Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Here's a bit of my background. My husband of 18 years left me for another woman in November. I lost the tip of my finger in December trying to break up a dog fight. I started an animal rescue in 2009 that I now need to close. My soon to be ex is broadcasting all over facebook his sexual escapades with his girlfriend. He recently turned me into child services and the APL for running the rescue out of my house. Admittedly the litter boxes hadn't been done in a while since I counted on my teenager for help. Now I am alone in my house and my kids are with my parents, they wouldn't give them to him due to my teenager's psychological history. I am cleaning like mad and have another visit by social services this Thursday. I have to rip out all the carpeting in the house and have gotten rid of the majority of the rescue animals and have started getting rid of our pets to the sadness of me and my girls. When it seems like the worst is over something else pops up. My ex is threatening to go for sole custody of the girls. FYI, my teenager caught him having the affair and can not stand him. Only my 6 year old talks to him and they are setting up a playdate with his girlfriend, to my dismay. He spent so many years of our 18 year marriage yelling at me to the point where the neighbors would come over to see if I was okay. I am at rock bottom and wonder when the karma is going to change. Thanks for listening.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have so very many life changes going on right now. I am so sorry. It seems like it is probably hard to keep your head above water. You have so many stages of grief to go through to come out of this time in your life. Try to take it all one day at a time....moment by moment if you have to. That's all any of us can do. Yes you do deserve happiness. Look at it this way...from rock bottom...it indeed must go up from here! Keep us posted about Thursday and how everything goes with that!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First let me welcome you to DF and tell you how glad i am that you found us. It sounds like you are going through so much right now and can use a great deal of support. I remember when my ex used to threaten me with taking my kids away. i was devestated ro say the very least. it turned out it was all talk as he didn't want the responsibility of caring for children, but his threats did their job and really messed me up. It was all about him feeling in control. Things may be totally different in your case, but it will do you no good to let it consume you. You can fight him and give him as good as it gets. you mentioned your teen doesn't want to have much to do with him. this can go in your favor as she can talk to a judge and say why.As lp44 said, take it one day at a time. You are working hard to get things back under control so the girls can come back to you. Have faith in yourself. You can do it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My home inspection went very well. I was only asked to rip up the carpeting in my oldest daughter's room, which I did right away. I should find out tomorrow an estimate for when I can get my kids back. The social worker said the end is near. When I told this to my ex he appeared angry and 10 minutes later sent me and my mom a terrible email, blaming me for my daughter's depression, our failed marriage, telling me that even though I cleaned the house up now that he doesn't have faith in me to keep it up, that my girls are going to resent me for starting the animal rescue and that he still hasn't decided if he is going to go for full custody. Trust me, the email was very hurtful and I could go on, but I think you see what kind of man I was married to. He said he isn't going to pay the mortgage this month as well. I hate that the second I feel a glimmer of hope, I allow him to devastate me. He controlled me for so long, when will I get out from it all? I sometimes feel as if he wants to push me over the edge again. I tried to **** myself last May, but he stopped me from putting the pills in my mouth. He wants me to stop seeing my therapist bc we can't afford it, but I need to keep up my treatment not just for my health but for my kids as well. I just wonder when I will feel happy, I'm tired of being sad. Thanks for listening to my rambling

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember feeling the same way when my ex was doing similar things. Until evrything was settled by the courts and he no longer had any hold over me, I struggled. It was still difficult because of needing to keep in contact with him because of the kids, but it did get better. Now my children are grown and it is my ex they resent, not me. They know which parent was there for them even without you saying anything. He is still responsible for helping you to make the mortgage payments unless the courts say otherwise. Talk to your lawyer and document everything. Keep those emails as they can be used against him should he try to fight you for full custody. Because of the emails my ex sent, I was able to get a restraining order ( order of protection) against him and he was not able to see the kids unsupervised. Keep your head up and know that you can and will make it through this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, karideserveshappiness; she sure does!

I (and a lot of other men in this forum) are on your side.

Thank you, sufferinsilence, for adding your experience and perspective to the discussion.

You seem to have gone through many of the same horrors, so your input is very valuable here.

I realize the divorce process is horrific, karideserveshappiness, but it will be better for you and your kids when you are out of the relationship. My mother did not leave her abusive marriage, and my sisters and i paid a heavy price for it. So whether it feels like it or not, you are doing a very good thing for your kids by starting a life on your own.

So your animal rescue enterprise didn't work, so what. Most business don't the first time.

But YOU ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE! YOU STARTED YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

That takes a lot of guts, karideserveshappiness, so just by starting the rescue operation in the first place you demonstrated a lot of steel in your backbone and a lot of fire in your eye.

GOOD FOR YOU.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you very much everyone. I hate the feeling of wondering what his next move will be. He wants to meet with my daughter's therapist tomorrow. He keeps telling me that the guy I have been texting / talking to for the past 3 months will never want to meet me. Of course he picked a time when my friend was on a business trip overseas and could not get a good reception until this morning. My therapist keeps reminding me that my ex can't be trusted and that with his history of verbal/emotional abuse he is just trying to hurt me. My anxiety is high. I wish everything was worked out and the divorce was final already, but we have to wait until my bankruptcy is complete, which will be in May...so divorce/dissolution sometime in June. He has paid my utilities so they won't be shut off, but he still refuses to pay the mortgage. It saddens me that my kids have such a different life, but living in a house where mom is getting yelled at regularly isn't a way to live. Thank you again for your words of strength!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...