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bubba14

Really Suffering - Please Help

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I don't know where to start except to say that I have been really suffering with my nerves over the last week. So much so that I wonder if I can cope with it.

I have been diagnosed as suffering from obsessive thoughts. I have struggled with them for my entire life. I have these ticking time bombs, as I call them, under the surface of my consciousness just waiting for my guard to be dropped and for me to obsess over them. When I say 'obsess' I mean carrying them around with me constantly and continuously thinking about it. That lasts for as long as it does - sometimes forever.

Sleep has been one of those time bombs. My mum mentioned to me years ago that she finds sleep strange, in that you lose yourself for about eight hours each night and that you may not wake up. Once she said it, it struck a chord with me yet I buried the feeling and did not think about it. A few times down the years the thought has come to the surface, and despite it causing me some discomfort and would generally go again in a couple of days and I would be fine again. The sleep time bomb is back though.

18 months ago I got an obsessive thought around winter being really, really depressing. I never shook it off and it still impacts on my life today. One of my coping methods for that was to wrap myself up inside for the evening and look forward to going asleep and having a break from the depression. I feel this coping method is now gone given the problems I am having with sleep.

So what is my problem with sleep?There is some element of being afraid to go asleep due to the fact that I am losing control and that dreams kind of freak me out a bit - they never used to it just appears to have raised its ugly head in the last couple of weeks. But the worse part of the whole situation is the way that this issue has taken over my life. I cannot see a reference to sleep now without getting a weird sensation. My auntie dropped off asleep in the chair and I get a weird sensation. I get a weird sensation when it gets dark as I associate it with sleep. So much so that sleep now seems almost unreal. It's frightening and it is no longer about someone afraid to sleep but a much, much larger issue. It feels overwhelming and I wonder if I can cope with it. I feel powerless to stop it.

I also worry as this feels the same as my previous obsessive thought around winter which went on to almost break me. I don't know if I have the stomach for that fight again. Also I have sought medication for my mood in the past and have tried six different anti depressants, none of which has worked. I feel as if there is no hope for me.

Thanks for reading. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Bubba

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You don't say if you are currently seeking or receiving treatment (therapy or medication or both). If not, it sounds like it would be extremely beneficial to at least talk to a professional about all that you are dealing with.

As far as medications, sometimes, as you will read in other posts on here and elsewhere, it take a lot of time/patience to find the right medication or combination..however, it seems the first step for you is to at least get to a therapist or mental health professional to discuss your obsessive thoughts/ issues with sleep. There is no doubt in your post that you need someone to help you cope/sort these thoughts out.

Good luck -

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You don't say if you are currently seeking or receiving treatment (therapy or medication or both). If not, it sounds like it would be extremely beneficial to at least talk to a professional about all that you are dealing with.

As far as medications, sometimes, as you will read in other posts on here and elsewhere, it take a lot of time/patience to find the right medication or combination..however, it seems the first step for you is to at least get to a therapist or mental health professional to discuss your obsessive thoughts/ issues with sleep. There is no doubt in your post that you need someone to help you cope/sort these thoughts out.

Good luck -

Thanks for the reply.

I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, counsellor and a GP. None have been able to offer me a way out of this hell.

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You should recognize first that those are sabotaging thoughts, and they don't have any legitimacy. You're not 'losing yourself for 8 hours' but going into hibernation, the act of dreaming shows that your mind is still quite active even then. You've somehow developed negative associations with sleeping and the dark and you should try to ask yourself why. Attempt to develop positive associations if you can, do things you like to do at night. You might try some sleep hypnosis videos they have on youtube, I've downloaded a few and they've helped me to relax.

I don't know if you're young or older, but I used to have similar thoughts in my early 20's. Something would pop into my head, and I simply couln't let it go, eventually I think I just got tired of doing that to myself and stopped.

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Your problems seem to be really psychological. I would look for a good quality psychologist that offers evidence based treatment such as CBT.

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