easy for me to be negative. Customer service jobs in general I think are some of the most stressful jobs out there. People are unpredictable and you don't know who you'll be dealing with next. There are a lot of jerks out there and a lot of people who will treat you like a doormat. I guess you just get through it one day at a time... As far as the dressing nice thing.. I usually wear a shirt and tie on the teller line. I guess I could start dressing like that when I'm out with friends.... don't want to come across as dorky though.

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lukeskyflyer,

first of all: i've been there. I have SO been there.

I received a lot of that "i like you as a friend" too.

Damn, i hated that!

Do young women really think they're fooling us with that line?

I mean, if a woman is married, gay, or a nun, then ILYAAF is a compliment.

Otherwise, everybody knows it's a brushoff.

So. I'm right with you on that one.

Also, working a job that doesn't equal your education.

I sure know that one too.

I graduated from law school, passed 2 bar examinations,

and yet couldn't get hired by law firms or DA's offices.

(I can picture the partner holding my resume and saying

"I like you as a friend." .)

I eventually had to leave the law profession completely.

Luis, i'm sure your intentions are good, but

i think LSF is saying it isn't that easy. And it isn't.

Sometimes we talk ourselves into "hey, i look good," and we're delusional.

Sometimes we smile and we just look kind of dim-witted.

(although i've never seen your smile, LSF, so please know

i'm not referring to you.)

LSF, i've suggested this to other people:

would you consider spending money on a beautician?

Not to do your hair, no.

But simply to look at you and give you some feedback

on what look or clothes would be best for you.

Why wouldn't she give you that advice?

You're paying her for her knowledge, after all.

Maybe she could even tell you what smile looks best.

Luis is right about that one -- see if she can help you find your best smile.

Also: spend money on dance lessons.

You don't have to become a really good dancer,

it's enough to be just kind of OK.

Single women have so few men to dance with.

I've gone to bars and been amazed at the high-class babes who were

sitting there alone being wallflowers.

And about women's looks (and THIS IS HUGE):

please remember that The Sexiest Woman In The Room is NOT

-- repeat, NOT --

the best-looking one. No.

The Sexiest Woman In The Room is the one who wants to have sex with you.

By definition, she is.

Who cares if she's not Scarlett Johanson.

If her hair and clothes are clean and buttoned right, that's good enough.

If she's on the heavy side, not a problem. (Except to dumb guys.)

One of the best dances i ever had in a bar was with a slightly "larger" chick.

I'm rooting for you, LSF.

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I myself have been single all my life despite being decent looking so I understand what you mean when it seems that you cannot do anything about it. It can be hard sometimes for us men who are not gifted with great looks, body and huge ego as sometimes girls can be blind to other decent men who can be more understanding. But don't give up, find groups where you can meet new girls. Show them your best self. Even if it seems that they keep on rejecting you because there's nothing to lose. Even if rejection hurts and they do especially for people like us who haven't yet find a girl who accepted us because each rejection is another blow to our self-esteem. Keep expanding your social circle and meet more girls but whatever you do don't give up on yourself because you deserve to be loved

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  • 1 year later...

I know what your going through, although my situation is slightly different, I am balding and ugly in my opinion and am having problems getting any girl to notice me. People that say women are not so much into what a guy looks like are liars in my opinion. The secret is to stay positive in life and take one day at a time, don't give up. You don't have much choice what you look like, so make the best of it. Keep your chin up and know that you are who you are and that some girl is your match, or at least that is the hope I have.

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  • 2 weeks later...

how are you a loser???!? You are gainfully employed to feed and take care of yourself, and on top of that you have to deal with anxiety and depression? You are running a marathon with weights tied to your leg my friend, you should give yourself a break ya.

Perhaps give yourself a break on relationships too bro, though I am single myself and probably not the best person to give advice on. But I think sometimes it is society pressuring us on those things you know? like you "must" have a girlfriend, kiss, or active dating live etc between 20 - 40 otherwise it is an absolute catastrophe. I think it is a real catastrophe if you rush these things and miss out on how good it can really be! Just a thought, given how everything today is a "make it happen right now" kind of world, maybe slowing down isn't such a bad thing.

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