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Hi,

I have been sad and depressed on and off for the past six years now (life, the people in my life, and my lack of accomplishments), but a recent incident has really sent me back into depression. You'll probably think this is silly, but it really has affected me personally and has made me really sad. I'd like your opinions on this matter, especially from the female members of this forum.

So for about a month now, I've been really sad and depressed about something that has happened between myself and a local news reporter/anchor on social media, particularly Twitter and Facebook. We don't personally know each other or anything, we just tweet back and forth on Twitter just like everyone else. I followed her on Twitter back in 2009 when she joined the local news station that I regularly watch, and she followed me back. She was the type who would follow people back. But after like two years, she would unfollow a bunch of people so as to narrow down the tweets that she would have to read in her Twitter feed, but I was among the few who she did not unfollow because I interacted with her. From the beginning, I would tweet her from time to time and she would reply (just casual tweeting, nothing personal or anything), but she wasn't really active on Twitter back then. But within the last two years, she has been more active on Twitter, and so over time I would tweet her more and more. And she would reply to me about 60% of the time. I'd always tweet her about the stories that she reports on and tweet her compliments (she's pretty and she's a good reporter/anchor). But within the last eight months is the period where I've interacted with her the most. Whatever she'd tweet out I'd reply to about 40% of the time, and I'd tweet her other times such as when I'd watch her report and anchor live. I'd comment on how pretty she was, how it's always good to see her whenever she fills in as an anchor (she's usually a reporter), how she should be promoted to a full-time anchor, how she always does a good job, and comment on the stories that she would report on. Sometimes, right after a giving a live report, I'd tweet her and she would reply back within a minute or a few minutes as she would always check Twitter on her phone after giving her live report knowing that I had probably sent her a tweet. It doesn't bother her. She likes/appreciates it. Just like any other woman in the news industry, she likes the compliments. And about 60% of the time she would reply back to me. Among all of her followers (especially viewers) I'm the one who tweets her the most and the one who she responds to the most. I'd interact with her on a regular basis. I have a big crush on her and she knows it. She knows she's my favorite. And as recent as late January this year, she responded back to two of my tweets with "Aww you're my biggest fan. Thanks!" and "What did I do to deserve such a great fan?!" And last August when she won an Emmy Award, when I congratulated her, she tweeted back thanks and a personal picture of herself holding the Emmy Award in her home smiling. I've never taken it too far. I'm always professional about the things I tweet to her. I know where the line is, and I'd never cross it.

But then things took a turn the last week of February. I wanted to be Facebook friends with her, so I wanted to add her, but I couldn't because she had set her privacy settings so that no one can add her. Only she can add people. And there are no photos visible to the public on her page. Even her profile picture is set to nothing (just the default Facebook photo silhouette). So I direct messaged her on Twitter saying that I wanted to add her but because of her settings, I couldn't, so I gave her my Facebook link for her to add me. She didn't respond to my direct message, so a day later I tweeted her: "You don't want to add me on Facebook? :-(" and she replied with sure she will, but that she is never on Facebook and that there aren't any pictures. She tweeted me this on February 26. Upon reading this, I thought, wait a minute, she's lying. For one, I know everybody is more active on Facebook than they are on Twitter, because on Facebook people have friends and family that they like to keep in touch with. It's more personal than Twitter. And secondly, last year I did look her up on Facebook and would check her page from time to time and saw some photos, and saw that she did change her profile picture every couple of months. This was before she later changed her privacy settings so that nothing would be visible to the public and so that no one could add her (these changes were made some time last November). So, after she tweeted me that response about her never being on Facebook and that there aren't any pictures, I decided to do some quick research on Facebook. I looked up her best friend's page (who also works at the same news station with her), which wasn't all that private, and discovered that she had been recently tagged in a photo that very week (the last week of February). And then I looked up one of her other co-worker's page to find out that she recently added him on February 23. Under his recent activity section on Facebook, it showed that they became Facebook friends on February 23. So I know for a fact that she still logs on to Facebook and is still active. But, I kept calm and quiet, and didn't say anything thinking that she would later add me on Facebook anyway. But two days later on February 28, she direct messaged me back on Twitter and said "Better off doing Instagram...I'm never on FB...probably going to disable [deactivate] account." (she also posts photos on Instagram). Upon reading this, I direct messaged her back and said that I saw that she added that male co-worker of hers that I looked up (I mentioned his name) on February 23, that I saw that she changed her profile picture a few times last year, and that from time to time she would be tagged in some photos. And I said that but if she considers her Facebook page too personal for someone like me, then just say so. And I left it at that. No response or anything and no tweets or photos posted on Instagram by her for the rest of the day.

So that bothered me a bit. And then later that night, I decided to write her a pretty lengthy e-mail saying that she didn't have to lie to me and that she could've told me the truth and I would've been ok with it and respected her decision of not wanting to add me on Facebook. I said I don't know what she is afraid of, and that I wouldn't have bombarded her Facebook page with comments or anything. I know I tweet her a lot, but I know how to act on Facebook, and I'm not as active when it comes to posting/commenting on Facebook as I am when it comes to tweeting on Twitter. I then went on to try and clear up any misconceptions that she might've had about me and the possible reasons as to why she didn't want to add me on Facebook, saying how I'm not a bad guy, I have a clean background, and that I'm young (25) and not like those other old, creepy guys you always see on TV doing bad things. I also mentioned how I've added other local news personalities on Facebook before and there were never any problems or complaints. Everything was cool. I said although I'm sad that she didn't want to add me on Facebook, I'm not mad at her, and that I could never be mad at her because she is my favorite. I also asked how come she has never sent me an autographed photo. The first time I asked her for one was back in 2011, and back then she said she would send me one, but never did. Then I asked her twice last year and e-mailed and direct messaged her my home address but she still never sent me one. And then the last time I asked was in the beginning of February this year, and again nothing ever came. I mentioned that I've asked a lot of local news personalities (including some of her co-workers) before for autographed photos, and I've received them all. All within a few days.

I then ended the e-mail saying that I just wanted to write her and clear the air and that I apologize for this incident. I wish I could take it back, I wish it never happened, I feel embarrassed, and I feel bad. I haven't been feeling good. I hope things are cool between her and I and I hope one day we can be real friends.

I never said anything bad about her in that e-mail. I didn't insult her. I didn't bash her.

But apparently, that e-mail (and possibly the direct messages?) really upset her. Since then (March 1) until now she has not replied back to me and she hasn't tweeted me back. The following morning she was filling in as an anchor, and again I was tweeting her like I did before. But no response. Then the day after she was filling in as an anchor again and I tweeted her like usual (compliments, good to see her filling in, and such). But again, no response. Then on that same day (March 2), I e-mailed her (e-mail #2) a paragraph apologizing for sending her that e-mail, and I apologized for making a big deal about the whole thing. I explained that I had a rough week and was under a lot of stress and so I got caught up in the heat of the moment, let my emotions get the best of me and sent her that e-mail. I said I messed up and acknowledged that it was stupid of me to send her that e-mail. I wasn't thinking straight. I wrote I hope she is not mad at me and that she can forgive me. I said I felt really bad. She didn't respond to that e-mail.

Then the following week, I'd tweet her like usual whenever I watch the local news and see her, but she didn't reply back. As a matter of fact, for an entire week since I sent her that first e-mail on the night of February 28, she didn't tweet anything on Twitter or post anything on Instagram. This was very unusual and not like her as she would tweet and post photos on Instagram frequently. So on March 7, I e-mailed her (e-mail #3) again asking why she hasn't been tweeting or posting anything on Instagram. I said I hope she is not mad at me and ignoring me and detaching herself from Twitter and Instagram because of what I wrote (in the first e-mail). Again, I said I was sorry for reacting the way that I did, I regret it, and I felt really bad about it. I also sent her a direct message on Twitter saying I was sorry for reacting the way that I did. Still, no response back from her. But then later that night she posted a few photos of her on Twitter, and she replied back to two of her followers who commented on those photos. This was the only time since where she has replied back to anyone's tweets.

Despite not getting a response back from her, I still continued to tweet her like I normally do whenever I watch the news and see her on (just like before), with the usual compliments and comments on her live reports. And then on March 13, I decided to print out a photo of her and sent it to her news station, addressing the letter to her specifically with her name on it, and with a note inside asking if she can sign the photo for me, and included a self-addressed stamped envelope. A few days had passed, but I got nothing back. I waited until a week later and still nothing. So I sent her an e-mail (e-mail #4) this week (March 20) saying I sent her a photo for her to sign and asked if she got it. I then asked if something is still bothering her because she has hardly been active on Twitter and Instagram as of late. For almost a month now. I asked if everything is ok and if she is still mad at me. I said this makes me sad. I've been feeling horrible and sad ever since February 28. No response to that e-mail. So a day later I called her news station and told them that I sent them a letter with a photo of her for her to sign a week ago, and addressed it to her and asked if she had gotten it. They said that if it was addressed to her then she should've gotten it because they don't open anyone's mail to check. I then tweeted her saying that the news station said she got my letter, and again asked what is still bothering her and asked her to e-mail me back so that we can talk about it. No response.

Then a day later (March 21), I wrote her another e-mail (e-mail #5) asking her why is she ignoring me. I asked her was what I did unforgivable? Is she gonna hate me and hold resentment towards me for what I did? I said when I sent her that first e-mail, I just wanted to clear up any misconceptions that she might've had about me and the possible reasons as to why she didn't want to add me on Facebook, that's all. I said when she declined to add me, I was surprised and sad, and I reiterated that I'm not mad at her. I ended it asking if we can discuss it, please, and that this makes me sad. No response from her.

Then yesterday, I e-mailed her again (6th e-mail) asking her if we can please discuss this, and again apologized for reacting the way that I did, and mentioned that I've been feeling horrible ever since February 28. I said I don't want it to be like this, and please don't do this to me. I asked her again for her forgiveness, and again said that this makes me sad. I told her she has no idea how much it has affected my mood ever since, as I have been having a hard time sleeping and concentrating, and that I've been feeling down all the time. No response.

So now here we are. I felt instant regret for sending her that first e-mail as that night I couldn't sleep and since then I have been really depressed and have had trouble concentrating and sleeping at night. I've also lost my appetite and the will to do anything anymore. I don't get it. I'm confused and I don't know what exactly is still bothering her and why she hasn't forgiven me. I don't know what to do now.

I know I should've requested to add her on Facebook last year when I had the chance (before she changed her privacy settings), but at that time I wasn't sure if she would've added me. I know, that was stupid of me.

I know she still reads Twitter because that's her primary news source and she recently followed some people and re-tweeted her boss and a co-worker this past week. And outside of the photos that she posted on March 7, she has tweeted a total of four times. But she hasn't responded to any of my tweets like she normally does and hasn't responded to any of my e-mails. Although I hope that by the third e-mail she didn't filter her e-mails so that my future e-mails would go to her trash/spam folder. I hope she read all of my e-mails, but I don't know for sure.

It hurts me and makes me sad that my favorite person to interact with, and my favorite news personality is mad at me and ignoring me because of one little incident. Considering all the times that we have interacted (since 2009), how long I've supported her, all the nice things I've tweeted her, and her knowing/acknowledging that I'm her biggest fan, why is she acting like this all of a sudden? It doesn't seem like her to act this way. She seems like a really good, nice, and understanding person to let something like this get her this upset and for this long. And based on her Likes on her Facebook page (she's into God, spiritual, and inspirational things), why can't she forgive me? I don't get it.

I enjoy interacting with her and I know she appreciates my comments and kind words. I don't want it to be like this. I don't want her to be this upset with me, ignore me, and cut me off like this.

I understand and realize the mistake I made. I shouldn't have made a big deal about her not wanting to add me on Facebook and should've just forget about it. I know I shouldn't have e-mailed her and called her out on her lie. I realize that was pretty immature of me. But what I don't understand is why she is this upset and can't forgive me for that. It wasn't like I called her names, insulted her, or bashed her. I was just trying to clear up any misconceptions that she might've had about me and the possible reasons as to why she didn't want to add me, that's all. This isn't anything major, right?

But the strange thing is, considering how upset she is, she didn't block me on Twitter. Based on the way she has been acting, I thought she would've done that by now. But I'm still following her and she still follows me. She is following about 300 people and I'm one of them, and she has about 1,900 followers.

So what now? Should I give her more time to heal? Will she eventually forgive me? Should I just continue to tweet her like before (pre-February 28) like nothing ever happened and eventually she will be back to her old self again?

What are your thoughts and opinions on this? What should I do? If you were her, what are you thinking and how are you feeling?

Help. I'm really depressed about this.

I tried to be as detailed as possible and included everything within this post, but if you have any questions about anything, feel free to ask. I'm open to disclosing more information.

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I'm sorry that you're depressed about this, but I'm going to have to be honest. If I were her, I would be really freaked out and scared. She probably tries to keep a distance between her professional life (which is on Twitter) and her personal life (which is on Facebook). Maybe she should have been honest about that, but she was probably trying to be nice. If I were her, I would be worried because I don't know you personally so I have no idea if your interest in me is safe or going to lead to stalking. I feel like you have already crossed a line by doing so much online research on her and by sending her so many emails when she hasn't responded, which is a clear sign that she does not want to talk about things.

If I were you, I would stop contacting her. Your emails aren't making her feel safer and aren't getting you in contact with her.

Have you talked to a therapist about why her contacting you means so much to you? I feel like therapy could help you move on and feel better about this. I really hope you consider it.

I'm sorry you are depressed and that this incident has upset you. I hope I didn't offend you and that you take my advice to heart.

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I would have to agree with Beth42. What you said to her might not have been threatening or harmful in any way, but the person you're talking about might simply have gotten uncomfortable about your persistence. When she "lied" to you about her Facebook it might have simply been to spare your feelings. That's not a very good way to handle things, but alas, you should have probably stopped pushing right there regardless. If you want to get in contact with her again, I think your best shot would be to give all of this some time to die down, and then contact her again when this all blows over. She might want to respond to you again, but that's not a guarantee. If she does, then you have what you want. If not, then you probably changed things irreparably. :/

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Oh ok, that makes sense. So it wasn't exactly what I wrote in the first e-mail. But why didn't she just write back and tell me that it was making her feel uncomfortable so that I know to back off?

Thanks Beth42 and Luis.

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There are a lot of reasons she may not have written. One is that she may have been uncomfortable. Another is that she could have been worried that if she openly rejected you, you would get angry and things would get worse. Also, generally silence is a cue to back off and give someone space, so maybe she just thought it was unnecessary. Or she could have meant to respond and tell you that but then got busy. The important thing is not to analyze the past, but to move forward and put this episode behind you.

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Makes sense. Thank you for your thoughts and advice, Beth42. You helped me realize and understand this better. Sometimes, I don't realize my own mistakes and it just takes another person or a couple of people to help me see it. I had no bad intentions, but unfortunately my actions were perceived differently. I'll stop contacting her, and hopefully after like three weeks or so this things cools down and she sees that I'm not continuously stalking her and maybe she will give me a second chance. And I'll cut back on the frequent tweets.

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Frankly in my opinion it's bordering on cyberstalking and I would cease all communication immediately, indefinitely.

This has gone far beyond the point of fixing and I would be absolutely terrified if I was someone in the public eye and some guy was doing this to me.

On another serious note, if you feel you are having real problems letting go then I would seek professional help at the very least talk it over with your doctor as this is far beyond normal behaviour, it's more like fascination and could if not already turn into full blown stalking if left unchecked.

Cease all communications immediately, permanently otherwise you could find yourself in deep water.

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